A Lady at Last

by Brenda Joyce

  Finally, Dulcea’s stare was unwavering upon Amanda’s face. “I was beyond shocked when de Warenne notified me that you were at Harmon House. Amanda, we must discuss this so that you can understand my side, but privately, please. Let’s step outside.”

  “There is nothing to discuss,” Amanda managed, very close to horrific tears. Why would she wish to cry now? Surely she was beyond the hurt her mother’s rejection had caused her. But her feet would not respond to the directions given by her mind and she simply stood there, unmoving, staring and finally taking stock of her mother.

  This was the woman who had given birth to her and then so carelessly given her up. She had finally met Mama; Mama, who had refused to accept her.

  “Don’t you want to hear my side?” Dulcea cried, reaching for her hand.

  Amanda shrugged, pulling away, but she was shaken. Did she want to hear what her mother had to say?

  “This has been a wonderful night for you,” Dulcea said softly, smiling now. “Clearly, you are a great success. I am proud of you, Amanda. So terribly proud.”

  Amanda trembled. “No, you’re not. This is a pretense! You do not care about me and you never have.” Her mother’s words hurt.

  “That’s not true,” Dulcea gasped. “Of course I care about you! Don’t you want to know the truth—the entire truth?”

  Amanda hesitated. As dazed as she was, her instincts screamed at her in alarm, telling her to walk away from this woman. This woman still had the power to hurt her the way almost no one else could. But she was leaving England as soon as possible and she would never see Dulcea Belford again. Shouldn’t she discover what had happened two months ago—and eighteen years ago? If she did not do so now, she never would.

  “Very well.” Amanda gave her a jerky nod, somehow keeping a few shreds of her composure and her dignity about her. They walked down the hall and stepped outside onto a large terrace. A few couples and groups were taking air, but no one paid them any mind.

  “When I realized I was with child, Amanda, I was not even seventeen years old. I was terrified,” Dulcea said quietly when they had removed themselves from the couples on the terrace.

  Amanda’s heart accelerated. She could easily imagine how frightened Dulcea must have been. Dulcea had been even younger than she was when she had conceived. “Did you love my father at all?”

  Dulcea smiled. “At that time, yes, I did. He was so dashing and handsome in his naval uniform. He had a charisma, Amanda, one that made many young women turn to look at him as he strutted down the street.”

  “He never stopped loving you,” Amanda heard herself say. “But you married Belford.” It was an accusation.

  “I was beyond fortunate to marry Belford!” Dulcea cried softly. “Amanda, your father and I knew each other for three weeks and then he set sail. When I realized I was carrying, I didn’t know what to do! I was so young, and my mother was already introducing me to gentlemen like Belford, men with small fortunes but old lines and significant titles. As far back as I can recall, I knew that was how I would one day wed. Marriage has nothing to do with love. I am fortunate to have become so fond of Belford.” She paused. “Amanda, we were both so young. It wasn’t love, it was passion.” She hesitated and added, “It was what you are feeling for de Warenne.”

  Amanda shook her head. “I have never admired anyone the way I admire Cliff. I will freely admit how I feel about him. He is my hero, my champion and I will love him until the day I die.”

  Dulcea’s eyes widened.

  “And Papa loved you that way, or almost that way,” she cried. “He raised me on stories of your great beauty, your grace, your elegance and your kindness. He had you on a pedestal. He made certain I should look up to your memory, as well. God, I feel sorry for my father!”

  “I didn’t know Carre felt as he did. How could I?” Dulcea retorted. “He never told me! Amanda, I did not come outside to argue with you.”

  Amanda blinked in real surprise. Why hadn’t Papa said something?

  Dulcea sent her a small, rueful smile. “I am not callous or cold, Amanda. I am a flesh-and-blood woman with a heart, a home, a husband and two children. I assumed Carre forgot me. Why would I assume anything else?”

  “I don’t know,” Amanda said slowly. She told herself not to allow herself to soften toward Dulcea, as she could not trust her. She must not trust her. “You said you cared about me, but it’s not true.” It couldn’t be true, she thought.

  “It is true! How could I not care about my own daughter? But you were taken away from me the moment you were born. I was seventeen and not given any choice.”

  Amanda refused to believe her. “Don’t even try to tell me you would have kept me if you had been given a choice!”

  “I wept for days after you were taken away,” Dulcea cried, wiping at her own eyes now. “However, my mother had plans for me to marry well, and I had no intention of defying her. But Amanda, I thought about you frequently and I worried so, especially when I heard Carre had turned pirate.”

  Amanda was becoming confused. Dulcea seemed so sincere. But she hadn’t really answered her, either. She hadn’t said that yes, she would have given up a future with a title to raise her daughter.

  “Papa loved me and I loved him. He was a good father. You hardly needed to worry.” She would defend her father always, especially to Dulcea. “If you were so worried, why didn’t you write?” she demanded.

  “Belford would cast me out if he ever knew about you. I had to keep a safe distance. Surely you understand? My dear, you have had such a difficult life!” Dulcea said. “I am so sorry! I wish it had been different, Amanda. I do.”

  Amanda was suddenly furious. “You had a chance to make a difference two months ago, when I came to town. But you did not want me. So you can tell me again and again how you cared and worried, but I will never believe it!”

  “Captain de Warenne shocked me when he appeared in my home, announcing that you were in town!”

  “He is the one who made all the difference. He rescued me, protected me, provided generously for me, all out of a sense of honor, of nobility. He took me into his home. He provided my dowry. His family has welcomed me with open arms—unlike you,” she exclaimed. And it became hard to breathe. Her mother had opened a wound she had thought long since healed.

  Dulcea’s eyes were wide. “I thought Carre provided the dowry.”

  “No, Cliff did so, at his own expense.” Of all the things her mother could have responded to, she had chosen the subject of her dowry. “Papa never asked him to be my guardian. That is an utter fabrication on his part. When you rejected me, he claimed me as his ward out of the goodness of his heart. He provided my dowry when he did not have to do so, because he swore he would secure my future.” Dulcea had not done any of those things.

  Dulcea’s chin lifted. “Is he sleeping with you?”

  Amanda backed up, shaking her head in denial, but she felt her cheeks warm. “Our relationship is not your affair,” she managed. “I am not your affair.” Tears were somehow seeping. “He would never behave so dishonorably!”

  “He hasn’t tried to seduce you?” Dulcea asked, her regard intent and unwavering.

  “No, I tried to seduce him,” Amanda said defiantly. But she was uneasy. She sensed some greater purpose on her mother’s part now. It was as if lie upon lie was being told.

  They stared.

  “My poor darling,” Dulcea said, taking her hand.

  Amanda flinched, wide-eyed. She pulled her hand away. “Don’t you dare offer me sympathy now.”

  “I am your mother! You refuse to believe me and I cannot help that, but I know what it is like to fall hopelessly in love. No one will ever blame you for falling for Cliff de Warenne. Half the women in this room would give almost anything, including their reputations, to be his latest paramour. I understand, darling. I do.”

  Amanda shook her head. “I have to go.” Nothing had been resolved, she realized. She wished she could believe Dulcea, but she did n
ot.

  “Wait!” Dulcea’s tone cracked like a whip. “I went to Harmon House recently to see you. I begged de Warenne to allow me to claim you as a cousin, to help him find you a husband. I asked that you come live with me. Not only did he refuse my pleas, he would not let me see you!”

  Amanda was shocked. She began shaking her head. “No. I don’t believe you! Cliff would never do such a thing! And if he turned you away, he did it for a good reason.”

  “Why on earth would I lie?” she cried. “Ask your doormen. I came to see you, to become a part of your life, and he refused me!”

  Amanda knew one thing. Cliff might not love her the way she loved him, but he would move heaven and earth to do what was best for her. “There is no one I trust more than Cliff. If he sent you away, it is because he knows you are a liar. Why? Why are you making such an effort to convince me that you care? What could you possibly want?”

  “I am telling you how much I want to be your mother. I am telling you how much I miss you. I want you to come live with me at Belford House.”

  Amanda had to seize the terrace railing to remain standing. “What?”

  “We will say you are my cousin, a distant one, and I will find you a husband, Amanda. It is my duty to do so.” She smiled.

  Amanda was reeling. “I am going home!” she cried. “I am going back to the island and I am not marrying anyone.”

  Dulcea gasped. “What are you saying? You cannot possibly think to go back to your pirate way. Your life is here now, with me!”

  Amanda stiffened. “I am not a pirate, Mother, or didn’t you notice? These pearls belong to me. This dress is mine. My dance card was full tonight. In fact, I have been told I am a beautiful lady, many times.”

  “Darling.” Dulcea took her hands. “I did not mean to insult you. This will be our chance to get to know one another, to become a family. Once you are wed, I fear it will be too late, and I should like to help you find the right husband.”

  Amanda began to laugh, as it was absurd. Her mother wished for her to move to Belford House now? She felt certain Dulcea wanted something, but it was not her daughter’s happiness. “It’s too late. I do not want to know you. I am going back to Jamaica, and I am starting a business there. I am giving Cliff his dowry back.”

  Dulcea turned white. “That is utterly foolish! I cannot allow you to go to that island at such a tender age. Your future is here, with me and with a husband and home of your own. My God, Amanda, do you not realize how fortunate you are to have a dowry like the one de Warenne has given you? Without it, you have no chance to wed! With it, you will live modestly, but well!”

  Amanda pulled away. “Why are you doing this? What do you want? I have told you twice I am not marrying.”

  Dulcea’s gaze was wide and hard. “It’s de Warenne, isn’t it?”

  Cliff’s image seared Amanda’s mind. What she desperately wanted, she could not ever have. “Yes, you are finally right. This is about Cliff. But it is also about me. I want to become an independent woman,” she said quietly, with pride. “And the truth of the matter is that I cannot and will not marry another man.”

  Dulcea cried out.

  “No one can change my mind.” Amanda was suddenly exhausted. Worse, she was feeling ill enough to retch. She had to get away from Dulcea; it was also time to leave the ball, as the magical evening had been utterly ruined. Maybe, when she was finally alone in her bedroom, she would curl up and give in to the urge to cry. But she wasn’t sure what she was crying for. One fact was clear, however: she was no closer to comprehending the woman who was her mother now than she had been before meeting her. She started to leave.

  “I can change your mind,” Dulcea said, her tone sharp.

  Amanda froze. Then slowly, with dread, she faced her mother. “I don’t think so.”

  Dulcea smiled at her. “What if I help you attain your wildest dreams?” she asked softly.

  Amanda’s heart thundered. “You do not know me, and therefore you do not know any of my dreams.”

  “You do not dream of being deWarenne’s wife?” Dulcea asked, almost coyly. “Amanda, you can have exactly what you want!”

  Amanda began to shake. “Stop.”

  But Dulcea came close, so that their faces almost touched. “I will help you, darling. I’ve seen how he looks at you. All you must do is lure him into your bed. You will do so at Belford House, and when he is with you, I will make certain Belford discovers you both.” Dulcea smiled, triumphant. “You will be the captain’s wife before the year is out.”

  Amanda was sick. “I will never trap Cliff into marriage!”

  “Why not?”

  Amanda despised Dulcea then. “I don’t think you could ever understand.” She hurried away, lifting her gown and breaking into a run.

  Her tears finally began.

  Dulcea Belford was horrid.

  But Dulcea rushed after her. “You fool! This is the answer to all of our problems! To all of our prayers!”

  And in that moment, Amanda had to know what her mother really wanted. She whirled. “What does that mean? What problems could you possibly have? What is it that you really want? Why don’t you try being honest for once? Maybe, just maybe, I will help you—not because I care, but because, in spite of everything, you are my birth mother.”

  Dulcea seized her hands, her eyes brilliant, madly so. “I am in desperate straits, Amanda. Belford is so deeply in debt that last week, our credit ran out. We have no more means. I am begging you to help us.”

  “By marrying for funds,” Amanda said slowly, stunned.

  “Forget that damned dowry he gave you. He is the one. You are still a virgin, aren’t you? Even I know he would do the honorable thing, especially as we could threaten a scandal if he did not.”

  So this was the plot. Dulcea had wanted her dowry at first, until she had conceived the plan of marrying her daughter to Cliff for his fabulous wealth. Amanda wiped the moisture from her eyes. She had been right to refuse to trust her. “Once, long ago, I foolishly dreamed of being in your arms. That dream is gone. It’s late. Good night.” She walked away.

  “Call on me tomorrow, darling,” Dulcea called after her as if she had not heard. “I will introduce you to Belford and the children and we will make our plans!”

  Amanda hurried into the house, afraid she might retch now, in public. The room began to spin. She had no stamina left. On the threshold of the ballroom, she paused, grasping the doorway. She did not want to espy Cliff now, as he would take one look at her and demand to know what had transpired. She did not want to ever discuss what had just happened with Dulcea. On the other hand, she had never needed to be in his arms more. But if that happened, she might not have the courage to tell him she was leaving tomorrow—and she might change her mind about leaving, as well.

  After a moment, some of the dizziness passed. Amanda inhaled, still trembling, still sick. A terrible aftertaste lingered. Finally, she had met her mother; finally, she knew the truth about her. Amanda gagged, realizing she still had to retch after all. She had to leave the ball, immediately, before she undid her success of the evening.

  She scanned the dance floor, hoping to find someone who could take her home—anyone but Cliff. To her relief, Cliff was not there, although she did glimpse the earl and countess dancing, both of them smiling. She was ice-cold, deep in her heart and in the marrow of her bones. At least the nausea was manageable. She glanced across the room.

  Then she saw Rex, standing by himself near a gilded column, dark and handsome, but clearly brooding. His gaze was unwavering, directed some distance away.

  Amanda made her way over to him. He remained so preoccupied that when she came up to him, he did not even notice her. She became aware of the covertly sensual way he was staring through his lashes, as if to disguise his interest. She followed his gaze and realized he was staring at Blanche Harrington, who was stunningly attired in a green ball gown and surrounded by a group of ladies and gentlemen. She had never seemed more elegant or
lovely. Was Rex interested in the great heiress? She was surprised. If he was, it was unfortunate, as even Amanda knew by now that an heiress like Blanche would marry a great title.

  Rex started, noting her for the first time. “Are you all right?”

  Amanda forgot about the other woman. “I am exhausted.” She managed a smile, then a wave of dizziness hit her again. Rex grasped her arm. “I do not feel all that well. Would you mind taking me home? If it is not too much trouble?”

  His gaze was far too penetrating. “I’ll find Cliff. He will see you home. I think he is having a cigar in the smoking room.”

  She stiffened. “Please, Rex, I hate putting you out, but I’d prefer not to see Cliff right now.”

  His eyes widened.

  Amanda didn’t even try to pretend. “He will see I am upset. This is not the time or the place. I plan to speak with him first thing in the morning. Please,” she repeated. “I really feel poorly.”

  He did not hesitate. “I will gladly take you home. I have had enough of this ball, anyway. These kinds of events don’t amuse me at all.”

  Amanda was terribly relieved. She could not leave the ball quickly enough as he guided her from the great room. But the bitter taste of what had just transpired between her and Dulcea remained. She was certain it would linger for the rest of her life.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  CLIFF WAS VERY ALARMED as he strode into Harmon House. It was almost two in the morning, and just when he had realized that he had not seen Amanda anywhere at the ball in a good hour, a servant had come up to him to tell him that Rex had escorted her home. Something was amiss. He was her escort, not Rex. He felt certain someone had cut her, but he could not understand why she hadn’t come to him.

  And he wasn’t happy, either, about the way Dulcea Belford had been regarding him just before he had left. There had been something spiteful and calculating in her expression—and there was an odd glint of triumph. He dearly hoped Amanda had not exchanged words with her mother, but he was almost certain that she had. If so, that would explain her hasty departure, but not why she had gone to Rex instead of him.