Father’s visage glimmered; I began at long last to comprehend. I demanded perfection because Father would accept no less. I sought proofs of my own imperfection, as Father must.
My eyes opened. I was in my cabin, with Chief McAndrews. Father wasn’t aboard. Unless I brought him with me.
I looked at the Chief. “But I can’t lead. Take Vax. He refused to obey a lawful order. I had to destroy him.”
“Why did he disobey?”
“Because he was foolish. He wanted to get us back aboard. He risked everyone to save a few.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know!” I said, tormented. “If I knew I could have stopped him!”
“Because he loves you
My breath caught in a sob.
“He knew what he was doing.” The Chief was remorseless. “He was willing to give up his career for you. Perhaps his life as well.”
“But why, after all I did to him?” The rag and polish in the launch berth; before that, the brutal icy showers.
“You saved him from being a Philip Tyre. You were the only one who could do that. He loves you for it.”
My hateful words on the bridge echoed. “Oh, God.”
“Stop torturing yourself, Nick.”
“I’ve fouled up so badly!”
“Because you weren’t perfect.” His words hung in the air.
After a long while I forced my gaze to meet his. I took a long breath. “Yes. Because I wasn’t perfect.”
“But you’re a good Captain.”
I tried a smile. It wavered. “Am I?”
I could banish Father. I had banished Mr. Tuak, hadn’t I?
“Yes, you’re a good Captain.”
I would miss Father. Perhaps I could learn to live without him.
“I shoved a man out the airlock once,” I said.
“I gutted a man once,” he answered.
“My God, what for?”
“I won’t tell you.”
We were silent. Finally I asked, “What do I do about Vax?”
“Decide that yourself.”
I sighed. “It’s lonely. It’s always been so lonely.”
He stood, took a step forward. His hands darted toward me, then drew back hesitantly. “I’m going to touch you,” he said, for the first time unsure.
I nodded dumbly. He rested his big, powerful hands on my shoulders. He squeezed. I began to cry. After a while I stopped. He sat back in his chair.
“Do you think,” I said after a time, afraid of his response, “do you think perhaps, sometimes, you might want to sit with me again? With your smoking pipe?”
“If you wish, sir.” His voice was quiet.
“I would like that.”
“We’re mated, sir,” Alexi reported.
“Very well.” I swiveled my chair. “When do they come up?”
“I’d expect them anytime, sir,” Mr. Chantir said. “We called last night, if you remember.” Now that we were in Hope Station system, I had radioed ahead to Orbit Station, requesting an emergency conference aboard ship with General Tho, Governor Williams, and Captain Forbee.
“Mr. Tyre.”
The boy leaped from his seat, stood at parade-ground attention. “Yessir.” His blond hair was trimmed shorter than before. His hands and face were scrubbed pink.
“Go to the Commandant’s office and find out when they’ll arrive.”
“Aye aye, sir!” He spun about and marched out. I glanced at Alexi. He returned my gaze, impassive.
I leaned back. “So. One more port safely arrived at. Pilot, an excellent job, as usual.”
Surprised, he flushed with pleasure.” Thanks very much, sir.”
“Alexi, you’re in charge of arrangements here. We leave in twenty-four hours. Make sure the oncoming passengers are told we’ll sail two days early. See that our supplies are boarded on time.” None of that should be a problem; we’d already radioed instructions.
“Aye aye, sir. If you’ll excuse me please, I’ll get started now.”
I nodded permission. “Lieutenant Crossburn.”
“Yes, sir?” Subdued and chastened, he seemed much relieved to be freed from his punishment detail. Defused, we couldn’t have our launch out of commission.
“Go below and bring Vax Holser to the bridge.”
“Aye aye, sir.”
I thumbed the caller.” Chief McAndrews to the bridge.” I waited with the Pilot and Lieutenant Chantir.
Philip reported, breathless. “Sir, pardon, please. The Governor is on the station. General Tho is with him. Captain Forbee’s shuttle is just docking.”
“I’ll be with them in a moment. When I call, escort them to the bridge.”
“Aye aye, sir.” Tyre hurried off. Before, his manner had been cooperative. Now it was something more intense. Alexi’s doing, perhaps.
Vax Holser and Lieutenant Crossburn appeared at the hatchway. Vax seemed ill at ease in borrowed civilian clothes that didn’t quite fit.
“Bring him in, Mr. Crossburn.”
Vax, expressionless, followed onto the bridge. I stood waiting. The Chief hurried in, stopping short when he saw Vax.
I paced. “You all know I suspended Lieutenant Holser’s commission because of his actions the day we found Telstar. I have reviewed the matter and I conclude that I made a mistake.”
I glanced at the Chief, felt my face redden. “True, Mr. Holser’s actions could be construed as mutinous. But I failed to take into account certain mitigating evidence. First, the Captain had left the ship, and because of the emergency, Mr. Holser had no time to summon a superior. For the moment, he was in charge. He chose not to Fuse. It could be argued that as the senior officer present, the choice was his. I don’t take that view, but I can’t conclude beyond doubt that his action was mutinous, despite my utter disapproval.”
The other officers listened, absorbed. Vax, of course, hung on my every word. “Mr. Holser knew Admiralty would take a dim view of abandoning a Captain in interstellar space, and I must take that into account as well.” I couldn’t mention Vax’s true motive, but I knew it now. “Therefore, I revoke my suspension of Mr. Holser’s commission and I restore him to active duty. Darla, can you erase a recording I ordered you to make?”
“Yes, Captain. You have to order me to erase it and copy your order into the Log. Then the recording is irretrievably wiped.”
I opened the Log and wrote. “Darla, erase my suspension of Mr. Holser from your records.”
“Aye aye, sir.”
I turned to Vax. “You’re reinstated. I still consider your actions reprehensible. They indicate an appalling lack of concern for the safety of the ship. I therefore fine you three months pay and deprive you of three months seniority. I rebuke you.”
He stood at attention, his eyes glistening. “Aye aye, sir.”
“Put on your uniform and report for duty.”
“Aye aye, sir!” A grin broke through his solemnity. With a crisp salute, he turned and strode off the bridge. He broke into a run before he reached the hatch.
“Clear the bridge, please.” I thumbed the caller. “Mr. Tyre, escort our guests on board.”
Three hours later the shaken Governor walked slowly down the corridor with General Tho, Captain Forbee, and myself.
“You can’t stay to defend us, of course,” Governor Williams said.
“No, sir. Above all else I have to warn Admiralty.”
“Some of our local vessels have lasers, Governor.” General Tho. “If we can organize a unified command—”
“You have it,” I assured him. “Captain Forbee, put yourself under General Tho’s command regarding the defense of Hope Nation.”
“Aye aye, sir.”
The General looked relieved.
“I can’t believe you really found Grone,” Captain Forbee said. “That story of his ...”
“It would explain the epidemic,” said the Governor.
“But why an epidemic? Why not bombs?”
I said, “If they’re un
icellular organisms they certainly understand viruses.” We walked in chilled silence.
The General muttered, “If I hadn’t seen your holos I’d try to have you committed.”
“Judge Chesley would be happy to oblige.” They smiled. “Gentlemen, you’ll be on your own. I’ll warn Miningcamp and shoot straight for Earth. You know you won’t have help for three years at least.” No radionics could outrun a fusion drive. We’d be seventeen months each way, and Admiralty would need time to mount a response.
“Right.” We paused at the airlock. The Governor glanced around uneasily. “I’ll feel better back on the surface. Lord God help us all.”
The next day was a blur of activity. Supplies, cargo, and passengers were loaded in record time. Later, I’d get a chance to meet our new passengers; for now I was so busy I hadn’t even checked the manifest. I remained on the bridge, answering questions and directing the harried crew, breaking only for meals.
The planet rotated below, visible in our screens. Amanda was somewhere below; if I looked carefully I could probably spot Centraltown. I sighed. I would learn to live without her.
At last we were ready to leave. I gave the Pilot the conn. As soon as we cast off the lines he rocked us free.
We drifted ever faster from the station. In an hour we were far enough to Fuse; with deference he returned the conn to me. I fed our calculations to the puter.
“Coordinates received and understood.” Darla.
“Chief Engineer, Fuse, please.” I burned Hope Nation into my memory before it faded from the simulscreens.
We Fused.
Saddened, I left the bridge to Vax and Lieutenant Chantir’s watch, and went below for something to eat.
Passengers milled excitedly in the corridor, exploring the ship. I spotted Derek, grinning foolishly. “Well, Mr. Carr.” I fell in alongside him. “You’ll be back someday.”
“Perhaps, sir.” He didn’t seem much concerned.
“Why so happy, Mr. Carr?”
“I met the new education director, sir. I think we’re going to be friends.”
I didn’t need a reminder of Amanda. “That’s nice,” I said, glum. I grimaced at the sealed airlock. “It’s going to be a long trip home.”
A familiar voice, behind me. “Think so?”
I whirled. Amanda waited, hands on hips.
“Hi, Nicky.” She smiled. Her eyes danced as she came into my arms.
Epilogue
“ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, sir?”
I blinked as I emerged into the bright sunlight. My head ached miserably. I swallowed my nausea. Vax hovered; Alexi waited by the car.
“I’m fine.” Despite my claim I felt awful from the P and D I’d voluntarily undergone. For three days they’d pumped me full of drugs, questioned me without end. I remembered little of it. Ever-changing faces, persistent demands that I explain in detail each decision I’d made. They’d stripped me of reasons, facts, motives, and exposed my foolish mistakes to the merciless light. I wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed beside my wife.
“What happened, sir?”
“I passed, Mr. Tamarov.” I swallowed again.
Alexi guided me to an electricar. “What next, sir?”
“They’ll decide whether to court-martial me.”
“They wouldn’t dare!”
“Watch your tongue, Mr. Holser.” Even among comrades I wouldn’t allow that.
“Aye aye, sir. Do you want to go back to quarters?” The entire crew had been shuttled from Lunapolis to Houston Naval Base as soon as my report was read, and we were still there.
“Admiral Brentley wants to see me before the Board of Inquiry makes its report. His office is that way.” I pointed toward Houston.
“You drive, Alexi.” Vax got in the back seat next to me and closed his eyes.
“How do you feel, Vax?” I could guess; he’d had the same drugs as I.
“I’ve been better. It’s all right,”
“What will they do with you?”
“They offered me a posting. I’ll tell you later, if you don’t mind.”
I drew back, a little hurt. “As you wish.”
We pulled up before the Admiral’s sunbaked residence, its yard surrounded by tall, unkempt bushes. A sentry saluted. I paused. “Get some sleep, you two.”
Alexi shook his head. “I’m going to round up the others. We’ll be back to pick you up when you’re done.”
I was too weary to argue. “Whatever you say.”
The Admiral’s entryway was dark and cool. An orderly took me through a sitting room into a sunny first-floor office. I came to attention.
“Carry on.” Admiral Brentley’s gruff voice suited him. Sixtyish, graying, his athletic body had thickened into the heavy muscle of an athlete’s later years. He studied me without expression.
“Aye aye, sir.” I chose the at-ease position.
The Admiral Commanding, Fleet Operations, sat himself on the edge of his desk. “Well, Seafort. What do you have to say for yourself?”
With a pang I realized that he knew it all, had seen the reports, heard my testimony, spoken to his nephew whom I had sentenced to the launch berth for most of the return voyage. Our interview was a formality. Court-martial or not, I would never again see command.
“I’ve nothing to say for myself, sir.”
“No excuses, no defenses?”
“No, sir.” My voice was firm. “I did the best I could with what knowledge I had.”
He regarded me quizzically. “What am I supposed to do with you?”
“Am I to be court-martialed, sir?”
“That’s up to the review board.” His tone was brusque. “I’m not a member.” He walked around the side of the desk and stood looking out the window behind him. “However, they’ll damn well do what I tell them to do. It’s my fleet.”
I was shocked by his confidence. It meant either that I wasn’t in as much trouble as I thought, or I was in so much trouble that what he said didn’t matter at all. “Yes, sir.”
“I’m not happy with some of your decisions.” He tapped a sheaf of papers on his desk. “Pardoning Mr. Herney, for example. And your commutations for the mutineers on Miningcamp.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way, sir.” I spoke quietly.
“You don’t care, do you?” The accusation surprised me. I didn’t think it showed.
I wouldn’t lie to a superior. “No, sir, not really. I’ve had months and months to go over it. I did the best I could given who I am and my lack of abilities. I don’t expect you to see it that way, sir, but I’ve learned to live with it.” With Amanda, in the long, loving nights in our cabin. With the fumes of the Chief’s smoke, across my companionable cabin table.
He growled, “Well, I asked for it. I won’t penalize you for the truth.” He came around the desk, faced me with arms folded. “I can’t court-martial you. The public wouldn’t stand for it.”
“The public?” What on earth was he talking about?
“Court-martial the hero of Miningcamp? The Captain who saved his ship with pistols blazing?”
“That’s utter nonsense!” I said, forgetting myself.
“The crew swears to it.” He paused, and added, “Court-martial the first man to make contact with another species? No. I won’t do that.”
I closed my eyes. My stomach hurt anew. I just wanted it over. “Very well, sir.”
“Still, I can see to it that you never board a ship again.”
I was only mildly interested. “Is that what you intend?”
He came closer. “There are some things I can’t overlook. That business with the circuit judge. It indicates a lack of respect for civilian authority. Couldn’t you have handled him more diplomatically?”
I raised an eyebrow. “What business, sir? I don’t recall any mention in the Log or Governor Williams’s dispatches.”
After a moment the corners of his mouth turned up. “Yes. Well. You covered that nicely. It only came out in the interrogation.”
He brushed it aside. “The worst of it was leaving your ship to visit Telstar. Absolutely inexcusable.”
I no longer had anything to lose. I said, in a tone for which I’d have caned a midshipman, “Tell me you wouldn’t have gone across to look, in my place.”
Admiral Brentley, taken aback by my disregard of rank, seemed to swell. He strode back to his desk, threw himself in his chair. He glowered; I stared back with indifference.
Slowly, his shoulders relaxed. “I would have done exactly as you did, Nick,” he said. “I’d have gone over to take a look for myself. I’d want to know what happened to their ship: it was identical to my own.”
“Yes, sir. But I still should have circled the ship first.”
“Why? To check for aliens? In two hundred years we’ve never found anything but a few boneless fish on one watery planet. Why should you be on guard?”
I considered. “I wasn’t sure, thinking about it. It just seemed I should have been more wary. As I should on Miningcamp. I just opened the locks and stood aside.”
“Since when has the Navy gone to Battle Stations to dock at a U.N. orbiting station?” he demanded. “That one, you’re clear on. We’ve already decided. If every Captain has to ready a defense party before opening locks at a station, we’ll all go glitched. No, it’s the U.N.A.F. Commandant who’ll pay for that.”
He tapped the reports. “I can go along with most of it, even when your decisions differed from mine. Hell, that’s why we send a Captain, to make decisions. We back him up with total authority. Hope Nation is three years out; we can’t pull strings from home port.” He stopped. “But there’s one matter you’ve forgotten. Lieutenant Ardwell Crossburn. My nephew.”
“Yes, sir.” I sagged. He would stand by his family; he had to. Blood was stronger than regs. Anyway, my treatment of Crossburn was further proof of my disrespect for authority. What Captain in his right mind would abuse the nephew of his Commanding Admiral?
“He’s come to see me several times, Seafort. Some of his reports are shocking. Did you actually make him take the launch apart every day for eighteen months?”
Midshipman's Hope (The Seafort Saga Book 1) Page 43
