“You’re singing to the choir, brother,” Stuart said. “I know about sexual frustration. For a long time while Marie was sick, we couldn’t be intimate and it almost killed me. I literally thought I was going to die. But it wasn’t just about sexual release. I needed to be close to her, to show her how much I loved her, desired her. But that avenue was cut off for us. It was more than difficult.”
“Tell me about it. That’s my life now. How did you get through it?”
Stuart smiled a satisfied smile that told Sly his memory was sweet. “I have to give God all the credit. He enhanced every other intimacy we could share. Other things began to have greater intensity. The warmth of her breath against my neck when she slept with her head on my shoulder. The shared tears of joy because we’d found each other and the profound shared sadness that our forever was not going to be as long as we wanted. It was enough.”
“But is it still? I mean, man, it’s been two years.”
Stuart twisted the wedding ring on his finger. “Of course I think about intimacy. I’m a man and those desires are coming back with strength, but God is good and I’m handling it. My life is full. Like the single person Paul talks about in First Corinthians 7, my mind and heart can focus on God and the people and activities He has placed in my life. Right now it’s enough. When it’s not, I’ll know that too.”
“I guess I’m just not as strong as you.”
Stuart punched him in the shoulder. “Our situations are different. You have a wife.”
“A wife who doesn’t want to sleep with me.”
“Yet. But she wants to work with you and that’s a start. Love her through that. Allow the Lord to turn that work into intimacy. Give it to Him.”
Sly downed the rest of his soda. “I hear you, man. I hear you. So when do you think you’ll be able to meet with me, Francine, and Dawn to get started on the collective project?”
“Didn’t my clerk call you? Late Monday afternoon works for me.
“He may have left a message, but I was busy all afternoon. I’ll check with Dawn and Francine, and leave a confirmation message with your clerk. I’m sure Monday’ll be fine though. I’ll nail down a time with the women.”
~ ~ ~
“I’m in Room 17,” Dolores said into the receiver, and then she hung up the phone. She closed her eyes and wondered that she was again in this no-name hotel in the boondocks on the outskirts of Atlanta. All because of some man. Shaking her head, she opened her eyes. No, this time it wasn’t because of a man. Her love for her daughter had brought her back here today, and that love would give her the courage to do what she knew had to be done.
She’d decided to contact Edward Theodore Campbell, Teddy to her, after Monika had fallen asleep. She’d taken a chance and called his cell phone, something she’d never done from her home when they were seeing each other. He’d told her to always call from a public phone so that her number wouldn’t show up on his cell phone bill. Tonight she hadn’t had a choice. Her daughter’s well-being was at stake and Monika was well worth any risk Dolores might be taking. Besides, the truth was going to come out anyway. She’d resigned herself to that eventuality. Now she had to get Teddy to do the same. She’d been surprised when he’d answered and readily agreed to meet her at their old trysting place. After making a quick phone call to Tomika, asking her to stay with Monika for a couple of hours, Dolores had headed out to meet him.
At the soft rap on the door, she rushed to it and pulled it open. Teddy smiled at her, the same smile that had captured her heart over fifteen years ago. He was a handsome devil, she had to give him that, with a body that she knew he spent hours in the gym to maintain. Despite her best intentions, her heart flipped over in her chest and her fingers itched to weave a path through his meticulously groomed hair. “Thanks for coming,” she said as he quickly entered the room, closing the door behind him.
“You call, I come,” he said with a smile. He reached out to touch her cheek. “I didn’t think I’d hear from you again. I’m glad I did.”
She stepped back away from his touch. “I didn’t call for that.”
He stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Then why did you call?”
She looked into his eyes. “It’s about Monika.”
His smiled faded as he sat down on the queen-sized bed covered with a faded brown floral comforter. “What about her?”
“She’s asking questions about her father again.”
“I thought you told her that her father was dead.”
Dolores twisted her hands together. “I did, but she didn’t believe me. I had to tell her the truth.”
He raised wide eyes to her. “What exactly did you tell her?”
“I told her that her father wasn’t dead. I told her that we were in love but that he was married and had another family.”
“What else?”
She exhaled a deep sigh. “I didn’t tell your full name, if that’s what you’re asking.”
He visibly relaxed and sat back on the bed. “Good. You should have stuck with your original story.”
She stared at him, wondering how she could have ever imagined herself in love with this selfish man. “She’s at the age where she wants to know about her father and his family. She feels that she’s missing out on part of who she is. I’m worried about her, Teddy.”
“She’ll be all right,” he said. “A lot of kids grow up all right without a father. I did. You did.”
“But look at us, Teddy. Look at us. I had a long-term affair with a married man, a minister no less, and bore his illegitimate child. You’re a serial adulterer. How can you say Monika’ll be all right and use us as examples?”
“Because we’re survivors. Look at you, you have your own successful business, and I’m a respected member of the community. We made something of ourselves.”
“Who are you kidding, Teddy?” she asked. “I was only able to start my business because of the guilt money you gave me. And you’re only respected in the community because nobody knows the real you. If people knew the real you, the real me, what kind of respect do you think we’d get?”
He sighed. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. You can’t tell Monika about me. We have too much at stake. My reputation can’t take another hit. Not when I’m so close to having everything I want.”
Dolores shook her head. “She’s hurting so much, Teddy. Can’t you think about her instead of yourself for once?”
He got up from the bed and walked to her. “I am thinking about Monika. What’s she going to think when she finds out I’m a minister, when she finds out I have other children? How’s that going to make her feel?”
“She knows about your other children. I already told her. Do you know what she asked me? She asked if she were your only girl.” Dolores felt tears well up behind her eyes. “She thinks you’ll want to know her because she’s your only daughter. I’ve never asked you for anything, Teddy, in all the years that we’ve known each other. I never asked you to leave your wife. I never threatened to tell, but I’m asking you today. No, I’m begging you today. We have to tell her. She needs to meet you, get to know you.”
Ted was steadily shaking his head. “You can’t tell her about me.”
Dolores straightened her shoulders. “You can’t stop me,” she said, defying him for the first time since she’d known him. “Our daughter is more important to me than your reputation or mine, and she ought to be more important to you.”
“She’s important to me. You’re important to me. Haven’t I been there for you when you needed me? You said yourself that it was my money that got your spa started. I’ve done my part, Dee. Now you have to do yours.”
Dolores shook her head. “You haven’t seen how she is, Teddy. She’s not going to get past this.”
He took hold of both her shoulders. “She will. You have to be strong and not give in to her.”
She looked up at him. “I’m not strong, Teddy. If I were, Monika wouldn’t be here and we wouldn’t have this probl
em.” She stepped away from him. “I’m going to tell her.”
He studied her for a long moment, and then he said, “I’ll deny it.”
His words sent Dolores stumbling back to the only chair in the room. She collapsed into it, feeling as if she’d been punched in the stomach.
“I don’t want it to come to that,” he said calmly, “but you have to know that I can’t give up my life because of some period of teenaged rebellion that Monika is going through.”
Dolores couldn’t speak. What could she say? Who was this man standing before her? She’d known he wouldn’t want to step forward, but a part of her felt that when pushed to the wall, he’d do the right thing. Again, she’d been wrong. “You’re serious?” she asked. “You’d deny that Monika is your daughter?”
He nodded.
“A paternity test would prove that you’re lying.”
He shook his head. “I’m not worried. I know you, Dee. You love your daughter and you won’t subject her to the humiliation.”
Your daughter not our daughter. “You’d be humiliated too.”
“You’re right. I’d be humiliated if I had to take a paternity test, but that’s just the beginning. I’d also lose everything I’m working toward. For me, it’s a no-win situation. I lose if I voluntarily tell her, because someone is bound to find out. On the other hand, I lose if I’m forced to take a paternity test, because that too will be found out. But it doesn’t have to be that way, Dee. Stick to your story and both Monika and I win. When I’m back on top again, I’ll make sure that you get what’s coming to you. I’ve never been stingy with you, have I?”
Was he so blind to everybody’s needs but his own that he really couldn’t see that Monika needed more than his money? Instead of answering his question, she asked, “You don’t feel anything for Monika, do you, Teddy?”
He lifted his shoulders in a careless shrug. “I don’t really know her.”
Dolores looked down at her hands. “I guess you don’t.” She wanted to cry, but she refused to let him see her tears.
“Look,” he said. “It’s late. If you don’t have anything else to talk about, I have to get back home. Nona’s gonna throw a fit as it is.”
“There’s nothing else,” she said.
He reached over and touched her shoulder. “It’ll be all right, Dee, you’ll see.”
Dolores couldn’t make her lips acknowledge the meaningless words. She didn’t respond and she didn’t look up at him. Soon his hand dropped from her shoulder. She heard him walk toward the door. He opened it and then he said, “I’m sorry, Dee.”
She looked up at him then, the fire in her eyes meeting the weakness in his. “You’re right,” she said. “You are sorry.”
With a frown on his face, the only man she’d ever loved shook his head and pulled the door closed behind him. Dolores sat staring at the door as tears rolled down her cheeks. What had she done to her daughter and how would she ever be able to fix it?
Chapter 14
Francine awakened early on Sunday morning, much too early to get up. She lay in bed, her eyes wide open, and the gratefulness she felt in her heart surprised and warmed her. “Lord,” she said aloud, “it’s been a while since I’ve talked to you this way, felt your presence, and you know what, I’ve missed it. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed it until Stuart held my hand on Tuesday and prayed. At that moment, I felt closer to you than I’ve felt since Toni died.” Her eyes grew full and her throat clogged up with tears. “I thought you had forgotten about me, Lord. For the last few months, I’ve been holding on to what I knew to be true about you, but not really feeling you. I thought you were so upset with me that you didn’t want to hear from me anymore. When I saw Toni laying there in all that blood, I prayed so hard for her to be all right, but she wasn’t. And I felt like you no longer heard my prayers. At that moment, I felt more lost than I’ve ever felt in my life. It was awful to feel separated from you. Thank you for letting me feel your closeness again. I need you so much.
“There is so much going on here, Lord, so many problems and I feel like I’m the cause of so many of them. Dawn and Sly are having trouble and I can’t help but feel I’m a part of their problems. Please be with them, Father, and help them to work through their problems. I know my leaving hurt them both and I thank you for bringing them together to comfort and love each other. Show me what I can do to help them. Then there’s Toni’s family. Lord, my heart does ache for them. I pray, Lord, that you would heal their hurt, even though I don’t know how you can.
“Lord, my heart aches for Dolores and Monika and the situation they find themselves in. Please work it out for them, Lord. Like Stuart prayed, help us to be the family Monika needs and let her feel the Father love that comes from you that surpasses what she’s missing from her biological father.
“Finally, Father, I thank you for the people you’ve placed in my life to love and guide me. Mother Harris—I can’t even express how good she’s been for me. Stuart too, even though he doesn’t know it. And Dawn and Sly. I’ve tried to let them know how much I appreciate their love and support. My life is good, Father, and I’m not sure I realized how good until now. Thank you so much for loving me and sticking by me. Give me strength as I speak to the congregation this morning. Help me to be an encouragement to them as you’ve been an encouragement to me. I pray all this in Jesus’s name, Amen.”
Francine closed her eyes and began to hum “I love you, I love you, I love you, Lord, today, because you care for me—” Still humming, she turned, opened the drawer of the nightstand, and pulled out her Bible, journal, and a pen. She opened the journal and turned to her amends list and marked through the names of LaDonna, Mother Harris, Sly, and Dawn. Her pen hovered above the names of George and Mrs. Roberts and she wondered if she’d ever be able to mark through their names. After closing her journal and putting it back in the drawer, she opened her Bible and began to read.
Down the hall, Dawn was also awake. Her thoughts centered on Francine and what she planned to do this morning. Dawn admired Francine’s courage in admitting her mistakes to the entire congregation the way she planned to do. She knew she couldn’t do such a thing. She didn’t even have the courage to tell people about the problems between her and Sly. What people thought of her mattered too much, she was sad to say. But Francine didn’t really care what people thought. She knew she had to make amends and was willing to do whatever it took. If her sister was going to display that much courage, Dawn planned to give her all of her support. It was the least she could do.
She pushed back the covers on the bed, slipped out, and padded across the hall to Sly’s room. She hesitated for a moment and then she lifted her hand and knocked softly. “Sly,” she whispered.
“It’s not locked, Dawn,” he responded.
She took a deep breath and opened the door. Sly sat up in bed, his chest bare, the rest of his body covered with the damask comforter. “I didn’t wake you, did I?”
Sly raised a brow. “What do you think?”
Why was he being so difficult? “Well, I wanted to ask if you were going to church this morning.”
“Does it matter?”
She nodded.
“Yeah, I’m going.”
She bit down on her lower lip. “I know you said that you were going to stop pretending that all is well with us, but I wondered if you’d mind sitting with me and Francine this morning. She’s planning to make an apology to the church during the testimony service, and she needs our support because I’m not sure what the response is going to be.” She told him about LaDonna’s visit.
“LaDonna needs to get a grip on herself. Who does she think she is?”
“My thoughts exactly,” Dawn said. “Anyway, I’ve called Mother Harris and she’s going to sit with us in a show of support. Francine doesn’t know it yet, but Mother Harris is also going to throw a picnic in her honor, after the service. I know you have a funeral this afternoon, but I’d appreciate it if you’d sit with us at church and
drop by the picnic for a little bit. I know Francine would appreciate your support.”
“She doesn’t have to do this today, does she? She just got out of the hospital. Shouldn’t she give herself more time?”
Dawn shook her head. “My sister is a lot stronger than I thought. She wants to do this, Sly. We even went over to Pastor’s house Tuesday night and she talked to him about it. He thinks it’s the right thing to do.”
Sly nodded. “I didn’t know you had talked to Pastor.”
“You must have gotten in really late on Tuesday night.” She knew exactly what time he’d gotten in, but she wouldn’t tell him that she’d deliberately stayed awake until he’d returned.
“I spent the evening playing pool with Stuart.”
She’d wondered. God help her, she had. “Thanks for telling me.”
“I wish you didn’t worry so much.”
“So do I.”
His lips curved up in a sad smile. “We’re meeting with Stuart tomorrow afternoon to discuss the business idea that I was talking to Francine about. I’d like you to participate.”
She smiled. “Thanks, Sly. I want to participate.”
“It’s only fair. As you so aptly put it, it’s your business too. Now we need to confirm Francine’s schedule. Will you do that and then call Stuart’s clerk and confirm the time? I really want us to get started with this.”
“Is there something you’re not telling me, Sly? Is the funeral home in trouble?”
He patted the bed next to him, and without hesitation, she came and sat next to him. “The funeral home is not in trouble, but we need to make some changes and not be content with the way things are. Easy Rest is right about one thing: The small, family-owned funeral home is fading away and being replaced by big corporations. If we want to keep our business, we’re going to have to grow and change.”
“So what’s your idea for growth and change?”
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