Being Human

by Patricia Lynne

  Why did humans bury their dead?

  The question took me aback and I knew I should know the answer. I must have known the answer when I was human.

  “It doesn't matter!” I yelled at the world around me.

  Why was I talking to nature? I should be in a good mood. I just fed and the human had delicious blood. What would humans compare it to? What foods were considered a luxurious treat? More answers forgotten.

  Why couldn't I forget my brother?

  As if on cue, a faint breeze carried a scent. It drifted to me, surrounding me and tickling my nose. I turned and followed it like a sailor would a beacon to safety. As I ran, the scent intensified, growing more pungent in the dark air. It seeped into my surroundings, embedding itself in the trees and the ground. The scent said it belonged here; my brother belonged here. Why?

  Was it because I was here?

  The sound of water gently lapping broke the silence as I ran. I changed direction slightly and moved toward the water, knowing he would be near it. The trees around me thinned, opening up to a large field. No, it wasn't a field, it was a yard.

  A few hundred feet ahead, on the edge of a lake, a cabin stood bathed in the light of a half moon. The sides were rough-hewn wood with windows cut into them, a chimney nestled against one side of the peaked roof, and a porch stretched across the length of the front of the cabin, uneven steps leading to it. Nothing adorned the porch, no chairs, tables or mats.

  “I knew you'd remember this.”

  I turned to find my brother standing at the edge of the lake. His shoes were off, pants rolled up as the water lapped at his toes. Across the lake were more cabins, a few with twinkling lights. If I listened closely, I could make out the rhythms beating inside them.

  “I don't remember. I only caught your scent and followed,” I replied.

  “Oh.” His shoulders slumped. He perked up a little. “You still came.”

  “I didn't want another to find you.”

  “Another what?”

  “Vampire. Because if one’s going to kill you, it should be me.”

  His eyes widened, his mouth opened in shock and he croaked one word, “Oh.”

  I looked at him, seeing and smelling his fear. “I wouldn't do that though.”

  “Oh,” he repeated, not so horrified.

  “I don't want you dead.”

  “Oh?”

  “No,” I confirmed and paused, considering my next words. “You're my brother. I don't remember being your brother, but I feel it. It's why I stopped when you touched me. I saw you and knew who you were.” I looked at him, catching his gaze. “I won't let anyone hurt you. If they do, I'll kill them.”

  The Adam’s apple in his neck bobbed as he swallowed. “You don't have to do that.”

  I tilted my head. “Why not?”

  Another bob of his Adam’s apple was accompanied with a step backward. “You look creepy when you tilt your head. It looks like you're thinking about eating me.”

  I untilted my head. “It's crossed my mind.”

  “But you said you didn't want me dead.” His voice was slow and uncertain.

  “I don't,” I assured him. “I can bite and not kill. I choose not to.”

  For a long moment he was silent. Emotion flashed across his face: confusion, fear and anger. His words seemed carefully chosen when he finally spoke. “You choose not to... So you don't have to kill, but you do because you want to?”

  Before I could answer, he turned away from me and headed back to the cabin. I followed him, wondering why he didn't want to hear my answer. Should I have lied to him? There was no reason to lie to him. Lying was pointless.

  He tugged his shoes on, unrolled his pants and lay on the grass. He spread his arms above his head, eyes staring at the dark sky. I lay next to him, looking at the sparkling stars and the half moon glowing. The scene felt peaceful, full of serenity that was missing here on the ground. I wondered what it'd be like to be up there, surrounded by peace.

  “Are you mad at me?”

  My brother looked at me and I realized that the question had come from me.

  “No,” he said. “I'm trying to understand you. It's unnerving, seeing you this way. So emotionless and void. You say everything in a matter-of-fact tone, like it's the truth and there's nothing I can do about it.”

  “I feel emotions.”

  “You don't sound like it.”

  I sat up, looking at him. He stared back up at me, waiting. I smiled and still he remained silent.

  “Well?” I asked.

  “What?”

  “I smiled.”

  “I didn't see you smile,” he replied. “Your lips twitched. Were you smiling again?”

  “I was frowning,” I corrected and lay back down.

  “Guess you do it too fast for me to see,” he sighed.

  We lapsed back into silence. The only sounds I could hear were the water lapping at the lake’s edge and my brother's breathing and heartbeat. All three were steady and soothing noises. I felt like the world around us didn't matter. It was me and him and I didn’t want it to end.

  “Tomm–”

  In a flash, I sat up, silencing him with the sudden movement. I stared at him, a feeling of unease welling in me. “Don't,” I whispered, “ever say my name. Don't say mine and I won't say yours. Understand?”

  “Okay.” He raised an eyebrow at me. “Guess it's true what they say, vampires fear names.”

  “Names have power. Power to make you see what you don't want to see.”

  “What don't you want to see?”

  I leaned closer and he shifted uncomfortably. He kept his eyes on mine, trying not to let his fear overpower him. Was that human instinct? To naturally fear vampires? Had I? It made sense. Vampires hunted humans. I hunted humans, but he was more than just blood to me. He was my brother and that was so important it trumped every vampire instinct in me.

  My voice was a whisper, just loud enough for him to hear. “We don't want to see you.”

  ****

  The next night I returned to the cabin. As I wandered around the dark building, my mind shifted between my brother and my hunger. I had no intention of hunting. Last night I hadn’t needed to; that was me being a glutton. The reality of vampires is that the hunger is always there, but the need – the driving force behind the hunger – isn’t. Need arises once or twice a week, maybe less; it depends on the vampire.

  While I waited for my brother, I peeked in the windows of the cabin, looking past the curtains. White sheets covered the furniture and the fireplace was cleaned of soot. I turned and looked at the cabins across the lake, glowing with twinkling lights. Why did this one feel abandoned?

  Time ticked by as I waited, pacing across the length of the porch. The moon moved across the sky, disappearing behind the trees. Still, my brother didn't appear. I figured he'd come back. Okay, so I hadn't said anything to him about meeting at the cabin again, but I figured it was a given.

  I jumped off the porch and stalked around the cabin, smelling and listening. The smell of grass, water and wood was thick in the air, but my brother’s scent was fading. I headed down the gravel driveway, his fading trail leading me that way.

  There was still no sign of him when the gravel turned to pavement. I kept walking, moving into the ditch in case a car passed. I could have a snack, I mused. I shook my head. No time for snacks. Not until I found my brother.

  At the edge of the town, I melted into the shadows and headed to the only other place I figured he could be: our home. Yellow police tape was strung across the front door. The curtains on the first floor windows pulled tight. I climbed to the second story, finding open curtains. The room where I had murdered my parents was covered in more yellow tape, white chalk outlines and little numbered markers. The smell of blood hung in the air, reminding me of my only memory of them. That memory no longer mattered, so I pushed it back and moved to the next window. That window revealed a small and tidy bathroom. The next window showed another bedroom.r />
  A bed was nestled against the window, the blankets dark red and pulled back. Shoes and clothes were scattered across the floor. A dresser held a small TV and a video game console. This room was obviously my brother’s, I concluded. But he wasn’t in it. Maybe he was downstairs? I hadn’t seen any lights shining behind the downstairs curtains though.

  I glanced down the side of the house and saw one more window. I climbed to it, maybe this was it. My brother was in this room.

  But who did the other room belong to?

  I peered through the curtains in the last room. The bed was in a different position and it looked like the contents had been hastily removed and anything unimportant discarded. To my dismay, he wasn’t in this room either.

  I dropped to the ground, frowning. With an irritated growl, it hit me. There was no rhythm coming from the house. No steady heartbeat indicating my brother was inside. I had been so preoccupied with finding him that I completely ignored my senses and overlooked that fact.

  I marched to the nearest house and pounded on the door. An outside light flared to life, a lock clicked and the door inched open. I shoved it, snapping the security chain. The elderly human on the other side cried out in shock. I grabbed her before she fell out of reach, her arm frail in my grip.

  “Where is he?”

  Her mouth soundlessly opened and closed, fear filling her scent with its alluring odor.

  I sighed in annoyance. Humans scared too easily. Wiping the irritation from my face, I tried again. “Where is my brother?”

  “I-I-I don't know who your brother is.”

  “Bullshit! He looks just like me.” I pointed at my face. “His skin's a little pinker and he smiles more. He's alive. He wasn't at the cabin and he's not at our house. I want to know where he is.”

  “Maybe if you tell me his name,” she stuttered.

  “Not on your life. You're not holding any power over him!” Anger out of control again, I bit it back and made my voice as pleasant as possible. “His parents just died. They were murdered–”

  “You mean Da–”

  “Don't say his name!” I snapped. “Just tell me where he is.”

  “His aunt and uncle took him,” she gasped, her breathing labored. “They live in New York City, but I heard he's still attending school here since it’s only a few miles away.” Her eyes were abnormally large and spit dribbled down her chin.

  “Are you going to die?” I demanded. “How can humans tell?”

  “I don't know. My knees feel weak and my chest hurts. Why?” The last word was whispered.

  “If you're dying, I'm going to kill you because that would be a waste of blood.”

  She did the oddest thing then. Her eyes rolled back until all I saw was white. Her knees buckled under her and she collapsed in my arms.

  I shook her, trying to wake her. “Wake up, you need to tell me if you’re going to die.”

  When she didn’t stir, I propped her against the doorway, where she slumped over, and headed down the steps. At the bottom, I paused. Maybe I should push her inside. Humans did enjoy staying in their houses. Every human I had seen tonight was in their home; the ones at the lake were in their cabins, my parents and brother had been inside when I came home.

  I stood at the foot of the steps, torn by indecision. The human looked like a discarded doll, sprawled in the doorway. I supposed if it was me, I'd want someone to push me back inside.

  Crackling energy filled the doorway, reminding me I wasn’t welcomed in, as I pushed the her inside. Once she was inside, I came across another problem. The door swung into the house. I pushed on the energy, trying to reach inside and grab the doorknob, but jolts shot up my arm, slicing my skin open.

  “Whatever. I don't know why I'm bothering,” I grumbled and darted down the steps.

  ****

  New York City. The last light from the sun had dissipated into blackness and humans filled the city streets. They scurried down the sidewalks, looking unconcerned, yet in a hurry. Cars packed the streets, honking at one another. Businesses glowed with lights, signs flashing in the windows.

  “Best not to linger.”

  I whirled around at the voice behind me, stumbling out of the shadows I was hidden in and into the light. An uncontrolled growl escaped me and I clamped my hand over my mouth to stifle it. The humans around me halted, their eyes locking on me.

  “Easy.” The vampire stepped into the light and the human’s eyes shifted to him.

  Another growl rumbled, instincts fighting to decide who the bigger threat was: the many humans surrounding me or the single, older vampire before me?

  “Easy,” the vampire repeated. “If you ignore them, they'll leave you alone. They figure if there's a lot of them, then they're safe. True, a lone human is an easier meal than a single human in a crowd.”

  “They're not afraid?”

  “They are, but you’d be wise to hunt elsewhere.” He shrugged. “Humans here carry these little torches. It doesn't produce a lot, a foot long flame, but we’re sensitive to fire and it spreads quickly.”

  I looked back at the thinning crowd, now noticing little black devices clutched in the remaining humans’ hands. Even with those little devices, they had cleared out quickly. “That's weird.”

  His head tilted slightly. “How old?”

  “Three days,” I said, continuing to watch the humans.

  “That means your instincts aren't fully developed and it's dangerous for you to be here,” he replied. “Not until you have everything figured out. There are too many humans. A new one like yourself should stick with small towns or the roads.”

  He was right. My instincts warned of the dangers pressing on me from all sides. The sheer number of humans had me on edge, a desire urging me to escape to safety.

  “I can't. I have to find my brother.”

  The look the vampire gave me was uncertain. Like he thought I was crazy or going crazy. “What brother?”

  “He's my twin. An old human told me our aunt and uncle took him here. I have to find him and take him home.”

  “Are you saying your brother is human?”

  “Yeah.” My eyes narrowed at the vampire. “I'll kill anyone who tries to harm him!”

  “Your human brother?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Your brother... is human?”

  “Yes,” I snapped. “I don't remember being human or his brother, but I know it. I feel it. After I woke up, I returned home and murdered our parents and he was there. Now he's not and I'm told he's here somewhere and I need to find him.”

  “So, he's your brother, but you don't remember anything else about your human life?”

  “Yes,” I sighed. “I don't care about my human life. I care about my brother.”

  “Now that is weird.”

  I glowered at him, annoyed the vampire wasn't getting it. He was my brother. That didn't mean he had to be a vampire too.

  “Well, good luck on your search. Remember, as long as you don't bother them, they won't bother you.” The vampire sank back into the shadows and flitted up a wall. I watched his silhouette glide across the rooftops.

  The vampire’s words in mind, I started searching. When possible, I stayed in the shadows, trying to be invisible to human eyes. When I couldn't, I moved as fast as possible. The vampire had been right though. As long as I ignored the humans, they mostly ignored me.

  As the night wore on, there was no trace of my brother. I didn't see him among any of the many human faces I passed, didn't catch a whiff of his scent either. Desperation curled in my stomach. Maybe if I made my approach look harmless, I could ask the humans if they had seen him.

  The first one shrieked when I approached, brandishing the mini flame-thrower. As human eyes bore into me and a hostile feeling filled the air, I darted back into the shadows. I ran as fast as I could, finally halting blocks away.

  With the next human, I tried calling out. That human took off running while the rest stared at me in confusion. I tried approachi
ng a few more, all with the same results.

  Frustration welled in me as I stood on the street corner, humans hurrying past. I stomped into the middle of the crosswalk, planting myself in front of a taxi. The driver's eyes widened at me and I saw the locks on his doors click down.

  “Hey!” I kept my voice loud and calm. “I'm looking for my brother. He looks just like me, but he's alive. Has anyone seen him?”

  Every human froze in their spots, the cars motionless in the street. They watched me, their mouths hanging stupidly open. It was like I stopped the world and it couldn't restart.

  “Well? Has anyone seen a human like me?” I repeated after a long moment of silence.

  Something clicked in the humans. Eyes blinked, mouths closed and the humans came back to life. Heads shook and they continued on their way. A driver timidly honked his horn at me and motioned me to move. I moved back onto the sidewalk, defeated.

  Not one of them had seen him.

  I took a deep, calming breath. I'd try the next intersection. I'd try until I found someone who had seen him, knew where our aunt and uncle took him.

  “Excuse me?” a timid voice trembled.

  Hope rose in me and I dashed to the human.

  Almost as fast, she thrust the mini flame-thrower in my face. Her hand shook as she held it, fear oozing from her. She gulped down a breath and spoke. “Are you sure you didn't kill him?”

  “No, I wouldn't kill him or do anything to hurt him! I just want to find him so we can go home. I've decided I'll live in our house with him. I don't care what the humans back home think. They're not separating us,” I snapped.

  “Okay,” she squeaked. “Maybe you should file a missing person's report.”

  “He's not missing; he is here in this city.” This human wasn't being nearly as helpful as I wanted.

  “Did you get the address?”

  “No!” I snarled.

  “Sorry,” she squeaked and stepped back. Her eyes darted around, seeking safety.