Shannon's Hope

by Josi S. Kilpack

  “Not yet,” Landon called back. He said something else, and Keisha laughed.

  I couldn’t take it anymore and abandoned my baking in order to supervise. I got to the living room just in time to see Keisha hold up the remote triumphantly. “Ha, I found it!”

  But not the card? Oh, for the love of—

  “Hey,” Landon said, stealing my full attention. I held my breath as he raised his eyes to mine and lifted his hand. “Look what I found in the couch—my gift card from Grandma!”

  “What do you know,” I said smugly, internally patting myself on the back. I was a genius. “Didn’t I tell you it would show up?”

  “Sweet! Can you take me to the store to get my gun?”

  “What about Kenny? Aren’t you going to—” I looked at Keisha and my train of thought derailed. She looked completely confused, her eyebrows pulled together as she stared at the card in Landon’s hand. Why was she looking at him like that?

  “Maybe Kenny can come with us,” Landon said, digging his phone out of his pocket. “You can take us, right?”

  “Um, sure,” I said, turning toward the kitchen, but not before I saw the expression on Keisha’s face as she looked at me. Pure guilt. My heart sank, and I held her eyes too long, realizing that she was likely seeing the same expression on my face.

  Chapter 12

  I hated being late. That moment when everyone looks up at you and you have to make an apology was one of my least favorite things. And after this afternoon’s nightmare with the gift card, I was feeling very insecure as Keisha and I hurried up to Aunt Ruby’s door, knocked once, and let ourselves in. I’d kind of hoped Keisha wouldn’t come. I felt like I needed a break to think about what had happened, but Ruby had called, again, to remind me of book group, and Keisha had answered the phone. By the end of the call, she’d promised we’d be there.

  Aunt Ruby was in the foyer when we walked in. “Come in, come in,” she said and hugged us both. At least she wasn’t angry at our tardiness, though she was never really angry about anything.

  I apologized for being late, and when she offered to take the dessert into the kitchen, I agreed and headed into the living room. I was halfway there before I realized Keisha hadn’t followed me. I nearly turned around to go find her but made myself stay the course and sit down.

  “Welcome, everyone,” Aunt Ruby started once she sat down, her copy of The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks in her lap. That was the moment I realized I’d left my copy of the book and the folder of notes at home. Hours of work and preparation now sat on the table next to the front door.

  I felt my cheeks heat up while Aunt Ruby gave a quick update about Daisy not being able to attend again before turning to me. I caught Tori’s eye from across the room, and she smiled at me, which reminded me of the internal conversation I’d had with myself after running into her at work and how I envied her comfort with people. What made my work different than this setting?

  Well, there were several things, of course, but in the split second of everyone looking at me I decided to try an experiment. I pushed everything out of my head except what I was doing right now—leading a book group discussion. I pretended that I had clocked in to this “work” and couldn’t leave until I’d finished my shift. Worrying about anything outside of this moment was pointless because I needed to be focused and diligent.

  As for having forgotten all my preparation, well, none of these women knew how prepared I’d planned to be, which meant they weren’t going to be critiquing me against that expectation. I took a breath, centered myself, and took the lead as Keisha came into the room and sat down next to me. “I thought I’d start by asking if anyone had any questions about the medical events that took place,” I said.

  “I think I was lost half of the time,” Tori said with a laugh. Olivia nodded her agreement as Tori continued. “My brain can compute production schedules but not so much how the different parts of cells work. It’s amazing—and terrifying—to try to comprehend how anything that small could be so destructive.”

  “And constructive,” Paige added. “Even though they were cancer cells, they spearheaded many important discoveries. I found the whole thing absolutely fascinating.”

  Athena commented on how many things had to come together just right for HeLa cells to have even been discovered and made available to the world. I nodded, glad to hear each of the women making such positive comments. I’d worried that its being a nonfiction book might be a challenge, but apparently it wasn’t.

  “It was interesting to read about the doubts that medical professionals had about the main doctor”—Tori looked down at her book—“Gey. He was revolutionizing medicine, and yet so many people discounted him.”

  “And this certainly isn’t the only example of doctors who dealt with that type of thing,” I said, excited to share my thoughts and glad I could remember the details from the notes I’d forgotten to bring. I talked about Harvey and Nott and the discoveries they’d made that the medical world had ignored for years. The women were genuinely interested, and I felt myself relax bit by bit.

  “I also found it interesting that despite the eventual tragedy for Henrietta, she went to the right doctor at the right time,” Tori said. “I don’t know that any other hospital could have done what Johns Hopkins did back in the 1950s.”

  “I agree,” I said. “Even with all the mistakes along the way and the breakdown of ethics, Henrietta left behind an incredible legacy that has changed the world.”

  “But an unwilling legacy,” Tori said.

  “I think this is one of the most important books of our century. Really, it’s amazing how Henrietta’s contribution has led to saving millions of lives and treating even more people. Her story should be required reading in every high school,” Aunt Ruby cut in as though she were uncomfortable with Tori’s comment, but I wished she’d let Tori continue. I was fully prepared to get into the medical ethics, the reason behind HIPA and the responsibility of patient advocacy.

  “I would have loved to have read it in high school,” Keisha said. I bit my tongue. Keisha dropped out of high school. My anger caught me off guard and just as instantly made me feel guilty. I didn’t know how to act toward my stepdaughter right now. Was stealing Landon’s gift card a cry for help? Was I listening? “Can I use your bathroom?” Keisha suddenly asked.

  Ruby gave Keisha directions to the bathroom. Then Paige made a comment about God’s plan and Ilana spoke up, pulling me back into the discussion. “The development of modern medicine was a rocky road, but it had so many breakthroughs along the way.” She glanced down at her arm still in the sling. “I mean, with my arm, what they’ve been able to fix is remarkable when you think about it. Although now they explain things a little more before surgery. It made me sick to think of how they didn’t inform the women about the side effects of those surgeries,” Ilana’s voice was sharp. “Henrietta had a real shock when she found out she’d been made infertile.”

  Tori broke in before I could agree. “But getting rid of her cancer was more important than having another baby.”

  “But they didn’t get rid of her cancer,” Ilana said pointedly. I felt like I was missing something behind her comments. Henrietta died before she could have had another child, which seemed to make her infertility a moot point.

  Tori said how ridiculous it was for Henrietta to be mad that she couldn’t have more children, but Ilana pinched her lips together. She’d always been very even-keeled at the other meetings, to the point of coming across as formal. In contrast, she seemed a little high-strung tonight.

  “Women have to make hard choices sometimes,” Aunt Ruby said, rubbing her hand over the cover of her book. “It broke my heart when Henrietta’s daughter talked to the author in that first phone call.” She flipped open the book and read from a page she’d marked. “Here, Deborah says, ‘You know what I really want? I want to know, what did my mother smell like? For all my life I just don’t know anything, not even the little common little things, lik
e, what color did she like? Did she like to dance? Did she breast-feed me? Lord, I’d like to know that.’”

  Suddenly I missed my mom. If she still lived close by, would I go to her and tell her what I’d done with the gift card? What advice would she give me about how to fix it? I could call her in Phoenix—I talked to her once a week or so—but it wouldn’t be the same, and our conversations had become rather shallow now that we weren’t involved in one another’s lives so much. There was something about sitting with her at her kitchen table that was so much . . . safer.

  I thought about the quote Aunt Ruby had read. How lucky was I to know my mother as I did? I had so many good memories. Deborah had none. I looked down the hallway to where Keisha had disappeared. How many good memories did Keisha have of her childhood? Things had been so chaotic when she was young. If her childhood had been different I was certain the choices she made now would be different too.

  Keisha came back in and sat down next to me as the women discussed Henrietta’s children. I was torn between compassion and frustration with my stepdaughter. Why couldn’t we be honest with each other? Everything would be different if we could do that. Was it my fault we didn’t have that kind of relationship? Were there things I could do to earn her trust that I didn’t know how to do?

  “No wonder Deborah didn’t remember her,” Ilana said in a quiet voice. I’d missed what had been said leading up to that, but I found myself focusing on Ilana. She’d calmed down since having seemed so offended earlier, but that made me wonder what she was taking for the pain for her arm. Some medications could cause mood swings. If those swings were too severe, she ought to explore other options, but how could I say that to her? I barely knew the woman and was likely trying to distract myself from thinking about Keisha by focusing on medical stuff.

  “How tragic,” Olivia said. “At least with my mother, I knew her . . . of course that means that I miss her even more. But I do have the memories and the heavenly reminders.”

  Athena sniffled, and I remembered that Athena’s mother had died just a few months earlier. Did she remember how her mother smelled?

  I made a note to call my mom; maybe I could talk her and Dad into coming out for a visit. Maybe she’d sit at my kitchen table and tell me what I could do to make things right. She might even have some advice on building a better relationship with Keisha.

  Keisha plugged into the conversation. “Deborah sounded like a hillbilly.”

  “She wasn’t well educated, and she lived in poverty her whole life,” I reminded her, not wanting any judgment passed. “And yet, people were making millions off the tissues they biopsied from her mother while Henrietta’s children couldn’t get health insurance.”

  “Deborah passed away in 2009,” Athena said, glancing up from her Blackberry with a sad smile. “She never even saw the book in print.”

  I knew that from the research I’d done, but hearing it made me sad all over again. Deborah never knew the legacy her mother had created.

  “That’s so sad,” Aunt Ruby said, echoing my thoughts.

  “At least she knew about it, and she probably read a draft,” Tori said, smiling at Ruby in a compassionate way. “It would have been nice for her to see the book come out and to know about its success though.”

  “Are any of the other children still alive?” Ruby asked Athena.

  Athena scrolled through her phone. “It looks like two sons are.”

  I knew that too.

  “It sounds like her children didn’t get much better health care than their mother did,” Olivia added. “Maybe things haven’t changed as much as we like to think they have.”

  This comment cast a hush over the room, and I glanced at Tori, expecting her to say something about the racial elements, but then I remembered the point she’d made about it last time. We all saw her as black, but she didn’t seem to identify with the racial issues of either of the last two books we’d read. The moment passed when Olivia mentioned Henrietta’s relationship with her husband, Day. “I wonder what would have happened if she’d lived. Would they have stayed together, do you think?”

  “I bet they would have,” Athena said, nodding and putting her phone down, done looking up facts for now, it seemed. “Times were different back then, and Henrietta knew Day was unfaithful all along. I think it was much more common in that generation for women to turn a blind eye to infidelity.”

  Aunt Ruby shifted in her seat and straightened up while looking at her hands holding the book.

  Her tension in response to the comment startled me, but in the next instant I caught my breath—did she know about Uncle Phillip’s affair? I’d always thought she was oblivious, that I carried a secret she was unaware of. Mom, Dad, John, and I had all agreed that it would tear her apart if she knew.

  “But even though Day had been with plenty of other women, you could tell he loved Henrietta very much,” I said quickly, feeling like I needed to build that bridge. I glanced at Aunt Ruby and willed her to relax.

  “I agree,” Paige said in a soft voice, causing me to turn my head in her direction. I had not expected to hear that from Paige—hadn’t her husband been unfaithful? I wasn’t the only one who’d turned my attention to her, and her cheeks turned pink under the sudden attention. She fingered the pages of her book—a library copy from the looks of it. “Remember how he took her to the hospital every day so she could be treated for pain? And when not having her children nearby upset her too much, he kept the kids right outside, under her window, so she could at least see them? I thought that was very sweet. Maybe he just didn’t know another way to live.”

  “I wondered that too,” I said. “How many of our choices are actually based on the choices our parents made? Not that it’s their fault, or that Day wasn’t accountable, but he didn’t abandon Henrietta when she got sick and that says something. Their lives were a bit dysfunctional, but Henrietta seemed to be an overall happy person.”

  “Because she chose to be that way,” Tori broke in, causing heads to turn in her direction. “Henrietta had really harsh trials to deal with. She lived in a time where she wasn’t yet seen as an equal human with the white people around her—that was her reality every day of her life. And yet her sister Sadie said she was the life of the party, that she loved people and everyone wanted to be around her. I think she was a very strong, optimistic person. Maybe it’s not so surprising that a woman like that would leave such a mark on the world—even if it took fifty years for the world to know it. Maybe the cells she left behind were the only way the world would notice this black woman from the South who was so easily discounted by the times.”

  “That’s a great point, Tori,” I said, appreciating her perspective very much as it so closely reflected some of my own thoughts. “Henrietta accepted her trials and made the best of them. She lived her life with such a great attitude and left that legacy for her children while at the same time creating opportunity for the world. She worked hard, and she loved her family. Even though they didn’t know the impact she had on medicine, they knew the impact she had on them.”

  “She changed the world,” Olivia said with a smile. “How many people can say that?”

  “Mothers can,” Paige answered. “Mothers have that kind of impact on the lives of their children. All of society starts with a child’s mother.”

  Ilana stiffened up, much like Aunt Ruby had a few minutes ago. She looked at the floor, and I quickly worked out a formula in my head. The comments that had bothered her tonight had to do with children and motherhood. Ilana had been married for several years and was in her thirties. Was infertility an issue for her? Was that why things were hitting her so hard tonight? Again, I thought about trying to talk to her, but this was the wrong setting. I wished I’d gone over to see her after the surgery on her elbow. Ruby had asked, but I was so busy. Maybe if I had taken the chance to get to know Ilana better, I’d have more insight into her situation.

  I almost didn’t connect Paige’s comment in relation to myself, bu
t it sounded in my head again. “All of society starts with a child’s mother.” I glanced at Keisha. Her mother had been a mess, but Keisha had me too. Couldn’t I make a positive impact? Couldn’t I make up for what she didn’t have?

  “I’m really glad you chose this book, Shannon,” Tori said, smiling at me. “I learned so much.”

  The other ladies murmured their thanks as well, and I nodded my head, accepting it humbly, but inwardly I was just relieved they’d liked it.

  “I wonder what Hela will do in the future,” Olivia said. “I mean, it’s done so many great things already; I wonder where it will go from here.”

  We spent a few minutes speculating about cures for cancer, stem-cell research, and organ transplantation. Twenty years ago this kind of talk would have sounded like science fiction. How exciting was it to have such discoveries at our doorstep?

  “So, Ruby, do you have any trips planned?”

  We all looked at Athena. What an odd, out-of-the-blue question. Ruby and Phillip had once been world travelers, but since his death she’d become more of a homebody. But then the knowing look on Athena’s face caught my attention. I turned to Ruby, whose cheeks were pink.

  “Well, actually, yes, I do have a trip planned,” Aunt Ruby said, smoothing her slacks. “I’ll be going to Greece on a two-week tour with a group of people I met at the Senior Center.”

  “You are?” I said, sounding more surprised than I meant to. I was glad to hear she was planning a trip with friends but a little hurt she hadn’t told me about it. “When are you going?”

  “We leave March 10,” she said, glancing over at me with a slightly repentant look as though she’d read my mind. I smiled back, not wanting to take away from her exciting news, but I couldn’t believe she hadn’t told me before now. It made me wonder if, like with Keisha, I hadn’t created the right relationship with Aunt Ruby.

  “How lovely!” Tori said. “I’ve heard that Greece is gorgeous.”