The Big Get-Even

by Paul Di Filippo

  At ten past eleven, confident that his charm would secure him an exemption from all rules, Nancarrow and his cronies showed. They looked like a team of mountaineers who have descended from a Himalayan peak after an arduous battle with the elements—proud but exhausted.

  I greeted them like the pleasant host they expected, but with even more fawning, given the big favor Nancarrow was conferring on me.

  “Barnaby, I just want to thank you again for this opportunity,” I said. “It’s immense.”

  “No need for that, Glen.” Affable smile. “All of us stand to profit.”

  I had expected Digweed and Rushlow to eat like half-starved animals, but they just poked sleepily at their food as if still mired in some narcotic sexual la-la land.

  Outside the windows, a FedEx truck pulled up. I had never wanted to kiss a deliveryman before.

  “Let me see what this is, Barnaby.”

  “Certainly.”

  I got the FedEx envelope from the uniformed driver and, after signing his tablet, headed toward the office. I entered the office through the front door, on the side facing the dining hall, then went out the door facing the lake. Out of sight now, I went to the rear door of my room and knocked. Ray opened the door, holding the fake Steve Prynne letter in his hand as I had instructed. I nodded my thanks, took it wordlessly, then went back inside the office, unseen. There I waited alone, having given Anildo the day off, and made sure Nellie was occupied elsewhere.

  Nancarrow came to me, as I knew he must if only to say goodbye.

  “Glen, I’m leaving now for the city, to begin the transfer of the lodge. I don’t anticipate any problems, of course, but if I might have your cell number, just in case—”

  I glared at him. Here was where we pulled the carpet out from under him so fast, he would have no real time to react.

  “No problems, huh? Of course not, you son of a bitch! The deal is off!”

  Clearly unused to such treatment, Nancarrow bristled. But still with his eye on the prize, and still a little hazy from lack of sleep and his night’s exertions, he summoned enough control to speak calmly.

  “Glen, I don’t understand. Why this sudden change in attitude?”

  “Maybe you’ll find this to be reason enough. Pretty shitty move you tried—and it almost worked.”

  I slid the envelope across the desk. He picked it up, and his eyes went wide when he saw Steve Prynne’s return address. Then he fished the letter out and began to read.

  48

  The letter was short and to the point, and Nancarrow, now fully alert, assimilated it quickly. I had to give him props for chutzpah. He didn’t look guilty or chagrined or indecisive or repentant. Annealed by a thousand hurdles and setbacks overcome, his rough-hewn Gulch-born-and-bred character veneered with a canny cosmopolitan sophistication, he instantly regrouped and opened his attack on another front, like a general who has never once entertained the prospect of defeat.

  He calmly tucked the letter back into its envelope, then slid it back across my desk.

  “This is a most unwelcome development.”

  “No shit, Shylock! From your perspective, of course it’s not welcome! To me, it’s a lifesaver. National Park, my ass! You’re not gonna insult my intelligence by pretending you didn’t know anything about this, are you? I don’t think I could stand such a big laugh this early in the day.”

  “Please, Glen, give me some credit for not trying to deny what is now obvious. And do not demean my professional gamesmanship. If you’d had the wit, you would have done the same thing in my shoes. It’s true, I had pieced together information from various sources showing that Steve Prynne had an interest in your land. But I had no clue to the actual amount he might offer. If I had, I might have been a bit more generous in my own price.”

  “Yeah, like what? A cool million? Leaving you with the other nineteen? Well, you’re out of the picture now, Barnaby. I can conduct business with Steve Prynne just as easily as I can with you.”

  Nancarrow pulled up a chair and sat down, all calm deliberation. He crossed one elegantly trousered leg over the other, adjusting the crease of the fabric, and took a monogrammed platinum case bearing his trademark piano imagery from his jacket pocket. The case proved to contain nothing more exotic than Altoids. He took one out with grave precision and slipped it between his lips. Bastard didn’t even offer me a mint. All this, I knew, was just stalling for time while he formulated his new strategy.

  “Glen, perhaps you recall how I gave an appraisal of your abilities and nature yesterday, leading up to our handshake deal for this land. You might have found my estimation of your business acumen unduly harsh. But even if my candor now causes me to lose all participation in this sale of the lodge, I have to reaffirm my earlier assessment. You are not fit to conduct the important sale of this property. Why, just look at how easily I tricked you. If it weren’t for this chance intervention, you would have practically given away this immensely valuable property. As a lawyer, you surely recognize the term ‘due diligence.’ Yet you did nothing along those lines. In light of this naive behavior, how can you possibly imagine you could negotiate with a genius megashark like Steve Prynne?”

  I did my best to sound stubbornly obtuse. “I don’t have to negotiate anything! I’ve got his offer of twenty million, right here in writing!” I slapped the envelope for emphasis.

  Nancarrow sighed tragically, as if witnessing a toddler about to shoot its head off with a loaded pistol while he debated whether to interfere, or allow hard-edged Darwinism to play out.

  “That’s just it, Glen. You have Steve Prynne’s opening gambit. If you had any negotiating skills or business savvy, you’d realize that you could get him to go much higher. But you’re not fit to conduct such a deal. You’d blow it entirely. You might even cause him to lose interest in your property altogether. There’s other land in this region, you know. Maybe not as ideal as the lodge, but still tenable.”

  I appeared to ponder Nancarrow’s argument. “Okay, so I can’t milk him for more. What do I care? Twenty million is a fortune! That’s plenty for me and Uncle Ralph.”

  “Glen, you are an utter fool and a perfect idiot. Letting Prynne get this land for his opening offer is an insult to every deal maker who ever lived. I can’t sit by and let you do this. I’ll be up front with you: I want every penny from Vegas that we can squeeze out of Prynne. He can’t be allowed to think we’re just hayseeds that he can bamboozle. But beyond that, I want to impress the man with my own abilities. This is a chance for me to make important connections, to enter a whole new level of dealings, to break out of this petty statewide arena. I need this deal, Glen. There, I’ve admitted it. You are sitting on something I want, and I intend to get it.”

  “Well, what if we went partners? You do the negotiating, and we split the dough.”

  “No, Glen, that’s not how I work. This has to be a Nancarrow Logistics project, not a Nancarrow-McClinton deal.”

  I moved around the stapler and tape dispenser on my desk, as if I and not Nancarrow were the general disposing his surrogate forces. “Suppose you’re right about everything. How are you going to sweeten the pot for me?”

  “Glen, I am prepared to offer you twenty-one million for this land. And just to continue our new policy of complete honesty and openness, I will reveal that I am convinced I can get Prynne to cough up at least thirty million.”

  “Then make it twenty-two.”

  “No, Glen, this is where we draw the line. It pains me to give a lucky buffoon like you even twenty-one million. It can’t be a penny more.”

  “Okay, I guess that’s fair. Let me just call Uncle Ralph—”

  “Do we really need to involve him? He’s just a front, isn’t he?”

  “Yeah, that’s true. And I did make sure to hold all the papers on this place. But I just wanted his advice.”

  “The advice of a senile trac
k rat? Come now, Glen. Family loyalty is one thing, but this is ridiculous. You’re not trying to put me off, hoping to find another buyer who’ll offer more, are you? Because it’s just not possible. No individual in this state has more liquidity than I. We can bring this whole deal to closure very quickly if only you acknowledge that I am your best and only bet.” Nancarrow paused in his sales pitch for a second as he caught up to the meaning of my words. “Exactly what do you mean, you ‘hold the papers’ for the lodge?”

  “Just that I got a signed blank sales agreement from Uncle Ralph as part of the conditions of me coming up here. I wanted to dump the place quick if it got to be a burden, and I figured I could find some local sucker to take it on. I never counted on a deal like this, though.”

  “Might I see these papers?”

  “Yeah, sure, they’re back in my room. I’ll go get them.”

  “Very good. That will give me a minute to tell my associates about our change in plans. We’ll meet back here in ten minutes.”

  We parted, and I hurried to my room.

  Ray exhibited as much excitement as he ever did, which was equivalent to anyone else’s genial indifference. “Mr. Glen, I hope all the documents are proving successful.”

  “Working like a charm, Ray. You’d better start thinking about how you’re going to spend all your dough.”

  “I do already have a spreadsheet, Mr. Glen, which I would be happy to show you.”

  “Soon, my man, soon.”

  Heading back to the office, I ran into Nellie. She held a sheaf of invoices in her hand and was arrowing toward her desk.

  “Nellie, honey, can I use the office privately for just a few minutes? There’s something going down with that Nancarrow guy. I think I can negotiate a solution to Stan’s troubles with him. But it’s a little touchy.”

  “Oh, seguro! Good luck. I’ll camp out in the dining room. You just let me know what happens, okay?”

  “Of course.”

  I hadn’t exactly told her yet another lie, so I didn’t feel bad about deceiving her. And as close as I was to pulling this off, my blood was racing too fast for regrets.

  Nancarrow rejoined me and I handed over the sales agreement. He gave it the precise scrutiny of a gemologist studying a rare diamond.

  “This is acceptable. Allow me to fill out the specifics.”

  He used his own Montblanc pen to execute both copies of the agreement. I looked at the figure of twenty-one million and giddily imagined spending my share.

  “Satisfactory?”

  “Sure.”

  Nancarrow signed twice. Then he took one copy and began to fold it to put in his pocket.

  I snatched it back. “Nuh-uh. I want to see the money first.”

  He looked wounded. “This is practically an insult, Glen. You possess a legal document with my signature on it. I have never reneged on a signed contract.”

  “There’s always a first time. And like you said, I’m pretty naive. There might be some way for you to get this land without me getting paid. But if I’m holding the money, then everything’s kosher.”

  “Well, what do you want me to do? Write a check?”

  “Is there a branch of your bank in Centerdale?” Of course, I knew the answer to that question already.

  “Right.”

  “Go into town, make an electronic funds transfer into Uncle Ralph’s line of credit at Midland Trust Bank, and we are golden.”

  Nancarrow contemplated this demand. “I could have my associates simply take that contract from you, Glen.”

  “I don’t think so. They wouldn’t pull any rough stuff with so many witnesses.”

  Seconds ticked by as I fretted about whether Nancarrow would comply with this crucial demand. We had to have money in hand before he left.

  “Glen, I am about to show you the difference between a peasant and a nobleman, between low-grade cunning like yours and genius instincts such as I possess. Fortune favors the bold, you see. And despite any amount of money I give you, you will never be anything other than a simpering, cowardly, unambitious lout.”

  “You can insult me all you want, just so long as I see that money in my account.”

  Nancarrow sighed dramatically and stood up.

  “Give me the details of your account. Then wait right here, my little friend.”

  49

  I watched the Escalade bearing Nancarrow and his bully boys depart. If they proceeded with maximum efficiency—no traffic, no trouble at the banks—I figured we had about three hours before they got back. That was more time than I really needed to cover all the bases, and spending the excess minutes biting my nails would be hard. But the thought of screwing over Nancarrow and having all his money to spend bolstered my resolve to endure the tedium and anxiety.

  The first thing I did was to search out Nellie. She was in the kitchen, having a sandwich and a glass of milk at the butcher-block counter while she shuffled papers and worked a calculator.

  I kissed her forehead and received a bright smile. “Your desk is free now, if you want it.”

  “Great! How did everything work out with Nancarrow? Is Stan in the clear? Can he come out of hiding?”

  “Tudu bem,” I said. “But it’s still wise not to get too chummy with Nancarrow if you see him when he returns. You could say something by accident that sets him off.”

  I really did not need Nellie to hear from Nancarrow that he was the lodge’s new owner.

  “That is awesome! I’m so glad for Stan. And don’t worry, I’ll keep my lips zipped!”

  “Not permanently, I hope!”

  “Sempre aberto para o seu pixota!”

  I relished the pleasant spinal tingles that her sexy words provided. We kissed again, and I set off.

  Sandralene opened the door to her cabin before I could even knock. She must have been watching for me. Her generally placid and contented face registered the first traces of anticipation and anxiousness I had ever seen there.

  “We did it. Our pigeon’s going into Centerdale to transfer the funds right now. Go tell Stan. He might want to hang out closer to the lodge in about three hours, but still hidden, so he can join us as soon as he sees Nancarrow take off again.”

  Sandralene wrapped me in her bountiful flesh and squeezed like a starving anaconda before planting a fat kiss on my lips. The night we had spent together rushed back upon me like a perfumed tsunami. Somehow, knowing that the incredible experience could never be repeated didn’t even bother me.

  Even isolated in our shared room, Ray had picked up the almost palpable excitement of the payoff. Handing over the documents he had worked so hard to concoct must have made him feel useful and important and brought our scam out of the abstract and into physical, tangible reality. As the big get-even raced toward its culmination, all our hard work, arduous and demanding and uncertain though it had been at the time, seemed to recede into the mythic realm, like some fabulous odyssey now ended.

  Ray had his tablet at the ready, doing regular refreshes on the status of the account at Midland.

  “Nothing yet, Mr. Glen.”

  “Relax, Ray; they just drove off. It’ll be a while yet. But you know what to do when you see the money arrive, right?”

  “Correct, I do know. First, I transfer almost all of it into our offshore account. I leave behind enough to zero out Uncle Ralph’s line of credit, plus a bonus of two hundred thousand dollars.”

  That money would come out of my share. I would hardly feel it, since we had that extra million now to split four ways. I figured it was the least I could do for Ralph Sickert and his lady love, Suzy Lam. I pictured them happy at the track, the Bermuda mai tais flowing like Niagara Falls, Uncle Ralph no longer having to stoop for discarded slips.

  “Then,” Ray continued, “I buy four tickets on the next flight to any Cape Verde destination, so long as the departur
e time is at least eight hours in the future.”

  “You’ve got all the personal information the airlines need? For Stan, Sandy, Nellie, and me.”

  “Yes, of course.”

  I had gotten Nellie’s data on the sly. I still had to tell her she was returning to her ancestral islands on such short notice, and explain the circumstances of our bidding farewell to the lodge. But I wasn’t worried.

  A bigger fool had never lived.

  I regarded Ray’s blankly earnest face. “Ray, are you sure you wouldn’t like to come with us? If you came along, I bet Vee would, too. Life would be pretty easy for you in Cape Verde.”

  “Mr. Glen, that is a fine offer. But I could not desert my friends in the group home. I have big plans for us all. And there is another matter. There is no Major League Baseball in the islands. Although both Davey Lopes and Wayne Gomes are of Cape Verdean descent and had excellent records when they played in America.”

  “Okay, Ray. But you can always change your mind.”

  * * *

  Consciously or unconsciously, I had been saving Vee for last. I couldn’t bear the thought of finding her emotionally and physically wiped out, some crumpled, trembling wreck, a shadow of her old indomitable self.

  My imagination should have known better.

  Vee looked crisp and functional and pulled together when she came to the door of her unit. She might have just awoken from a solid eight hours’ sleep following a church social where lemonade and cookies provided the main thrills. She still manifested the gold-digger vibe, from outfit to posture to makeup. I realized that Nancarrow’s dealings with me had left him no time to break it off with Vee and say, “Gotta run, girl, that was fine, see you again maybe someday,” and that she was anticipating at least a brief tête-à-tête.

  I stepped inside her room, and she shut the door. I took out the contract for the lodge’s sale.

  “Signed, thanks to you.”

  Vee took out a cigarette, lit it, and took a drag. “Amazing what half a dozen decent blow jobs can accomplish.”