Some Boy (What's Love? #1)

by Jenna Cox

  Ellie, the housekeeper jogged out of the kitchen to meet me. “Katherine!” She was flustered by my appearance, trying to take my coat and handbag and beanie — which I kept firmly in place, even though the heating was turned up to furnace levels in the house — and scurried away with it all. I knew she wanted me to wait for her to get back so she could announce me and usher me in, but I didn’t. I’d already announced myself. Time to get this over with.

  But the first face I saw in the room stopped me dead in my tracks right in the doorway, and Ellie nearly crashed into me, jogging to catch up.

  “Uh, Katherine is here,” she mumbled over my shoulder.

  “Yes, we can see that, thank you, Ellie,” my mother intoned, and Ellie considered herself dismissed back to the kitchen. I was still staring at Brendan, who tried to smile at me, but his lip looked puffy and painful, and he couldn’t manage more than a little lift of one corner of his mouth.

  I hadn’t even looked at my parents yet. “You came,” I murmured, as I took my seat beside him at the table.

  “You’re late,” my mum said, but I just smiled at Brendan and reached out to put my hand on his knee under the table. He was sitting stiffly and didn’t respond to my touch, but I didn’t blame him.

  “Sorry, I’m late,” I said, to Brendan, and squeezed his knee a little tighter. I felt bad for my tardiness now, for his sake. How long had he been sitting there enduring my parents’ scrutiny all alone? I was surprised he was still there.

  I finally turned my face to my parents and nodded at them in greeting.

  “Mum. Dad. Alright?”

  My parent’s nostrils flared in unison, and I almost laughed.

  “So glad you finally decided to grace us with your presence, dear. Did Ellie forget to take your hat?”

  “I’m not gracing you with anything,” I said, ignoring the other comment. I smoothed the collar of my leather jacket, and watched my mother’s mouth twitch, like she was tasting something unpleasant. “Dad rescheduled. You had something you wanted to talk about? You know we don’t have to discuss who I’m going to live with after the divorce or anything, right?”

  Brendan shifted in his seat, and I glanced at him briefly. I didn’t blame him for feeling uncomfortable, but I didn’t want to stop now. I had my parents on the back foot. I could see them floundering, even my dad. Because this wasn’t how things went. This was not how or when we talked about things, not at the dinner table before the meal. Normally we pleasantried our way through the afternoon, until right before I was going to leave, and then they would sit me down in Dad’s study, and we would have a Discussion.

  The redness of indignation was already creeping up my dad’s neck. I just picked up my water glass and sipped from it, watching them over it, waiting for their brush off, waiting for one of them to mention the weather or ask me about my classes, anything benign to turn the conversation back onto the traditional track.

  But then the air in my lungs felt thick. There was a weird atmosphere in the room, weirder than usual. And then my father smiled superciliously and looked down his nose at me. And I knew I was in for it. Not what it was exactly, but something was coming that I hadn’t been prepared for, and I felt a punch of dread.

  “Well, Katherine, if you would like to talk now, then let’s talk,” he said.

  “Not at the dinner table, Martin,” my mum said, her lips pursing as she glanced at him, then she picked up her wine glass with stiff fingers. She gulped from it in a way I’d never seen her do before.

  “But Katherine wishes it so. And what Katherine wants, Katherine gets. Isn’t that right?”

  I put down my water with a clunk and stared at my dad, then at my mum, and back again. “What is this about? Is this still about Brendan?” I glanced at him. He was staring down at his plate like his life depended on never breaking eye contact with it. “Just cut off my credit cards then, I don’t care.” I was still looking at him, trying to read his face, but he was blank. I slowly turned back to my parents, feeling uneasy. I removed my hand from Brendan’s knee and clasped it with the other one in my lap.

  “We just want what’s best for you, Katherine. And you are young and don’t know the path down which your decisions now may take you.”

  “I—” My dad held up a finger and it silenced me immediately, as effectively as a physical muzzle.

  “And we have nothing against Brendan. We are sure he is a fine young man, and will make some young woman satisfied one day, when he has found his feet. But that’s not you, Katherine. He cannot provide for you what you need. Not in the long run.”

  “But—”

  “And Brendan agrees. Don’t you.” My eyes flared wide, and I swung my head to look at Brendan — we all did — the protests dead on my lips. The object of our attention finally looked up from his plate. His gaze flickered back and forth between my parents and me. I laughed harshly.

  “What are you talking about? Why would Brendan agree with that?” I was staring at Brendan as I spoke, almost questioning him as much as my dad. Because something in his face made my stomach drop. I’d been sure my dad was just bullying his way to compliance, but now my mouth went dry.

  “Because he knows where his priorities lie. With his family. Unfortunate circumstances,” my dad said, clucking sympathetically. Like he actually cared one whit about Brendan’s circumstances.

  “What does that have to do with me? I don’t care about that — that doesn’t make him not good enough for me.” I stared at my dad defiantly. My face felt hot.

  “I never said that.” He didn’t have to. Nobody was good enough for my dad. Not even me. And if that was all it had been, I would have taken Brendan’s hand, got up and walked out right then. But that wasn’t all it was. My dad had a self-satisfied smile on his face, the same expression he had when he won a case, or when they successfully argued for a settlement out of court on something that they should have lost. My dad had something else, some trump card he was getting ready to play, that I didn’t know about. And in his mind, he’d already won. I felt sick. “But Brendan has agreed that it is in both your interests to end this now—”

  “Brendan…” I turned to look at him. He was staring across the table at my dad, face stony, but he didn’t deny it.

  “—And in gratitude for his sensible decision, I have offered to cover his family’s debts and bills personally. And a little extra to set him on the right path.”

  My throat closed over for a minute, and then I was coughing violently and gasping for air. Everyone seemed to sit in a frozen tableau as I swallowed and cleared my throat and gulped water. Then I laughed.

  “Is this some kind of joke? You’re actually trying to pay him to stop seeing me?” I laughed more, swinging my head back and forth like I was watching a tennis match. But Dad was sitting calmly, and Mum wouldn’t meet my eye. She’d drained the last of her wine. And Brendan was staring across the table with something like murder in his eyes, but he still didn’t speak. And he didn’t look at me.

  I stood up so abruptly I knocked my chair over, just as Ellie appeared in the doorway with our entree. She took one look at the scene and rapidly retreated.

  I gritted my teeth and stared down at my Dad, who just blinked at me benignly. “What is wrong with you? Both of you — what do you want for me, a marriage like yours? Loveless and convenient, until my husband cheats on me, and I turn into a miserable alcoholic, and finally we concede to divorce like it was just the time for it, instead of the crashing and burning of a stupid, fucking miserable ruse of a meaningless life.”

  “Katherine,” my Mum said, but I glared at her and she stopped speaking.

  “What, Mum? You’ve got something to say? Are you going to tell me that I’ll be better off this way? Like you have been? Are you trying to tell me that you aren’t relieved to finally be free of Dad? If you could live your life over again, would you do it the same, choose money over love?” She gaped at me like a landed fish. “I love him, but you want to take that away from me, so
I can end up like you?”

  I looked down at Brendan, sitting beside me, his hands balled into fists and pressed into his thighs. Did he really agree to this? Did he really give in to their bullying and agree to give me up? For money?

  My eyes blurred with tears, but I stayed staring at him as he looked up at me. His jaw ticked with tension. There was so much conflicted emotion in his eyes that it took my breath away. And I realised that I was thinking of how I would react to the same offer — of course I wouldn’t care about money, because I’d always had it. And I always would. I didn’t have debts to pay and family to be responsible for. But Brendan did. To him, money was something desperately needed and always out of reach. He’d told me that himself, that he was in trouble, and he didn’t know what he was going to do.

  I was almost panting for breath, my mind whirling. I felt light headed.

  “I need to talk to Brendan,” I murmured in a low voice. “Alone.”

  My dad went to speak, but my mum’s hand shot out, and she gripped his arm. He grunted but acquiesced. I stayed rooted to the spot, staring at Brendan who was looking down at his lap again, until they had gone and shut the door, leaving us in the silent room. A clocked ticked loudly from the mantelpiece above the fireplace.

  “When did… when did this happen?”

  Brendan took a breath. “They called me a week ago.”

  I felt hot and cold at once. “A week ago,” I said weakly. It confirmed what I’d started to suspect, but I’d thought a few days, not a whole week. A week I’d been falling more and more and love with him — how had I been so fooled? “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you just end it straight away?” Hot tears blurred my vision again, but I blinked them back roughly. Brendan looked up at me suddenly.

  “Because I said no. I told them to fuck off. In those words.”

  I opened and closed my mouth, then licked my lips. “I don’t understand.”

  His face was creased and tight. “I didn’t want to.”

  “But you have.”

  “I don’t know what else to do, Kat. I need it. I need to look after my family.”

  I swallowed. “I know that. But there are other ways. I could have loaned you the money you need. Or just given it to you. You don’t have to—”

  “Don’t I? So I should be indebted to you before we’ve even got started, so that we end up resenting each other. And would you even have enough anyway? This is not just a few unpaid bills, Kat. It’s not just pay my rent for me and it’s over.”

  I blinked. “How much?” He looked away. Then got up from his chair and paced over to the window. The garden beyond looked absurdly serene and beautiful as a backdrop for the cloying atmosphere in the room. Brendan stared out at it, and I stared at him. “How much?”

  “Sixty grand.”

  “Sixty—“ I nearly choked on the words. “Oh my God, Brendan. How…why is it so much?”

  He ran a hand roughly over his face and hair. He took a breath, and I watched his shoulders tremor. “My mum died in a car accident while my dad was driving. There was something wrong with the car, the brakes needed replacing, and the tires were bald, but my dad was going too fast on a snowy road and had been drinking. He wasn’t drunk, and he was never charged with anything, but that didn’t matter. It was enough that we never got any compensation. My dad fought for it for a while, but then he gave up. Gave up on everything. And now if he isn’t in the pub, or drunk in the gutter, or at the tracks, he’s at our house, taking everything we have so that he can go back and do one of those things.”

  My fingers were at my throat; it felt like a band was tightening there that I couldn’t loosen. My heart thudded in my chest.

  “My brothers were taken away. We borrowed money against our house for legal fees, to fight to get them back, back when we thought the comp was still going to come through. But it never did, and we never got them. And everything I make to pay back the loans, either Dad or my sister finds some way to take. He’s posed as me and redrawn funds from the loan. Every step I take forward, he drags me back ten.”

  I approached Brendan from behind and wrapped my arms around his waist, laying my cheek against his back. His breath was shaky, and I knew he was crying. I felt heartbroken for him, but also strangely calm.

  “So my dad has said he’ll pay off your debt?”

  “And give me extra. And make sure my dad can’t get to it. And even help start the process to get my brothers back. I’m sorry, Kat. I don’t—”

  I nodded against his back. And then closed my eyes and shook my head. “This is fucked up.”

  “He’s right anyway. You don’t belong in this.”

  “You’re not defending my dad, surely?”

  “No.” He took a long breath. “No. I’m only taking what I’m owed. And I’m just sorry I ever got you involved.”

  “What you’re owed?”

  Brendan didn’t answer right away. He was tense all over, and I felt it ripple through me too, before he said anything. “It’s your dad’s law firm that represented the hire car company, let them get away with not taking any responsibility.”

  I felt a snarl of disgust spread over my face. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault. I’m sorry I ever got you involved,” Brendan said flatly, and the world seemed to tilt for a moment. I released my arms from around his waist and stepped back. Brendan turned to look at me.

  “Did—” I had to swallow back the taste of bile. “Did you know all this when you met me? Did you know who my dad was?”

  “No. No, Kat, this was not some plan to get to your dad. I swear. I didn’t even know who he was until we went to his office yesterday.” I believed him. I thought I did. But there was something behind his eyes that he was trying to keep hidden. Something that stopped him quite meeting my gaze.

  “What aren’t you telling me?”

  He stared for a few moments, his face flushing red, and he licked at the scabbed split in his lip cautiously. Then his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “I told you I was an opportunist. That’s what I do. That’s what I’ve had to do.” He spat the words at me harshly.

  “And I was an opportunity? But you said you didn’t know who my dad was.”

  “I didn’t. But I knew you had money.”

  “How?”

  “How could I not? The clothes, the jewellery, the designer handbag I dripped all over.”

  I felt winded. He may as well have punched me in the gut. I gulped a few breaths and tried to keep the tears at bay. “So, from the start it was…it was just about money—”

  “No—”

  “I don’t even know what to say to that. Maybe I shouldn’t care. I mean, I thought that it was just about sex to start with. I don’t know if that’s better or worse, but I didn’t care, because I thought it turned into something real—”

  “It did. Kat, it did. It was, like, five minutes that I thought about the money. And then I realised I could actually feel something for you.” He had stepped forward and gripped my arms tightly, looking into my face beseechingly.

  I was shaking my head, and tears escaped. I sniffled pitifully, and hated myself for it. I wanted to be stronger than this. I wanted to be able to cast him off without a second thought for all of this, but I couldn’t. My heart ached for him still.

  “I swear Kat. Maybe I should have just left you alone. I was going to, but I couldn’t seem to stay away. I kept deciding to cut it off, to leave you alone, but I couldn’t help it.”

  “You made me fall in love with you,” I whispered. And a heaving sob escaped me; I was searching his face. “You made me love you,” I said again. It was almost a whimper. Brendan’s face crumpled and he tried to pull me in, to hold me against his chest, but I fought him off. “No. Don’t touch me. Don’t make it worse by feeling sorry for me.”

  “I don’t— I’m not— look, I’ll call it off. I’ll go out there right now and tell your dad to go fuck himself, if you want. I’m sorry—”

  “No
.” I caught Brendan’s arm as he went to push past me. “It’s too late for that. Dad won’t let you, even if you did mean it—”

  “I do.”

  “But what about your family?”

  “I’ll work something out.”

  “But with this money, and dad’s help — you could get your brothers back?”

  Brendan swallowed. “Maybe. If I could show I was financially stable, and could get the legal help to become their guardian. And have the money to move to them.”

  “Move?” My voice was thin and watery.

  “They’re in Edinburgh — they go to school there, they’ve got friends. I’d have a better chance of getting them back if I went to them, instead of disrupting their lives. Plus we’d be away from Dad.”

  My tongue felt thick and heavy. I swallowed. “Then you have to do that.”

  “Kat…” But his shoulder’s slumped. We both knew he had to.

  “And besides, if not this, then something else. Where else are you going to get the money? Plus, my parents won’t give up.” I laughed without humour and shook my head. “They’ve done this before, you know.”

  “Done what? Paid someone to go away?”

  “Well, yeah, my dad has probably done that a million times. But this, specifically. I had a boyfriend when I was at boarding school, and they paid him to not take me to the Deb ball, so that the son of one of their friends could take me, like some kind of arranged marriage.”

  “I’m sorry,” Brendan said flatly. “For everything.” He looked defeated. My fingers itched to touch him, but I just rubbed my palm across my churning stomach instead.

  “It’ll be alright,” I said.

  “Yeah. Right.” The clock ticked through the heavy silence as we stood opposite each other. My body tingled with the desire to be against his, even while my head screamed at me that I was crazy for not slapping his face.

  “I should hate you right now.”

  “I wouldn’t blame you.” My heart pounded against my rib cage as we stood staring at each other. Brendan looked miserable. And I shook with all the anger and emotion swirling inside me.