Bluegrass Bend

by Mandy Magro

  Ivy reached out and gave her aunt’s arm a squeeze. ‘As always, I think you’re spot on, Aunt Alice. I need to focus on my own life, and my own heart. For now anyway.’

  ‘That’s the spirit love. But even so, I think you’re best going to Ronny’s with an open mind and heart, just in case he does decide to confess to you.’

  ‘And if he does, what if I don’t like what he has to say?’ Ivy tipped her head to the side in contemplation.

  ‘Only you can decide that, Ivy. It’s how you react that’s going to decide your fate, not the secret itself.’

  ‘Yes, I suppose that’s true to a point, but like you said, there are some secrets that can blow your world apart.’

  ‘Yes, and like I also said, sweetheart, it’s all about how we perceive something.’ Alice yawned as she glanced at the clock on the far wall. ‘Anyway, I think that’s enough excitement for the two of us for tonight. It’s almost two and you, my girl, need to get your beauty sleep so you can enjoy your date with Ronny.’

  ‘It’s not a date, Aunt Alice, he just wants to make it up to me after being such an arse. That’s all.’

  Alice grinned wickedly. ‘As I said, it’s all about how we perceive things.’ She tapped Ivy lovingly on the arm. ‘Now come on, let’s hit the sack before we both turn into pumpkins.’

  ‘I think it’s a little too late for that – it’s already past midnight.’ Ivy smiled as she stood and wrapped her arms around Alice. ‘I love you so much, thank you for the chat.’

  Alice embraced her tightly. ‘Love you, too, Ivy.’ She gestured out the kitchen window to where the night sky shone spectacularly. ‘More than all those beautiful glittering stars in the sky.’

  CHAPTER

  18

  Climbing the ladder to the attic was one tiny step at a time for Ivy, but it felt as momentous as walking on the moon, the nerves in her belly like fireworks. She imagined what it was going to be like to pick up her guitar case, carry it back down the ladder and open it to reveal the beautiful J-45 Gibson Sunburst she’d inherited from her dear mum. It was as though she was going to be seeing an old friend after too many years apart – she was nervous and excited all at once. And an old friend her Gibson was to her, having shared many memorable moments with it by campfires, under trees, on the couch and in front of crowds. She’d been playing since she was six – it was the guitar her mother had taught her on. Her bond with the instrument was immeasurable. Ronny had asked her to bring it along tonight, so they could strum some tunes together, and she was determined to do so. The timing just felt right. She was ready for this.

  Sucking in a deep breath she took one more look behind her before she stepped into the dimness of the attic, and was met with the comforting sight of May’s and Alice’s beaming faces. They gave her the thumbs up, expressions filled with the same exhilaration Ivy was feeling. She smiled back at them before drawing in another deep breath and blowing it away, imagining she was whooshing her fears away with it. She made a beeline for her guitar, not wanting to get sidetracked and chicken out of doing this – no more was she going to run from her past. Not only was this going to be a huge step for her, it would also be a way to break the ice with Ronny, and she wanted to believe she could help him out too. Ronny Sinclair had too much talent to let it go to waste – he had to get himself up on a stage so others could bear witness to his amazing voice. She just hoped she didn’t fall in a heap when she tried, as she had done many times before she’d decided to tuck the guitar away, although she was safe in the knowledge that if she did, Ronny would be beside her to help.

  Placing her hands on the case, Ivy felt a rush of adrenaline and her fight or flight instincts kicked in in full force. A cold clammy feeling engulfed her as an impending sense of something horrific happening threatened to overwhelm her. She knew from first-hand experience this was the beginning of a panic attack – although she hadn’t had a full-blown one in two years. Come and get me, she said with conviction, referring to the fear. She was not going to let it overcome her anymore. Her mouth felt dry, her breathing became shallow and her body started to feel numb, especially her fingers and lips – it was always the way. With her heart hammering against her chest, images of that horrible night flooded her mind but she shooed them away as if reflecting light from a mirror – a tactic Deepak Chopra had spoken about in the book she had read. Every bit of her wanted to run away from these horrible bodily sensations, but today she was staying put and facing her fears. Her legs were shaking and her heart was racing a million miles a minute, as if her attacker was approaching her once more, but she reminded herself over and over there was nothing to be afraid of, and that he couldn’t hurt her anymore. It wasn’t because of her music that it had all happened – it was entirely Warren Young’s fault. He was the one who had chosen to attack her. It was as simple as that. And he was no longer walking this earth to be able to do it to her again. With a flood of determination, she picked the guitar case up, turned, and retraced her steps to the opening and back down the ladder, as if she was on autopilot.

  May and Alice met her at the bottom and, after helping her tuck the ladder back up into the ceiling, they stood beside her and gently placed their hands on her shoulders. No words were needed. Ivy knelt and unlatched the case with trembling hands. Opening the lid, she reached out and ran her fingers along the stained timber, tearing up as she did. The photo of her and her mum she’d always carried was exactly where she’d left it, tucked beneath the guitar’s strings. It was her lucky charm. She plucked it out and brought it to her lips, kissing it. ‘I miss you, Mum,’ she whispered. May and Alice gave her shoulders a loving squeeze.

  Images again started bombarding Ivy, but this time they were positive ones, reminding her of all the times she’d sung to her heart’s content, either by herself or in front of a crowd of family and friends, or at an event where she’d basically known nobody. She’d always been so confident back then, so careless and free, with a faith that she could conquer anything. She ached to be that person once more. She smiled through her tears, as a sensation of finally coming back home to her roots washed over her. And for the first time in nine years, like a flower bulb that had lain dormant, she felt the piece of her she’d tucked away finally beginning to emerge.

  ***

  A rustic timber sign hanging from an enormous tree branch caught Ivy’s attention as it gently swayed in the afternoon breeze. Bringing her ute to a stop, she gazed out her windscreen. Something about the sign made her feel all warm and fuzzy inside as she silently read it: WELCOME TO SUNDOWN FARM. She wound down her window. The crisp freshness from the surrounding countryside crept into the ute and encompassed her, and as she breathed it in, a smile tugged at her glossy lips. She still found it hard to believe this was really happening. That she was here, at Ronny’s place, and she was going to play some tunes with him – as long as her nerves didn’t get the better of her. She glanced over at the passenger seat, to where her guitar case was strapped into the seatbelt, and determination flooded her. She could do this. She could finally win the battle against her fears. She just had to. She told herself the same as she told all her healing clients: her dreams deserved to be reached for. It was about time she started practising what she preached.

  Adrenaline flooded her and her heart went into a wild gallop at the very thought of strumming her guitar strings, but instead of allowing it to override her as she usually did, she closed her eyes and breathed through the unwanted sensations, clenching and unclenching her sweaty hands. She’d been on autopilot most of the day, trying to kid herself into thinking that coming here for dinner was no big deal. Yeah, right. Her stomach filled with a flurry of butterflies. She lifted her fingers to her lips as she recalled Ronny’s hungry kiss and the way his hands caressed her skin in the most erotic of ways – her body responding to the memory with longing. She’d never felt like that with a man before – so desperate to make love to him, to feel him inside her as they became one, to fall over the edge of ecstasy with him –
and every inch of her craved to feel it again with him. If only Ronny didn’t have a past he believed he couldn’t share with her, things could be so beautiful between them. She wished he could trust her enough to tell her whatever it was. It couldn’t be anything that would make her think any different of him, could it? Curiosity ran rampant in her mind.

  Stopped at the front gates of the property with the engine still purring, Ivy took a few moments to gather herself while gazing towards where the mist hovered over the mountaintops like a loving embrace. Her body was tingling in all the wrong places and she needed to get a grip, worried her flushed face would give her wayward thoughts away. This dinner was for them to build their relationship as mates, not lovers, and she needed to remember that. After what had happened between them a few weeks ago, she would have never predicted she’d be coming here for dinner, let alone be able to act somewhat normal around him again, but there was just something about his company that put her at ease. She’d wanted to stay mad at him for giving her a glimmer of hope that they could be together and then stealing it from her in the blink of an eye, but after a few days of drowning in self-pity, and using up every box of tissues in the homestead – as well as her aunts’ sensible words about being open-minded if she and Ronny were ever going to have a chance – she’d found it impossible to stay angry. And it was in her nature to forgive – the way she’d reacted upon seeing Malcolm the night of the fundraiser was perfect proof of that. Her mother’s favourite saying, Love people the most when they deserve it the least, was one of her life mottos. She thought the fact that she’d found it almost impossible to put a whole sentence to Ronny over the past few weeks was proof of that, her avoidance of him more out of awkwardness than ill feelings. She would explain that to him tonight if the timing felt right.

  She released the handbrake and drove through the wrought iron gates then stopped at the fork in the road, trying to remember Ronny’s next instruction. Turn to the left when you pull in, turning right will take you to the dam instead of the house and it’s a bit boggy up that way at the moment. Indicating, she turned left, and then laughed at herself. Why was she indicating when she was in the middle of a paddock? Talk about nerves making her not think straight. Wanting to appear calm and collected when she arrived at Ronny’s front door, she turned her radio up and hummed along to a Cold Chisel tune as she drove along the gravel path.

  Driving past a row of apple trees surrounded by impeccably manicured lawns and flourishing gardens, she smiled. It was a woman’s touch; Lottie had clearly taken great pride in her visitors’ first impression of Sundown Farm and it was heartwarming to see that Ronny and Larry were following suit. Beyond the trees were rolling green fields that seemed to disappear into the far-reaching horizon. Ivy sighed softly. Like Healing Hills, Sundown Farm was absolutely breathtaking.

  Soon she was approaching a charming colonial-style timber cottage with wide wrap-around verandahs. A multitude of wind chimes and pretty sun catchers hung from overhead beams, two hammocks hanging in pride of place – she imagined the view from them at dusk and dawn would be amazing. The gardens surrounding the quaint home were mighty impressive, with colourful blooms bright between the green leaves.

  Pulling up under the shade of a towering tree out the back of the cottage, where Ronny had suggested she park, she switched off the engine and began to gather her things, though she’d grab her guitar later on. She spotted Ronny leaning on the banister of the back verandah as she got out of the ute, the dimples on his cheeks prominent either side of his knee-buckling smile. He waved to her then descended the front steps in two bounds. He was dressed in jeans and a western shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, his muscular chest peeking out just enough to make her crave more of it – God, how she loved his burly chest. He was clearly still in his work clothes and, damn, he looked mighty fine. She sucked in a sharp breath, his rugged sexiness not something she could ignore. Images of ripping his shirt from his broad shoulders filled her mind – she just couldn’t help herself.

  ‘Hi, Ronny.’ He was beside her now, the hint of his aftershave making her a little giddy.

  ‘Hey, Ivy, found the place okay?’

  ‘Sure did, easy as.’ She held out a six-pack and a bag of Lindt chocolates. ‘And I come bearing gifts.’

  ‘Oh, salted caramel chocolate, my favourite, thanks.’ He examined the beer. ‘Never heard of this one?’ Ronny took them from her, his hands brushing hers as he did. Ivy felt a familiar warmth seep all the way to her toes.

  ‘It’s local beer, thought you might like to give it a go.’

  ‘I’ll give almost anything a go once.’ He looked at her, his lighthearted smile contrasting with the depth in his eyes. He shook his head as he looked down at his bare feet, groaning. ‘Shit, sorry, talk about foot in mouth – that came out all wrong … I wasn’t referring to –’

  Ivy reached out and brushed his arm. ‘Relax, I know you didn’t mean anything by it.’ She smiled. ‘Let’s just say that from this moment on, we’re starting afresh, hey?’

  He held the beers up, his charming smile back in full force. ‘I’ll drink to that.’

  Ivy breathed a sigh of relief, the last bit of tension between them seeming to melt away. ‘Excellent.’

  Ronny wrapped his arm around her shoulder as he led her towards the pebble pathway. ‘But first, let me show you around the place before it gets dark.’

  ***

  While Ivy waited for Ronny to return a phone call from his sister in Sydney and grab them both a beer while he was at it, she made herself comfortable on the back verandah. Jessie scuttled up the back steps and joined her. Flopping down at Ivy’s feet, the dog rested her head on her paws. From her cosy seat on the couch, Ivy took in the final glimpses of the beauty of Sundown Farm as twilight began to steal away the bright colours of the day. She smiled at the goat and Shetland pony in a nearby paddock; both still gnawing on the clover hay she and Ronny had just fed them. Cindy Clawford meowed beside her and she gave her a gentle stroke. Like Jessie, the adorable bundle of fluff had curled up beside her the minute she’d sat down. The cat’s name had sent her into a fit of laughter when Ronny had first told her, while Cindy was hanging off the leg of her jeans. The feisty feline’s welcome had been less than warm as she’d leapt at Ivy like a lion pouncing on its prey the second Ivy had set foot in the cottage. But the cat had soon been putty in her hands when Ivy had shown her what a good head rub felt like. And contrary to what Ronny had said about Ned before Ivy had met him in the flesh, the goat had been nothing but gentlemanly. With a cheeky grin, Ronny had put it down to Ned being a flirt. And then there was the half-blind rooster, Nugget, who had gone tearing through the backyard and run smack-bang into the clothesline. He had lain there in a daze for a good half a minute, and she’d been terrified he was dead. But then up Nugget had jumped like he’d been lying on a bed of fire ants and off he’d raced once again on a mission none of them were privy to.

  Ronny hadn’t been kidding when he’d called it the funny farm; she hadn’t laughed so much in ages. And God, it felt good. Ronny had a certain way of bringing out the best in her, and there was a lot to be said for a person who could do that. She was so relieved they’d gotten past their moment of weakness, even though it had been a kiss she would never forget – or regret. Ronny Sinclair was the type of bloke she needed in her life as a mate – dependable, trustworthy and so very kind-hearted. Maybe this was the universe’s way of teaching her to trust in men again, so she could finally find her true love? At first she’d thought Ronny had come into her life to save her from her renovation dilemma, but now she was starting to think that Ronny was her angel sent from heaven in more ways than one. He’d certainly come to her rescue a few times, as he was going to tonight with her music.

  The fiery sphere of light in the distance gradually sank beyond the misty horizon, the copper hues giving way to a dusty mauve scattered with the occasional glimmer of a faraway star. As the light faded, so did the warmth of the day, until all that
was left was the chill of twilight and the promise of a cool night to come. Ivy pulled the blanket from the arm of the couch and tossed it over herself and Cindy, being sure to leave the snoozing cat’s head uncovered. She motioned for Jessie to jump up beside her, and she did the same for her canine mate, the blanket just big enough to cover the three of them. Ivy leant back further, all snuggled up with her furry friends as she continued to enjoy Mother Nature’s show. A distant windmill was silhouetted against the velvety sky, the golden dusk now enveloped by the approaching night. And just as effortlessly as day had given way to night, the spectacular performance of the evening sky began. Like the glowing embers of a fire, stars twinkled as the full moon stole the show, illuminating the sky with glorious silver light. Warmth filled her. What a beautiful way to end an equally beautiful afternoon, and they still had dinner to go.

  The creak of the fly-screen door caught Ivy’s attention, and as the sensor light flickered to life, Ronny appeared with two beers in one hand and her guitar case in the other. ‘Thought I’d grab it for you, save you having to get out of your comfy spot. Hope you don’t mind?’

  ‘Talk about pushy,’ she said with a playful grin. ‘Of course I don’t mind.’

  Ronny returned her lighthearted smile, making Ivy feel as though she had firecrackers going off inside her. She was about to make some sweet music with the sexiest man she’d ever met, which was almost as good as making love.

  Ronny placed the case on the floor. ‘Just going to duck back inside and grab mine, be back in a sec.’

  When he finally sat beside her, his guitar in his lap, he asked, ‘What song do you want to try first?’

  Ivy thought for a few moments, and then smiled, the tune in her head bringing back many happy memories from her childhood. ‘How about “Wish You Were Here” by Pink Floyd?’