Never Apologise, Never Explain

by James Craig

  It was clear that they were heading south, towards the port area. Pettigrew had been what they called a ‘worker priest’ in Valparaíso’s Las Habas shipyards for almost a year, so he knew this route well. He also knew why they were going there. A couple of naval vessels had arrived in Valparaíso two days before the socialist government had been overthrown. With the President, Salvador Allende, dead, and ‘leftists’ of all descriptions being rounded up, rumours quickly began circulating that these ships were being used as overflow facilities for the prisons.

  ‘A nice bit of sea air – and free board and lodging,’ someone had joked at the time. ‘A lot better than Londres Street,’ the man had added, referring to the Communist Party headquarters in Santiago which, as everyone knew, was now being used as a torture centre.

  Pettigrew had looked at him askance.

  ‘Like a little vacation really.’

  Really? Well, his vacation started here.

  They moved slowly through the streets. The city seemed desolate even for the middle of the night. Lights were out. Windows were closed. Doors firmly bolted shut. People were curled up in their beds, worried that they might be next, wracking their brains for any behaviour, any words, that might lead to a midnight visit and a one-way trip to Las Habas.

  Even the dogs that habitually prowled the dustbins looking for food had the sense to take the night off.

  Inside the truck, someone started sobbing. Another began quietly reciting the Lord’s Prayer. At the end, there were a couple of ragged Améns, followed by more silence. A woman close to Pettigrew squeezed her rosary so tightly that the string broke and the beads fell to the floor, scattering at their feet. She glanced at Pettigrew and shrugged. He said nothing. They both knew that it was far too late for God.

  They made four more stops on the way. Pulling up outside houses that the priest didn’t recognise; picking up men and women whom he didn’t know. At each stop, two or three more people were shoved into the back of the truck. There was some shouting, a few screams but no real complaints and no resistance.

  By the time they reached the dockside, the truck was full. The driver slowed his speed as he pulled onto one of the piers. Through the gap in the canvas, Pettigrew caught a glimpse of a distinctive four-mast schooner, the Dama Blanca. The White Lady was a familiar sight in Valparaíso, being the training ship for the cadets at the city’s Arturo Prat Naval Academy. He had even been on board once himself, during an Open Day early in 1972. Visitors were given a tour of the bay, some free rum and a rather boring lecture on Arturo Prat and his good works.

  This time, no doubt, the programme would be rather different.

  Despite everything, Pettigrew managed a smile when he recalled Agustín Arturo Prat Chacón. Prat was a very Chilean kind of hero. He took a bullet between the eyes in 1879 while fighting the Peruvians.

  Almost 100 years later, there were 162 streets named after the great man in Chile. In Valparaíso, there was an Arturo Prat statue as well. By all accounts, Prat was much taken by the liberalism of the times. His academy was supposed to teach future naval officers ‘academic, moral, cultural and physical education’. Pettigrew wondered which part of the curriculum they were covering tonight.

  Their truck trundled past a group of twenty or so people who had been rounded up by the military. Some were lying face-down on the quayside; others were kneeling. All had their hands clutched behind their heads. Half a dozen armed sailors stood around them, keeping guard, smoking, sharing the occasional joke. Above them all, a group of maybe thirty navy cadets stood at attention on the main deck of the ship itself, watching closely despite keeping their gaze fixed firmly on some invisible point in the inky sky.

  The truck came to a gentle stop and the canvas covers at the back were thrown open. Without being told, people started getting off. ‘I hope you know how to swim,’ one of the soldiers joked as Pettigrew jumped down from the truck onto the cold cobbles.

  As soon as it was empty, the truck headed off into the night, no doubt in search of its next passengers. Stretching, Pettigrew looked around. The pier was kept in darkness, the only light coming from the ship’s portholes and from the orange street lights in the town above. He shivered as a chill breeze cut in from the sea. Without being told, he sank to his knees on the dockside, keen to fit in. Most of his fellow travellers followed suit. He bowed his head and was quickly rewarded by a blow to the neck with the stock of a sailor’s rifle. Without complaining, he looked up and carefully studied his tormentor. The latter was tall and pale, with thin wrists, a small mouth and green eyes. His tunic was unbuttoned at the neck and an unlit cigarette dangled from his mouth. Avoiding the red priest’s gaze, he recorded Pettigrew’s existence and silently moved on. Pettigrew watched him wandering through the kneeling group, casually offering the occasional blow, seemingly as engaged as a man pruning his roses.

  It was another fifteen minutes or so before the detainees were formally handed over to the ship’s commander. Even at times like this, we Chileans like our ceremony, Pettigrew mused. He was almost surprised that they didn’t have a brass band on hand to provide a musical accompaniment. They were pushed up the gangplank under a hail of kicks, blows and curses.

  On the deck of the ship, his hands were untied and he was told to crouch with his hands behind the back of his neck. As the final prisoners shuffled on board, he counted twenty-six men and twenty-two women. He guessed that their ages ranged from something like fifteen to sixty-five. They were arranged in eight rows of half a dozen each, facing away from the pier. Wandering between the rows came a dozen or so guards carrying lances, sticks with steel points. Overseeing the group, perched on a raised deck-hatch to Pettigrew’s left, were two teenagers manning a machine-gun that looked as if it had come from the First World War. If they had opened up, they could have taken everyone out in about ten seconds.

  Once everyone was on board, the order was given for the prisoners to strip. A few bemused glances were exchanged, but again no one complained. Not wishing to be hit again, Pettigrew quickly dropped his trousers and wriggled out of his underpants. Pulling his paint-covered shirt over his head, he folded his clothes neatly, out of habit, and placed the pile at his feet. A cadet quickly scuttled over and took his clothes away. Standing as straight as he could manage, with his arms folded, he tried not to watch the others get undressed. The near silence was occasionally broken by a burst of gunfire from somewhere in the city. At one point, he heard another truck on the jetty. It stopped near to the ship but no one else came on board the White Lady.

  Finally, everyone was done. Naked and standing grimly to attention, people tried to make themselves seem as small as possible, almost trying to will themselves somewhere else.

  All except for one woman: standing in the row in front of Pettigrew, she stood defiant, back arched, legs planted apart, hands on hips, staring down any sailor who cared to take her on.

  She was an amazing sight, hairy, with a backside you could eat your lunch off, large breasts and nipples like bullets. He was ashamed of himself, but it was impossible not to stare.

  Forgive me, Father, he thought, for I have sinned in my head.

  Pettigrew willed himself to look at his feet and think about . . . Montrose, about football, Jesus, the Church, agrarian reform . . . anything to keep his mind off his groin. Others clearly had the same problem. There was some mumbling among the ranks, and he turned to see that a youth standing next to the warrior woman was struggling with an enormous erection. The poor soul went beetroot red in the face as he tried – and failed – to hide it between his legs. The guards roared with laughter and took turns at trying to hit his penis with their sticks; one threatened to shoot it off. But they quickly grew bored with the game and, thanks to God, the errant member eventually subsided.

  As dawn began to break, a new group of sailors appeared, carrying hoses. Someone shouted, ‘It’s time for a wash you dirty bastards!’ With a flourish, they turned high-pressure jets of seawater on the prisoners. The ranks brok
e as everyone tried to get out of the line of fire, while the guards stabbed them with their sticks to keep them under the jets. Water immediately went up Pettigrew’s nose and in his mouth, and he was constantly gagging, on the brink of drowning. A jet of water hit him directly on the head and the pain was terrible. His eyes and ears felt as if they were being stabbed.

  After about twenty minutes, they finally turned off the hoses. That’s when he really felt the cold. His hands and feet were numb and he could see one poor woman beginning to turn blue. Everyone was hopping from foot to foot to try and stay warm. He imagined they looked like lunatics dancing on a trip to Hell.

  Some time later, they were taken down below and herded into a space maybe forty feet long and twenty feet wide, lit by three bare light bulbs. There were no portholes. At each end was a sliding metal door, with an armed guard stationed immediately outside. Each person was told to take one thin blanket. There were enough hammocks for maybe half of them, with a canvas dividing off the quarters for the women. Beside the doors were four large buckets to serve as their toilet. The lodgings had clearly been used before. The floor was still sticky with fluids that Pettigrew did not want to inspect too closely. There had been some attempt to clean the place up for the new arrivals but, at best, it had been half-hearted. The smell of disinfectant only partially covered the smell of piss, shit and body odour. No one wanted to think about what had happened to the previous guests.

  EIGHT

  The city hummed around him. Reassuringly familiar, it soothed his agitation. Too impatient to wait for a break in the traffic, Carlyle jumped in front of a small, red delivery van, studiously ignoring the exaggerated hand gestures of the driver as he skipped down Long Acre. Reaching Seven Dials, a mini-roundabout, with a pillar at its centre bearing six sundials (the seventh being the pillar itself, casting its shadow on the ground), he headed towards the north end of Mercer Street, close to Shaftesbury Avenue.

  On the west side of the street was a small block of council flats known as Phoenix House. Built in the 1950s with the cheapest concrete available, the building would probably have been more robust if it had been constructed out of cardboard. Still, it looked clean and, from the outside at least, didn’t smell too badly. Carlyle buzzed, waited for a few seconds, heard the door unlock, and went inside.

  On the top floor of Phoenix House was Flat 8. For more than a year now, it had been used as a knocking shop by a young Birmingham girl called Sam Laidlaw. The place was tiny,no more than 500 square feet all told, but it had a small roof terrace which allowed Laidlaw’s clients an al fresco option in the summer.

  Laidlaw’s maid, Amelia Jacobs, was a retired prostitute who had known Carlyle for more than twenty years. She was a reliable contact, who had built up a healthy balance in his favours book over the years. A few weeks earlier, when she had asked to make a rare withdrawal, Carlyle knew that he would have to go and pay her a visit. Having already put it off a couple of times, he now felt obliged to put in an appearance.

  If not exactly the stereotypical hooker with a heart of gold, Jacobs was an impressive figure. She was a plain-looking black woman in her mid-to-late thirties, about 5 feet 4 inches with a no-nonsense short back and sides haircut and hard eyes that never focused on you. If you passed her on the street, you might imagine that Amelia was a teacher, or maybe even a lawyer. The reality was rather different, but Carlyle knew that Amelia was nonetheless worthy of considerable respect. Above all, she was a survivor. Local legend had it that she had once tried, with some success, to bite off the penis of an obnoxious punter. Carlyle knew a nurse working at UCLH on Gower Street who claimed to have been on duty when the unfortunate bloke arrived in A&E. He had asked Amelia about the incident once – she had just smiled and said matter-of-factly: ‘Another few seconds and he would never have seen his thing again.’

  Happily for visiting punters, and middle-aged policemen, reaching the top floor only meant three flights of stairs. There was a lift, but it rarely worked. Even when it did, Carlyle would rather take the stairs than risk getting stuck inside.

  Jogging up the stairs, he felt only slightly winded.

  Amelia met him at the door. ‘Thanks for coming, Inspector,’ she smiled.

  ‘No problem,’ Carlyle replied, trying to control his wheezing. ‘Sorry it’s taken me so long to get here.’

  She made a non-committal gesture. ‘Come inside.’

  A couple of minutes later he was sitting on an orange sofa in a drab sitting room that surely would be depressing enough to dampen anyone’s lust. He was nursing a dangerous-looking mug of coffee with a slick of what looked like washing-up liquid glistening on the top. Sam Laidlaw sat in a chair opposite him, staring at the floor like the naughty schoolgirl that she basically was. She was twenty-two or twenty-three going on fifteen. Her platinum-blond hair matched her sickly skin. It had grown out at the roots and badly needed redoing. In a grubby white T-shirt, grey jogging pants and no make-up, she looked a total mess. It would be like fucking a corpse, Carlyle thought. On the other hand, trying to be generous, it was relatively early. For her, the working week had yet to start.

  Amelia explained the situation to Carlyle. The problem was a familiar one. His name was Michael Hagger, a local mini-gangster-turned-entrepreneur, occasional pimp and father to Sam Laidlaw’s four-year-old son, Jake. Hagger, according to Jacobs, was threatening to take the boy away from his mother as part of a long-running dispute about money.

  ‘Where is the boy now?’ Carlyle asked, suddenly worried in case he had ignored this situation for too long.

  ‘He’s on a play date,’ Amelia replied. ‘And he’s in nursery now too. We got him into Coram’s Fields after Easter. Three days a week.’

  ‘That’s good,’ Carlyle said limply. At least the boy was being looked after properly some of the time. The Coram’s Fields Play Centre was fifteen minutes up the road, on the way to King’s Cross. It was run by Camden Council, and the staff there did a fantastic job with a broad range of kids from different backgrounds. His daughter Alice had gone there for a couple of years before starting school, and her mother still visited now and again to drop off spare books for the library. He would mention Jake to Helen and see if she could make some discreet enquiries.

  Laidlaw remained mute. She had lifted her gaze far enough off the floor to stare intently at a blank 32-inch television screen in the corner. Carlyle followed her gaze and checked out the pile of DVDs on the floor by the TV. Postman Pat and Duck Dodgers cartoons peeked out from underneath a pile of generic porno titles. Carlyle had to resist the urge to gag. Apart from anything else, he was a big fan of Duck Dodgers, Daffy Duck’s Space Protectoret hero, having watched many episodes alongside Alice when she was younger. Now he wanted to scream. Calming himself down, he knew that he really would have to call Children’s Social Services.

  ‘What do you want me to do?’ he asked.

  ‘Talk to Hagger,’ Amelia replied. ‘Let him know that you’ve got your eye on him.’

  As if that would make any difference.

  ‘Okay,’ Carlyle sighed. ‘Where will I find him?’

  Again the girl said nothing.

  ‘The usual places,’ Amelia said.

  That narrowed it down, thought Carlyle. ‘I’ll start at the Intrepid Fox,’ he said, to no one in particular, mentioning a pub two minutes down the road in Soho where Hagger was known to hang out.

  The doorbell rang. Without saying a word, the girl got up and slouched out of the room.

  ‘That’ll be the twelve-thirty.’ Amelia signalled for him to get up. She glanced at her watch. ‘He’s early. The randy little sod obviously thinks he gets extra time that way.’

  ‘When you’re in the mood,’ Carlyle grinned, ‘you’re in the mood.’

  ‘I suppose so,’ Amelia said, raising her eyes to the ceiling. She ushered him towards the door. ‘Thanks, Mr Carlyle.’

  ‘I’ll let you know how I get on,’ he replied, happily handing her back the untouched mug of coffee.


  ‘Thanks.’

  ‘But I’ll need to speak to Social Services about Jake.’

  She started to complain, but thought better of it.

  He softened the blow. ‘Just so that there’s someone else keeping an eye out for him too.’

  A pained expression crossed Amelia’s face. ‘Jake is loved, Inspector.’

  ‘Maybe he is,’ Carlyle shrugged. ‘But that’s not always enough. That girl’s too young.’

  ‘Sam does her best.’

  ‘The kid is four already. Unless the situation here changes, and quickly, he is fucked for life.’

  ‘What else can she do?’

  ‘She can go on benefits,’ Carlyle hissed, ‘like everyone else.’

  ‘What? And live on a hundred and twenty quid a week?’

  ‘There are worse things than being poor. She needs to smarten up.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘For the kid’s sake.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘That’s your side of the deal.’

  The woman nodded. ‘I understand.’

  ‘It’s a deal then.’ Carlyle smiled with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. ‘Expect me to hold you to it.’

  On his way down, Carlyle passed a sheepish-looking man in his fifties who was trudging up the stairs while keeping his eyes firmly on the steps in front of him. Outside, in the sunshine, it felt even hotter than before, as if the temperature had been raised another five or ten degrees. The air was turning heavy and it seemed as if the forecast thunderstorms were now on the way. He had a nagging headache from too much caffeine, and his appetite for what was to come back at the station had dwindled to next to nothing. Needing to rehydrate, he went round the corner into Earlham Street and bought a bottle of water and a mango smoothie from the Big Banana Juice Bar next to Cambridge Circus. He stepped off the pavement and between a couple of parked cars, downing the water first and then the smoothie. The Fopp music store in Shaftesbury Avenue across the road was advertising The Clash by The Clash. He wasn’t sure about the lurid pink cover and he wasn’t going to spend thirty quid on a book, but he fancied a peek. For Carlyle, The Clash were, still, the greatest rock band ever. He had seen them a few times before their untimely demise, and he wanted to wallow in a little nostalgia for those days of his youth.