Waiting for You (A Contemporary Romance Novel)

by Abigail Strom

  The feeling of being needed.

  Of course, the challenge would be convincing Erin that it was okay to need him. To rely on him. Hell, just to include him.

  He winced every time he remembered the conversation on her porch. Sure, he’d had some excuse for being upset. He’d been completely blindsided, not to mention pissed that Erin had kept the truth from him for so long. But as he’d been riding home, back to the apartment he’d left empty for six months, he kept picturing Erin’s face and wishing he’d reacted differently.

  She’d looked like she was bracing herself for bad news—resolute and vulnerable at the same time. Like she was prepared for the worst, but with a kernel of hope flickering inside her.

  He just wished he knew what the hell she was hoping for.

  If she wanted him out of the picture, she was going to be disappointed. He wasn’t about to leave her high and dry—or the baby she was carrying. He had no clue where things stood between him and Erin, but he knew damn well where they stood between him and his child. He was going to be a father, and he was going to be involved.

  He had to believe Erin wanted that, too. At least deep down. Maybe she’d just trained herself not to have expectations.

  That was something he understood.

  Well, she’d just have to get used to having him around. Because he was going to be there for Erin whether she liked it or not.

  Her face appeared again in his mind’s eye, and he thought about the way she’d stood with her arms wrapped around herself. She’d looked every bit as beautiful as he remembered, but she’d also looked worn out.

  Of course she was worn out. She was pregnant. She’d cut herself off from him and from his family, and had carried this burden all alone for six months.

  He looked up at the ceiling again, picturing Erin asleep in her room. The room where all this had begun.

  A fierce wave of protectiveness swept through him. He wanted to be there right now, watching over her.

  It was the most basic urge a man could feel: the urge to protect the woman carrying his child.

  And the best way to do that was to marry her.

  He’d never imagined himself getting married. That was the kind of thing you did when you believed in the future; when you had faith that the world was a good place.

  It had been years since he’d let himself think about the future. When you were a soldier in a war zone, there was a good chance you might not have one. And losing people he cared about had taught him that faith in the future was a sure path to pain.

  But marrying Erin wouldn’t be an act of faith. It was simply the right thing to do, the honorable thing to do. What better way to take care of Erin and their child?

  And it wouldn’t exactly be a chore, he thought, remembering the night that had started all this. The way she’d looked up at him, with so much trust and sweetness and desire…the way her scent had surrounded him…

  No, it wouldn’t be a chore. Thinking about it made him feel…good. And restless, like he should be with her right now.

  He threw off his covers and got out of bed. He couldn’t go to her house until morning, but sleep wasn’t an option and he wanted to do something useful.

  Her face had looked thin, and there were dark smudges under her eyes. Was she eating enough? Getting enough nutrients? Vegetables and protein and all that?

  There were twenty-four hour grocery stores in Des Moines. Instead of lying in bed thinking, which wasn’t exactly his style, he could do something practical. Like making sure Erin had plenty of nutritious food in her house.

  It was his job to protect and care for her now. For the first time in a long time he had a mission, and he wasn’t going to screw it up.

  Chapter Eleven

  Erin overslept, probably because she’d spent half the night tossing and turning, thinking about Jake. The doorbell woke her up, and even though she’d been hoping to look a little more presentable before seeing him again, all she had time to do was throw on her bathrobe and slippers before going downstairs to let him in.

  “Hi,” she said, looking from him to the half dozen bags he’d set down on the porch. “What’s all this?”

  “I went grocery shopping. I hope that’s okay.”

  “Um…sure. Although I do actually have food in the house.”

  “I figured. But you can always use more.”

  It was a cold day, and Jake was wearing a sheepskin jacket over a blue chambray shirt and jeans. He’d grown his hair a little longer in the last six months, and between that and the stubble on his jaw he looked like an ad for some kind of male outdoors thing, like work boots or backpacks or fishing gear.

  Meanwhile, her hair was sticking up all over the place and she hadn’t even brushed her teeth yet. “I overslept,” she said, cinching her robe tighter as she stood back to let Jake in. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to take a quick shower.”

  “I don’t mind at all. That’ll give me time to put away the groceries. I’ll make some coffee, too. Decaf.”

  She nodded. “That sounds great.”

  She disappeared upstairs with a feeling of relief.

  When she came back down twenty minutes later, dressed in maternity jeans and a pale pink sweatshirt, good smells and the sound of something sizzling in a pan were coming from her kitchen.

  Jake was standing at the stove, cooking an omelet and whistling. He seemed so much at home that she felt a little disoriented, like she’d accidentally walked into someone else’s life.

  “Hi,” she said, a little hesitantly, and Jake turned and gave her a quick grin.

  “Hey. Go ahead and have a seat—breakfast will be ready in two minutes.”

  Erin sat down at her small kitchen table, which Jake had set with her Fiestaware dishes. There was a pot of coffee along with cream and sugar, and she poured herself a cup while she watched Jake butter toast to go with the omelet.

  Something was different about him. After a while, she realized what it was.

  She was seeing the old Jake again.

  He wasn’t exactly the same, of course. He’d never be exactly the same. A man who’d been through a decade of war would always carry the weight of that experience. But the way he held himself now…it was as if he’d found a way to bear the load without turning himself into stone.

  “What happened to you in Texas?” she blurted out, as he dished up the omelets and set one in front of her.

  He sat down, too, looking at her with one eyebrow up. “What do you mean?”

  “You seem…different. Lighter, somehow.”

  He seemed to think about that as he poured himself a cup of coffee. “Yeah, I guess that’s one way to describe it.” He paused, looking at her. “I saw a therapist while I was down there. I’ll be seeing someone up here, too. Erin, I have…” He hesitated again. “I have post traumatic stress disorder. I don’t know if you—”

  “I know what it is.”

  He nodded. “My symptoms aren’t as bad as what a lot of people go through, but…that’s why I woke up the way I did, the night I was here.”

  “I know. I mean…I thought that might be the reason.”

  There was a flash of remembered pain in his eyes. “I’m sorry you had to see me like that. But after what happened, I figured it was time I did something about it. So I did.”

  Her heart swelled. Going through her pregnancy alone had been a small price to pay for this.

  “Jake, I’m so glad. Don’t you see why I didn’t want to tell you about the baby? If you’d come home, you wouldn’t have—”

  He shook his head. “Nice try, but no. If you’d told me you were pregnant, I would have come home, yeah. But do you think that would have stopped me from getting treatment? Knowing about the baby would have been even more motivation.”

  She bit her lip. “Okay, I made a bad decision. But I really did think I was doing the right thing.”

  He took a bite of omelet before answering. “I know you did. Just like I thought I was doing the right thing b
y not calling you. Both of us were wrong, so what do you say we forget about the past and move forward?”

  She felt tears coming and fought to hold them back. She couldn’t get emotional like this in front of him—she just couldn’t. She didn’t want the new phase of their lives to start with her sobbing like a fool. He’d think he had to take care of her and that was the last thing she wanted.

  The first drop fell, and then the second. “Damn.” She knuckled away the tears. “Don’t pay attention to this, okay? It’s my stupid hormones.” She cleared her throat. “I think that’s a good idea. About us moving forward.”

  He nodded. “Okay. Good. Then all we have to do is work everything else out, right? Should be a piece of cake.”

  He grinned at her, and she managed to smile back.

  “We’re in this together, Erin. Like it or not.”

  As Erin ate her omelet, which was stuffed with mushrooms and peppers and was the most delicious thing she’d eaten in days, she was already afraid she would like it too much.

  “I’ll get the dishes,” she said when they’d both finished.

  Jake frowned at her as he rose to his feet, taking her empty plate from her hands. “Are you kidding? One of the things I get to do for the next few months is wait on you. So get used to it.”

  His words sent a pulse of anxiety through her. “I don’t want any special treatment just because I’m pregnant. I can take care of myself.”

  Her voice trembled a little, and for a minute Jake didn’t say anything. When he spoke again, his voice was gentle. “I know you can.”

  His gaze moved to her belly and then back to her face. “But I missed out on six months of giving you special treatment. And I’m planning to make up for lost time.”

  Her heart beat painfully in her chest. The father of her baby was telling her things that any pregnant woman would dream of hearing. A part of her wanted to forget everything she’d just said, and throw herself into his arms.

  But if she did that, she’d regret it. She’d fall into her pathetic fantasy world again, and mistake his sense of responsibility for something deeper. And she wouldn’t do that to herself again. She wouldn’t waste time hoping desperately for a love that Jake was never going to feel for her.

  When she didn’t say anything, Jake went on. “Haven’t you seen Rick and Allison together? Are you telling me he doesn’t give her special treatment?”

  He couldn’t have picked a worse example. It was a reminder of exactly the kind of love she wanted and would never have.

  “Yes, I’ve seen them together,” she snapped. “But our situation is completely different from theirs. You and I are—”

  “If that’s what’s bothering you, don’t worry. Of course I’m going to marry you.”

  He said it confidently, reassuringly, like a mechanic telling her, Of course I can fix your transmission. She stared at him for a minute, and then she covered her face with her hands. “And here it is,” she muttered. “Right on schedule.”

  “What’s right on schedule?”

  She let her hands drop to her sides. “Your pity proposal. Do you really think that’s what I want? That’s the last thing I want.”

  He frowned. “You’re saying you don’t want to get married?”

  She sighed. “Yes, Jake, that’s what I’m saying. I don’t want a shotgun wedding. I don’t want any kind of wedding. I don’t want us to pretend to be something we’re not. Okay?”

  His eyebrows drew close together and his eyes glinted, a clear indication that he was about to argue with her. She braced herself, but then his forehead smoothed out again. “We don’t have to decide right now,” he said.

  She scowled and started to tell him that it was already decided, thank you very much, but she was distracted by a familiar flutter of movement, like popcorn popping. She pressed a hand to her stomach.

  “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Jake was frowning in concern.

  “Yes, I’m fine. The baby’s kicking.”

  Jake’s eyes flashed to her stomach, and then back up at her. “Could I…?”

  She swallowed. As much as she had wished over the past few months that she had someone to share this experience with, now that Jake was looking at her like that, she wasn’t sure she was ready.

  But she couldn’t say no—not when Jake had that eager look in his eyes. So she nodded, and he drew his chair closer, waiting for her to guide him. She took his wrist and placed his hand on her belly, over the spot she’d last felt the movement.

  She was wearing a thick cotton sweatshirt, but the way her body reacted to his touch, she might as well be naked. A little thrill coursed through her, and she was reminded of one of the more inconvenient side-effects of pregnancy.

  At a time in her life when she’d never felt more unattractive, she’d also never felt so lustful…and that was even before the sexiest man she’d ever known—who also happened to be the father of her baby—had come back into her life. Now, as she watched Jake staring at her stomach with a rapt, expectant look on his face, she found herself replaying the night that had led to this.

  She felt another kick, this one even stronger.

  “Oh, wow,” he whispered.

  “You felt it?”

  “Yeah. Yeah. I didn’t realize…” He shook his head, as if giving up the effort to put his thoughts into words.

  He looked up at her, his hand still on her body. She held her breath.

  Then he pulled away abruptly and went back to his seat.

  “Thanks,” he said, pouring himself another cup of coffee. “That was really something.”

  She nodded, trying not to miss the sensation of Jake’s strong, protective hand pressed against her. “I know what you mean. It makes it all real, doesn’t it? The day I felt my first kick was the day I went out and started buying things for the nursery.”

  He frowned. “I wish I’d been here to help with that. You weren’t moving furniture or anything, were you?”

  She shook her head. “The store delivered everything and the guys carried it upstairs. They even put the crib together for me.”

  She saw the hurt in his eyes, and as clearly as if he’d said it out loud, she knew he was thinking that putting the crib together was a father’s job.

  It was one more thing he’d missed out on, because of her. She felt a wave of guilt. “Do you want to see it?” she asked quickly.

  “The nursery? Yeah, of course.”

  A few minutes later she was opening the door to the little room upstairs, and Jake crossed the threshold. As she watched him look around at everything, at the soft rose color she’d painted the walls and the lace curtains she’d hung at the windows, it occurred to her that she hadn’t actually mentioned the—

  He turned to look at her. “There’s a lot of pink in this room.”

  She nodded, watching him. “Are you not a fan of pink?” she asked carefully. Would he be disappointed it wasn’t a boy?

  He took a step towards her. “I love pink. I’m crazy about pink. Are we having a girl?”

  Maybe it was hearing him say we. Or maybe it was the sight of this big, powerful man surrounded by ruffles and teddy bears. Whatever the reason, her voice shook a little when she said, “Yes, it’s a girl.”

  She’d barely gotten the words out before he was there, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tight.

  It felt so good she couldn’t pull away. She let her head fall forward to rest against his broad chest, and for just a minute let herself feel surrounded and supported by his quiet strength. Then she took a deep breath and straightened up, and he let her go immediately.

  “We’re having a girl,” he said grinning at her. “Now, what about the really important question?”

  “Which is…?”

  “When we’re going to tell my parents. I can call them before we go over there tomorrow, or we can tell them together in person. What do you feel more comfortable with?”

  A sudden clutch of anxiety made her grab the edge of the c
rib. “Go over there? Why would we go over there?”

  “For Thanksgiving dinner, among other things.”

  She shook her head vigorously. “I can’t face your parents. You can tell them whenever you want, but I can’t see them.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “What are you worried about?”

  “Are you kidding? I’ve always been so close to your mom, and when I got pregnant with your baby I didn’t even tell her.”

  “You didn’t tell me, either.”

  “Yes, and won’t that go over well. She’ll never look at me the same way again. She’ll think I—”

  “She’ll think you’re wonderful,” Jake interrupted. “Just like she always has. And she’ll be thrilled that she’s going to have a granddaughter. And she’ll worry and fuss and offer to help until you’re ready to strangle her, but there’s nothing I can do about that.”

  Irene had always been more of a mother to her than her own ever had. A sudden wave of longing came over her, a longing for the knowledge Jake and Jenna and Allison had always taken for granted: that their parents would be there for them no matter what.

  Erin had never known that feeling. Her mother had been out of the picture for years, and her father hadn’t exactly been a font of unconditional love and support.

  She’d been avoiding Joe and Irene ever since she started showing, and she realized now how much she’d missed them. “Do you really think they’ll be okay with this?”

  “Of course they will. They’ll be over the moon.”

  “And they won’t care that we’re not getting married?”

  The look in his eyes told her he had more to say on that subject in the future, but all he said now was, “They’ll respect whatever decision we make.”

  Before Jake had shown up on her doorstep last night, her plans for Thanksgiving had consisted of a frozen turkey pot pie and the Macy’s parade. Now she thought about sitting down to roast turkey and stuffing and potatoes and gravy at the table where she’d known so many happy memories, and the image was too appealing to resist.