The Secret Life of Sarah Hollenbeck

by Bethany Turner

  And of course if I was kept from doing my job effectively, Sydney might be kept from the sizable bonus she was to receive each time one of my books hit the shelves.

  Mercy Point hadn’t closed immediately—that didn’t happen until after they had begged Ben to come back. But we knew, despite our deep love and appreciation for the church and its people, that Mercy Point wasn’t part of the bigger plan. Laura had confessed, Lenore had been arrested, Sydney had been fired. We had reached a point where we could pretty much allow life to get back to normal. Of course, no matter how normal everything seemed, we knew that everything had changed.

  “And what of the Christian romance that Sarah had planned to write? Scandal behind her, could the project be saved?”

  Piper plopped down on the couch with a refilled bowl of popcorn and asked, “Didn’t Meredith Vieira leave this show? Why did she do your interview?”

  I smiled, feeling very powerful. “Because I asked for her.”

  “Oh. Well! Aren’t you something special?”

  My publishers certainly seemed to think so. Once Ben’s name was cleared, and it became clear that public opinion was much more on our side than perhaps had been anticipated, they couldn’t wait to get their hands on my Christian romance. I gave them the story that Joe loved so much, complete with a loving, realistic-though-more-dramatic-than-most, sexy Christian relationship. But when contract time came around again, I decided it was time to move on.

  Ben and I started Means and Ends Ministries, and a division of that is Song in Her Heart Publishing. Our first project is a memoir written by an up-and-coming author by the name of Sarah Hollenbeck. Actually, I guess she’ll be Sarah Delaney by then, not that the name matters—as long as the name isn’t Raine de Bourgh.

  “Tomorrow, Sarah and Ben will be married in a private ceremony in Algonquin, Illinois. When asked what they’re most looking forward to in this new life they are beginning, this seemingly perfect couple disagrees for the first time.”

  “Oh gosh!” I groaned. “Turn it off! Turn it off!”

  “Shh!” Piper laughed. “This is my favorite part! Ben goes first. So sweet!”

  “Probably babies. She’s wanted to be a mother for so long, and she’s so fantastic with Maddie, and I just feel so blessed to be the guy she’ll raise a family with. We intend to have a pretty large family. I mean, not von Trapp large, but large.”

  “It does get me pretty hot whenever he references The Sound of Music,” I said to Piper.

  “Shh! You’re going to miss it! Okay, so Meredith asked, ‘And what about you, Sarah? What are you most looking forward to?’ and you said . . .”

  I buried my face in a pillow as she hit play once more.

  “Truthfully? I think, after all this time, what I’m most looking forward to is the part where we actually get to make the babies.”

  “That is so stinking cute!” Piper laughed. “Just look at you blushing. I love it! Let’s watch it again!”

  I snatched the remote out of her hands and turned it off, unaffected by her pouts this time around. “No. We have so much to do!”

  “Fine,” she said, finally standing up. “Geez, you act like you’re getting married in twelve hours or something.”

  Eleven hours later I was in the basement of Gary and Beth’s church in Algonquin, surrounded by more mothers than any one girl needs. Beth was fantastic, and Joanna was okay.

  My mother was, well . . . my mother.

  “Are you sure you want to go through with this, Sarah? It’s not too late to change your mind.”

  “What?” I laughed. “Yes, Mom, I’m sure.”

  “I mean, it’s not that Ben isn’t a nice boy. He is.” That was said to Joanna, I think. As if she needed reassuring. “It’s just that I know you’re trying the Christian thing, and that’s lovely. But the last thing you want is to be unprepared and get stuck with someone you aren’t sexually compatible with. That can make for such a miserable marriage while it lasts—believe me.” Though I certainly didn’t want to linger too long on the thought, I couldn’t help but wonder which of her four husbands my mother was referring to. “I just think it’s very risky, that’s all.”

  Oh, shoot me now. “Mom, first of all, I’m not ‘trying the Christian thing.’ I am a Christ-follower. It’s not some fad I’m testing out, like the Atkins diet or my ‘Rachel’ hairdo from a few years ago.”

  “Second of all,” Joanna stepped in, “my husband and I were not intimate until our wedding night, and I assure you—”

  “Okay, Joanna,” Beth interrupted, mercifully. “I think it’s best we don’t hear how that sentence was going to end.”

  “I would like to go find a poufy dress-sized hole to climb in now,” I muttered softly.

  They all—with the exception of my mother, of course—got lost in a fit of giggles that didn’t stop until there was a knock on the door. I looked at the clock on the wall—I still had twenty minutes. “No! I’m not ready yet!”

  “I’ll get it,” Piper said, despite the fact that with my eyes I threatened to never speak to her again if she left me alone in mom hell.

  “Ben can’t see me!” I called out. “Make sure it’s not Ben!”

  “Um, it’s not Ben,” she said a second later.

  Before I could even turn around to see who it was, my mother’s excited squeals gave me a pretty good idea. “You’re saved!” she said to me in a way I think she genuinely believed was discreet, and then she ran to the door to hug my “savior.”

  “Sarah, you look beautiful.”

  No. No, no, no.

  I turned around, not that I needed further evidence that the man at the door was most certainly not Ben.

  “What are you doing here, Patrick?”

  “Patrick?” Piper screamed. “Oh no. No, no. You will not be here right now. You are not here right now. I refuse to accept that you are here. Shoo! Get out!”

  “Hey, Piper, it’s okay.” I smiled. “But thank you.”

  “What do you want us to do, sweetheart?” Beth asked softly and sweetly.

  “Who’s Patrick?” Joanna inquired naively.

  I grabbed Beth’s hand and squeezed it, while smiling at her reassuringly. “Could you maybe occupy those two for a few minutes?” I nodded my head toward the two moms.

  “Of course.” She winked before giving me a quick hug. She crossed the room to them and looped her arms through theirs. “Did you see the gardens on your way in? You just have to see the gardens.”

  My mother bounded out, leading the way, before Beth had finished the sentence, confident that Patrick would ravage me as soon as everyone left and all would be right with the world once more.

  Piper walked over to me, though her wary eyes never left Patrick. “Would you like for me to stay?”

  “Are you really giving me a choice?”

  “Of course not.”

  “Good.” I laughed quietly before turning to Patrick. “So what do you want?”

  He looked from me to Piper and then back again. “Well, I was hoping to speak to you alone for a minute . . .”

  “This is as close as you’re going to get. So what do you want?” I repeated.

  He cleared his throat and shuffled his feet as he adjusted his tie. His tie. Did he come dressed for the occasion, expecting an invitation to stay? Or was he just still the same pompous, uptight man he’d always been?

  “I don’t believe we’ve met.” He smiled as he put out his hand and approached Piper. “Patrick McDermott.”

  Piper kept her hands to herself as she raised her eyebrow and said, “Oh, believe me. I know who you are.”

  It didn’t take him very long to realize he was interacting with one of the few women on whom his charm would have no effect, so he made his way back to me.

  “You really do look beautiful. Even more breathtaking than the day we met.”

  I was amazed to discover I felt nothing for him. I already knew I wasn’t in love with him anymore, of course, but even so, you would almost
expect there to be a touch of nostalgia or a fondness associated with all we had shared. But there was nothing. I didn’t even find him attractive. He was taller than Ben, which meant he was too tall; he wasn’t as muscular as Ben, which meant he was too skinny; he wasn’t Ben, which meant the sight of him did absolutely nothing for me.

  “You have about one more minute, so you should probably cut to the chase,” I insisted impatiently.

  He took a step toward me, but I put my hands up to indicate he shouldn’t come any closer, and he stopped. “I saw you on television and I just had to make sure you’re happy.”

  “I am, thank you. Now if you don’t mind, it’s probably best that you—”

  I tried to usher him to the door, but he didn’t budge. “I just can’t help but think there are still some feelings between us which need to be addressed.”

  “Does Kiki know you’re here, Patrick?” Piper asked.

  He looked extremely confused by Piper—what she was talking about and why she was in the room.

  “I’m sorry? Kiki?”

  “I believe she is referring to the mother of your child,” I clarified, biting my lip so that I could focus on the seriousness of the moment rather than how tickled I was by Piper.

  “Oh. Her name is Kimberly.”

  She shrugged. “Whatever. Does she know you’re here?”

  He sighed and tried once more to step closer to me, and we repeated our dance. “This doesn’t concern her.”

  “Of course not,” I said, shaking my head. I quickly thought back to when he had first called me to tell me about Kimberly and the pregnancy. “Isn’t she due any minute, Patrick?” I looked at the clock on the wall. “I mean, if my math is correct, you could literally be a dad before I’m a wife. And yet here you are . . .”

  “She doesn’t understand me like you do, Sarah,” he whispered.

  Oh, how I laughed at that line. “Really? That’s the best you can do? Do women really fall for that? Oh, wait. They probably do, because they don’t understand you like I do. I understand that you will always want what you don’t have and it’s just a shame. You had me, Patrick, and you didn’t want me. You sure don’t get to have me now.”

  “That’s not it at all,” he replied earnestly. He glanced at Piper again before turning his face away from her and saying, as discreetly as he could, “You’re the only woman I have ever loved, Sarah. Don’t you know that?”

  I was sad, for just a moment, as I realized that was probably true. And for just a moment I thought about the type of guy he had been before money and success became a part of our lives. Whoever he had become, if that guy who drew beautiful sketches was still in there somewhere, I was sad for him.

  But all of that went away when he leaned in as close as he could—as close as I would allow—and said, “Come on, Sarah. Let’s get out of here. For old time’s sake.”

  “All right! That’s it!” Piper stated with authority. “Time for you to go.”

  But I wasn’t quite done yet. I couldn’t help but chuckle as I said, “I’m sorry, I just can’t even take you seriously. Do you know what I’ve been through the past few months? Oh, of course you do. That’s the only reason you’re here, right? You saw me on TV and couldn’t stand the thought of me being happy? What I just find so pathetic is that you think that you still have the ability to affect me in some way. You think I’m going to ‘get out of here’ with you? Well, let me tell you something. Ben is my everything now. We’re everything, Ben and I. You and me? We’re done, Patrick. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m getting married in a few minutes.”

  I glanced at Piper, who was furiously dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief so that her makeup was not ruined by proud tears. She smiled at me and rushed over to stand by my side.

  “Allow me to show you out,” she said, the scary “don’t mess with Piper” expression returning as she faced him.

  “I’ll go with you,” I said. “I want to make sure he’s really gone.”

  Patrick raised his hands in defeat—and even in defeat he was smug and disgusting. “That won’t be necessary.”

  Piper and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes. We wouldn’t trust him as far as we could throw him, so we knew it was very necessary. Piper led the way, and I pushed Patrick along to follow out after her. As we reached the door, we passed Beth and the mothers making their way back in.

  “Everything okay?” Beth asked with concern.

  “Where are you going?” my mother asked, true to form. “Sarah, where is Patrick going?”

  He turned to face me one last time—and I felt nothing but relief, confident that it would, in fact, be the last time. “You’re making a mistake, Sarah.”

  “Good-bye, Patrick.” I smiled as I gave him one last little nudge to get him to the other side of the doorframe.

  “I hope you and Kiki are very happy together,” Piper added as she slammed the door in his face.

  Less than an hour later—after Maddie had laid her trail of flowers and Joe had walked me down the aisle, after Piper had read from Song of Solomon and Gary had asked us to repeat after him, we were pronounced Mr. and Mrs. Benjamin Delaney, and Ben finally kissed his bride.

  We mingled for a couple of hours, acting like we cared more than we did at the moment about well wishes from family and friends and things like cake and punch.

  “I’ll be back,” I said softly at one point. “I’m going to change into my traveling clothes.”

  “I’ll go with you, to help you get out of your dress,” Piper said, standing up.

  “Actually,” Ben said, playfully pushing her back down, “I think that’s my job now.”

  I felt at least two-thirds of the blood in my body rush to my cheeks as we walked out of the room together.

  “Ben, so help me,” I whispered as he actually walked into the ladies’ room with me. “After holding out this long, we cannot—I repeat, cannot—make love for the first time in your first wife’s dad’s church’s ladies’ room.” I talked a good game, but I was really just lecturing myself, knowing that the desire for romance was now the only thing stopping us.

  “I heard you had a visitor earlier,” he said as he locked the door behind him.

  I groaned. Which of the mothers had thought immediately following our wedding was the perfect time to tell him about that?

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you yet. In all fairness, I’ve barely had time to say two words to you.”

  As he stepped closer, slowly, he smiled an oh-so-sexy smile and said, “Well, if you only had time for two words, I’m very glad you chose ‘I do.’”

  “Seemed like the right thing to say.”

  He sighed. “Well, be that as it may, I’m very disappointed I didn’t get a chance to meet him.”

  “Are you?” I asked with a tilted head as he continued his agonizingly slow walk to where I stood.

  “A little. There are a few things I might have liked to say to him. But from what I hear, you handled it pretty well without me.”

  Ah. Piper was the informant. That didn’t bother me nearly as much, as I was certain she’d not neglected to tell him how awesome I was.

  He finally reached my side, and the nearness put my senses on high alert. “Look at me,” he whispered as his hands framed my face.

  I didn’t have to wait long before I felt his hands envelop my waist and his breath on my neck.

  “I thought I was prepared for how beautiful you would look today,” he whispered, “but I hadn’t even begun to imagine. When I saw you, all I could think was, ‘Seriously, Lord? She’s mine? Are you sure?’”

  I laughed for a second, but I stopped when he moved his hands from my waist and started the task of unbuttoning a couple tiny buttons at the top of the back of my dress. Then he stopped, gently caressed my hair, and slowly and excruciatingly moved his hand down my neck, across my collarbone, down my arm, across my waist, finally landing on my hip. I was completely powerless, and all I could think about was how silly my little “no firs
t time in the bathroom” rule was. Thankfully, he wrangled up more willpower than I.

  He cleared his throat, backing away slowly. “Now that I think about it, do you want Piper to come help you from here?”

  “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.”

  “Check,” he said as he struggled to get the door open. He finally succeeded, and then ran the right side of his body into the doorframe as he tried to leave. He turned back around and offered some sort of dorky little salute thing, and then he left. Immediately, he rushed back in and said, “That can’t be my parting move. Unacceptable.” With the door still wide open, he threw one arm around my waist while the other hand got very intentionally tangled in my hair, and then he dipped me and bent over to match my curved form as he captured my mouth with his. “Better,” he said as he tore himself away and left before I had even opened my eyes.

  It would have been the cool and sexy exit he was looking for if I hadn’t heard him say “Ouch!” as he ran into something in the hallway.

  Piper came running in a few seconds later and shut the door behind her. She quirked one eyebrow at me in suspicion, and I just smiled and shook my head.

  I turned to the mirror to check my makeup. “Your last official duty as maid of honor is to help me get dressed as quickly as possible so we can get out of here. I’m not sure we can hold out much longer.”

  She laughed. “Yeah, I kind of got that impression when Ben asked Gary to go start the car already.”

  Ten minutes later we were saying our good-byes to everyone, but especially Maddie.

  “You have a good time with Grammy Beth and Pawpaw, okay?” Ben said as he gave her a third hug. “We’ll call you lots.”

  “My turn!” I squealed, squeezing in between them.

  As I hugged her, I couldn’t help but think I really needed to have a Sound of Music moment with her. She’d ask if she could call me Mother, and I’d impart to her all of the knowledge passed on to me from the Mother Superior, and then we’d sing. But in the end, the reality was even better.