Beholden

by Kris T. Bethke

  Wes set a steady pace, not too fast or hard, but enough to keep the arousal high. I whimpered and moaned. I wanted him to hear me, to hear how what he was doing felt good, and it seemed he liked that. Each noise I made fueled him. He picked up the pace in increments, his thrusts becoming harder, his cock going deeper. He forced more noises out of my throat. And then, with a tiny shift in his position, everything hit that perfect spot and I howled.

  “There we go,” he muttered, his teeth latching onto the back of my neck. He bit hard, sucking at my skin, as he pounded into my ass. I gripped the bedsheet and panted hard, even though I wasn’t the one exerting myself. Gods, but I loved this.

  His mouth released my neck. “Do you need to grab your cock, babe? Want you to come.”

  I frantically shook my head. The bed supplied enough stimulation with the way he thrust inside me. I just needed a bit more. Just a bit more, and I could lose it.

  “M-more,” I managed to force out between clenched teeth.

  Wes lifted his upper body and thrust in hard. Everything aligned, the stars exploded, and I buried my face in the pillow to scream. Wes thrust again and again, until suddenly he shoved in as far as he could go and gave a drawn-out groan as warmth filled my ass.

  I couldn’t breathe, so I turned my head to the side. I squeezed my eyes shut as I lay panting, my entire body twitching with aftershocks. Gods be damned, that was one hell of a fucking. I felt replete and sated, even as energy like I had never known thrummed through my veins. Wes kissed my sweaty temple, then pulled out as gently as he could. I didn’t even wince.

  When he collapsed beside me, I looked at him. “Holy fuck.”

  “Yeah.” He grinned, then pushed a lock of hair off my forehead. We lay there, just looking at each other, for a long time. Eventually, we started breathing like we hadn’t just run a sprint and those messier parts of sex made themselves known.

  I grimaced. “I gotta clean up before things get really gross.” I didn’t want to move, but I didn’t want his come leaking out of my ass either. Things were about to get itchy, cold, and uncomfortable. As much as I loved all the mess during sex, afterward I always felt the need to get clean. It had bothered some of my lovers that I’d so quickly wipe away the evidence of what we’d done, but Wes didn’t seem to mind.

  He nodded and motioned vaguely to the side. “Bathroom’s through there.”

  I kissed him before I hauled myself out of bed. I jumped in his shower for a quick rinse-off. As the water washed away the come and sweat, I couldn’t help my happy little hum. And I sure as hell couldn’t remember why I’d been reluctant. I heard the bathroom door open over the running water, so I finished and flicked off the tap. When I stepped out, Wes stood at the sink, cleaning up. He handed me a towel and smiled. I grinned back.

  “No regrets?” he asked. It was the first time I’d ever heard him sound even a little unsure.

  I dropped the towel and wrapped my arms around his waist, tipping back my head to look into his eyes. “Not a single one,” I said with complete honesty. “That was fantastic. You’re fantastic. I feel fantastic.”

  He chuckled and kissed the tip of my nose. “You’re just riding high on the power exchange.”

  Maybe I was. But that didn’t change the fact that I didn’t regret it. I might have been unsure before, but I knew I’d made the right decision. I opened my mouth to tell him that, but another thought struck my brain and it came out of my mouth before I could censor myself. “Are you tired?”

  He squinted, his narrowed gaze quizzical. “Not exactly. Why?”

  I grinned and waggled my eyebrows. “Want to help me with something?”

  Chapter 9

  Wes’s sparsely decorated guest bedroom had nothing more than a double bed, a dresser, and a closet, the perfect space for what we were about to do. I sat on the floor in the middle of the room, a bowl of water in front of me, and watched Wes’s naked form as he lit every candle he owned. For a moment, the way the soft light cut tantalizing shadows across his skin distracted me. I was sure if I was capable of it, I would have gotten hard again.

  “Tell me why we’re doing this now?” Wes finished with the last candle, then stood in front of me.

  I grinned up at him, sort of loving that he was towering over me. “Because I’m all sorts of high on power right now. I’m too jazzed to sleep. And when I scryed earlier, I couldn’t find anything because of my depleting magic. So now, with your energy buzzing through me, and you right here, it’s the perfect time to look.”

  Wes crouched and rested his forearms on his thighs, his hands hanging loosely between his knees. He gave me a serious, no-nonsense expression. “And what, exactly, are we looking for?”

  I cocked my head to the side, surprised he hadn’t worked it out himself. He was usually more astute. “For the reason my magic is all messed up.”

  Judging from the way Wes’s eyebrows shot to his hairline, I’d shocked him. He narrowed his gaze, processing what I’d said. I let him work it out. After a long couple of minutes, he sighed and sat next to me. “You can do that? Find things that…aren’t real?”

  I smiled and kissed his cheek because, really, his bewildered tone was just too cute. He scowled, but I could tell he didn’t mean it.

  I laughed, then nodded. “It’s harder to find the abstract, but yes, I can do it.”

  Wes let out a low whistle. “I didn’t know that was even possible. Shit, Julian, you’ve got some serious fucking talent.”

  “Normally, I do.” I couldn’t keep the frustration from my voice. I was the best because I’d worked hard to achieve it. To have my abilities all but taken away infuriated me. I wasn’t supposed to have limitations, and I was willing to do anything to fix it.

  Wes must have realized exactly what I was thinking and feeling because he moved and sat behind me, stretching his legs on either side of mine. I leaned back into his body, letting him take my weight. His arms wrapped around me. I made a contented noise, soaking in his warmth. Slowly, most of the tension eased from my body.

  “It’s all right, babe. We’ll figure this out,” Wes’s deep voice soothed in my ear. He placed a warm, open-mouthed kiss to the side of my neck. “Tell me how I can help you.”

  I felt grateful for his willingness. “Just keep doing what you’re doing. Keep touching me. Keep me stable while I push all this magic I’ve got singing through my blood into a scry so I can figure this out once and for all.”

  “You got it.”

  I turned my head to kiss the corner of his mouth in thanks. Then I focused all my attention on the bowl in front of me. This wasn’t my ideal working situation, but it would do. I was used to dozens of flickering candles, my favorite bowl, and the ambience of my office. The lighting was weird now, and the bowl in front of me was stainless steel and smaller than I was used to. I honestly could work under any circumstances, but I’d gotten too used to the routine I had at the office. The differences threw me for a moment, and I had to take extra measures to center myself.

  Once in the right frame of mind, I focused on my objective until it was the only thing in my head. I was aware of Wes only on the periphery of my consciousness. I felt almost giddy with anticipation, knowing the picture would appear before me and give me answers. Summoning my will and magic, I poured it into the bowl, my attention entirely on the water before me, everything I had flowing through me and into the spell.

  Nothing happened.

  I made a frustrated noise and focused harder. It had to be there. There was no way I wouldn’t be able to find my answers. Not with Wes’s magic so fully augmenting my own. I pushed myself to my limit, then pushed harder. I had to be able to see. I couldn’t go on like this. I had to know. Sweat popped out along my hairline, and a bead trickled down the back of my neck. The edge of my vision caught the sight of my hands, but my brain barely registered the dark, red-purple bruises blooming across the back of them.

  The hand on my cock startled me out of my contemplative state. I sucked in a hars
h breath through my nose, feeling like I’d been jerked back from the brink. It took me a minute to realize that Wes was calling my name. I sagged against his body, and let my head drop onto his shoulder.

  “Stop, Julian. Just stop. You’re going too far.” His voice had a slightly panicked edge. That alone was enough to break through some of the haze lingering in my head.

  “No, I can do this,” I said between panting breaths. “I can. I just—”

  “Stop,” Wes commanded. “You’re hurting yourself. You have to stop.”

  “I can’t see anything. But there has to be something! I can’t—I can’t keep not knowing what’s happening to me.” By the end, my voice was barely a whisper. I shivered. A part of me grew scared that this was how I would be now. I couldn’t accept it.

  “I know. Believe me, Julian, I know. But I promise, we will figure this out.” Wes stood, then helped me to my feet. I sagged against him when he put his arm around me. All my energy had suddenly vanished. He led me to the door, then waved his hand to snuff out the candles. “If you can’t find the answer, we’ll do it the old-fashioned way. Lots of investigating.”

  He was trying to be funny, but I couldn’t even muster a pity laugh. The weight of the truth was just too much. “You don’t understand. It wasn’t that I couldn’t do it. It was like there was nothing to see. But if there’s nothing to see, it means there isn’t anything sinister behind this and my magic is failing.”

  “Don’t talk like that,” Wes admonished, his voice hard. “I won’t listen to it. We’re going to figure this out, and we’re going to fix you.”

  He sounded so sure of himself, I wanted to believe him. I just didn’t see how I could. So I didn’t say anything, didn’t even nod, as I crawled onto his big bed and settled on my left side. I closed my eyes tightly and tried desperately to stop thinking. After a few seconds, the light on the bedside table went out with a snap, plunging the room into semi-darkness. The moon outside cast barely enough light to see by through the open curtains. Wes slid into bed and cuddled against my back.

  My whole body went taut. Of course, he wanted to hold me. I tried to tell myself it didn’t matter, that I could sleep with him plastered against me. I forced myself to relax, consciously releasing the tension in every one of my muscles. I could do this for Wes.

  I must not have been successful, because after a bit of silence, Wes murmured my name questioningly. I blew out a breath.

  “Can you just scooch a bit that way?” I said, motioning further behind me.

  Wes raised his head to look at me, and I could just make out his features. “What?”

  I sighed again, and knew I was blushing, but I couldn’t help but feel embarrassed. “I know it seems weird after everything we’ve done, but I just—” I stopped short and shook my head. Time for more honesty. “I can’t fall asleep if I’m cuddled up like that. I know it’s stupid, but I just…can’t.”

  Wes didn’t say anything for a few heartbeats. Then I saw him nod. He leaned down to kiss me—just once, hard and deep—before sliding further away. I still felt his body heat emanating under our shared covers, but I couldn’t feel his skin against mine anymore. I released a shaky breath. At least now I’d have a chance at sleep. It didn’t seem likely, but I could try.

  “Thank you,” I murmured, grateful he hadn’t pushed the issue. I had a few lovers in the past—including my lying scumbag of an ex—who couldn’t seem to understand this was something I needed. I knew it was an odd request, and I felt bad, but I needed space in order to sleep. Wes hadn’t questioned it; he’d simply given me what I required—space between our bodies, but not too much.

  The last thing I remembered was reaching back to take Wes’s hand, and his strong fingers as they tangled with mine.

  Chapter 10

  Wes had been gone for most of the day, and I was seriously dragging by the time five o’clock rolled around. When he’d come to my office at ten o’clock that morning, he’d made sure I’d have plenty of magic and energy to get me through the day. The couch in the corner that had once been just for catching catnaps was now one of my favorite pieces of furniture ever. But because I’d been riding on the high he’d left me with, I hadn’t been careful about how much magic I burned.

  When Wes didn’t show up at my office by a quarter after, I went in search of him. He’d promised to be back at five, and since I hadn’t gotten a note telling me he would be late—he was good about letting me know that—I figured he just got held up and would be along shortly. It would be easier to leave from his office since I knew he’d have to stop in there first. If I was already waiting, he could do what he needed to do, then we could go home.

  I paused mid-step when I thought the word—home. For the past week, I’d spent every night with him in his gorgeous loft. He fed me, cuddled me, and when the night wound down, took me to bed and fucked me exactly how I liked. And when we finished, feeling happy and sated, he’d scoot over to give me my space. We’d hold hands until we fell asleep.

  In between all that, we talked. I’d learned so much about him over the past week. He was open about sharing his life. He told me how the investigation was going—not well, which frustrated him—and told me about his formative years. He didn’t have any siblings, and it was just his mother and him. His father had left when Wes was still in diapers, but he said his mom had never seemed bitter about it. Wes had had some trouble with it in his teens, but had gotten over that as well.

  “So you’ve basically never met your father?” I’d asked the night before as we got ready to sleep. We were both too tired to do much more than crawl into bed.

  He cocked his head to the side. “No. It’s really no big deal. Not now. Do you know you always do that?”

  I paused in fluffing the pillow. “Do what?”

  Wes snapped off the light and climbed onto the mattress. “No matter what we’ve just done—or not done—in this bed, when you’re ready to sleep, you always roll onto your left side and flip over the pillow before you settle in.”

  “Oh, I—” I swallowed, my face heating. “I wasn’t aware.”

  I felt Wes’s lips on the back of my neck. “It wasn’t a criticism, just an observation.” His breath made me shiver. I squeezed my eyes shut. He stayed close, and rubbed my upper arm. “It think it’s kind of cute.”

  I managed a small chuckle. “Okay. So your father?”

  Wes’s body pressed against mine. “You really want to talk about my dad?”

  Not any more I didn’t. Perhaps we weren’t too tired for other activities after all.

  Now, I smiled at the memory as I trudged up the stairs to the third floor. Once there, I walked across the bridge that spanned the street and connected the two main buildings DEMA occupied. Wes and Max’s office was on the fifth floor of Building #2, so I climbed up the two additional flights.

  The entire floor made up the Investigations Unit. It startled me to see someone new at the reception desk. I’d gotten used to Vanessa’s smiling face. This woman had dark hair pulled back into a severe ponytail, and looked decidedly unhappy to be manning the front desk. She looked vaguely familiar, but it took a while to place her. We usually worked out in the company gym at the same time. We’d never spoken, other than when I’d literally bumped into her a couple weeks back when going for the same treadmill.

  “Hello,” I said politely, a broad smile on my face. “Is Agent Caldwell back?”

  Her dark eyes narrowed, her mouth pinched into a frown, and I could see my question made her angry. Wes had made sure that everyone knew I had the right to be there and ask after him. Besides, the way gossip ran through DEMA’s offices, there had to be few people who didn’t know that Wes and I were spending an extraordinary amount of time together.

  “You shouldn’t be here,” she said, her voice low and threatening.

  I actually took a step back, shocked by her tone. “I, um, well…” I cleared my throat and straightened my spine. “Yes, I should. Wes will be expecting me.”

/>   She stood and rounded the desk. I held my ground. When she lay a hand on my arm, I didn’t flinch, even though I wanted to do exactly that. Her eyes were dark brown—almost black—and devoid of any warmth.

  “You shouldn’t be here,” she repeated.

  And suddenly I realized, she was right. I shouldn’t have come to this office. I shouldn’t be in the building at all. In fact, I didn’t know why I was even on the planet. I shouldn’t be here at all. I needed to rectify that immediately.

  I felt a hand on the back of my neck. “Glad you’re already here, babe,” Wes said, his voice deep and soothing. “I’m sorry, I got held up, but I thought I’d still make it in time. Let me get a couple of things done and we can go, all right?”

  I blinked. “What?”

  He smiled when I turned to look at him. “I just have a couple of things to do and then we…” His gaze jerked to the woman beside me. “Cora? I’m surprised to see you. Did Vanessa leave early?”

  The woman took a step back and plastered on a bright, false smile. “Yeah. Family emergency.”

  “I hope everything’s okay.” Wes moved his hand to the small of my back and started to steer me toward his office.

  “I’m not sure, but I think so,” she said. Her voice sounded strange, as if faking concern. I shook my head, feeling foggy. What the hell had just happened?

  I walked beside Wes, then waited patiently while he released the wards on the office and flicked on the lights. When I followed him inside, he went immediately to his desk, but I just stood there. I felt out of sorts. I couldn’t remember what I’d been thinking about when he’d walked up. That was weird.

  “You all right, Julian?” Max’s voice this time. He must have followed us in.

  I shook my head to clear it and tried to focus. “Yeah, I’m okay. Just—just a bit tired, I guess.”

  “We’ll fix that as soon as we get home.” Wes made the comment suggestive on purpose, I suspected.