Nate's sarcasm freed CeCe from her need to be calm. "You can't be serious! You don't really expect me to just up and call him, do you?" She began shaking her head again. "No way. I don't talk to Eric until I can hand over all the money."
He sighed again, and his anger seemed to dissipate. "What's this all about, CeCe? Are you afraid to talk to him again?"
She turned her gaze away from him and studied the darkness that now surrounded them. "I don't know where you're coming from, Nate. I thought I explained all of this to you when we went out to Stone Mountain. I thought you understood." Her voice grew soft, and she willed him to know how much his words hurt her. "I guess I was wrong. You didn't understand. You don't understand."
"I think I understand a great deal, CeCe," he retorted, either uncaring or unaware of her feelings. That added to her pain. "You're holding on to Eric. You're not ready to let him go."
Anger suddenly allowed her to see beyond her own pain, and she turned her attention back to him. "What? What are you talking about? You know Eric means nothing to me. How can you even suggest that after everything I've told you?"
His eyes never left hers. "Actions speak louder than words," he accused. "Your actions say that you aren't ready to get Eric out of your life, not yet."
CeCe couldn't respond. She didn't know how to respond. At a loss, she asked, "Are you jealous of Eric, Nate? Is that what all this is about?"
His flinch told her she'd hit the bull's-eye. He was actually jealous of Eric, a man he hadn't met? A man who meant nothing to her? She couldn't believe it. "Come on, Nate, you can't be serious."
Nate didn't answer. He sat there with his arms folded across his chest like a small child. She would have laughed if she wasn't so angry. "I don't know what else I can tell you, Nate. Either you trust my feelings for you or you don't. I don't know what else I can do."
"You can let him go, CeCe. Call him and let him go."
She shook her head. "I'm beginning to think this isn't about Eric and me," she said, enlightenment dawning. "Maybe you're the one who can't let go of the past. Maybe you can't let Naomi go."
He flinched again. "Don't be ridiculous."
She began to feel the evening's chill and rubbed her hand down her arm. "I'm not being ridiculous. I'm right and you know it." She sighed. "You know, Nate, I've always resented Naomi's place in your life. She hurt you, and I knew you'd carry the remnants of that hurt around a long time, but I accepted it because I knew I had my own baggage. When you asked me not to walk away if we had problems, I knew that was more about Naomi than it was about me or about us. Our whole relationship has been built on the foundation of your not repeating the mistakes you made with Naomi. Well, in case you haven't noticed, I'm not Naomi. Eric is not some long-lost love that I'm going to go rushing back to as soon as I get over being angry with him. You've gotten your women mixed up."
Nate opened his mouth to speak, but CeCe raised her hand. "Not tonight, Nate. We've both said a lot, maybe too much. Let's not say anything more. Right now, I don't trust myself to listen so I know I don't trust myself to speak. Maybe we should just pray and call it a night."
* * *
After eating an early breakfast with David the following Saturday morning and hearing about the plans he and Miss Brinson had for the day, CeCe dressed and made it over to Genesis House to meet with Shay and Anna Mae. With her new work schedule, they had agreed to meet an hour before the workshop to go over their plans, so CeCe didn't have to meet with them during the week. The Saturday morning meetings with her friends had turned out to be one of the best things to result from her added responsibilities. Though they met to discuss the workshop, which was now in its third session, they used the time to share about their week and to pray for each other. After her argument with Nate this past Wednesday night, she needed the support of her friends.
Shay and Anna Mae were at the Center when CeCe arrived. They pulled three chairs together in a small circle near the front of the room, and Anna Mae started the week's session. "I need you two to join me in prayer about Danita. Something's going on with her, but I don't know what it is. She broke up with her boyfriend all of a sudden, and she won't talk about it. You both know I thought they were getting too serious too fast, so this breakup could be a good thing for the both of them. But Danita looks so sad that it breaks my heart. Every time I ask her what's wrong, she says 'nothing.' I don't want to push, but I don't know what else to do."
Shay and CeCe nodded their understanding. "You've raised a good girl in Danita," CeCe offered. "The best thing you can do right now is to let her know you're there for her. Don't assume she's done anything wrong. You don't want to send those signals. Tell her that you love her and that you're there to help her. Leave the rest to God."
"CeCe's right, Anna Mae," Shay added. "Being a teenager is hard enough without parents who are always assuming the worst."
"I'm trying to do that," Anna Mae acknowledged with a dramatic wave of her arm, "but it's hard."
"We know," Shay said. "Sometimes it's very difficult to do the right thing."
CeCe pressed her hand against Shay's knee. "What's up with you this week, Shay?" she asked, sensing her friend was struggling to do the right thing in her life as well.
"Same old, same old." Shay lifted her shoulders in a light shrug. "I miss Marvin so much that it's become a physical ache. Things were much better when we were physically in the same house, even though we weren't communicating that much. But I'm believing that God is going to take this separation and work it for our good. I believe that with all my heart. I have to because I'm not ready to give up my husband or my marriage. Not now. Not ever."
CeCe was inspired by the fervor of Shay's words. "I'm so glad you said that, Shay," she said. "You both know that Nate and I have been having our share of issues. I thought things were getting better, but now I'm not so sure."
"What happened?" Shay asked.
CeCe looked from one friend to the other and took comfort in the concern and support that she felt transmitted from their hearts to hers. "We had an argument Wednesday night, before he left to spend the holidays with his family in Chicago. A serious one, I think. The conversation started with Nate telling me how he felt about my long work hours. It ended with him accusing me of still having feelings for Eric, and me telling him that he's gotten me confused with Naomi."
"Whew," Anna Mae pushed the word out. "You didn't pull any punches, did you? Do you really believe Nate's confused you with Naomi?"
CeCe shook her head. "I know he knows I'm not her. He knows I'm CeCe, but I think that when he sees similarities in us, he begins to extrapolate those similarities to the point of absurdity."
"Look," Shay said. "I know I can be slow, but I'm not getting your point, CeCe."
CeCe was still learning how far to go in sharing her and Nate's problems, but she trusted Shay and Anna Mae completely. "The man Naomi married, the one she left Nate for, was an old boyfriend. So in the back of Nate's mind is the possibility that I'll realize some hidden feelings I have for Eric and go back to him."
"Nate actually said that?" Anna Mae asked.
"Not exactly. I said it, and then I didn't allow him to respond."
"Well, that was one way of doing it," Shay put in.
"I know, but we had said so many things already. I thought we needed to stop before one or both of us said something that we regretted. I'm not sure we didn't." CeCe saw the look that passed between her two friends. "What?" she asked.
The women exchanged another look. "We've just been a little concerned about you and Nate," Shay said. "It's hard not to notice that he's not as happy as he was."
CeCe stood up and began pacing around the circle of chairs. Was her life falling apart, or did it just feel that way? And why did everything have to fall apart now, just when she'd started to think all was well? "I didn't know Nate was so unhappy," she said.
"We aren't saying he's unhappy," Anna Mae explained. "It's just that he's not as happy as he has been. It's obv
ious to those of us who know him well that something is on his mind. We just guessed the something was you and him. We could be all wrong."
CeCe stopped behind her empty chair. "You're not wrong. I thought Nate and I had passed the hurdle, but Wednesday night and today I'm seeing that we haven't."
"You will," Shay reassured her. "Just keep talking and keep praying. And keep taking those cooling-off periods. What you did Wednesday night was probably the right thing to do. It gave both of you a chance to take a breath."
"Shay's right," Anna Mae agreed.
CeCe accepted her friends' encouragement and support. She counted on it, in fact. She was missing something, she knew she was, but she didn't know what. "Look," Shay said, "I think we'd better pray. All this talk is making us think too much about problems and not enough about solutions."
* * *
Nate and Stuart took David and his friend Timmy, along with their boys groups, to Seabrook Village, a re-created slave community just south of Savannah, the following Saturday. Though the two boys were too young to understand slavery and its effects, he thought the trip was a good introduction to discussions they would have as they got older. After taking David home that night, he walked through his front door just as Marvin was walking out of the kitchen, sandwich in hand.
"Hey, man," Marvin said. "I didn't expect you home this early. You and CeCe have a fight?" Nate supposed his expression alerted his friend to his mood, for Marvin quickly added, "I was just joking with you. What's up with you and CeCe?"
Nate followed his friend into the den. Tonight he could use Marvin's company. Though he had called CeCe on Sunday to let her know he'd gotten back from Chicago and to pass along greetings from his family, he hadn't had a serious discussion with her since their argument the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Tonight he had deliberately left her house before she got in from a late night at work because he still wasn't ready to talk to her. The things she had said to him last week had thrown him for a loop. Of course, he hadn't confused her with Naomi—that was ridiculous—but CeCe may have had a point about his being jealous of Eric. He wasn't jealous, not really, but he did feel a bit of insecurity that he knew was rooted in his experience with Naomi, just as CeCe had accused.
The fact that Naomi had left him and rushed quickly into the arms of an old boyfriend had been hard for him to swallow. That was a part of their breakup that he didn't dwell on. Not dwelling on it didn't change the facts: Naomi had left him for another man. Not just any other man, but a man from her past. Dwelling too much on such thoughts always led him to the inevitable question: Had she ever cared for him, Nate, or had she always been in love with the other man, the man she was now married to? That was a painful question. Only less painful than its answer. He didn't want to believe that he had been happily married to a woman who had never loved him. Though still difficult, it was much more palatable to think that she'd fallen out of love with him, or that she'd grown bored with the marriage, or that he'd lost her because he hadn't paid her enough attention.
"I'm probably not a good person to discuss relationship problems with," Marvin was saying. "But if you need to talk, I can listen."
Nate appreciated his friend's support, but he wasn't yet able to discuss what was going on with him and CeCe. "Thanks, man, but not tonight. If I talk to anybody, I need to talk to CeCe, and I guess I'll do that tomorrow."
Marvin took a sip from the soda can on the cocktail table in front of him. "After church?"
Nate nodded. "I think I'll go to her church in the morning. Maybe I'll get an invitation to dinner. Or I'll offer to take them out."
Marvin nodded also, but he didn't say anything.
"What's going on with you and Shay?" Nate asked his friend. Neither Marvin nor Shay had said anything about seeing each other when they'd stepped in for him and CeCe at Genesis House when CeCe's grandfather was ill.
"Same old, same old."
Nate didn't like that answer. He'd thought that by allowing Marvin to live with him, he'd be giving his friend the space and time he needed to come to his senses. Unfortunately, events weren't unfolding according to plan. "Are you going home anytime soon?" Nate asked.
Marvin stopped and looked at Nate, his can midway to his lips. "Are you kicking me out?"
Nate stood up, ready to head for his bedroom. He didn't have the energy to argue with Marvin tonight. He had too much on his mind. "Not yet, Marvin," he answered, "but the day is coming. You can't stay here forever. Shay's not going to wait that long."
Chapter 18
"Mr. Nate, Mr. Nate!" David called when he spied Nate entering the church. The boy ran across the vestibule to greet him.
Nate scooped the child into his arms. "Hi, sport. Does your mother know you're out here running around?" Nate had planned to get to church in time for Sunday school, but after a restless night, he'd slept late and arrived during the break between Sunday school and the start of the eleven o'clock service.
David lowered his lashes, giving Nate a chance to smile at the child's antics. "Mama's inside." Nate didn't say anything, just stared at the top of the boy's head until David looked up at him. "I'm not supposed to run in church."
"I didn't think so," Nate said, settling the boy back on the floor. "What do you think we should do about this?"
David stared at his feet. "Tell Mama."
Nate nodded. "That's right. Where is she?"
David put his hand in Nate's and led him through the swinging double doors into the sanctuary. CeCe was down front talking to the Sunday school superintendent. Nate couldn't remember the woman's name. When David would have pulled him down to join the women, Nate held back and directed the child to a pew about a third of the way back from the front of the church. CeCe would see them as soon as she turned around.
Nate nodded a greeting to the faces that were familiar to him because of his visits to the church with CeCe. He knew quite a few names, though he rarely saw the people outside of church. He and CeCe had formed a core group of shared friends in Shay and Marvin, Anna Mae, Stuart, and Miss Brinson, and they spent most of their time with them. That most of their circle had been his friends before he'd met CeCe he attributed to CeCe's work at Genesis House. Her close friendships with Shay and Anna Mae had developed there. The only one of CeCe's friends Nate had gotten to know was B.B., and he supposed that was because she was CeCe's best friend. She'd probably been the only person that CeCe considered a close friend until Shay and Anna Mae joined her circle. Nate knew she now considered him a friend as well. He wanted to be her friend and her husband, if the Lord allowed it, and he hoped she still wanted that kind of intimacy with him. Recent events were making him wonder more and more where they were headed as a couple.
He felt David fidgeting next to him and glanced down to see what the child was doing. He'd somehow knotted the laces in his shoes and was trying unsuccessfully to unknot them without taking off his shoes. Nate reached down, picked up a foot, unknotted the lace, and re-laced the shoe in short order. He quickly did the same for the other foot. David smiled his appreciation, and Nate leaned down and pressed a kiss against his adorable head, knowing that the place the child had secured in his heart would remain forever. Regardless of what happened between CeCe and him romantically, he hoped their friendship would always give him a place in David's life.
Just as Nate raised his head, CeCe turned from her conversation with the superintendent. Their eyes met, and she gave him a wobbly smile. He gave her a stronger one in return. At least, he hoped his was stronger. He knew his insides were as wobbly as the smile she'd given him.
"Good morning," he said when she reached the pew.
"Good morning." She settled in next to David. "I didn't expect to see you here today. You didn't tell me you were coming."
"Is that good or bad?" he asked, teasing her but wanting to hear her answer.
She gave the barest hint of a smile. "I think it's good."
Nate nodded. "I thought we could have dinner together after service."
"Do you think she made enough for me?" Nate knew Miss Brinson always cooked more than enough, but he wanted to keep the light in CeCe's eyes.
"There's always enough for you, Nate," CeCe said in all seriousness, her eyes locked with his. "You shouldn't even have to ask."
"Just checking," he said, but he smiled as he did so, and so did she.
Their conversation was cut short by the start of the devotional. As usual, the deacons led the combination prayer-praise service, which set the tone for the morning worship. Their first song, "How Great Thou Art," was one of Nate's favorite hymns. He closed his eyes and joined in the deacons' chanting rhythm. His soul was comforted by the greatness of the God he served. The spirit of worship encompassed Nate, and his heart overflowed with love and gratitude for his Father, his Savior, and his Comforter. Before he knew it, David was telling him "See ya" and scrambling over his mother's legs to join the other children for children's church. Nate slid closer to CeCe, taking the space David had just vacated so there was no room between them.
* * *
CeCe was very conscious of Nate's presence. She'd been surprised but very happy to see him when she'd turned from her conversation with Alma Thompson. Though he'd called when he'd gotten back to town last Sunday, she missed seeing him, being with him, talking to him, despite the fact that their last conversation had been an argument. Now he would be spending the rest of the day with her. Well, not exactly the whole day, because she had to go to work. She could arrive as late as three, but she had to go. She sneaked a glance at Nate. She was sure he was aware of her schedule. She just hoped her leaving wouldn't become awkward.
She turned her attention back to the pastor when he began reading the Scripture lesson for the day. He'd chosen the story of Mary and Martha from the Gospels. She opened her Bible so she could follow along with him. As she read along, she looked and listened for some word or advice that applied directly to her situation with Nate. Was there something in the story of Mary and Martha? Was she Martha, so busy with the unimportant work that she was leaving the important work undone? CeCe didn't think so. Yes, she was working a great deal, but there was a purpose to her work. She wasn't busy merely for the sake of being busy. When the service ended, she was disappointed that she hadn't gotten any guidance on her relationship with Nate.
Genesis House Inspirational Romance and Family Drama Boxed Set: 3-in-1 Page 21
