Sabrina (Big Sky Dreams)

by Lori Wick

  “Why doesn’t it bother you that I stay at your house and eat your food?”

  “Oh mercy, Bri,” Jeanette said with quiet conviction. “All that

  218 God has given me, and I can’t share with others? That would be sad indeed.”

  Sabrina hadn’t looked at it that way. It was a hard house to see, but maybe she needed to move past Sybil’s memory and see it as the home of a generous, godly woman.

  “What does that thoughtful face mean?” Jeanette asked.

  “I’m just thinking about how much growing up I have to do.” “Don’t we all.”

  “Not you, Jeanette,” Sabrina protested.

  “Even me, dear. I’ve been wanting my own way lately, and God has had to remind me I’m not in charge.”

  Sabrina smiled at her. Jeanette smiled back. Sabrina decided to see the house differently from that moment on.

  219

  “What are you doing here?”

  “That’s what I came to ask you, Sybil. This house? Is it his?” “Yes, and you have to leave.”

  “Why? You didn’t tell him you have family? You didn’t tell him you have a sister?”

  “He knows about you, but he also knows what you do.” “What I do? What about you?”

  “Keep your voice down, Bri!”

  Sybil grabbed Sabrina by the arm and took her back toward the front door. They passed a woman in a maid’s uniform, but Sybil ignored her.

  “You can’t stay.”

  “You’re sending me back?”

  “Yes.”

  Sabrina’s eyes narrowed in anger. “How long do you have, Sybil? How long before he finds out what you really are and kicks you out?”

  “We’re married, Bri,” Sybil said triumphantly. “He’s in love with me and would never kick me out.”

  “If you’re married, you can help me.”

  “It doesn’t work like that. He’s not going to want your kind around.”

  220”My kind?” Sabrina gawked at her. “You act as if getting married changed who you are. We both know who-”

  “You have to leave,” Sybil cut her off

  Sabrina stared at her older sister, seeing that she meant every word. For a moment her eyes swept over the beautiful dress she was wearing and the perfectly coifed hair.

  “I hope he lets you buy plenty of clothes, Sybil. You’ve got to look beautiful if you’re going to distract him from your heart.”

  “Get out!” Sybil said, all triumph gone. “Get out and don’t come back. I never want to see you again.”

  Sabrina struggled out of sleep, wanting the images to go away and trying to come fully awake. She pushed to the side of the bed and sat up. It was not the first time she had dreamed about her sister, but this one had been very close to reality. She had gone to Sybil, who had disappeared without warning, and asked for her help, only to be told she had a new life and Sabrina was not going to be a part of it.

  Sabrina went to the window and opened it wide. The night air was cool, and she stood for a long time letting it pour in on her.

  Please forgive Sybil, Lord, wherever she is. Please save her and her husband. Help them to find You, Lord. Stir their hearts to yearn after You.

  Sabrina prayed until her heart felt broken. She ached to see her sister and tell her about the changes in her own life and that Christ died for all. She wasn’t sure Sybil would want anything to do with someone telling her that she sinned and needed to repent, but Sabrina wanted to try.

  Eventually she went back to bed, crawling beneath the covers and lying very still. She didn’t sleep for a long time, but that was all right. She continued to pray for her sister, knowing God knew all about her and her needs. When she did drift back to sleep, Sybil was still on her mind.

  221 “Tell us everything,” Meg said when she saw Jeb and Patience on Saturday afternoon. The three Holdens had gone into town after hearing the Dorns had arrived home the day before. But this request took some doing. They hadn’t seen Savanna in almost three weeks and couldn’t get over how much she had changed.

  “Your parents look wonderful,” Patience began, Savanna still cuddled close. “They miss you but hope to come this fall.” “Oh, that would be wonderful.”

  “We told them all about Savanna,” Jeb said, still wishing the three of them could have gone along. “They couldn’t hear enough stories about her.”

  “You should see the box where your mother saves all your letters,” Patience said. “Your father bought it for her. It’s ornately carved, and she keeps it by her chair in the parlor. In the evenings when they’re on their own, they get out the old letters and read about Savanna.”

  Meg closed her eyes against a sudden rush of tears. Brad put a hand on her back, asking God to bring his in-laws to visit this fall. It would be great if they could come when the baby was born in February, but winter travel was always a risk, and his heart told him Meg needed to see them sooner.

  Jeb went back to talking about the visit, and Meg stifled the tears. Brad was pretty sure that would not be the end of it, but for now they concentrated on the Dorns and enjoyed the visit.

  “Know who you are in Christ,” Rylan preached on Sunday morning. “Live who you are in Christ, and be done with who you used to be. That’s what’s being said here in Colossians 3. We have been crucified and raised with Christ, so we must put aside the practices of the past. Let me read this list to you: fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth, and lying to one another.

  222 “Not very pretty, is it? But that’s who we were. Outside of Christ we are capable of any and all sins. Did you catch what I said? Outside of Christ, which is not who we are anymore. Know who you are, live who you are, and be done with who you used to be. Listen to this next list, starting in verse 12: the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering, forbearing one another, forgiving one another as Christ forgave us, charity, the peace of God ruling in your hearts, called in one body, and thankful. Wow. That’s a tall order, but that’s the goal.

  “I want to make sure you’re aware of the verses that command all of this,” Rylan said in closing. “Start in verse one where it says we have been raised with Christ. That’s how we know who we are-we’ve been raised with Him. Then in that same verse we’re told to ‘seek those things which are above’-live out who we are. Now look at verse five where we are commanded to mortify the members which are upon the earth. In other words, be done with who we used to be.

  “Take some time this week and study these over-know them, remember them. And let’s not forget to pray for each other all week and check with each other as we live this out and put aside who we used to be.”

  “What are you doing?” Chas asked Miranda as she bent over a piece of paper after the service, shifting a sleeping Nellie to his other shoulder.

  “I’m writing that down. I needed to hear it.”

  “About knowing, living, and forsaking?”

  “Is that how you’re going to remember it?”

  “I think so. Be sure and check with me tomorrow about how I’m doing.”

  Miranda smiled at him, and Chas bent and kissed her cheek. They looked up to find the Rathman family headed their way. Daryl asked them to join them for dinner, and the afternoon began.

  223 “I’ll be fine,” Sabrina said to Becky and Heather as the afternoon wore on. The women were both looking at her in horror, but for the moment were quiet. “I’ll be more aware than last time, but I have to gather my things or Butch Sandgren is going to confiscate them. My rent is not paid past Tuesday.”

  “I’ll go with you,” Becky stated, wishing Jeanette had not gone to dinner at the Dorns’.

  “That’s fine,” Sabrina said, “but not necessary.”

  “Well, now, that’s a matter of opinion!” Becky mumbled and said she was going to change.

  Sabrina looked at
Heather, but that lady was biting her lip in anxiety, and suddenly Sabrina had had enough. She wasn’t angry, but she was going to say what was on her mind.

  “I can’t live like you do, Heather, in fear.”

  “Is that what you think?”

  “Isn’t it true? I can’t stay indoors for the rest of my life as you all want me to.”

  Heather looked amazed. That was what they wanted, to protect and shelter her from this man, but what kind of life was that? “I’m sorry, Bri. I didn’t really see it for what it is.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Are you really all right with Becky going with you?” Heather asked, knowing it would take some work not to fear for her anymore.

  “It’s fine,” Sabrina said, “but as I said, not necessary.”

  Heather nodded and Becky came back with an old dress on and a hat on her head.

  “Becky,” Heather said a little sternly, “when you come back I have to talk to you, but while you’re gone, you let Sabrina do as she needs. Do you hear me?”

  “I hear. Is she going to be safe?”

  224

  “That’s not the point,” Sabrina cut in with conviction. “I need my things; I’m going to get them; and that’s the end of it.”

  “It’s too bad Timothy has the day off,” Heather said. “It would be nice to have the wagon.”

  “Can we hitch the horse ourselves?” Sabrina asked, thinking it would be nice to get it all in one trip.

  “We could try,” Becky said, suddenly all for it.

  Heather had to laugh. Sabrina laughed with her, but Becky was already headed for the door, Sabrina in her wake.

  “Easy there, big fella,” Sabrina crooned to the huge animal that , was nearly asleep on his feet. “Just be calm.”

  Becky grunted and pulled on the tongue of the wagon. “How does Timothy move this?”

  “Here, let me help you,” Sabrina said, her eyes popping a bit when she pulled.

  “See?” Becky said. “It’s heavy!”

  The women stood across the tongue from each other and thought about the man who worked for Jeanette. He was well past his first flush of youth, but he had been hitching the buggy and wagon for years.

  “Let’s try again,” Becky said, and this is what the women were doing when Rylan walked in.

  “What does it weigh?” Sabrina asked in exasperation.

  “This is an interesting sight,” Rylan commented, startling both women, who jerked upright and looked at him.

  “We need to get this wagon hitched!” Becky took no time in saying. “How does Timothy do it?”

  Rylan smiled at Jeanette’s cook, went to the wagon, and moved the block that Timothy had put in front of the back wheel.

  “Well, I never!” Becky said as she watched him. Sabrina put a hand over her mouth to hide her laughter as Becky gave Rylan an

  225 earful. The big man took it in stride, calmly bringing the horse out and hitching the wagon in a ridiculously short period of time.

  “May I drive you ladies somewhere?” Rylan offered, working not to stare at Sabrina-she looked beautiful in the dark blue dress she was wearing. It had been trimmed in a lighter shade of blue that matched the color of her eyes.

  “We’re moving Bri from her apartment,” Becky said, biting her tongue when she wanted to say more.

  “Well, I hope you’ll let me help.”

  Sabrina stood back while he helped Becky into the wagon and then turned to her.

  “Did Heather send for you?”

  “No, was she supposed to?”

  Sabrina shook her head and didn’t try to explain, quietly allowing Rylan to help her into the wagon.

  “Moving out?” Crystal asked, standing at the edge of the building, a woman beside her that Sabrina thought might be Paula. “Yes, it’s time. Are you Paula?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m Bri.”

  “That your boyfriend?” she asked, her eyes following Rylan as he came down the stairs with the headboard in his hands.

  “My pastor,” Sabrina said shortly, turning back to Crystal. She sensed no need in Paula, only interest in the nearest man. “Why don’t we meet for dinner or supper sometime at the hotel.”

  “All right,” Crystal agreed slowly, still very curious about this woman. “I could come Tuesday.”

  “Dinner or supper?”

  “Supper,” Crystal said, telling herself she deserved a night off. “I’ll meet you there a little after five.”

  “You’d better show up,” Crystal said.

  226 Sabrina only smiled at her and turned to go up the stairs. She heard Crystal question Paula about wanting to talk to her in the past but kept moving up the stairs, not working to hear the answer.

  “Thank you for all your help, Becky,” Sabrina said when the wagon was unloaded.

  “It’s no trouble,” Becky said in her brusque manner, turning for

  the house. Sabrina looked for Rylan, who was taking care of the

  wagon and horse, going so far as to walk inside the barn.

  “Thanks for your help,” Sabrina said, wondering why he was so

  , easy to be around.

  “You’re welcome. Was it hard to lose your place?”

  “A little,” Sabrina said, realizing how true it was. “Crystal and I made plans, and that helps.”

  Sabrina hadn’t been looking at him, but when he didn’t reply, she looked up. Rylan was staring at her.

  “You’re special. Do you know that?”

  “What made you say that?”

  “I’m not sure you hear it enough, and it’s the complete truth.” “Because Crystal and I have plans?”

  “Exactly. Not every woman can reach out to a woman in Crystal’s situation, and even if she could, she might not want to ever have a part of that life again.”

  “I guess I have Callie Barshaw to thank for that.”

  Rylan frowned, wondering what he’d missed.

  “Did you not know that she used to work in Denver’s night district?”

  “No. I mean, if I did know, I’d completely forgotten.”

  “We went back to the bordello to get my things,” Sabrina told Rylan as the memory came to mind, “and she came in with me. Lil, the woman who owns the building, invited Callie to take a room

  227 with her. Callie was in complete control. She didn’t let her say a word out of line.

  “This week Bret Toben was in to get his mail and said something inappropriate to me. I just walked away. Callie told me I have to draw a hard line and know how I want people to treat me.”

  “Why did you leave Denver, if Callie was such a help?”

  Sabrina sighed. “I lived with Danny and Callie in a nice neighborhood, but it wasn’t that many blocks from the night district. I worked at the laundry, and there was one man who knew me. He wasn’t a problem, but then I started seeing others, and some wouldn’t go away. Some even came to the Barshaws’ door. I wanted nothing to do with that life, but the men finding me wouldn’t let me forget it. Danny said the move was for the best, and they put me on the train.”

  “Token Creek’s gain.”

  Sabrina opened her mouth, not able to believe he was real. “Where did you come from?”

  “The same place as Danny Barshaw.”

  Sabrina looked at him for a long time and then remembered Chas.

  “Did you talk to Chas about our meeting with him?”

  “This morning. He’s expecting us tomorrow night.”

  “When were you going to tell me about this?”

  “This is the first I’ve seen you alone, and he knew I hadn’t had a chance to check with you and might need to reschedule.” Sabrina looked at him.

  “Do I need to reschedule?”

  “I guess not.”

  “Do try to calm all that enthusiasm.”

  Sabrina laughed a little and said, “Becky said something about pie. Are you coming in?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Rylan watched her smile,
trying not to see it as a good sign but admitting to himself that it was just what his heart wanted to believe.

  228 “We can’t be in a panic every time she leaves the house,” Heather said to Becky, having found her in the kitchen. Jeanette was there as well, quietly listening. “She charged me with being afraid, and she’s right-I have been. I can’t push my fears onto her.” Heather turned and looked at Jeanette. “We’ve all done it.”

  Jeanette nodded. Heather was right.

  “I just have one last thing to mention,” Heather continued, knowing she was free to have her say. “If we can’t live with the way Sabrina lives her life, then she needs to move out. Maybe another church family could make room for her.”

  “No,” Jeanette said. “She needs to stay. She didn’t ask to be attacked. That was not her fault. She does go to the rough part of town-not foolhardily, but to reach out to others. I just have to do what you said, Heather, and not push my concerns on her.”

  “She needs to marry Rylan,” Becky put in, as if this would just take care of the whole issue.

  The two other women were ready to laugh at her face and tone, but they heard steps on the kitchen porch. Sabrina and Rylan were coming their way.

  “Chas still hasn’t shared with Miranda. If you’re comfortable with it, he’ll do that before we get there, and then she can join us when we meet.”

  Rylan had come to Jessie’s on Monday and tracked Sabrina down. They now stood in one of the back corners of the storeroom to talk.

  “What if she doesn’t respond the way you figured? What if she needs more time?”

  “Time for what?”

  229 “To get used to the idea. She might not want me around for a while.”

  Rylan looked down into her face, his heart squeezing so painfully in his chest that he could hardly breath. Sabrina misunderstood his hesitation and spoke again.

  “I understand, Rylan. We can meet another time.”

  Rylan’s hand came up and gently touched her cheek. He couldn’t help but touch her.

  “I’m sorry for all the rejection you’ve known, Sabrina-so sorry.”

  Sabrina looked into his eyes, not sure what to do. She wasn’t prepared for his hurt. She realized in the space of several heartbeats that she could take the hurt on herself but not see it on him.