Of Breath And Soul

by Jennifer Snyder

  “I don’t even have to get up and look. I can already picture it in my head,” Paxton said.

  A black truck pulled into the driveway behind the navy blue minivan. Jasper was home early. Normally, he wasn’t home until between five and seven. Four was a new one for the record books. We all stared as he climbed out of his truck and eyed the minivan taking up his usual space. Before he could reach the front door, all of us rushed to sit on the couch, except Meili. She remained where she was, unafraid to let Jasper know she’d taken in his arrival and disgusted stare directed toward the minivan. I hoped she was the one who filled him in when it came to telling him why the van was there.

  “Who’s rockin’ the mom mobile this week?” Jasper asked the second he stepped into the house. Amusement lit his eyes as he took in the sight of everyone spread throughout the room.

  “Apparently, you are,” I said when no one seemed as though they were about to answer him.

  His brows pinched together. “No. Seriously, who parked in my spot?”

  “She is serious.” Tristan backed me up. “That’s the rental car the tribe secured for us.”

  Jasper blinked, but he didn’t speak. I could see the gears shifting behind his eyes. He wasn’t happy about this, but he also wasn’t sure if we were pulling his leg. While I’d known he wouldn’t want to drive it, because he was a big, sporty truck kind of guy, I’d had no idea he would seem so stricken by the idea. It was a minivan for crying out loud, not a pink convertible. My lips quirked into a smile.

  “You’re welcome.” Meili slipped past him, heading back into the kitchen. The sound of her continuing to sharpen her knife broke through the silence of the house seconds later.

  “I’m not driving that,” Jasper announced loud and clear, making sure Meili could hear what he’d said over the sound of her movements. “End of story.” He stormed down the hallway without making eye contact with anyone.

  “Is it just me, or did he seem more pissed about that than he should be?” Paxton asked once he was sure Jasper was out of hearing range.

  “I thought so too,” Reese agreed. “Does he have something against minivans we’re not aware of?”

  “Not that I know of.” I shrugged. “Maybe I should talk to him.”

  Tristan rubbed his hand on my thigh, causing sparks of warmth the ricochet through me. “His reaction did seem a little extreme.”

  He was right. There was something off about Jasper’s reaction. It seemed melodramatic and silly, which was my thing, not my brother’s.

  I stood and smoothed my palms across my yoga pants. “I’ll be right back.”

  I headed down the hall, unsure I wanted to broach the subject with Jasper. Generally, I’d give him time to cool off, but something told me this situation was different. He didn’t seem pissed; he seemed upset.

  My feet paused outside his office door. I pressed my ear to the door, trying to hear what was happening inside. No sound filtered through. It was as though he wasn’t inside at all, but I knew he was. The light was on. I swallowed hard and lifted my fist to knock. My first rap was soft; the second one was harder and more confident though. It was just Jasper after all.

  “Yeah? Come in,” he called in response after clearing his throat.

  My head was the first thing to enter the room. I peeked around the door to scope out his demeanor before stepping all the way inside. He was sitting at his desk with his index fingers steepled against his lips.

  “Hey, what’s up?” He placed his hands in his lap. I could tell he was attempting to gather his emotions before I could decipher them.

  “Hey.” I stepped all the way into his office and closed the door behind me. My heart raced at the sound of it clicking closed. “Nothing much. I just…umm…wanted to make sure you were okay. You seem a little off.”

  His eyes never wavered from me, but I could tell they wanted to. He didn’t want to have this conversation any more than I did. It made me wonder why I felt so compelled to have it in the first place. I should have made a joke out of it by telling everyone Jasper would be fine, that he just didn’t like minivans because they were for soccer moms and families with kids.

  And that was when it hit me—Jasper was upset because our parents had driven a minivan.

  It sounded absurd, but I knew it was the truth. I could feel in my gut there was some kind of connection. He associated minivans with our parents. It was written all over his face, no matter how hard he tried to hide it.

  “I’m fine,” he said, but I could tell it was a lie. His voice had wavered. It never wavered. Jasper was always calm and collected.

  I moved to sit on the edge of his massive desk, not taking my eyes off him. Determination to get to the bottom of this ate at me. We weren’t in a position to be ruled by emotions. We needed our minds sharp and clear if we were going to have any luck at winning against the Vodun. The woman with the raven tattoo was proof of that.

  “No, you’re not. Don’t lie to me, okay?” I insisted, still holding his gaze.

  He didn’t speak. I figured he wouldn’t. Jasper wasn’t the type to cave when it came to talking about his emotions.

  “Look, I’m scared to go through with this fight-the-Vodun crap too. I don’t want my blood to be the only thing that can get the dragons back their magic. I actually wanted it to be a collaboration of our blood. That way, I wouldn’t have to run the risk of being drained.” I paused and flashed him a smirk, hoping to see one mirroring mine stretch on his face. It didn’t happen. My attempt to have an open dialogue with him didn’t seem to be getting me anywhere. I decided to get serious. Maybe that was what he would respond to best. “I didn’t want vampire blood pumping through me either. Did you know, if anything happens to me while it’s in my system, I’ll turn into a vampire?” My voice shook as the words passed my lips, the thought sending shivers along my spine.

  “That won’t happen.” He shook his head. “That’s why Meili has been making her rounds every ten minutes. It’s why I’m home early. It’s why your friends are here. It’s why I let Tristan stay.”

  I furrowed my brows. He couldn’t have planned all of that. Could it? I knew the Meili thing and Jasper coming home early might have been, but not Reese and Paxton showing up. They’d come to bring my work and hang out. And as for Tristan, I didn’t think Jasper had a choice in his presence. Meili seemed to be governing him, not my brother.

  “Still, the point is, we all have things to be pissed off about,” I said, even though I knew that wasn’t the case. He was upset, but I couldn’t come out and say so or else he really would be pissed. “You aren’t the only one.”

  “I’m not pissed.” He scratched his brows and let out a sigh. “I just can’t drive that van.”

  “Is it because Mom and Dad drove one?”

  He didn’t answer me for the longest time. When he finally did, there was a hollow, broken sense swirling through his words. “It’s more than that.”

  “Tell me.” My heart thundered in my chest. It hurt to see something weighing so heavily on him.

  “Minivans remind me of kids and having a wife. Even though I’m only twenty-five, I already know I don’t want those things.” He sighed as though the words had relieved him of some pain. “I don’t want kids because I can’t stand the idea of having the pain that ripped through us happen to them. I wouldn’t ever want to put someone through that type of misery, especially not a child.”

  “What happened to us isn’t something that’s guaranteed to happen to any kids you have. History isn’t destined to repeat itself in this situation, Jasper.” I couldn’t believe what he was saying, that this was his fear.

  “It’s not guaranteed it won’t either. You know this supernatural world, same as I do. There are no guarantees with anything, especially not in my line of work.” He flashed me a crooked smile. It was sad and empty, stirring emotions within me that threatened to leak out my eyes. “Better safe than sorry.”

  I smoothed my hands over my pant legs, dropping my stare
to the hardwood flooring beneath my feet. Not knowing what more to say to him, I left the room.

  Chapter 13

  We left at dusk as planned with a few more people in tow than Meili seemed to have anticipated. Jasper had insisted Liam and Anna come with us. I knew my brother had only invited them along for two reasons: One, they were adults and he didn’t have to babysit them or be responsible for them, unlike if he had invited Paxton or Reese to tag along. And two, them coming meant the minivan was too small and we’d be forced to take his truck as well.

  “I knew he wouldn’t drive the minivan,” Tristan whispered into my ear. We were crammed into the backseat of Jasper’s truck surrounded by bottles of cloaks he’d spent the last few hours creating. There was everything from cloaks of invisibility to cloaks of fear. He’d made more than enough of each to take down an entire army of Vodun, should we come against one. “He isn’t the type.”

  “Got that right,” I muttered, remembering how clear my brother had made it last night to me. I wondered then if his inability to commit to Anna had been the reason they’d broken things off. It made sense. Jasper might seem childish at times, but when you took a look at him as a whole, he was more grown up than most his age. He had a house, a thriving business, a kick-ass truck, and a younger sister to raise.

  I chewed along my bottom lip, thinking about how unfair I’d always thought things were when it came to not having our parents around. It had been hell trying to figure out what my period was with Jasper as my go-to person. He acted like he was going to throw up talking to me about it, which made me feel even more afraid of what my body was going through than I’m sure he intended. I’d never thought of it from his perspective though. Not once. He’d lost more than I had, because not only did he lose his parents, he’d also lost his freedom when he gained a kid to raise at eighteen.

  “Hey, you okay?” Tristan interlaced his fingers through mine. I could feel his eyes on me, but couldn’t meet his stare.

  “Fine. Things are just catching up with me is all.” It wasn’t a total lie. Things were catching up with me, and because of it, I was emotionally drained and we had only been on the road for fifteen minutes.

  Tristan pressed his lips against my temple. “I get it. Trust me.”

  His thumb moved in slow, soft circles along the top of my hand, and I leaned my head on his shoulder. It was a sweet moment, one that reminded me he was in this with me. He was also a pawn in the game between the Vodun and his tribe. They’d used him to get to me and only appeared to value him once he had a link to the mirror and their magic within it. I snuggled into his side more, thankful he was here with me. My eyes focused on his fingers entwined with mine. I clasped my other hand over them and squeezed.

  “So, what’s Beverly supposed to give us?” Jasper’s voice boomed through the truck. The radio was turned down low, too low for his loud voice. I knew right away it was only meant to startle us apart. Each time Tristan and I were having a moment, Jasper would bust it to pieces. Older brothers were such assholes sometimes.

  “I’m not sure.” I glared at Jasper through the rearview mirror. “I guess we’ll find out when we get there.”

  Reese’s grandmother had asked us to stop by her house before we left for New Orleans. I wasn’t sure why, but I assumed it had something to do with her witchy ways. Jasper hadn’t been too thrilled to make the detour to her place since it wasn’t on the way to the Crescent City, but he knew he had to. Beverly wasn’t someone a person said no to.

  “I’m sure it’s probably a talisman for safety, or for when we come face to face with the Vodun,” Anna said. Excitement shifting through her words.

  “Whoa there, sweetheart,” Jasper said. “Who said anything about you going face-to-face with the Vodun?”

  “You can’t be serious,” Anna snapped. “Why bring me along if I wasn’t going to be helping when you go head-to-head with the Vodun? You’re going to need every ounce of help you can muster.”

  “Oh, but I am serious,” Jasper informed her. “How else am I supposed to keep an eye on you if I’m eleven hours away? I don’t need some crazy bird crap to happen again at your place, or the Vodun to retaliate against you because of your hand in the locator spell while I’m not there to protect you.”

  “And who said I need you to protect me? I can take care of myself.” Anna was pissed. Tension rolled off her shoulders, saturating the air in the vehicle. “You’re such a pig sometimes.”

  “Well then, oink, oink, baby. Call me what you like.” My brother took his eyes off the road to glance at her. “You aren’t getting anywhere near those evil bitches. End of story.”

  “What am I supposed to do, sit around the hotel room hoping everyone comes back in one piece?”

  “That, and enjoy the scenery.”

  “Asshole,” Anna said under her breath, loud enough for all of us to hear.

  A smirk twisted my lips. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard her call my brother an asshole, but it was funny nonetheless. Hearing her call Jasper names was always funny.

  For the remainder of the drive to Reese’s grandmother’s house, we rode in silence, something we all seemed comfortable with. Jasper and Anna didn’t seem to be on speaking terms, and Tristan and I were both content to lie back and cuddle. Once we started down Ms. Beverly’s gravel driveway, my stomach dipped to my toes. It wasn’t because I was curious to see why she’d wanted us to swing by before leaving town, but because this stop was the only thing left to do before we started our journey to the Vodun witches. Fear chilled my blood.

  Reese’s grandmother’s house came into view and the knot in my stomach grew larger. While there wasn’t a car in the driveway, lights were on inside the house. Ms. Beverly didn’t drive. I wasn’t sure if she never learned how, or if her license had been revoked because of old age or something medical. However, I’d never known her to get behind the wheel of a vehicle.

  “Think she’s home?” Tristan asked. “I know the lights are on, but there’s no car in the driveway and I don’t see a garage.”

  I smiled at the thought of a garage being on Ms. Beverly’s house. It would be odd seeing something so modern on the side of her rustic log cabin. While she wasn’t completely old school anymore, I remembered when the hand pump on the side of the house was the only water source. I had been eight. Thank goodness she’d decided to finally get indoor plumbing.

  “Yeah,” I answered before memories of how we used to use the restroom in the smelly outhouse around back flooded my mind. I’d hated that thing. “She doesn’t drive.”

  “Oh,” Tristan muttered. He seemed mesmerized by the rustic charm of the old house.

  “Okay, let’s get this over with quickly so we can get back on the road. We have a long trip, and I’d like to make it at least halfway without having to stop for the night,” Jasper insisted.

  “Who said anything about stopping for the night?” Anna unbuckled her seat belt and flashed my brother a venomous look. “There are four legal drivers in this vehicle. You can get rest halfway if you want, and let one of us take over for a while.”

  “And risk us getting lost? I don’t think so.” Jasper shook his head.

  I slapped him on the shoulder as I climbed out of his truck. “She’s right. Don’t be such a jerk.”

  “I’m not being a jerk,” he insisted. “I’m speaking the truth. If I fall asleep, there’s no doubt in my mind when I wake up we’ll be so far off course we’ll practically be in Mexico.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Give us all a little credit. I mean, we do have a GPS. It’s not that hard to follow. I know you like to give yourself an ego boost from time to time, but seriously, don’t flatter yourself by thinking you’re the only one able to read the stupid thing.”

  I caught sight of Anna grinning as she rounded the truck. Her arm snaked through mine. “You tell him,” she whispered.

  We started toward Ms. Beverly’s front porch, but Jasper held out his hands.

  “No.” He shook his head. “
You’re not going in and neither are they.” He nodded to Meili’s minivan as she came to a rolling stop behind his truck.

  Meili cut her engine and climbed out with Liam and her two goons the tribe had insisted come. Apparently, they were their most skilled fighters.

  “Why did we stop here again?” Meili was irritated. She’d made it clear before we left the house she wanted to make the least amount of stops necessary. This wasn’t an allowed one.

  “You know why.” Jasper huffed. Our trip had only begun, and he was already sick of her. “Doesn’t matter anyway, because you’re not coming inside either. Make yourselves comfortable inside your vehicle, please.”

  Meili nodded to Tristan. “If he goes, we go.”

  “No one said he was going. He’s stretching his legs,” Jasper insisted.

  I pursed my lips together, hating how Meili and Tristan were always lumped together in my brother’s eyes. It wasn’t fair. Tristan wasn’t like her. Plus he was my boyfriend, which should give him access to anywhere I went.

  “I’ll hang out here. It’s fine.” Tristan leaned against Jasper’s truck and smiled.

  “Don’t scratch my paint.” Jasper eyed him.

  Tristan shoved away from the truck and crossed his arms over his chest. “Got it.”

  I followed Jasper toward Ms. Beverly’s porch with Anna still on my arm.

  “You’re not coming in,” Jasper growled at her.

  “Yes, I am.” She straightened her back, released her arm from mine, and stepped past him.

  I fought a grin wanting to spread onto my face, knowing my brother would aim his frustration toward Anna and her stubbornness at me if he saw it. I didn’t need him pissed at me.

  “No one else,” Jasper announced. “We’ll be right back.”

  “The dreaded words of death in every scary movie,” Liam said. He was always an annoying ass, but it seemed since Meili had accused him of spiking her tea with something he’d amped things up. I hated that Jasper invited him to come.