Once an Outlaw

by Raine Cantrell

  Jessie hadn’t begun. The second he broke their kiss, she placed her fingertips over his mouth. “Do you really think it’s a good idea to leave those two little boys in the cabin? I can’t believe you agreed to let them cook for us. They’re likely to burn my house down.”

  “Kenny has more savvy in his one hand than many men I know. Trust me, Jess. He’ll have supper sittin’ on the table by the time I’m done with the horses.”

  He saw her glance at the animals, and the way she looked away. Quickly, maybe too fast. He’d not forgotten about his unanswered questions. Wisely he decided to let them be for now.

  Taking her by surprise, he lifted her up and swung her around so she could sit on the top rail of the corral.

  “Logan! Your shoulder—”

  “Won’t ever get stronger unless I work it. You sit.” A grin and the still-warm glitter of desire in his eyes softened the order. And as he worked, stripping off the gear and supplies, he told her what he had learned about the two sagebrush orphans.

  “Why call them that, Logan?”

  “Just a handle folks hung on little ones left without folks from an Indian raid, sickness, accidents. There’s too much out here,” he explained, gesturing toward the mountains, then at the flat below the cabin. “Man can die—”

  “Don’t talk about it. I don’t want to remember that you were out there, left to die.”

  “That’s all over, Jessie.” Logan slung the saddle he removed from Adorabelle over the top rail, then went back and stripped down the brown horse Jessie had bought for him.

  Jessie watched the fluid grace of his every move as he checked over the horse, until she had to stop imagining his hands stroking her in the same gentle manner. She closed her eyes, gripping the rail on either side of her hips. Logan’s words replayed in her mind.

  She started when she felt his hands cover her own. Opening her eyes, she looked down at him. “All done?”

  “You picked a good horse, Jess.”

  She smiled. The words were simple. The praise behind them held a great deal more meaning to her. “I didn’t have much of a choice. The other one Silas had was a showy paint. There was something very appealing about this one’s stability.”

  “He’ll get me where I need to go.”

  Jessie didn’t answer. Thoughtful, she glanced over his head toward the shed where the two horses munched the hay Logan had forked out for them. She wished she could recover as easily and as quickly as Logan had appeared to from those passionate minutes they had shared before the boys arrived. Her body still ached, and a strange tension hummed through her.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I…I was wondering what’s to be done with those boys.”

  Logan had the grace to look away before he told her what he had in mind. “Ah, Jess, I sorta figured they could stay here with you.”

  “With me?”

  He backed up a little and planted his hands on his hips in reaction to her snippety tone. “Don’t get all het up before I explain.”

  “I’m listening. But let me tell you this first. I don’t believe either you or I will make this decision. From one meeting with Kenny, I know that boy has a mind of his own. He won’t take kindly to any plans you made.”

  “I did talk to him.”

  “You did what!” In her hurry to get down, Jessie’s heel caught in her skirt hem. Only Logan’s quick move forward to catch her stopped her from sprawling in the dirt.

  With her hands braced on his shoulders, Jessie thanked him, suddenly wary of his grin. She squirmed, trying to get him to release her. Logan’s arms tightened around her hips.

  “Damn you, Logan. Put me down. Your shoulder—”

  “Hurts like hell’s own fire,” he finished for her.

  “Then why—” Jessie lost her breath. His lips closed over the tip of one breast. The warmth of his mouth penetrated the wool cloth. Heat and moisture and the gentle abrasion of his teeth gave her a pleasure so intense that she cried out.

  “Stop. You must stop. The boys’ll see.”

  Logan released her, unwilling to have her retreat again. “Wait here. I’ll take the sack inside, then we’ll go pick greens for supper.” At the corral gate he turned. “And then you won’t worry about anyone seeing us.”

  All through supper Jessie retained the flush she had obtained following Logan’s version of picking greens. Kenny, she was grateful to see, had lost his smirk after a warning look from Logan.

  To her surprise, the rabbit tasted every bit as good as her own cooking, and she was lavish with her praise to both boys.

  Jessie couldn’t help noticing how Marty directed all his questions to Kenny, who showed a great deal of patience in repeating them to either Logan or herself.

  As the meal came to a close, Jessie grew very quiet. Once or twice Marty had stuttered, due to his excitement, Kenny explained. She found the trait endearing. And for the first time in a long time, she thought again of the family she had expected to be raising. Without conscious thought her hand folded over her belly.

  She remembered her disappointment in the weeks following one of Harry’s trips home when she’d taken to her bed seized by cramps, aggravated by the tears she’d shed. The vividness of the memory shocked her.

  When she looked up, the expression on Logan’s face held her absolutely still. She saw the deep masculine curiosity and the restrained flicker of desire that invaded his compelling dark blue eyes. Every instinct she possessed came to life. The result was a chaos of emotion and mixed signals that left her feeling as if she would be easy prey for him.

  She wrenched her attention from him and focused on the boys. “Kenny, I would be pleased if you and Marty want to stay with me. We can work out a fair exchange, but more importantly, I’d really enjoy the company. I just want you both to make the decision.”

  “Tell her, Kenny. Tell her.”

  “I was gettin’ ’round to it, Marty. The way we figure it best is to sorta try it out. You ain’t got young’uns an’ we ain’t got no folks tellin’ us what to do. Bound to set up a heap of trouble if we was to jus’ move in.”

  She couldn’t help herself. Her gaze strayed to Logan. He was desperately trying not to smile. Well, he had warned her about how bright Kenny was. She was looking forward to the challenge. What’s more, Jessie knew she needed these children. They would fill the lonely hours. She knew Logan would leave come morning. He had delayed only because of his concern for her.

  The warmth inside expanded, and Jessie lowered her head. It would be so easy to fall in love with Logan. But how could she love a man who had secrets he refused to share with her? How could she trust him? She’d been asking herself that question too many times today, and always came up with the same answer. On every level that mattered, Logan had her complete trust.

  “Ma’am. Ma’am,” Kenny said a second time, louder, then repeated it once more. When Jessie looked up at him, he continued. “We left water heatin’ for the dishes. ’Pologize that Marty an’ me can’t stay to help. But we got things to do back at our camp.”

  “Oh, you’re not leaving. I thought, that is, I hoped that you both would stay the night. We can ride up to your camp tomorrow.”

  Kenny shot a look at Logan, who was toying with his fork, an act that required intense concentration, for he didn’t look up or say a word.

  “Don’t seem like a good idea, ma’am. Com’on, Marty. We head back.”

  “Please call me Jessie,” she asked as they started for the door.

  “Wait for me outside,” Logan said, rising. “I’ll walk back—”

  “Ain’t a need—”

  “Kenny, the first thing a man learns is that when someone bigger and older than him gives an order, obey it. I’ll be with you in a few minutes.”

  The moment the door closed behind them, Jessie rounded on Logan. “There was no need for you to be so sharp with him. He’s just a boy, for heaven’s sake.”

  “Keep thinking that way and he’ll have you wrap
ped around his finger in a day or so.”

  “What difference will it make to you? You won’t be around to see.” Jessie shoved back the table bench, but he moved so fast around to her side that she didn’t have the chance to stand up. Settling for a heated glare took the edge off her temper.

  “Oh, Jess, don’t do this. If I could stay, I would. How could you think otherwise?”

  She squeezed her eyes shut, fighting for the courage she needed to push him away. Let me find the right words. Please, Lord. The right ones.

  Jessie suddenly remembered the two double eagles that were left from the money he had given her. She recalled the coins paid to Silas’s Indian woman. Regret for the missing money disappeared with the memory of what had followed. When she arrived home she had taken off the small deerskin bag…where? Her eyes lit on the cupboard shelf.

  “Excuse me, I need to get up.”

  He stepped aside, and she rose stiffly. He’s leaving. Just remember that he’s leaving. No matter what you say, no matter what you do, Logan is going out of your life.

  She felt the heat of his stare following her every move. Jessie spilled the coins into the palm of her hand, then curled her fingers over them. Courage.

  She turned, started to speak, shook her head and held out her hand, palm side up. “Your money.”

  “My—” He broke off, looking from the money to her eyes. Anger built slowly, but it threatened his control. “I don’t understand, Jessie. I told you—”

  “This is what’s left from buying your horse and supplies.” The lie wasn’t an easy one for her. But the truth would reveal what she was determined to keep from him. “I’m taking your offer to share the foodstuffs I bought. But this belongs to you. Take it.”

  “Don’t do this.” His voice was flat, cold and hard.

  “I need to,” she answered as coldly.

  “I said I didn’t want it. The money is yours to keep, Jessie.”

  “Take it,” she demanded again. “Since you don’t understand, I’ll make it plainer. Take your money, Logan. Take it because I don’t want anything left here that belonged to you.”

  She witnessed the battle he waged with his temper. A trembling beset her and the coins spilled from her hand and landed on the table. For a few terrible moments she thought he would come right over the table at her.

  Out of sheer desperation that he would lose his temper with her, Logan fled the cabin. The door slammed behind him.

  And Jessie was once more alone.

  But Logan would come back tonight.

  That one inescapable fact kept returning as she cleaned the dishes, to tease and tug and cajole.

  Chapter Twelve

  Logan was so blinded by rage that at first he didn’t see the boys hiding near the corner.

  “I told you to wait right here, didn’t I?”

  Kenny, shoving Marty behind him, stepped out. “Since you was pinchin’ the starch out of her drawers, we got out of the way.”

  “Don’t talk about Jessie like that,” Logan snapped. He rubbed the back of his neck, willing himself to calm down. What devil had taken hold of her? Tossing the money at him like it was dirty? Hell, he didn’t steal it. And if he had, he was only stealing it from himself. A mess of lies, fried up and served, and all he could do for now was eat it.

  “You still set on walkin’ back with us?”

  “Yeah. We’ve got a few more things to talk about.” Logan scooped up Marty and settled him on his shoulders, much to the little boy’s delight. The shooting pain in his shoulder helped to take his mind off Jessie.

  Marty placed his hands on either side of Logan’s face, yelling for Kenny to see how tall he was, while Logan arranged the boy’s feet beneath his arms. The laughter they shared had a silent, deeper meaning for both Logan and Kenny when the boy nodded with approval glowing in his eyes.

  Logan reached out and drew Kenny beside him in a loose neck hold. “Still have doubts?”

  “Nope. But I’m sure glad you ain’t a mean mad.”

  “Pardon?”

  “You come out like a bull snortin’ an’ ready to charge whatever moved,” Kenny explained. “That’s mean mad.”

  “Yep,” Marty agreed. “So m-mean you’d hurt something.”

  “If I frightened you both, I’m sorry. I learned a long time ago never to hurt someone smaller than me unless my life was at stake. Or they were robbing my horse. That would rile me plenty.”

  “If you was awake,” Kenny reminded him. “Like I said, I’m sure glad you ain’t thinkin’ on it. I’d need to protect Marty.”

  “From me?” Logan stopped in his tracks. He let Kenny squirm free.

  All the laughter was gone from the boy’s expression. “Only if you was hurtin’ him, Logan. I ain’t got a gun, but I got ways to hurt a man big as you.”

  All Logan had to guide him was his own childhood, and all the times he would challenge Conner or one of the hands so he could show off something new he’d learned. His voice was skeptical. “Tell me.”

  “I’d kick your shin ’cause you’re so tall an’ I’m only chest-high.”

  Logan started walking. “Yeah, you’re little, all right. Little like a stick of dynamite is little.”

  Skipping alongside, Kenny smiled. “Yep. Kick a man in the shin an’ the pain’s worse than bein’ snake-bit.”

  Kenny had more to say as they walked back to their camp. Jessie wasn’t ignored by the boy. She was a subject that Kenny, in his forthright manner, had no qualms broaching despite Logan’s attempts to stop him. Logan let him ramble on, till he expressed his final opinion that Logan was making a mistake to leave a woman like her.

  “She’s got land an’ a cabin. Got a real nice little herd of cattle. You ain’t dead, so you know she can take care of you. She’s pretty, too,” he added, kicking dust.

  Logan agreed. But, he explained, a man sometimes didn’t have a choice. He had to do what he had to do.

  Kenny snapped back. “My pa usta say the same thing just before he whopped me for not obeyin’. Said it hurt him worse than me. Don’t see how that stands to reason. Folks sure got funny ways of lookin’ at things.”

  Logan left it at that.

  He parted from the boys with Kenny promising that he’d stick closer to Jessie than a horseshoe to a hoof until Logan could send word. He didn’t promise them he would return—he might not survive his next encounter with Monte and his bunch—but he’d make sure his brother knew about Jessie and the boys. Conner could be counted on to take care of them.

  Personal feelings aside, he could do no less for the boys and woman who had saved his life.

  He expected to find the cabin door bolted against him when he returned. Not only was the door unbolted, but Jessie had left a lantern burning outside to guide him. Wary of her uncertain temper, Logan took the precaution of making sure she hadn’t tossed a quilt outside. He wouldn’t put it past Jessie to leave that as a message he was no longer wanted here.

  Jessie, lying quietly in the darkened cabin, listened to him moving around outside. After he had left her, she knew exactly what a piece of cloth felt like after she had heated her iron on the stove and applied it to the wet material. There was hiss and steam, but not a wrinkle remained to mar its surface. The cloth was soft and malleable, allowing the heavy flatiron to guide smoothly where she directed it.

  Logan was exactly like that flatiron, wielded by a heavy hand with a deft touch. She was scorched, but she had little fight left in her.

  The door opened and she stilled. He had shuttered the lantern so only a tiny stream of light spilled from the glass.

  “Jessie? Are you awake?”

  “No. I’m sound asleep, dreaming, I’ll have you know, of those two little boys off goodness knows where, at the mercy—”

  “All right. I got your point. You’re awake and full of vinegar.”

  “No. I mean yes,” she said very softly, “I’m awake, but the vinegar, as you call it, is all gone.”

  “Stop worrying about t
he boys. Kenny’ll take better care of you an’ Marty than anyone I know.” Logan set the lantern on the table. He’d already figured out that Jessie had claimed her bed—the folded quilts on the floor just confirmed it.

  “It’s too much of a burden for a boy to bear, Logan.”

  “Kenny’s already shouldered man-size burdens. He buried his folks and Marty’s. Death has a way of turning a boy to a man overnight.”

  Jessie sat up, finding his shadowed form. “You say that as if you had been through the very same thing.” She was doing exactly what she had sworn to herself she wouldn’t—snatching up every scrap of information about him that she could keep and remember.

  “I know.” But Logan wasn’t thinking so much about himself as he was his brother Conner. Like Kenny, Conner had been the eldest and, suited or not, had stepped into their father’s boots when he died.

  “Where will you go?”

  He looked over at her, barely able to make out more than her shape sitting up with the blankets bunched up around her.

  “Jessie, the less you know, the better it is.”

  The answer was no more than she had expected. Hope she hadn’t realized that she harbored faded. He wasn’t going to make any last-minute promises about coming back, if not for her, then for the boys.

  She waited to hear him settling down on the quilts. Logan didn’t move. The sense that he was waiting for her to say something more formed in her mind. The only subject Jessie felt safe talking about was the boys.

  “I’m not sure that I’m the right one to take care of those two, Logan. I don’t know anything about being a mother.”

  The underlying worry in her voice was all the excuse he needed to cross the room to her. He dropped down to his knees beside the bed, grabbing hold of the sideboard to keep from gathering her into his arms.

  “Jessie, I think they need a friend more than anything else. Kenny, like I said, claims they’re cousins and that they have no kinfolk back in Kansas. You know I can’t take them with me. They like you. Told me so and, what’s more, I believe they’ll trust you.”

  Jessie’s fingers curled over the edge of the blanket. She wanted to know why he couldn’t trust her. But wasn’t going to ask.