Kingdom of Lies

by Debra Dunbar

  But... I felt the gem, oddly reluctant to try to destroy it right now. Plus, I wasn’t quite sure about Gregory’s casual confidence about Avarnak. I remembered the fight up on Devil’s Paw. I needed to be there. We were stronger as a pair than individually, and I had a nagging urge to make sure Avarnak was the one who wound up dead, not Gregory.

  That decided, I wandered back into the living room. Nyalla sat on the couch, looking through fashion magazines. She looked up and smiled at me, and my heart squeezed in my chest. What an awesome woman she’d become. From a scared ex-slave who cringed at every noise to a woman who killed a ghoul, who rescued a pregnant woman from an angel, who whacked Distructo Kitty with a golf club to keep me from getting burnt to a crispy. She’d come up with the catnip idea. She’d been quick to use the restraining collar on the angel, and her gift to take down the ghoul. My heart swelled with pride, although I knew I played only a tiny part in her transformation. I’d set the stage, but Nyalla was the one who had done all the heavy lifting.

  “Okay. You win. You can be my sidekick, like the pie-eating brother in that TV show.”

  The fashion magazine flew across the room, and Nyalla slammed into me.

  “Thank you! I’m so excited, Sam. What’s my first assignment?”

  “Beatrix is going to have a little break from her gate guarding. If she decides to hang out here, can you take care of her?” I figured I’d put her in the bedroom with Nils. They were both angels. It’s not like I had to keep them separated or anything. I was running out of bedrooms, and the addition wasn’t anywhere close to being done. If things got dicey, they could always put a sword between them or something.

  “And?”

  I looked down into Nyalla’s happy face and smiled. “Give me some time to handle a few things then I’ll give you a good assignment. I promise.”

  She saluted. “Just let me know what you need. I’m ready to serve, Sir!”

  Silly girl. A flash of light appeared off to the side. I turned, expecting Gregory. What I saw was an angel... and an elf. Eloa to be exact, and the elf she held tight in her grasp could be none other than Swiftethian.

  Chapter 24

  Eloa shoved the elf forward, and he fell to his knees before me. “I am absolutely disgusted by the negative evolutionary path the elves have taken since their decision to live in Hel. This one in particular has an abysmal vibration pattern.”

  She sounded so much like Gabriel that I had to choke back a laugh.

  “Where did you find him?” I’ll admit I was curious. Wyatt was looking. A few of Gregory’s angels were looking. Had the elf tried to slip through a gate? Had he been hit by a bus again and dragged by an angel from the hospital?

  “Jail.”

  Well. That was unexpected. Eloa tossed a paper-clipped stack of papers at me. I caught them and quickly paged through. They included a paid-in-full deed of trust for a house and three-hundred acres in Kentucky.

  “What has this got to do with an elf in jail?”

  “It’s fake. He showed up at the address on the deed and tried to forcibly evict the human ‘squatters’. They called the police, and the po-po hauled Mr. Pointy Ears off to jail.”

  I had a love-hate relationship with Eloa. Right now we were edging towards the love end of things. Po-po. Angels talking street always did it for me.

  The elf in question glared up at me, stubbornly mute in the face of these accusations. What the fuck would an elf want with a house in Kentucky? The dude didn’t speak any English, had no marketable job skills that I was aware of, didn’t understand vehicular right-of-way. I get that he was banished by his elven buddies, but to choose this world over Hel where he might have a chance of forgiveness and reinstatement into his kingdom? Why would he want a house here, where everything was so foreign to him?

  But there was another burning question I had to ask. “Jail? Human police officers managed to restrain an elf and contain him inside a jail cell?”

  Humans had no magically enhanced bars or nets. Any elf worth his lineage should have been able to charm the humans, or wrap them in poison oak vines. Somehow they’d managed to subdue him? And a jail? Head-on with a bus hadn’t kept this fucker down; how had lockup in the county detention center managed to do it?

  Eloa shrugged. “I’ve got nothing. Took me two seconds to break him out. I can only assume his vibration pattern was so degraded, what with the theft of human property and all, he was unable to pick a simple lock.”

  Sheesh, cut it with the fucking vibration shit and all. I had a crappy vibration pattern, as I’d been told repeatedly, and I could still get out of a human jail. Whatever.

  I turned to Swifty and pulled the gem from my neck pouch, juggling it back and forth from hand to hand. His eyes widened. “How did you...?”

  “I’m an imp. I’m also the Iblis. You figure it out.” I wasn’t about to tell him one of my Lows stole the thing while the demon owner was distracted. It would have ruined the effect and seriously damaged the reputation I was attempting to build here.

  He narrowed his eyes. “That doesn’t belong to you.”

  “Nor does it belong to you. Word on the wire says you stole this from Sorcerer Freeman Gareth.”

  “It was a joint project. He refused payment, so I took possession.”

  Well, this was a completely different slant on the situation than Gareth had conveyed. I tried to read Swifty, but elves were tricky when it came to my falsehood detection skill.

  “Really? And paid a demon to come across the gates only to sell the gem to another demon? All of that could have been easily accomplished in Hel without any risk of getting hit by a bus.”

  He winced and rubbed a hand along his hip at the reminder. “The demon buyer insisted the transaction be conducted here.”

  Right. So he could immediately return to Hel and enact his revenge upon Pamersiel. My Spidey senses were tingling. Elf or not, this was one big, fat whopper of a lie.

  “So why didn’t you return to Hel? Why stay here and harass some humans in Kentucky?”

  Swifty clamped his lips together, and I backtracked.

  “Gareth still owns half of the proceeds of that gem. Did you intend on duplicating his crime by denying him payment?”

  Eloa glowed at the suggestion, and Swifty cringed. “No! I was going to share with him. The moment I returned to Hel, I was going to give him half.”

  Half. I looked down at the deed of trust. It was a remarkable forgery. If I hadn’t spent the last forty years dealing with the purchase and rental of residential housing I would have been fooled too. Property transfer among the humans was more convoluted than some of the regulations handed down by Aaru, and that was saying a lot. Each state had specific laws concerning documentation requirements and lien releases, and that was further muddied by specific county laws. These regulations were subtle, and I wouldn’t have expected a demon such as Avarnak to know the details as well as I did. And Swifty? Fuck, he probably could have given the elf a page out of a coloring book and he wouldn’t have known the difference. The dude didn’t even know the language, let alone the details of land ownership.

  I waved the stack of papers at Swifty. “And what exactly did Avarnak pay you for this gem?”

  The elf cringed at the demon’s name, clearly realizing I knew a lot more than he’d hoped.

  “Eight thousand coin.”

  He’d made the amount believable, but I knew better. Taking a few strides forward, I smacked the elf as hard as I could across his face with the deed of trust. “Try again, asshole.”

  “Eighty thousand coin, one hundred thousand in human currency, and that property.”

  I blinked. Fuck, that was a lot. Way more than popping up a few levels would warrant. I’d deal with that issue later, though. “Why the property? Elves haven’t crossed the gates ever. Even exiled from your elven brethren, why would you choose here over Hel?”

  An odd expression flitted across his face as I mentioned exile, quickly hidden beneath a stoic glare. “We w
ere wrong to live among the demons in Hel. Here, among the humans, I can be of service. They’ll benefit from my experience and knowledge, guided into positive evolution through my example.”

  The angel huffed. “If you’re any example of what the elves have become, the humans are better off without you.”

  I wasn’t a fool, and neither was Eloa. She might have a thing for Gregory, flirt with him every chance she got, but I was starting to dig this angel.

  “So were you only planning on sharing the coin with Gareth, or the value of the property and human currency as well?”

  The elf cast me a wary look then focused his gaze down at the maple floor.

  “The human sorcerer would have no need for the things of this world, as he intends to remain in Hel. I planned on giving him all of the eighty thousand coin for his share of the profits.”

  I got a weird feeling that Swifty didn’t care about the coin, and that there was more behind his actions than simple greed.

  The thought of that particular sin reminded me of Avarnak and the yet-unknown limits of his powers. “Gareth says the gem was originally meant to increase the effect of a spell, but that you modified it. Tell me what you did.”

  Swifty’s eyes met mine for a brief moment before his gaze slid back to the floor. His shoulders tensed. “I was able to shift the purpose so that instead of increasing the power of a spell, it increased the power of a spell caster.”

  “But it doesn’t just work on spell casters, does it? What does it do, Swiftherian?”

  His hands curled into tight fists against the floor. “I told you. It increases the power of the spell caster. Doesn’t matter if the caster is a mage or not as long as they are the one who activates the gem.”

  “And how exactly does that work? Because the last time I checked, domestic felines couldn’t cast spells, and yet there’s one running around Hel that can throw heavy objects and shoot laser beams from his eyes.”

  “The activation is the same as it has always been. Hold the gem, communicate your intent to use it either aloud or silently, then concentrate on the power you wish to elevate.”

  I hastily stuck the gem in my pocket, trying to remember whether I’d inadvertently done either of those things. Probably not. I assumed I’d know if I started slicing shit in two with my eyeballs.

  “So, you’re telling me that a kitten without opposable thumbs managed to hold the gem then communicate the desire to become super-powerful Destructo Kitty?”

  Swifty shrugged.

  “Gareth says it has six charges. Why didn’t you try it on yourself?” His head jerked up, and I saw a flash of fear cross his face before he managed to put the sneer back in place. “Forget being reinstated with your kingdom; you could rule your kingdom. You could rule the entirety of the United Elven Kingdoms. You could rule all of Hel. But instead, you sold it for some measly coin, human currency, and a worthless deed.”

  “I have no desire to rule in Hel. I only wish to live here, where I can guide and assist the humans in their positive evolution.”

  “By forcibly evicting them from their homes? Or maybe you intended to conduct your humanitarian pursuits from within the penal system?”

  “They were squatters.” He snarled, ignoring the last of my questions. “I received ownership of that house and land as part of the sale and arrived to find them unwilling to vacate. How was I to know that demon lied and forged the documents?”

  Idiot. He’d lived his whole life next to a bunch of demons and never realized we lied? Heck, I was a demon, and I would never have conducted a land transfer without a title search.

  “What do you want to do with him?” Eloa’s foot twitched as if she longed to plant it firmly in the elf’s backside.

  What to do with Swifty? I didn’t want to return him to Hel just yet, and I certainly didn’t want him in my house, even if I’d had an extra bedroom. It had been bad enough having an angel duct taped and collared in my basement; I really didn’t want an elf down there.

  “Take him back to jail.”

  “What?” the elf shrieked. “No!”

  His response assured me that I had truly come up with a brilliant idea. “We can go get him if we need to. He’s not likely to escape, given what you’ve told me. It’s the perfect place for him to learn about these humans he’s supposedly here to help.”

  Eloa grinned at me. “Given that you are responsible for raising the FICO scores of the humans, Iblis, I think that’s an excellent idea. This elf can redeem himself by serving you in that noble purpose. The human jails are filled with those who desperately need redemption.”

  I waved a hand. “Then let’s proceed. Make it so and all that. Swiftherian, you are to spend your incarceration period raising the vibration levels of the human criminals. Humans don’t live very long, and their punishment terms here are woefully short and lacking in torture, so this should practically be a vacation for you. Once you’ve done your time in the county lockup, we’ll decide what other humanitarian services you can render.”

  “Such an excellent idea, Iblis,” Eloa agreed. “I’m so glad this elf took the initiative to cross the gates and selflessly offer his talents for the betterment of humanity.”

  “Me too.” I watched as Eloa took the protesting Swifty back to jail.

  Chapter 25

  Avarnak?” Terrelle took a bite of shrimp fried rice while she pondered the situation. “Avarnak killed Pamersiel and two angels?”

  “Yeah,” I confirmed. “Laser beams, a huge cage of obsidian, exploding an ancient demon, and all that shit.”

  “Huh.” She took another bite and chewed thoughtfully. Weirdo. It was as if none of this fazed her in the least. “I can see him going after Pamersiel if he had the chance. They’d had a feud for ages, but of course Avarnak couldn’t do anything about it. You can be pissed at an ancient all you want, but taking any action against one is suicide.”

  “So what happened between the two of them to cause the feud?” If I understood what sort of thing drove Avarnak to action, I might have an idea what he intended to do here. And maybe stop him before he did it—whatever it was.

  “Pamersiel asked Avarnak to do a retrieval job. The usual stuff: raid some demon’s house, take whatever crap Pamersiel felt had been stolen, and give it back.”

  “He asked a greed demon to do this?” Not exactly my choice as a burglar. With a greed demon, your chances of ever seeing them again, let alone getting the item from them, were slim. Anything worth having was usually something they wanted to keep for themselves.

  “Yeah, evidently there was some implication that a one-time breeding contract would be offered once the item was returned.”

  Whoa, that was big. Most of the ancients didn’t breed anymore. They’d done their thing millions of years ago, and now it was up to us young’uns to keep the demonic line going. A breeding contract with an ancient, even a one-time occurrence, would do a lot to enhance a demon’s status. I imagined for a moment what sort of offspring I could create with an ancient demon. Wow, that would be cool. Even I, with my reluctance to even consider breeding, would totally jump on that opportunity.

  Gregory cleared his throat. I glanced over to see him with arms folded, eyeing me as if he’d caught me ogling the gate guardian. I wondered how much of my thoughts he could read and tried to save the situation.

  “Ick. Yuck. I mean, more power to the guy, but I personally would never, in millions of years, consider such a thing. Phooey. Bleck.”

  I think I overdid it a bit, but Gregory nodded and grabbed a pair of chopsticks, carefully picking at the room-temperature bean curd.

  Terrelle laughed, covering her mouth with a napkin. “Yeah, well, the rest of us lowly demons without feathered wings and an angelic main squeeze would totally hit that.”

  “So... did he? I mean Pamersiel and Avarnak?”

  “No. I’m sure you won’t be terribly surprised to learn it was all a big misunderstanding, and Pamersiel had meant a breeding incident with some member of hi
s household instead. Avarnak was insulted. Little things started to go missing at Pamersiel’s house. One of his household was caught and implicated Avarnak. Then it came to light that Avarnak had stolen far more than he’d admitted to, but had only told Pamersiel about and handed over a few of the items. Pamersiel got pissed and torched Avarnak’s house with about half his household trapped inside.”

  And thus a feud begins. It was a common story, and I could see Avarnak holding a grudge for all these centuries, but this kind of convoluted murder plan seemed excessive.

  “How did Avarnak know about the gem? I’d heard no rumors it was up for sale on the black-market. Swifty must have approached him directly.”

  Terrelle scooped up more fried rice. “Could be. This wasn’t the usual feud. Avarnak took the whole thing personally. He’d banked heavily on the proposed breeding incident. To be pushed off on some household member was humiliating. Don’t get me wrong—Avarnak likes to collect stuff just as much as the next greed demon, but associations, connections, and status are what really motivate him. To have a connection with Pamersiel, an ancient demon, would be the most valuable association of his life.”

  Her comments gave me an idea—a horrible idea. “So with Pamersiel dead, who is the next highest ancient? One that’s active and still might consider a breeding contract if the right demon were to present him or herself.”

  “Thinking of creating some offspring, Cockroach?” Gregory asked. I shivered at his tone, and my thoughts went to what sort of angel we could form together.

  “I’ll let you know the moment my ovaries start screaming for a baby daddy.” Which would be at least another thousand years or so. Aaru wasn’t ready to face the prospect of angels and demons having civil discourse, let alone baby making.