Pushed

by Leah Holt

  My chest hurt, it was tight and stiff, and I couldn't breath as the thick air swelled inside, filling my lungs like water.

  This is it. I'm being sold, I'll never see my family, my friends. . . Him.

  It's all over.

  The two of us stood in the backroom of the stage, but we weren't alone. There were others, more girls being put on a pedestal for the gain of wealth and the sick thrill of owning a human sex slave.

  I kept my head down the best I could, trying not to shift my eyes too much. Running my hand up and down my leg, I watched my toes as I lifted and curled them off the floor.

  Behind me, delicate sniffles turned into heavy sobs. A dominant voice huffed with annoyance, speaking harsh and firm. “That's enough. I don't want to see one more fucking tear, understand?”

  Glancing over my shoulder, a small woman rubbed her nose and nodded yes, then cupped her hands in front of her waist. Grunting, the man leaned down, speaking through thinned lips. “One more, if I see one more—” Holding up his finger, he tapped the end of her nose. “You'll leave here blind.”

  It wasn't just an empty threat, he was serious. The state of her body was all I needed to know he meant what he said. She had been beaten, underfed, and was barely alive as it was.

  Even in the shadows her bruises were visible, painting her skin like the scars of a disease. One of her eyes were black and blue, swelled up to the point it was almost completely shut. Her hips were protruding, poking out like spikes under the dress that hung loosely off her frame.

  Straightening his spine, the man glared over my head and onto the stage. His eyes flashed with power, a sick satisfaction that he was in control and she could do nothing about it.

  Slowly her eyes shifted up, connecting with mine. Forcing my lips to curl, I smiled at her.

  I don't know why, I guess it was just muscle memory, a learned reaction for when two people looked at each other. It wasn't like I expected her to return the motion, but I never thought I'd see another person vanish before my eyes.

  She didn't smile, she didn't nod or move to show that she had seen me. Her eyes dulled, dropping down to the floor as her shoulders rolled forward and the last piece of her that was human expelled from her body.

  I watched whoever she was disappear just like that; gone, lost to a world that she had no control over.

  She doesn't deserve this, she doesn't deserve a man who's only going to see her as a pet.

  Whoever she had been, whatever part of her that had clung to an existence, dissolved as this sick world broke her down into nothing than more than a walking skeleton with a faint heartbeat.

  “Alright, who's ready?” The announcer's voice cut in, forcing my eyes to snap up to the stage. “Did you guys even hear me? I said who's ready?” Holding a hand to his ear, he cupped it and leaned closer to the crowd.

  The room erupted in cheers and yells, barks and grunts. “That's better,” he said, pushing the microphone to his lips. “Let me introduce you all to the gorgeous and completely available women we have tonight.” Fanning out his arm in our direction, he smirked wildly.

  Machi pulled me to his side, scooping his hand into the small of my back. “Everything will be okay, Pixie, I promise.” Guiding me forward, he edged me onto the stage.

  Okay? How is this okay?

  Pleading with my eyes, I dug my toes into the wood and tried to cling desperately to the thin splinters cutting into my feet. I wasn't ready for this, I didn't want it at all.

  All I wanted from the beginning was to go home, that was it. But where I found myself was as far away from home as you could get.

  How could you do this to me? My eyes begged him to stop, to just take me away and not make me go out there. Please, don't. . . Don't do this!

  “Time to go, Pixie.” Machi nodded, tipping his head with a quick jerk. “Go, trust me.”

  Trust you! This is bullshit! We can run, we can run and flee and no one would ever find us!

  Swallowing hard, he took a firm step back and ticked his head forward, telling me to go. My heart dissolved inside my chest, bleeding into my body and filling my core with angry coals.

  I wanted to run right off the stage, dive into the crowd and sprint away. I could do it, I could charge forward and take off into the pitch black room. No one would see me in the darkness, no one would be able to catch me if they couldn't even see where I went.

  Glancing back over my shoulder, Machi's lids thinned as he shook his head no and pointed for me to keep going.

  Swallowing hard, I lifted my feet and walked with heavy steps into the spotlight. A row of women had already formed, standing shoulder to shoulder. Brushing against the last girl on the end, I took my place beside her.

  If I had the tears to cry, I would have, but I was bone dry and numb. There was nothing left inside me, it was all gone as the girl I used to know shriveled up and crumbled into dust.

  My blood had dried up, my lungs had stopped working, my heart had stopped beating. On that stage I was a cavern, an empty shell that only mirrored who I used to be.

  Imperial was gone.

  The announcer chuckled loudly, holding out his arm to the line of women. I tried to look into the crowd, but the light was too bright, creating a glare over the faces staring back at us.

  “Well, it looks to me like the first runner up tonight has taken it upon herself to get noticed.” The crowd laughed and yelped, grunting in wild tones. “Gentlemen, let me introduce you to Pixie!”

  Wait. . . What?

  Why me? Why am I first?

  I twisted quickly to look at Machi, hoping he would bolt onto the stage and save me. I wanted him to rush out and not allow some other man to buy me.

  Tucking his arms around his chest, his lips turned down into a knowing frown.

  Shit. I fucked up already.

  I didn't need him to tell me, I realized it instantly. I had been the only girl looking up, I hadn't followed the rules, and that set me apart from the rest, singling myself out to go first.

  “Don't be shy, Love, step forward, let these guys have a good look at you.”

  Swallowing hard, I took a long step out. But I still didn't drop my head, I refused to let them have that.

  I had already fucked up, so what difference did it make anymore?

  Let the room decide for themselves if they wanted to take on a challenge, let them question my abilities to follow orders.

  Because the man that bought me was going to have his hands full. I didn't plan on playing nice, I didn't plan on just laying down and giving up. I might not have been Imperial anymore, but that didn't mean I wouldn't still fight for myself.

  Tipping my chin up, I squared my shoulders, holding my head high.

  “We have a feisty one tonight, this should be good. Do I hear A thousand?”

  The room exploded with barks and hoots as paddles jumped in every direction, forcing the bidding higher and higher.

  His numbers kept climbing by the thousand until the bidding trickled down to two men. Their faces were blank to me, I could hear them yelling numbers, I could hear the deep tones jump between both men.

  “Forty!”

  “Fifty!”

  “Sixty!”

  Everything slowed down around me. Staring up at the spotlight, I let the heat off the single flame warm my muscles as I said goodbye to everything I used to know.

  I'm sorry, Mom, I love you, don't worry, I'll be okay. Cassie, take care of Velcro, I miss you guys. Goodbye for now, I'll be home one day.

  “Eighty, do I hear ninety?” Pausing, he pointed out into the sea of men. “Eighty! Going once, going twice, sold!”

  Eighty thousand dollars. . .

  That's my worth.

  What should you feel when you actually have a value placed on your body? What should flow through your veins when you hear the amount that someone is willing to pay for you?

  I had gone from a woman into a retail object meant for sexual destruction and emotional distress.

  Ther
e was no feeling, only hatred.

  And as a man I had never seen before came to the edge of the stage, he held his hand out towards me, wiggling his fingers. His hair was dusk red, his eyes dull and moss green as his lips formed a tortured smile and his cheeks blushed cherry red.

  “Go on, Love, meet your new master,” The announcer said as he waved me away. “Next up. . .” His words trailed off as the room went silent around me.

  I couldn't hear any more voices or sounds as a vortex opened up and swallowed me whole. Change was all around me as I stared at the man who was willing to pay for a slave, willing to allow the devil to claim his soul as he claimed mine.

  Walking towards him, I took one last look at where Machi had been standing, but he was gone. There was black air where he stood, his figure a mere presence in my mind.

  I had lost everything in that moment; myself, my life, and the man that made me feel more human than I had ever felt before.

  He was a ghost, a shadow in my memories. He was a face that would always be there when my eyes closed, he was a touch that would always wrap my skin, he was a voice that would always play in my ear.

  And he would always own a piece of my heart.

  Chapter Twenty

  Machi

  It's done. She's gone.

  I couldn't stay once I heard the gavel drop. The word had come out, the sale now set in stone. . . My job was over.

  It was time for me to end it all. I knew Imperial was in the hands of another now, she had been purchased and there was nothing I could do but make sure this would never happen again.

  Crossing the back of the stage, I found the small spiral staircase that led to Sylvan's office. The frail iron steps creaked and rocked as I shifted my weight up to the top. Gripping the railing, I took in a few deep breaths as his door came into view.

  He was in there, he was always in there during the auctions. I'd watched the box seats from above in the auditorium, I'd seen his black mass, I watched him slither around like a snake, spying from the shadows.

  I waited, biding my time until I knew for sure that Megan had been there. The word on the street pointed me there, the junkies and dealers she had used had been the ones to lead me right to him.

  And until Hans, a part of me wanted to think that maybe the police where right. They ruled her death undetermined, placing most of the blame on her years of drug use and lack of morals.

  She was another statistic, a girl who had wound up at the wrong place, possibly trying to pull the wool over someone's eyes. They told me that with women like her, this was inevitable.

  I never believed them. I knew my sister, and they didn't.

  When I first heard the rumors about Megan getting involved with men in the sex trafficking trade, the officer I spoke to laughed at me. He told me I was wrong and to just accept the fact that her death was probably caused by a dealer she owed money to, or the pimp she was supposed to work for.

  My sister was not a hooker, she didn't sell herself for sex.

  That was when I decided to set out on my own, find my way in and take care of them myself one by one.

  If no one would listen to me, if no one else was going to fight for her, I would.

  I just never expected to get in this deep, and I never expected to drag in someone who didn't want it.

  This isn't just for Megan anymore. . . It's for Imperial too.

  Pressing my toes snugly against the warped red door, I let my knuckles graze the wood. Listening, I heard two voices going back and forth and shuffling around inside. But no one came.

  Knocking again, the room went dead silent, so quiet I could almost hear the intense thudding of the two heartbeats harbored inside.

  Is that theirs? Or is it mine?

  Was I afraid? No.

  There wasn't any room in my muscles for fear or regret or remorse. All I felt was hate. Hate for what he took from me, hate for what he had his men do, hate for how he treated the women that came through those doors.

  Slamming my hand against the door, I pounded it so hard flakes of paint fell off the ceiling and scattered around my feet.

  “Who is it?”

  “Machi.”

  “You don't belong here, Machi.”

  “Open the door, Ethan,” I snapped, as my fingers curled into my hand and bit the skin.

  “You. Don't. Belong. Here.”

  He's going to make me kick it down.

  Reaching around my back, I felt the gun I had tucked into my waist earlier. Stepping back a few feet, I counted inside my head. One, two, three!

  Throwing my foot up, I lurched forward and kicked the door with everything I had. Wood cracked and splintered into thin fragments, metal snapped and shot off like a bomb filled with nails.

  “Machi! What the hell are you doing?” Ethan asked as he pushed himself up from off the floor and yanked a gun out from the holder on his ankle. Pointing it in my direction, he took a few steps backwards, and glared at me. “Go, go now. Don't be stupid, I don't want to kill you.”

  “Oh no? Are you sure about that?”

  “Let me rephrase that, I don't want to kill you yet.”

  “Where's Sylvan?” I asked, taking a long step into the middle of the room.

  “He doesn't want to see you, if he did, he would've asked you to come.”

  “I don't really give a shit what he wants, I want to see him.” Stalking closer, I kept my arms by my sides. “He doesn't have a choice in the matter. Where is he?”

  Ethan clicked the hammer, aiming the gun at the center of my forehead. “I told you to leave, this is your last warning.”

  When you know you're going to die, when you've already written your life off as a justifiable loss, a gun in the face meant nothing.

  I had planned on dying the night I decided to enter the lion's den, my mind had accepted it, my heart and soul had spoken a silent prayer, hoping I wouldn't die in vain.

  This was a choice.

  I chose to give myself in exchange for justice. I chose to forgive myself for the deaths I caused because those beings weren't men. . . They were critters spreading a disease of ill-will and greed, formulated from the possession of another.

  I wasn't afraid of Ethan pulling the trigger, but I was afraid he'd pull it before I even had the chance to get at Sylvan.

  Whipping my hand around my back, I yanked out my gun and pointed it even with his. “Go ahead, put a bullet between my eyes—if you can.”

  Ethan's lip curled up as he growled. “What the hell does that mean?”

  “It means, you better hope to hell that your aim is good, if you miss, then you'll really have a problem.”

  “Machi, is this really what you want? Do you really want to die tonight?”

  “I'm here aren't I?”

  His finger shook around the trigger, gingerly stroking the small metal tab. “I know why you're here you stupid fuck. We've all known who are for a little while now.”

  Cocking my head, I eyed him. “If you knew, why am I still alive?”

  Sighing, Ethan rattled the gun in a small circle. “Hans was the one to point it out, you know that, obviously, you killed him for it. But we were planning something special for you, you deserve that at least, Machi. Don't you think?” His lips arched, smiling like a gremlin.

  “Who bought Megan, Ethan, tell me who she was sold to. I'll kill you quickly if you're just honest, I won't let you suffer.”

  “Do you really think I'm afraid of you?” Stepping forward, his arm went stiff. “You can't possibly be so fucking ignorant, Machi.”

  My insides shredded, carving out a hole in my gut. There was no word that could explain how angry I felt right then. The cold metal burned my skin, taunting me to just yank out my weapon and kill him right there.

  “I'm stopping this, it all ends today, right now. Get me Sylvan.”

  Chuckling, Ethan gripped the gun with two hands, spreading his feet into a firm stance. “You're not ending anything.”

  I heard the shot, the loud bang ric
ocheted around inside my skull, drowning out the crowd from below and replacing it with a high pitched buzzing.

  Rocking my jaw back and forth, I watched a thin trickle of smoke spill out from the end of my gun. Looking at the floor, Ethan had fallen back, his legs bent unnaturally as the weight of his body buckled.

  A single gunshot wound to the head, that was all it took.

  Ethan was dead.

  For most people, killing another person would torment their mind, it'd eat away at their dreams and fill every day with an endless pain that they'd never be able to ignore.

  For me—it meant nothing.

  He deserved it for all the women he got killed, for all the girls that he bought and sold, and for all of the people he abused along the way.

  Mercy. . . I had none.

  Hell was waiting for me, and I made peace with that. Because vengeance for my sister was worth every flame I'd suffer.

  “Sylvan!” I yelled, lunging forward and tossing a chair out of my way. “Sylvan! Come on, show yourself, don't be a fucking pussy!”

  A sharp pain spiraled down my arm, hitting the tips of my fingers like cutting knives. Reaching for my shoulder, I felt a dampness on my sleeve that was spreading down my chest and ribs.

  Pulling my hand away, bright red stained my hand. I was shot.

  Growling under my breath, adrenaline coursed through my veins, erasing the pain that tried to hold me back. I wasn't done, not yet.

  Scanning the room, I expected to see Sylvan cowering in a corner. But he wasn't there, he wasn't anywhere.

  Fuck! Where is he?

  He has to be here.

  Checking under the desk, it was empty, checking behind a floor-length curtain, it was void of Sylvan. But I knew he was there, I had heard two people, he was somewhere inside these walls.

  “Sylvan. . .” I sang out, raising the tone of my voice. “Come out, come out wherever you are.” Walking around, I tapped the end of my gun on the wall. “I'll stay here all night, I won't leave until you show yourself.”

  The wall on my left opened, exposing a hidden room. “You really are determined.” Stepping out, I got my first true view of the man who was in charge of it all.