A voice; a sailor in the gig. “Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name; thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in heaven ...”
With a squirt of my side jets, I rotated to face Telstar.
A plump oval shape drifted from behind the dead ship. It looked, Lord God help me, like a huge goldfish with a stubby tail. It was almost half as large as Telstar.
It pulsed. A mist spurted from an opening near the tail. It glided past the hull toward us. Colors flowed on its surface. Rough-surfaced globs projected from its sides.
I found my voice. “Gig, back to Hibernia! Flank!” I slammed on my thrusters, veered away from the gig, spun toward my ship.
The creature I’d found within Telstar recoiled against the hull, launched itself at the fish as it floated by. It touched the being’s side and clung there for a moment, growing smaller.
The surface of the huge creature seemed to flow. The being outside of it disappeared, absorbed within.
One of the rough globs on the goldfish lengthened, began to spin in a slow, widening circle. It gained momentum. Abruptly it detached and flew directly at the gig.
“Look out!” My cry came too late. The projectile splattered on the gig’s hull, oozed along its side. The gig’s alumalloy frame sputtered and melted beneath the glob.
A choked scream, suddenly cut off. The gig’s engine flared and died. The glob ate away at the gig’s hull. Frantic motion, in the cockpit. Metal dripped onto a suit and pierced it. There was a visible rush of air. Blood, a wild kick, then nothing.
I looked back at the goldfish. Another, much larger projectile began to wave.
“Vax!”
“Yessir, I’m coming!”
“Fuse the ship!”
“Jet this way, sir! Hurry!”
“Fuse! Go to Hope Nation! Save the ship!”
“You’re almost aboard, Captain!” Hibernia’s bow drifted around.
An icy calm slowed my slamming heart. “Mr. Holser, Fuse the ship at once! Acknowledge my order!”
“Captain, move! Jet over here!”
The fishlike being released its projectile. The mass whipped toward Hibernia. It struck the gossamer laser shields protruding from the nose ports. They disintegrated in rivulets of metal.
Vax shouted, “Fire!” The tracking beam of Hibernia’s laser centered on the goldfish, just now drifting clear of Telstar. A spot in its side glowed red. The skin colors swirled. The goldfish jerked as if in convulsion.
The creature’s skin swirled and opened to form half a dozen tiny holes. Droplets of fluid burst from them. The goldfish slid away toward the protection of Telstar’s hull. The laser followed, centered again on the side of the fish. More holes spouted protoplasm. Abruptly, it was behind Telstar.
In slow motion I drifted across the void. Hibernia had to be saved, regardless of my fate. “Fuse! For God’s sake, Vax! Obey orders!” I was frantic.
“Hurry, sir! Use the forward airlock! Alexi, cycle the lock!”
I was too far from the ship. The enemy might come out at any moment. I sobbed with rage and frustration. “Vax, Fuse!”
“Hurry, Captain!”
I was beside myself. “VAX, FUSE THE FUCKING SHIP!”
His soft response came clear in my speaker. “No, sir. Not until I have you aboard.”
Cursing, I accelerated until I was almost upon the ship, then flipped over and decelerated full blast as Sarge had taught us years before, at Academy.
I’d waited too long. I sailed into the airlock feet first, still decelerating. My feet smashed into the inner hatch just as I snapped off my jets. I crashed to the deck.
The outer hatch slid closed. I scrambled to my feet, in a frenzy for the chamber to pressurize. Alexi’s anxious face stared through the transplex. The hatch slid open. I stumbled aboard.
“Captain’s on board!” Alexi slammed shut the hatch.
Vax roared, “Engine room, Fuse!” I felt the engines whine. Alexi lifted the jets from my back while I unsnapped my helmet stays. Rafe Treadwell, white-faced, helped a sailor pull me out of my suit.
My wet pants clung to my legs. “Are we Fused?”
Alexi grabbed the caller. “Mr. Holser, Captain asks if we’re Fused.”
“Yes, sir. Energy readings are normal. Fusion is ignited.”
I trembled with rage. “All officers to the bridge. Everyone! I’ll be along in a minute.” Yanking my other arm free of the T-suit I pushed past Rafe and half ran up the ladder to my cabin.
Inside, I stripped off my pants and shorts with mindless haste and threw on a dry pair of slacks. I stumbled out of the cabin, buttoning my pants as I ran toward the bridge. I slapped the control; the bridge hatch slid open.
Derek, Alexi, Vax, and the Pilot stood by the console. Behind them were the Chief and Mr. Crossburn. Philip Tyre waited uncertainly by the hatch.
I crossed to my chair. For a moment I stood holding to the back of it. Mr. Chantir came in, pale, breathing hard. Dr. Uburu followed.
Vax came close. “Are you all right, sir?”
“Get away from me!” I shoved him.
“Lord God.” We all turned to Dr. Uburu. She bowed her head. “Almighty Lord God, we thank you for our deliverance from evil. We ask you to bless us, to bless our voyage, and to bring health and well-being to all aboard.”
“Amen.” I murmured the soothing word with the others, feeling the Doctor’s calm and strength flow into me. “Good heavens.” My voice was quieter. I sank into my chair. “Darla, did you get that?”
“Every bit of it.” Her tone was grim.
“Play it back.”
“Aye aye, sir.” Thank Lord God she knew not to be flippant.
Her screen flickered. Mesmerized, we watched her recording of Telstar’s torn hull while our past conversation flowed from the speaker. “I’ll go up to Level 1 and try to get onto the bridge.”
A long pause. My bloodcurdling scream, and Vax’s shout. “Captain, what is it?”
I spoke over my recorded reply. “It must have been one of those—things that smashed his suit visor. Then it did something to his head.” I tried not to retch.
On the speaker, I whimpered. Then, “Battle Stations!” Vax’s shouted commands. For a moment nothing changed on the screen. A spacesuited man appeared, scrambling into the gig. Then another. After a moment the third.
The speaker said, “Oh, Jesus Lord! It’s coming out—”
“Freeze!” The image hung frozen, in response to my order. “Maximum magnification.” The screen swooped in on the amorphous shape halfway out of the hole in Telstar’s hull. Blobs of color set almost at random in the outer skin.
“Christ, it looks like an amoeba!” said Lieutenant Chantir.
“Don’t blaspheme!” I studied the screen. “It can’t be single-celled. Not if it’s that large.”
“I don’t ever want to know,” Alexi muttered. I glared him into silence.
“Go on, Darla.” The image began to move. The gig pulled clear in response to my order, drifted alongside the dead ship, waiting for me to emerge. I jetted toward the gig, tiny against the bulk of the dead ship’s hull. The bizarre goldfish floated from behind the hull. In space, I twisted to look at it. Sickened, I watched the destruction of the gig amid my own frantic shouts to Vax. “Fuse! Go to Hope Nation! Save the ship!”
The commotion blared from the speakers. “Fuse! For God’s sake, Vax! Obey orders!” I listened, unwilling, to my desperate pleas and Vax’s repeated demands that I hurry. Then Vax Holser’s soft voice said the irretrievable, damning words. “No, sir. Not until I have you aboard.”
I put my head in my hands. “Turn it off.” My words hung flat in the sudden silence. A long moment passed. I got heavily to my feet. “Darla, please record.” Her cameras lit.
I faced Vax. “Lieutenant Holser, you deliberately disobeyed your Captain’s orders to Fuse, not once but five times. Without question you are unfit to serve in the United Nations Naval Service. I suspend your commission for t
he remainder of our voyage. I will not try you, as I am not capable of judging you fairly. I have already concluded you should be hanged.” Dr. Uburu gasped; the Chief closed his eyes, shook his head.
“I will, however, recommend a court-martial on our return, and I will testify against you. For the remainder of our voyage you are forbidden to wear the Naval uniform or to associate with me or any officer. You will be moved to a passenger cabin at once. Get off my bridge!”
Vax’s face crumpled. He tried to speak, couldn’t, tried again. His huge, beefy fist pounded the side of his leg once, twice, three times as he fought for control. Then he took a deep breath. “Aye aye, sir,” he whispered. His face was ashen. He turned, marched to the hatch. Alexi slapped it open, and he was gone.
No one spoke or moved. “I am Captain here,” I grated. “No one, not one of you, will ever disobey my order again. Not now, not ever!” I studied their faces. “I should have hanged him for mutiny.” I walked among them, stopping in front of each. “I didn’t hang you either, Mr. Crossburn, for your refusal to do your duty. I won’t make the mistake again, with any of you. I warn you all.”
The silence was absolute. “We will maintain a three-officer watch at all times until our arrival home. You will all participate. Not you, Doctor, but everyone else. We are at war. There will be no inattention to duty, no idle talk.” My lip curled. “No chess.” I studied them again. “Pilot, Mr. Chantir, Mr. Tamarov, you have the watch. The rest of you are dismissed.”
I took their murmured “Aye aye, sir” in silence. The four off-duty officers filed out. I watched the Pilot and Lieutenant Chantir at their consoles for several minutes, before leaving the bridge.
I went to my cabin, sealed the hatch. Mechanically I took off my jacket, my shirt. I stripped off my pants. I stepped into the shower, stood under its hot spray for a quarter of an hour. After, I dried myself and sat on my bunk. I waited for the inevitable reaction.
My stomach churned. I ran to the head, reached it just in time. I vomited helplessly, again and again, heaving against nothing. I shuffled back to my bunk clutching my aching midriff.
When the alien had appeared in Telstar’s corridor I was utterly terrified. But whatever it might have done, facing it would have been easier than going on with my life.
29
I STAYED IN MY cabin all that evening and into the next day. I sent for my meals. When I ventured into the corridor it was only to stalk to the bridge. I stood my watch in absolute silence, then returned to my cabin.
On the second day I went with reluctance to the dining hall, because it was my duty. There was little conversation at my table; my haggard face discouraged anyone who might have tried to speak.
After dinner I walked the ship, past the wardroom, the lieutenants’ cabins, the bridge. I took the ladder down to Level 2. I strode with unvaried pace and frozen expression. I passed the cabin to which Vax had been exiled. Passengers I met in the corridor stood aside.
I went down to Level 3, past the crew berths. Knots of crewmen were gathered in the corridors, talking softly. I ignored them. I went into their berths, looked about. I checked the crew exercise room, their lounge. In the engine room, the Chief stood stolidly at attention with his watch while I glanced around, then left.
I climbed up to Level 2. In the corridor young Cadet Fuentes came to attention. “Are we all right, sir? Did anything follow us?”
“Cadet, go to Lieutenant Tamarov for discipline.” My tone was harsh. “Don’t speak to the Captain unless he speaks to you!”
I knocked on the wardroom hatch. Derek opened. Paula Treadwell was lying in bed in her shorts, half asleep. Philip Tyre looked up from his bunk. Printouts of regulations were stacked on his blanket. I turned to leave and collided with Rafe Treadwell, just coming in. He jumped to attention. I ignored him.
I went back to Level 2, through the lock to the launch berth. Lieutenant Crossburn was carrying a seat onto the launch. He said nothing, his face grim. I turned on my heel and left.
I went to the infirmary. “I won’t be able to sleep tonight, Doctor. What will you give me?” I was brusque.
She looked at me a moment. “I’d prefer you tried to sleep first.”
“I don’t care what you’d prefer. Give me something.”
Still she hesitated. “Why can’t you sleep, Captain Seafort?”
“Because I’ll think.”
“About what?”
“You said this was a jinxed ship, Doctor. I’m the jinx. I didn’t make the revolt on Miningcamp, or create the life-form out there, but when things go wrong I ruin people. If I’d been a leader, Vax would have obeyed orders and he’d still have a career. Now I’ve destroyed him. And Philip, and Mr. Crossburn, and Alexi. And others. Give me the pill.”
She hesitated, then got it from the cabinet. She held it out. “Don’t take it until you’re in your bed. And not before midnight.”
“All right.”
“Do you promise?”
I smiled sourly. “I promise.” I thrust the pill in my pocket and went back to my cabin.
I took off my jacket and tie and sat in my chair to wait out the evening. Below, Vax would be alone in his cabin; I closed my eyes and waited for the pain to abate. After a time I eyed my spacious quarters.
I hated this cabin. I hated the ship.
I wondered why the creature on Telstar hadn’t hurled one of its globs at me. Certainly Hibernia would have been better served. I no longer had a reason to live. My career was shattered. I’d be separated by light-years from the woman I cherished. I had no friends. And, worst of all, I’d done it all to myself.
A knock. Annoyed at the interruption, I flung open the hatch. Chief McAndrews stood waiting. “What is it, Chief?”
“I need to talk to you privately, sir.”
“Not now. I don’t want to be bothered.”
“It’s important.”
The gall of the man. I was Captain. “Another time. Go below.”
“No.” He pushed past and shut the hatch behind him. I was stunned. He said quietly, “You can’t go on like this, Nick.”
Hope stirred. “You’ve come to relieve me?”
He raised his eyebrows. “No. I’ve come to talk sense into you.”
“This is mutiny! I’ll have you hanged!”
“You’ll do as you see fit.” His voice was stony. “When I’m done.” He shoved out a chair. “Sit.”
Numb, I sat. He pulled up another chair.
“You’re walking the ship like death warmed over, and it gives everyone the willies. Why?”
I looked to the deck. “Because I can’t stand how badly I do my job. Because I hate myself.”
“Why is that?”
“I’ve done my best and failed. I was friends with you, once. I ended that. I brutalized Alexi, the cadets, even Derek. Instead of inspiring the men, I threaten to hang them. Sometimes I do it. I caused Sandy’s death along with all the others. I savaged the Pilot and I destroyed Vax. Do you need more? I’m ruining Philip Tyre and Ardwell Crossburn. I broke up the Treadwell family for my own amusement. I killed three men in the gig because I was too stupid to circle Telstar before mooring to her hull. And the worst is, it will go on. Either I fail my oath to Lord God, or I continue making things worse!” My eyes stung.
He asked, as if puzzled, “Why must you do that to yourself?”
“Do what?”
“Cast everything you do in the worst possible light. Why do you never give yourself credit?”
I waved it away, with contempt. “For what?”
“You intuited a glitch in Darla and saved us from catastrophe. You took us to Hope Nation on course and on schedule without commissioned officers. You had the guts to carry out Captain Malstrom’s executions, and steadied the crew for the long haul. You saved us all at Miningcamp. Can’t you see it?”
“I killed Sandy! I killed Mr. Howard and the others! Can’t you see that?”
He shouted, “No! No one can, except you!”
I
recoiled in shocked silence.
“God damn it, Nicky, you’re as good a Captain as Hibernia ever had! What in the bloody hell is the matter with you?”
“I’m not! A Captain leads! Look at Justin Haag—no one would dream of questioning him. I have to bully everyone! That’s why they dislike me so.”
“Who?”
“Vax, for one. Ever since I brutalized him in the wardroom!”
“Vax would die for you,” he said quietly.
“He can’t feel that way!” A tear found its way down my cheek.
“They all do. Derek—you made a man out of him and he reveres you. You can’t imagine how strongly he feels. Alexi idolizes you. He’d follow you anywhere.”
“But look what I did to him!”
“You didn’t do that!” the Chief thundered. “Philip Tyre did!”
I recoiled from his anger. “Philip, then. I set him up, and delivered him into Alexi’s hands.”
“He deserves it. Alexi’s taking revenge. So?”
“I could have stopped Philip, won him over.”
His meaty fist slammed the table. “Nobody could stop him! That’s why he was sent to you!”
I stopped cold, realizing the truth of that. Doubt began to eat at the edges of my disgust.
“Ricky Fuentes,” the Chief said. “He talks of you with stars in his eyes. Paula and Rafe. What made them want to leave their parents to sign up, you idiot? Not the Navy. You!” His vehemence took away my breath. I swallowed.
“Why must you be perfect, Nicky?”
“That’s why we’re here!” I saw our drab, worn kitchen, Bible open on the rickety table, while Father waited.
“Can you be perfect?” the Chief demanded, as if from a distance.
“No, but we have to try!”
“Is trying ever good enough?”
His voice faded. Father glowered. Sullenly, I glared back. No matter how hard I tried, I could never please him, because I wasn’t perfect. Only Lord God could be perfect; only Lord God could be good enough. No matter what I did I couldn’t win his approval. Yes, I could be good. I could be excellent.
I could never be perfect.
“It’s not fair!” I cried in anguish to Father. He slapped me; my head, snapped to the side. But it wasn’t fair. Lord God couldn’t expect perfection, no matter what Father sought of me. My chest tightened in helpless frustration. If God couldn’t expect it, why must I?
Midshipman's Hope (The Seafort Saga Book 1) Page 42
