Rush Revere and the Brave Pilgrims: Time-Travel Adventures with Exceptional Americans

by Rush Limbaugh

  Myles Standish clearly wasn’t as quick to believe Somoset meant no harm. Since he was the main military man of the town, I can understand why! He probably felt he needed to defend and protect his people. Standish was wearing his helmet and breastplate. He firmly held his musket in both hands as if to say, Look here, don’t make any false moves! His trademark sword was, as always, hanging at his waist.

  Myles said, “Tell Massasoit that we have guns, bullets, armor, and powerful cannons. We are here to stay and we hope we can be friends.”

  “Together,” said Somoset. “Massasoit and William Bradford, together.”

  “Yes,” said William. “Together in peace.”

  Somoset smiled like he did when he first saluted us. “Me tell Massasoit. Bring Squanto. He speak better English. He help . . .” Again, Somoset began gesturing with his hands, clearly trying to communicate the right word.

  “Translate,” whispered Liberty.

  “Translate?” I repeated loudly to Somoset.

  “Yes,” said Somoset pointing at me.

  William, Myles, Elder Brewster, and the rest of the Pilgrims looked impressed by my guesses. I turned back to Liberty and whispered, “You’re making me look really good.”

  “I usually do,” Liberty softly replied.

  Standish, still not quite as welcoming as Bradford, said forcefully, “Who is Squanto?”

  Somoset continued, “Squanto translate for Massasoit. Squanto speak like English man. Help Massasoit and William Bradford together in peace.”

  “We look forward to meeting Massasoit and Squanto,” said William. “Will you bring them?”

  “Yes, bring them. Return in five moons. But first, stay with William Bradford tonight. Need rest, food. Tomorrow, go to Pokanoket and Massasoit.”

  Tommy and Freedom returned with a plate of food and a flask and handed them to Samoset.

  “Please, eat,” said William.

  Liberty whispered into my ear, “I can’t believe he isn’t scared! I’m scared just watching. It reminds me of a late-night movie I saw once. Well, I didn’t see the whole movie because I was too scared. I mean if I were Somoset I think I’d wonder if my plate of food was poisoned. Or if I were the Pilgrims I’d wonder if Somoset wasn’t secretly plotting to have all his friends sneak into the town in the middle of the night and—”

  “You watch too many movies,” I whispered back. “I’m guessing William had a gut feeling. He relied so much on God’s grace to protect them traveling across the rough waters for so many months, he just had to trust that this would be okay, too! It’s really pretty amazing.”

  “Either that or Myles has a backup plan!” Liberty softly replied. “He doesn’t seem to be joking around with that musket.”

  “Thank you,” said Somoset. Before he took the plate from Freedom he reached out to touch the yellow feather in her hair.

  Freedom handed him the plate of food and then reached up and unclipped the feather. She said, “A gift from us to you.” Somoset leaned over and Freedom clipped the feather in his hair.

  “A fine gift,” said Somoset. Then he smelled the food with a curious look on his face.

  William pointed to each food item, “This is a biscuit, butter, cheese, pudding, and roasted duck.”

  As Somoset used his hands to sample each item, William turned to us and whispered, “He seems like an honest fellow and eager to befriend us.”

  “Yes, but can we trust him to stay with us overnight?” asked Myles, suspiciously.

  “Rush Revere, what do you think?” said William.

  I cleared my throat and said, “Assuming he was sent to us by Massasoit, if we turn him away we may offend him, which may offend Massasoit. We can’t afford to do that.”

  William turned to Elder Brewster, who said, “I agree. Our kindness may be our best ally.”

  “Yes, I agree,” said William. “I propose we let him stay the night.”

  Liberty again whispered to me, “William really put you on the spot with that question. I couldn’t have dug you out of that one. Nice job answering him! Maybe you should get your own radio talk show. You know, callers call in with questions and you give them advice and stuff. I’d totally call you!”

  We turned back to Somoset, who had finished the entire plate of food and was now drinking from the flask.

  “Me like much,” said Somoset.

  “Come, Somoset. I would like to learn more about this harbor and anything else you can tell us about living here,” William said.

  This time Tommy leaned over and whispered, “Do you think Somoset really gives him the real scoop? Or do you think he’ll hold back and wait for his next move like a game of chess? I mean he sure trusts William a lot without even knowing him! So, maybe he really does tell him everything he knows about this land.”

  I softly replied, “According to everything I’ve read, Somoset and especially Squanto became friends with William. I think they realized right away that they could help each other.”

  As the Pilgrim leaders led Somoset into the Common House, I decided this was a perfect opportunity to time-jump to our next destination.

  “Guys, I don’t know when or if we’ll be eating with the Pilgrims,” I said. “They seem pretty busy in there, so I suggest we time-travel to get a quick bite to eat, and then time-jump back in ‘five moons’ or five days when Somoset returns with Massasoit and Squanto. Liberty, did you catch that?”

  “Uh, all I heard was blah, blah, blah, get a quick bite to eat, blah, blah, blah,” said Liberty. “Was there anything else important?”

  “I’m in,” said Tommy. “All I had for breakfast was a stick of gum.”

  Homes and farmland surrounding Plymouth Colony.

  “Is that what they call a breakfast of champions?” Freedom teased.

  “What did you eat for breakfast?” Tommy asked Freedom.

  “Are you kidding? I was too excited to eat,” Freedom said.

  “Then let’s rush back to the present. Liberty? I imagine you’re ready?” I asked.

  “I was ready to eat when we got here,” Liberty said.

  Within minutes we found a secluded place just within the forest. When we jumped through the time portal we were standing in a parking lot behind a Dumpster with a sign that read PROPERTY OF FOSTERS’ FAMILY DINER, FAST AND FRIENDLY SERVICE ON WHEELS. As we came out from behind the Dumpster we saw several old-fashioned cars parked in front of the diner. Waitresses with pink blouses, poodle skirts, and roller skates were taking orders and rolling back and forth between the diner and the cars. Liberty wasted no time and trotted up to an empty parking space. Freedom and Tommy were riding on Liberty as I followed from behind.

  “You seem like you’ve been here before,” said Freedom.

  “Oh, I love a good fifties diner. And this place is especially good,” said Liberty in a hushed voice.

  I added, “No surprise we ended up here. This is Liberty’s favorite place to eat.”

  Tommy asked, “So you can go and eat anywhere? Any time in history?”

  “Any time in American history. However, I’ve tried to avoid bumping into myself. That could be problematic.”

  “So what do you recommend on the menu?” asked Tommy.

  “Oh, I’m sure everything is good,” said Liberty. “The menu has the usual hamburgers, hot dogs, fries, and shakes. But I always get the Veggie Supreme! With extra lettuce, pickles, tomatoes, cucumbers, spinach, sprouts, and guacamole on a sesame seed bun!”

  “Guacamole?” asked Freedom. “Seriously?”

  “Of course,” smiled Liberty. “Everything tastes better with guacamole.”

  “I think everything tastes better with bacon,” said Tommy.

  “Well, sure, if you’re a carnivore!” Liberty grunted. “I tried bacon once. I thought it tasted like dirty socks soaked in lard.”

  “You’ve actually tried dirty socks soaked in lard?” Freedom asked, skeptically.

  “Blech! Gross! Who in their right mind would taste a dirty sock soaked i
n lard! That’s disgusting,” said Liberty.

  Freedom complained, “But you just said—”

  Freedom was cut off by the roller-skating waitress who asked for our orders. Freedom, Tommy, and I each ordered the cheeseburger, fries, and shake combo. And I ordered Liberty’s usual, three Veggie Supremes, extra everything.

  “Don’t you think it’s strange that she didn’t ask why we’re dressed like this?” Tommy asked.

  “Not really. As I said, this isn’t our first time here,” I said with a wink.

  As we ate our food Freedom said, “It’s just really sad that the Pilgrims never had this kind of luxury. They never got to go to a diner and have food prepared for them in minutes. They had to shoot a duck or kill a pig or—”

  “Or grow a garden,” Liberty added between mouthfuls.

  “What I’m saying is we have it easy,” Freedom finished.

  “True,” Tommy said. “I’m pretty sure I would’ve starved.”

  I sighed. “Sadly, many of them did starve. In fact, that first winter was called the ‘Starving Time.’ When we met Somoset I counted the number of Pilgrims who were gathered outside. It was about half the number who arrived on the Mayflower.”

  “Oh, that’s what Somoset meant when he said that Massasoit knew that many of the Pilgrims had died, right?” asked Freedom.

  “Correct,” I said. “It was probably a combination of lack of food, the severe cold, and disease.”

  As the waitress rolled away after offering us each a free peppermint candy I said, “Why don’t we all take a potty break before we head back.”

  “Good idea!” Tommy said. “The other luxury the Pilgrims didn’t have is flushing toilets!”

  Chapter 8

  It was officially spring when we returned to Plymouth Plantation in the year 1621. To be exact, we arrived on March 22, five days after Somoset’s initial visit to the Pilgrims. We landed near the top of Fort Hill, concealed by a number of trees and bushes.

  As we were about to head downhill toward the settlement, I heard the sound of twigs snapping. I looked back to see what it was. Apparently, Freedom had heard the same thing.

  “Did you hear that?” she asked.

  “Yes,” I said. “It sounded like it was coming from farther uphill.”

  “We’re nearly at the top,” Tommy said.

  “Not farther uphill. It came from somewhere up in that tree,” Freedom said, pointing to the large pine tree that rose more than one hundred feet in the air.

  “I love those trees,” said Tommy. “I’m ninety-nine percent sure it’s a white pine. Did you know that white pines can reach up to two hundred fifty feet in height and as much as five feet in diameter?” Tommy said.

  “Who needs the Nature Channel when Tommy’s around,” said Liberty.

  Tommy and Freedom dismounted from Liberty and we all walked closer to the trunk of the large pine. Just as we looked up, a pinecone fell from the interior branches and bonked Liberty on the nose.

  “Ouch,” said Liberty. “This forest is downright rude. First I get snubbed by a deer and then I get hit by a pinecone. I suggest we leave before we get tarred and feathered!”

  Again we peered up into the branches. Sure enough, about thirty feet up was a man. No, a boy of about thirteen or fourteen. He looked tall and wiry and appeared to be climbing down the tree. Suddenly I recognized who it was and yelled, “Francis Billington!”

  My call startled Francis and he lost his balance, slipping from the branch. In a split second I realized he was falling backward and away from us. My mind raced at the future implications. If Francis died because of the fall, it would be my fault. Francis was seconds from his death and I would be responsible for changing the course of history. I looked at Liberty, who saw my fear and despair, and suddenly everything on the hill that belonged to this moment in time had literally stopped. A bird had frozen in mid-flight just a few feet from Tommy’s head. A squirrel was frozen in mid-scurry as it climbed a tree trunk. Even the twigs from a nearby birch tree were frozen in mid-bend from a recent gust of wind.

  “Help Francis . . . quickly,” Liberty struggled to say. His voice sounded strained, like he was holding back a locomotive with his mind.

  “What’s happening?” Freedom asked, a twinge of fear in her voice.

  “This is freaky,” said Tommy. “Mr. Revere, Francis is . . . he’s frozen in time!”

  True to his word, Francis hung in the air completely motionless, no strings attached. He was about fifteen feet above the ground that would very likely kill him upon impact.

  Suddenly I had an idea. I ran to Liberty’s saddlebag and opened it.

  “Trying . . . not to . . . blink,” Liberty said.

  “Just a little more,” I said. “Try and hold off time for another twenty seconds.” I dug deeper into the corner of the saddlebag, “Found it!” I pulled out a mesh hammock that I had purchased when I thought I might be sleeping on the Mayflower. I ran toward the tree and called Freedom and Tommy to join me. “Quickly, you two hold the other end. We need to position ourselves directly under Francis and pull the hammock as tightly as possible.”

  “Eyes burning . . . bulging . . . twitching!” Liberty was panicked.

  “Just a little more,” I said.

  Just as we finished stretching out the mesh beneath Francis, the air, the forest, the world suddenly came back to life, and Francis fell and landed dead center in the hammock. Thankfully, he wasn’t dead. The hammock broke his fall as he slid off to the side and landed on his stomach.

  I quickly gathered up the hammock as Tommy and Freedom helped Francis to his feet.

  “I’m not dead,” Francis said, brushing himself off. “That was a lucky fall. You know, if you hadn’t scared me like that I wouldn’t have fallen at all!”

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked.

  “I’m fine,” Francis said. “You got to do a lot more than that to take out a Billington. That’s what my dad always says. Out of twenty-two families who sailed on the Mayflower, he said we’re one of the few who have all survived since landing in the New World.”

  You’re still alive thanks to Liberty, I thought. Liberty! I turned and ran back to him. “You did it!” I said, rubbing his nose.

  Liberty half smiled and weakly replied, “Yes, it worked. I actually stopped time for a few seconds. Although I’m still not sure how I did it. It was different than opening the time portal to the past or back to the present. That seems easy compared to this. This was different. It was like flipping a switch in my brain, although it wasn’t really in my brain. It was more like a space between time. It was a place between the here and now. I’m sure that sounds completely ridiculous, but it’s the best I can come up with right now.”

  “What else do you remember?” I asked. “Were you scared? Angry? Hungry? What were you feeling? And were you holding your breath or swishing your tail or crossing your eyes? I’m just trying to figure out if there’s a pattern and if we could duplicate it.”

  “I don’t think I want to do it again,” Liberty replied. “It was exhausting. But I don’t remember feeling scared or angry or hungry. Well, I’m always hungry, but you know what I mean. Mainly, I remember sensing danger and having the sudden resolve to do anything I could to help you.”

  “Courage,” I said. “You were feeling courageous. Good. What else?”

  “Hmm,” Liberty pondered, “I remember keeping my eyes wide open like I was in the finals at the World Championship Staring Competition.”

  “I don’t think there is such a competition,” I said.

  “Well, there should be, because I think I’d be really good at it!” Liberty sighed, “Anyway, when I finally blinked, everything went back to normal.”

  Francis finished brushing himself off and said, “I have to get back home. I need to tell the others!”

  “Perhaps you shouldn’t tell them about the fall,” I said. “The important thing is that you’re not hurt.”

  “Who cares about the fall,�
� Francis said. “I’m talking about my discovery. I saw a giant lake of fresh water from the top of that tree!”

  As Francis bolted down the hill, I stored the hammock back in Liberty’s bag.

  “No one’s going to believe him,” Tommy said. “I should know. There’s no way Principal Sherman would believe me if I had some important news to share. I mean I know I goof off in class sometimes, but I’m an angel compared to that dude. And I can promise you that I will never shoot off a musket near a barrel of gunpowder.”

  “Good to know,” I said, smiling. “But from what I know Francis Billington really did find a giant freshwater lake about two miles inland. Just like you said, William Bradford doesn’t believe him at first. But, finally, Francis convinces the Pilgrims to scout it out and sure enough, they find it. And the fish and fowl that the lake provides becomes a huge blessing for the colony.”

  “Like I always say,” Liberty yawned, “never believe a troublemaker unless he’s telling the truth.”

  We slowly headed down the hill toward the Pilgrims’ settlement.

  “I think I’m going to rest near that large oak tree,” said Liberty. “I’m exhausted.”

  “I’m going to check out the brook,” said Tommy. “Want to come, Freedom? Maybe you can talk some fish into letting me catch them.”

  “I’ll come,” said Freedom. “But I’ve never had any luck communicating with fish.”

  “If you hear the bell, make sure you come straight back,” I said.

  As we separated, I headed over to the houses. As I approached the first one, I noticed the door was open. Inside, William Bradford sat in his chair with his elbows resting on a crude table. He had a quill pen in one hand and he looked to be writing in a small notebook. He also looked to be in deep thought. For a minute I thought maybe I should leave, but I said to myself how often can you pop in and have a chat with one of your all-time heroes? I mean it’s one thing to read about the Pilgrims and the leader of the first colony, and it’s another to actually walk through his door and be able to ask him in person any intelligent question you could think of.