An Underestimated Christmas

by Jettie Woodruff

  After gently rolling me to my back, Drew’s lips left mine long enough to remove my nightshirt. His warm hands caressed my breasts while our lips reunited with tangled tongues. I moaned in his mouth when I felt the head of his cock slide slowly into me. That’s what we did. Drew wasn’t playing a game, not at that moment anyway. Drew was making love. Drew was pulling emotions from me I hadn’t felt in a very long time. Why did he have to be so complicated? Why did he have to feel this good? This fucked up phenomenon between us made it all worth it. This love right here was the reason we kept going.

  “Drew. Aahh shit, baby,” I called, letting go. I was trying to tell him I was going to come, but the urge was too strong. I came, feeling surge after surge engulf my entire body. Drew pumped deep, three more times and spewed inside me. I panted, breathing in the last of the joy, and relishing it for as long as I could. It would be over very soon.

  “Morgan?” Drew said my name from above me. His fingers brushed my cheek and I wanted to get up. I knew he was going to do this.

  “What, Drew?” I asked exasperated.

  “Give me until the first.”

  “Excuse me?” I questioned. Drew was full of what-the-hells tonight.

  “Just do what I say for one more month. Spend the next few weeks with me, doing everything I say until the first.”

  “What happens after the first?”

  “That depends.”

  “On what?” I asked, confused. What was he trying to say?

  “On whether or not you’re clean.”

  “Move,” I coaxed, wanting up. Of course, that would have been too easy.

  “You’re right, Morgan. I don’t want this either. If this is the way it’s going to be, we’ll co-parent in different homes, but not if you’re still doing drugs. I’m not leaving these boys alone in your care for five minutes until I know it’s safe to do so.”

  “You’re saying you would take my kids?” I asked in total disbelief. We always said on the rare occasion that we would ever split up, we would co-parent, both promising not to be that parent. The ones that used the kids against the other parent. Neither of us would ever do that. Or would we?

  “That’s exactly what I am saying. You need help, Morgan. More help than I can give you.”

  “Fuck you, Drew. It’ll be a cold day in hell before you ever keep me from my kids.”

  “I never said I would keep you from them, but they’ll always be in my care and you’ll see them on my terms.”

  “You want a divorce?” I asked, shoving him off of me. Fuck that. I wasn’t going to lay there with his dick in me while he threatened me with my children. Asshole.

  “No, I don’t want a divorce. I don’t want this, any of it, Morgan. I’m asking you to give me until the first of the year with you doing everything I want from here on out. Once the month of December is over, I’ll grant you whatever you want as long as you’re clean.”

  “You can’t threaten me with my kids to get your way, Drew. That’s not how life works,” I assured him, reminding him how the majority of society works.

  I turned my head when Drew tried to kiss me. “You call it whatever you want to call it, my love.”

  I watched him walk away, staring after him. Who the hell did he think he was? This wasn’t some dictatorship where he got to call all the shots. We were supposed to be in this together.

  None of the next months’ events were my idea. Drew held true to his word and left me as soon as Alicia arrived the following afternoon. I was happy Alicia was there. I was sick and Nicholas and Tadpole were not. I couldn’t hold my head up without throwing up.

  “I feel bad for leaving you sick,” Drew said, sliding my hair from my forehead.

  I pulled the covers tighter around my neck. “I wouldn’t let you take care of me anyway,” I assured him. He chuckled a little and kissed my forehead.

  “I love you, Morgan Kelley, and this next month is going to be the best month you’ve ever had. Get better soon. I’ll see you in a couple days.”

  “Okay,” I mumbled. I didn’t want to be too mean, not when he was getting ready to leave me for a couple days.

  “Tell me you love me.”

  “I love you. I just wish you would stop being so difficult”

  “I’m working on it, baby. Trust me.”

  Drew laughed again when I groaned, exasperated with him and his trust me ways. I spent the majority of the day in bed. Alicia took care of me and my rambunctious boys, keeping them out of my room so I could rest.

  The bug ran through me as quickly has it had the boys. I was feeling much better by the evening. Sitting on the toilet, I watched Nicholas and Tadpole play in the same tub. Nicholas wouldn’t do that for anyone but Alicia for whatever reason. He wanted his own bathtub.

  “Hey, feel better?” Alicia asked from the floor.

  “Yeah, I think so. I feel bad for you coming here, though. Drew’s a little over dramatic.”

  “I don’t think he’s being over dramatic. Not if what he told me is true. Is it, Morgan?”

  “Come on, Tadpole,” I sighed, taking a towel from the closet.

  “Morgan?” Alicia questioned.

  “Just be my friend, Alicia, not Drew’s friend. Just mine, okay?”

  “Okay.” She nodded.

  “I will be your friend,” Tadpole assured me, wrapping his little arms around my neck. I smiled and kissed his wet cheeks.

  “You need help, pal?” I asked Nicholas.

  “No. I’m big. I can wash my own hair,” he assured me.

  “I’ll watch, just in case you have any monkeys escaping,” Alicia teased him. He assured her there were no monkeys in his hair by scrubbing the baby shampoo with his fingers and giggling.

  “Do you want a drink?” Alicia asked once both my boys were sound asleep.

  “No, I don’t think my stomach is ready for alcohol. I’m going to grab a shower and we’ll wrap ourselves in warm blankets and sit on the deck.”

  “Call Drew.”

  “You talked to him?” I asked peculiarly. What? Now my best friend was going behind my back, talking to my husband? Great…

  “Yeah, he was afraid you were still sick. He thought you might be sleeping or something.”

  “Yeah, okay.”

  “What?”

  “Drew Kelley doesn’t care if I am sleeping, let alone sick.”

  “Morgan, he doesn’t know what to do to help you. He’s trying.”

  “I’m going to shower.”

  “Morgan.”

  “I’m fine, Alicia. Don’t worry about it. I’ll be quick,” I added, leaving her alone with her condescending expression. I didn’t want her pity. I didn’t need Alicia feeling sorry for me. That’s not why I needed my friend, and I sure as hell didn’t want her being Drew’s friend.

  After a quick shower, I took my last pill from the tiny baggy and texted my new friend.

  Morgan—Hey, got anything for me?

  Dr. Blain—You know it. Just picked up a fresh batch. How many?

  Morgan—Do you have 30?

  Dr. Blaine—Yup, 15 each.

  Morgan—10

  Dr. Blain—Can’t do it. I can get rid of all of them for 15 right now. You in or not?

  Morgan—Fine, can I meet you tomorrow around ten in the morning?

  Dr. Blain—Works for me. Same place. I’ll be in a black Infinity with tinted windows.

  Morgan—See you tomorrow.

  I chopped up my last pill with the razorblade and smiled at my reflection. Control this, Drew… My head spun to Alicia’s sad expression. Oh my god. Really? I was ready to scream. I didn’t need Alicia playing babysitter for me. I ignored her and did it right in front of her. She leaned against the counter and watched without a word.

  My eyes shifted to hers for a second while I chopped the substance into powder. The smell of money was long gone from my ten dollar bill and all I could smell was relief. I closed off one nostril and breathed in a long line of dust, instantly feeling the effects.

/>   “What’s it do?” Alicia asked, watching me get ready for the second line.

  “It’s not what you think, Alicia. I’m not a druggy. It’s not like that.”

  “Then what’s it like. Why, Morgan? I don’t understand.”

  “It’s hard to explain. Let’s go sit on the deck,” I coaxed, hiding my stash in a small makeup bag that I knew Drew would never look in.

  Alicia and I sat out on the deck, wrapped in warm blankets. I poured my heart out to her once again.

  “I used to hate this feeling. Whenever I was in the hospital, I would endure the pain for as long as I could until I couldn’t take it for one more second.”

  “But now you like it?” Alicia asked, trying to understand.

  “It’s not like that. Drew and I were constantly fighting, I hardly ever took them. One day when we were trying to potty train Tadpole, I had a migraine from Drew and Tad. I took two and realized I not only had more patience with my kids, but also Drew. We went to bed and had amazing sex that night. I did it again the next day, and the next, and the next, until I was up to six and eight pills again,” I explained, sipping tepid hot cocoa.

  “And now you’re snorting it? Why?”

  “This is something different. This isn’t my prescription.”

  “Morgan, what are you doing?” Alicia asked, concerned.

  I took a long breath of sea salt air, and replied honestly. “I don’t know, Alicia. I’m not sure how much more I can take. Don’t worry, I’m going to stop once we get through the holidays.”

  “Do you know what you’re doing?”

  “For the holidays?” I questioned. “I’m not sure yet. Do you know?” I asked, turning to Alicia. She did. She knew something I didn’t know. I could see it when she turned away from me.

  “No, I don’t know. All I know is Drew has the movers packing your things in California.”

  “When?” I asked, instantly feeling anger. If he was moving us out without so much as one word, I was going to punch him right between his dumb eyes.

  “Now, I think. That’s all I know and I never found that out until I talked to Celeste earlier. I swear.”

  “I have to go call Drew,” I said, standing. Alicia grabbed my arm and pulled me back to my chair.

  “Don’t, Morgan. Just wait until tomorrow. There’s nothing you can do about it tonight. You’re just going to argue and be upset.”

  “So you just want me to brush it under the rug, too? That’s what’s wrong with Drew, Alicia. Everyone gives him what he wants. Don’t say anything to upset Drew,” I whined. “I’m going to bed.” Alicia let me go with a heavy sigh. She knew as well as I did that I was going to call Drew.

  That is exactly what I did. I removed my flannel pants and sat on my side of the bed with my legs crossed.

  “Hi, love,” Drew answered.

  “Are you packing up the house, Drew?” I pounced.

  “Alicia?”

  “Are you?”

  “I just figured it was best for me to do it.”

  “Of course you did. What about Nicholas? Although you’re too busy sneaking around and doing shit behind my back, I’m still the mother. The one concerned about how he’s going to accept the change you just keep deciding for us.”

  “Morgan. Stop. I’m not even going to do this with you. I’m trying my best to make things right for you, for the boys. You won’t let me. You belong to me for the entire month of December. If you still hate me after that than you can go. I’m flying to LA in the morning to see things through, and then I’ll be home. Pack what you need from the beach house. You’re not going to be back there until the first of the year.”

  “I’m not following you anywhere, Drew. I’ve already told you that.”

  “Fine, Morgan, but the boys are. We’re flying to New York on the first with or without you. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I love you.”

  My eyes shifted to the blinking numbers on my phone. Shit. Stupid fucker. Now what.

  “Want company?” Alicia asked from the door. She never gave me time to answer before she jumped in Drew’s side of the bed.

  “I’m going to New York,” I announced with my hands in the air. How much more was I willing to take from this man? It’s a wonder I wasn’t an alcoholic on top of my other side addiction.

  I looked down at the weather for the second time. “Morgan, I want to get going. We need to beat this storm coming in.”

  “Okay, okay. I think we have everything,” Morgan said, looking around one more time. I’m not sure what happened while I was gone, but she wasn’t fighting me like I thought she would. That made me happy and a little scared at the same time. This was too easy.

  “Brrr, it’s cold out here,” Morgan said, flipping up both the boys’ hoods.

  “It’s hot at home,” Nicholas explained. Morgan looked back at me, and I knew she was putting this on my shoulders. He thought we were going home to California.

  Once we were in the air, I explained to both boys that we were going to stay somewhere else for a little while, that we were going to spend Christmas in New York. Tadpole wanted to stay at the North Pole for Christmas and Nicholas didn’t want to stay there. He insisted that we should go to our own home. I was just getting ready to explain it when Morgan gasped. I looked over to her and she shook her head, trying to hide something from the boys.

  My head nodded toward the back of the plane. Giving both boys a long beef jerky stick, Morgan glared at me. She hated when I brought the boys beef jerky. Pulling a stick of jerky from my pocket was like Christmas for both of them.

  “What’s wrong?” I whispered to Morgan. Damn she smelled nice.

  “Please tell me you got blanky out of the dryer.”

  “No, did you tell me, too?”

  “Oh my god, Drew. What the hell are we going to do now? We have to go back.”

  “We’re not going back. We’ll tell your mom to mail it,” I countered. Center Station was about to get dumped on again with eight inches of snow. I wasn’t about to turn around, nor was I interested in getting my family stranded like I had myself.

  “That could take days. He’s never going to sleep without it. You’re taking him to a strange place and he doesn’t have his blanket.”

  “We can’t go back, Morgan.”

  “Drew, this is not going to go well. This is so bad,” Morgan worried, walking away. She was right. Nicholas would never go to bed without that blanket.

  Nicholas sat on my lap and stared quietly out the window until we started descending. Morgan held a sleeping Tadpole and stared out the window on the other side of the plane. What was she thinking about? Was she going to hate it here, or do what I prayed and love it?

  “Snow!” Nicky exclaimed, sitting up. I watched Morgan stretch her neck a little and look, too. The distasteful expression on her face assured me she wasn’t impressed. The glance and eye roll solidified it. She already hated it.

  I rushed my family to our parked car, wanting to get to the house before any more snow fell. “You already got our cars here?” she asked, seeing the lights on my SUV blink and beep.

  “Yes, everything’s here,” I said, lifting Tadpole to his car seat. Morgan helped Nicholas, trying to settle him down.

  “But we’re not going to stay here at night time, right Mom?” he asked.

  “Yes, baby. We’re going to stay the night,” she explained, getting in the passenger side. I tossed our bags to the back and set out on an hour drive in the falling snow.

  “Drew, I don’t like this. You don’t know how to drive in this weather.”

  “Do you? You want to drive?” I teased, feeling the same apprehension. This wasn’t just me this time. At least I didn’t have to worry about it getting dark this time.

  “I can’t believe you’re making us do this. Have I ever told you how much I hated winter in the mountains?”

  “Yes, you have.”

  “Dad, I don’t want to stay here at nighttime, okay?” Nicholas pleaded with me from the back.
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  “Me do, I can build a noman,” Tadpole excitedly explained. At least they didn’t all hate me.

  “We’re going to stay here for a long time, Nicky. A lot of nights. Wait until you see your new room. You’re going to love it,” I said, trying to revert a meltdown.

  “I get a new room, too?” Tad asked.

  “Yup, you’re going to love yours, too, and tomorrow starts a whole month of Christmas activities.”

  “Oh god,” Morgan mumbled, turning her attention out the window. I didn’t reply. I continued to talk to the boys, easing their little minds from change as much as I could.

  “Where are you going?” Morgan asked once we were out of the city.

  “Home.” I smiled.

  “This is not my home,” she assured me mater-of-factly. “Should we be getting this far off the highway? I feel like you’re taking me back to my roots.”

  “It’s not quite that bad.”

  Morgan was worse than the boys. The snow extended our hour trip by another forty minutes. She asked if we were almost there ten times before we finally pulled down the long lane.

  Solomon and his oldest son, Adam, met us in the graveled driveway. I got out and shook both their hands while taking Tadpole from the back. Morgan sat there until I told her to get out. I could tell she thought we were at his house and not ours. She helped Nicholas, and Sole shook her hand.

  “Hello, I’ve heard a lot about you. It’s finally nice to meet you. This is my son, Adam. Adam and I came over to light the fireplaces for you. House is nice and toasty,” Sole warmly spoke. Adam shook her hand next while Sole shook Nicholas’s hand.

  “I’ve heard a lot about you, too, young man. I hear you’re the guy to talk to about building a bridge.”

  “Uh-huh, I can tell you if you want,” Nicholas assured him.

  “You bet. I’ll see you tomorrow at the barn.”

  I watched Morgan’s bewildered expressions, wondering what the hell was going on. Sole and Adam took off on a quad and I walked my family up the massive porch, wrapping around the entire house.