Pushed

by Leah Holt

  Tipping my head up towards the sky, I wished on falling stars I couldn't see. I wanted to shrink and disappear, I wanted to turn into air and be swept from his grasp.

  But it didn't work, my wish fell into the ocean, crashing down like a boulder being dropped from the heavens.

  “Walk,” he barked, shoving me forward.

  Licking my dry lips, I forced myself to ask the only question that really held any weight in my mind. “What are you going to do with me?”

  Laughing, Machi squeezed my forearm harder. “Well little girl, I guess that depends.”

  Taking in a deep breath, I sniffled, trying to bury every emotion that wanted to take over. I wanted to be strong, I wanted to turn into stone so he couldn't hurt me.

  I didn't want to cry, I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing how scared I truly was. Because men like him fed off your weaknesses, they inhaled your fear and swallowed your soul, all to experience the power they craved.

  But it didn't matter, he could probably smell it, he could probably feel it just from the shaking in my muscles and the quiver in my voice.

  “Depends on what?” I asked, forcing as much calmness into my vocal cords that I could.

  “On how good you are.” I couldn't see his face, but I knew he was smiling. I could feel it in his tone, in the way he spoke. “You're about to get a taste of a new world, a new life. If you listen, if you do as your told, well. . .” Pausing, his thumb stroked my arm. “You could be one of the lucky ones.”

  The lucky ones?

  What the fuck does he mean?

  “I just want to go home. Please let me go, I won't say anything, I promise.”

  “Your promise is no good now, it means shit.” Clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth, I felt the heat off his breath as he lowered his face to my ear. “It's a little too late for promises.”

  No good?

  He isn't even listening to me!

  My chest began to rise and fall rapidly as he continued to push me forward, leading me to an uncertain place for an unknown reason. His explanation had been nothing less than cryptic, giving me no clues to the true nature of his plan.

  No! I won't let him do this!

  I can't just let him take me without fighting for myself.

  I felt empowered, filling with determination and a will to live. I wasn't going to just stand there and allow him to push me through the darkness to my death, not without a fight.

  So I did the only thing I could; I ran.

  Rocking my shoulder hard, I yanked my arm free. His fingers tried to dig in, they tried to grip tighter and hold me in place. I felt them swipe my skin, brushing over with the weight of a feather, but I slipped away.

  Pushing myself forward, I darted to the left and ran. I ran as fast as I could, blindfolded and struggling to rip my hands free of the bindings.

  The ground crunched like broken glass under my feet, each step was one unknown after another. Every time my foot hit the dirt, I was playing with fire. I wasn't sure what was in front of me, and honestly, I didn't care.

  If I ran off a cliff into the water below, then I would accept the liquid into my lungs. If I ran into a busy highway and was hit full force by an oncoming truck, then I would accept the feel of metal on my bones as it crushed the life out me.

  Because death by my own hand was easier to deal with than the idea of being raped or murdered by a group of savage beasts.

  Just run!

  Run and don't stop running!

  Lunging forward with my feet, a set of hands wrapped around my waist, lifting me off the ground in one swoop.

  A voice I recognized from the small apartment whispered in my ear. “Gotcha.” It was the tall man with the dead eyes. “Which room do you want her in?” he asked, speaking in a tone that was so calm and collected, I knew it hadn't been his first time capturing a runaway.

  “Open up the white room, Fior, she belongs there.”

  What the hell is the white room?

  I don't belong here! I belong home!

  Screaming, I kicked my legs and jostled my body. “No! Let me go! Fuck you! Fuck you and your white room!”

  “Feisty, I like that,” Fior said, clinging to me tighter. Walking forward, his feet thumped into the sand, kicking it back up and over my back.

  “Careful with that one, Fior, I need her.”

  Letting my body fall limp, I lifted my head in the direction of Machi's voice. “Why do you need me? I'm no good to you.”

  He didn't answer. A raspy chuckle pierced my ears as Machi growled like a rabid animal. His fingers raked through my hair, yanking my head off Fior's shoulder. “Your time for questions is done.”

  Chapter Three

  Imperial

  I sat alone in complete silence, the blindfold still firmly wrapped around my head, soaked from tears and sticking to my eyes. My arms were numb from shoulder to elbow, my wrists hot and stinging where the rope had broken through the flesh.

  I was drained; mentally and physically. Too much had taken place for me to wrap my head around. My brain was spent, willingly shutting down and allowing the numbness to spread through my body.

  The only sounds around me were my heartbeat hammering inside my chest and the questions I couldn't get out of my head.

  How long before he kills me?

  What is he planning for me?

  What kind of monster would do this?

  I should have been terrified, frantic and crazed, just waiting for the next thing to happen. But I wasn't.

  There were no emotions flowing through me, I was stone cold. There were only two things I was focused on, two things that meant the world to me to get back.

  I need my eyes because I need to see.

  I need my arms because I need to move.

  Without them, I was a caged animal. I couldn't do anything to save myself.

  Rubbing the side of my head against my shoulder, I tried desperately to push the blindfold up. I just couldn't get close enough to move it.

  Fuck!

  Come on!

  There was too much vulnerability not having my sight. Anyone could be watching me, they could be hovering in the corner, mirroring a silent assassin just waiting for the order to strike.

  The thought made me shift in place, trying to listen harder. I held my breath for a long second, listening for the exhale of someone else, listening for a light swallow or shift of a boot against the floor.

  There was nothing. I was left to wonder and worry about an imaginary man sitting in the corner just watching me.

  What would you do if someone was there?

  Nothing.

  The creak of a door slowly crept into my ears, forcing me to whip my head in the direction of the sound. I sat still, letting my ears do all the work, trying to figure out if someone was actually coming in or just checking up on me.

  Why would they need to check on you?

  Where the hell would you go?

  “I hope you like the room, I keep this one for all the girls I see as special.” Cutting the silence into bits, his dark voice stabbed my ears.

  Machi.

  Just knowing he was there was enough to turn my blood hot, to make it bubble up in a rage I hadn't ever felt before. For all the fear I should have felt, anger was the only thing that came to life. It was tempering all my worry and pushing adrenaline through my veins.

  Fuck! I want this blindfold off!

  Dipping my head into my shoulder, I tried again to remove the fabric. My shoulder bounced up and down, my head slid and rolled over the curve in the joint. Taking in long, slow pulls through thinned lips, I grunted in frustration.

  “Damn it!” Throwing my head back, my chest heaved in despair.

  “I take it you want it off?” The door clinked shut as he spoke, but I didn't hear him move. And I was listening, I made sure of that. “I don't blame you, the excitement must be killing you.”

  Curling my lip, I barked. “Fuck you!” Jumping to my feet without even thin
king about it, the floor was cold, the wood dry and cracked as I dug my toes into it.

  They had taken everything from me. Everything.

  I was left with nothing and almost completely bare, allowed to keep just my bra and panties. But I didn't feel cold or hot, I didn't feel more vulnerable because I was lacking anything to cover my body.

  What I did feel was raw, it came in from a place I didn't know existed. I felt strong for not feeling fear, I felt confident for not allowing the stripping to tear me apart.

  There was no doubt in my mind that they wanted to remove everything I had so I would feel weaker. It didn't work.

  “Sit back down, you don't need to get up, I just came to talk.”

  My teeth cut into my cheek as I bit down hard, while my heart sped up, playing a tune that only I could hear. “Fuck you, Asshole!”

  “Sit,” he demanded, his tone low and fierce.

  My body reacted instantly, dropping back to the mattress behind me before I could protest. It was as if all my muscles were in charge, knowing that they were useless without vision.

  If I had my sight, I could run, I could charge him and break free. But being blinded and bound left me at his mercy. I couldn't open a door or climb a fence, I couldn't protect myself in any way.

  I tried running already and it got me nowhere.

  I wouldn't make the same mistake twice. There was nothing I could do. . .

  Yet.

  Machi's feet thudded against the hard floor, his presence unwelcomed and detested. I could smell the fragrance of his cologne as he stepped closer, and I wanted to hate it.

  My brain was telling me to lash out, to scream and demand answers, to hit him and kick him and make him hurt.

  But my heart drummed with sour and sweet, careening around inside my chest like a caged bird trying to be set free. I felt goosebumps explode over my skin as he grew closer and his cologne threatened to high-jack my body, making it do things that shouldn't exist in a situation like this.

  That scent, it wasn't evil or angry, it wasn't concocted from someplace dark and meant to be hated. There were top notes of pink pepper and heart notes of dry cedar. He smelled toxic.

  My thighs trembled, as if waiting for him to speak was exciting, my lungs devoured the tiny scent that remained, begging for him to move closer, while every nerve fizzled, anticipating his touch on my skin.

  Inhaling a subtle breath, his scent hovered inside, morphing my hate for him into some strange, crazy lust I couldn't understand.

  I didn't like it.

  It made me feel sick to my stomach that even the smallest amount of desire would try and break through in such a devilish scenario.

  It's just your emotions going haywire, that's all. It's not real.

  Gritting my teeth, I forced myself to come down from the clouds and stop letting his cologne make me think of him as anything other than a monster.

  Because that's exactly what he was.

  He kidnapped me, he tied me up and threw me in a trunk, tossing me into a room to wait; I was left waiting to learn more, waiting to find out what he had planned for me.

  The hours leaked together, the seconds passed in flashes, blending this horrible night into one long, torturous event. Time didn't seem to exist anymore, it wasn't a part of this world.

  All I wanted was to be set free.

  The mattress creaked as he sat beside me, the heat off his body bristled my skin. I didn't want him near me, I wanted him to stay far away. But my nose wanted more, it betrayed me, allowing him to infiltrate my brain.

  Sitting up straight, I forced my breathing to seize. He was too close, I needed to move.

  Temptation to shift away itched over my muscles, but I stayed still. It was hard as hell to not force space between us, but I wanted to be strong, I wanted to be fearless.

  The pads of his fingers brush over my head, causing my body to jerk in surprise. “Don't worry,” he said, “I won't hurt you.”

  Arching my lip, I spoke through my teeth. “You lie.”

  His hand flattened, palm gliding down my hair, smoothing it over my back. “You don't know me well enough to call me a liar.”

  Snapping my back straight, I kept my head facing forward. Even if I didn't have the blindfold on, I still wouldn't have looked at him. “I don't want to know you at all.”

  Sucking in a loud rush of air, he clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “Maybe you should have thought of that before you stuck your face in that window. But I have news for you, that's going to change. I'm the only friend you have here.”

  “Friend?” Letting out a light chuckle, I angled my face over my shoulder in his direction. “You're far from a friend, you're an evil bastard, you're a sick fucking psycho, that's what you are.”

  I hated not being able to see. I had no clue what he was about to do. Machi could have had a gun pointed at my face and I wouldn't know it until it was too late and I heard the click of the trigger.

  Or felt the grip of his fingers around my throat.

  His hand swept over my shoulders, rubbing my back in large circles. “Don't touch me.” Twisting my upper body, his hand slid off.

  Heaving out a long sigh, he rested his palm on my thigh. “I'm going to tell you something you won't want to hear. I hope you're a good listener, little girl, because it's important that you hear me.” His hand stroked up and down the inside of my leg, soft and slow. “You are no longer the girl you used to be, in here you are nothing. You're mine now, I own you. Do you understand that?”

  With darkness surrounding me, I bared my teeth as I spoke. “You've got that wrong, Asshole, you are nothing.” Flaring my nostrils, I tipped my head up. “Do you understand? People are going to look for me, they're going to come!”

  Machi let out a growl, his voice deep and raspy. “You know what I'm capable of, you saw it first hand.” Slamming his hand into my hair, he tore my head back. “Don't test me.”

  My voice cracked as I gasped and the pain in my scalp spread around my face, hitting my eyes and forcing them to water.

  Swallowing hard, I blinked my lids and sucked in a heated breath. “Why are you doing this to me?”

  Releasing my head, I felt his fingers start to work at the knot on my wrists. “Why does anyone do anything?”

  “That doesn't make sense. You can't compare this to a normal situation, it's different, it's evil.”

  His fingers pushed and pulled, jerking and tearing at the rope. “I guess we have different opinions on evil then.”

  “Tell me why.”

  “I lost something tonight, then I found something.” His fingers kept digging and pulling, forcing the rope deeper into my skin as he worked at the knot. “You just happened to be the something I found.”

  “So this is what—punishment? What about that man? What did he do to you?”

  Machi breathed in deep through his nose as he spoke. “That man deserved what he got, he deserved more if you ask me. If I could resurrect him just to kill him over and over again, I would. No one is going to miss him.”

  What the hell does that mean?

  Did that mean I deserved this too?

  “How can you say that? That's not for you to decide, you're not God, you're not the law. Who are you to kill a man just because you think he deserved it?”

  “He made choices, sometimes your choices get you killed.”

  I wanted to understand him, but there was no possible way for me to know what the hell he was talking about. “Is that what I have coming to me too? I made a choice, are you going to kill me for it?”

  Machi grew quiet, his breathing slowing down to almost nonexistent as his fingers froze up, sitting stagnant. There was no answer.

  “Well?” I asked, letting my shoulders slump forward. “Is that what's going to happen? Are you going to squeeze the life out my lungs too because I made the choice to look?”

  “You're choice was stupid, you were a nosy little thing that couldn't help yourself. That man, that man made a choic
e that affected me directly, and there's no erasing what he did.” The rope tickled my wrist, slithering over the skin as he pulled a loop free.

  My lip trembled, unsure if he was trying to calm me down or throw me off so I didn't fight against him. “When will my choice get me killed?”

  I felt his muscles tighten as his fingers stopped moving and his breathing picked up. I wanted to keep him talking, I wanted him to hopefully see me as a human and not something he could just dispose of if he felt I deserved it.

  “I have family you know, they're probably worried about me. Could I call them? Will you let me—”

  “Enough with the questions!” he yelled, yanking my wrists down hard as he slammed his hand against the mattress. “There's nothing I can do, this is your reality now. You put yourself here.”

  “I didn't do anything to deserve this. I already told you I wouldn't say anything about what I saw. What more do you want?”

  “It's not what I want, it's what I need. I need everything and you're going to give it to me.”

  “I'm not giving you shit! There's nothing you can do to make me do what you want!” Pursing my lips, my jaw crooked to the side.

  I knew he couldn't see my eyes, but I was hoping he could feel them. He had to, there was no way the daggers in my gaze didn't stab him where he sat.

  Machi's hand brushed the side of my face, gently stroking my jaw. “That's where you're wrong.” Pinching my chin, he turned my face up, touching his nose to mine. “The more you fight, the worse it will be for you. The more you struggle, the harder it will be for you to be set free. That's what you want isn't it? To go home, back to your life, back to your little innocent world? I can only do so much, you'll need to do the rest.” The rope freed, dropping off my wrists. “I need you to think about what means more to you—your pride or your freedom?”

  What kind of question is that?

  He didn't own the rights to either, he didn't own the gavel that should decide what was mine to keep.

  “Why can't I have both? You don't own the right to steal either one from me.”

  “You lost that right the moment you decided to stick your face in that window.”