Stranded On Christmas

by Burns, Rachel

  I really hated that cutting board, and I would enjoy chopping up the leftover vegetables on it.

  “Calm down, baby. It's okay. Just breathe.” His hand was still on my shoulder and my panting was slowing down.

  He was a monster. How I could have ever trusted him and thought that he was a great guy was impossible to piece together now.

  “When you can, see to our lunch.” His hand moved away from my shoulder. I heard the door and wondered if this was some sort of trick.

  Was he really finished? What about corner time?

  Why didn't he just let me go? We just didn't match well together. I would never be a good homemaker. I was a businesswoman through and through.

  When I could, I got up and straighten myself up. I saw that I was really alone in the kitchen. I lifted the heavy pot out of the oven even though I felt like I was going to pass out. I removed the lid and basted the meat before I put it back in the oven.

  This whole housewife game was exhausting me. I wasn't used to hard work. Why couldn't he understand that?

  Besides, I had a headache. I got myself a glass of water and slowly drank it. I often suffered from headaches. Water usually helped.

  I forced myself to wash off the table and set it. Just one thought went through my head. How much more could I take? This constant work and punishment was too much for me. I wasn't tough. I was a softy.

  I felt sick to my stomach. I moved slower than before and couldn't pull myself together.

  Gideon came in and sat down. I pulled out the roast again and cut him a piece and added vegetables before I laid it down in front of him. I made myself a plate, but I just wasn’t hungry. I sat down across from him and folded my hands.

  He started to pray, and I started to cry. Sitting hurt me, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I sniffled as quietly as I could, but I could hear that he was getting mad. First, when he was finished praying did he look at me.

  I was making him mad, but I wanted to yell at him and curse him. If he wanted a maid, he should have hired one and not just kept some poor woman who happened by, namely me. My inner battle to hold my tongue wasn't going well.

  In my head I was a badass who had very clever things to say, but in reality I was sniffling at the table, trying not to cry.

  I was just so tired that I had to cry. My bottom was sore and it hurt to sit. I wanted to go home and have a nap on my sofa and maybe take a couple of aspirin.

  “Just leave. Get up and leave, but when I get up to our room I better find you ready for me with the belt laying next to you on the bed.”

  I had already stood up when he started to speak, and I was walking away from him. When he continued to give me instructions, I turned to look at him. I walked right into the doorframe with my left shoulder.

  I was still looking at him, so I saw that he almost stood up. He had looked worried, even concerned, but I needed to get away from him as quickly as I could. I had been crying before, and now I just couldn't control myself.

  I wasn't even sure what I had done wrong this time. Was he going to punish me because I had cried at the table?

  I hurried up and went to the bathroom, thinking that I just couldn't take three major spankings on one day.

  Why did he think that I would love him again if he kept punishing me? This week had been hell.

  I got ready quickly, knowing that he could eat fast when he wanted.

  I lay down on the bed and waited. The first thing he would see when he came in would be my upturned backside.

  I was fighting to stay awake.

  He still wasn't here, and I was getting really unsure. I went through my mind, thinking about what he had told me to do. I was kind of sure that he said I should be here.

  Today was the first day of the year. We hadn't celebrated.

  Tomorrow I would be missed. No one would think to look for me here: half naked, lying over Gideon Thompson’s bed, waiting for a spanking.

  This was my life now. I wouldn't be getting away. I had to somehow make peace with him, but he was still so mad at me for turning him down.

  In my mind I often went back and time and reacted differently to his proposal. My daydreaming made me fall asleep. I imagined myself accepting his proposal and softly explaining about my company and employees. In my dreams he was kind and listened to me. He kissed me like he did before.

  I felt loved and absolutely adored as I fell asleep.

  Gideon

  I was kind of mad at myself for scolding her like I had. I cleaned up the kitchen before I went up to her. I had wanted to say that I wouldn't punish her, but I didn't want to hear her begging to get out of punishments either.

  I needed to think before I sentenced her to any punishment. I just had to pause for a moment before I said anything, contemplate it, and then inform her that she had a punishment coming and what it would be, confident that what I was saying was right.

  Quietly, I walked up the stairs. I didn't want her to hear me coming. If she would scramble around at the last second to get into position, I wanted to know about it.

  The door squeaked as I opened it. I made a mental note to oil it but then immediately crossed it off my to do list. I wanted to hear if she was trying to run away at nighttime.

  What kind of marriage could we have when I was constantly worried that she would run away the second I turned my back on her?

  I pulled the door open wide and saw her pale body lying over the bed the way I had told her to do it. I was kind of disappointed. If she hadn't obeyed me, I would feel more like punishing her.

  She wasn't moving. Her hands were laying left and right next to her head and not reaching out and grasping the blankets like she normally did. I moved closer to her and listened.

  She was sleeping. She slept in church, and now she wasn't taking this serious. I picked up my work belt, which she had gotten ready, and really let it crack across her behind. I'd teach her to take me seriously.

  She jerked to life, and her hands reached back.

  “I guess that means extras. You must love corner time.”

  She cried then but not in her normal way. It sounded like I had broken her heart. I took a step back and looked down at her. She was all red. She had only cried. Now she was too scared of me to sit down at the table without crying.

  This wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to kiss her and have her smile at me again, like before. We had been happy, both of us. But then she admitted that she had been playing with me.

  I was suddenly very upset with her again. I stepped back and belted her hard while she screamed and sobbed.

  My anger was spent. Those two blows were enough. I laid the belt down next to her. She was crying very softly.

  “Get into your corner.”

  She slowly got up and stumbled over. She reached out and pressed her fingertips into the wall. I could hear her saying something.

  “Are you praying?” I asked.

  “Yes, sir.”

  I tried to listen to what she was saying, but she was being too quiet. I just stood there looking at her. I could hardly believe that I was in a room alone with a woman who was my wife.

  I had pictured myself being happily married. Of course, I would have had to punish her when she did something unacceptable, but she never would have been punished a couple of times in one day.

  I heard her say the words 'watch over me'. She wanted God to watch over her.

  That was actually my job.

  Whatever she was saying, she was repeating it again and again. She was rocking back and forth on her feet. She was really upset.

  I was the world's worst husband. I needed to get over what happened and move on. She was my wife now, and that was all that mattered. The fiasco of our wedding should be forgiven and forgotten now.

  When she settled down a little, she noticed that I was standing behind her. She peeked back at me, but then her head shot back to the wall. She was shaking a little. I never thought that my wife would be afraid of me.

  “Okay b
aby, let's get this over with.” I didn't want this anymore. I had been cruel all week, and now I just wasn't that mad anymore. I just wanted her to like me again, but that didn't seem likely with all of these punishments.

  She nodded and moved herself back over the bed side of the bed. I caught a glimpse of her face as she past by. She was frowning, and I felt sorry for her.

  What was I doing wrong, besides everything?

  I just didn't know any other way to get her to stay.

  I quickly dealt out the extra blow and put away the belt. “I cleaned up the kitchen for you, but that was a one time deal. In this house we clearly divide women's work from men's work. You may take a nap now, but when I wake you, I expect you to be pleasant. Have I made myself clear?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  I left and went about my chores, having her here was time consuming. She wasn't that big of help.

  I checked on her two hours later. She was asleep in bed, naked. I knew that she was really sore, but her breasts were peeking out.

  I was hard and ready for my sleeping beauty. I quietly got undressed and joined her under the covers. I kissed her cheek to wake her up.

  She reached out and laid a hand on my shoulder. I kissed her some more, and she really woke up and just looked scared of me.

  I kissed her and told her how beautiful she was.

  I had been clear that we would be making love every night before we went to bed, and I knew that she liked that. She told me so while we were making love, but she was just tolerating me at the moment. I was scaring her.

  I had to stop, but I really didn't want to. The feeling her body gave m when she was in my arms felt so right.

  She buried her face in my shoulder and cried. “I'm sorry I cried. I'll try not to do it again.” Her words were brave, but her tears told me that she was making promises she couldn’t keep.

  “Shh, baby. Everything is okay. I understand now. You were just tired. You aren't used to hard work. I'll help you some more until you get the hang of things.” I kissed her and told her how much I loved her. That made her smile.

  When she was ready for me, she lay down on her back and raised her legs up.

  I didn't need to be told where she wanted me to be. I entered her and enjoyed being married.

  She needed to change and learn my ways, and I needed to change and be more tolerant.

  I was thrusting hard and I was able to make love a lot longer. I wanted to give her the same pleasure that I felt when we made love, but I hadn't managed it yet.

  You know what they say: practice makes perfect.

  We'd just keep practicing.

  Afterwards, I threw back my covers and quickly got dressed. She got out of bed on her side and got dressed too. I took her down to the living room and sat her on the sofa. She was just watching me, wondering what I would do next.

  I got down my bible and paged through it, looking for something to read to her.

  I decided to continue reading from Mark. Last week, I had read the Christmas story now I moved on. I read and asked her questions about what I had just read.

  She was really smart, and she even asked me a couple of questions.

  She kept me on my toes. I liked that. I had a feeling she was really learning something and was interested in learning. I liked that too.

  This was how the husband was supposed to act on Sundays. It was my job to guide her. I was getting a good feeling about our marriage for the first time since we were married.

  She looked really pretty sitting in the middle of the sofa like she was. Her eyes were awake.

  “I love you, Jessie. I want us to get along.”

  She blushed red. “I love you too.” Tears filled her eyes. “I’m sorry I’m not good at anything.”

  “No, baby. Don’t say that. You are doing so well. I think you are a fast learner. I’m proud of you.”

  “Honestly?” She wiped away a few tears.

  “Yes. I feel lucky because I got you.”

  “You do?” Her eyes lit up and her lips curled up.

  I kept the lesson going until it was time for her to get supper on the table. I felt that I had gained more ground by not spanking her today. A husband had to know which was better. I excused her to do her chores. She took off with a smile.

  “Gideon, supper,” she called out. I put away the bible and went to her. I sat down and took a piece of bread. I was really surprised when she started asking questions again. She was really interested in our way of life here.

  I told her that we lived in a community that went back to the roots. The family was the most important thing, right after God. I explained about the traditional roles, and she just nodded. I had a good feeling that things were looking up.

  I helped her dry the dishes after our meal, and she went on with her questions. She asked about the farm.

  Jessie was especially interested in the chickens. She wanted to know if I gave them all names. I didn't, so she was busy thinking up names.

  Jessie was interested in the cats in the barn too. She went on about how I should let them into the house until I warned her to stop.

  She did, right away too. I got her to behave without ruining the comfortable feeling that we had going.

  We went into the living room again, and I talked to her about handcrafts.

  She said that she did some embroidery when she was young.

  I told her I would look into getting her something like that so she could work when we sat together in the evenings.

  We talked about tablecloths with matching napkins. Then she asked me about how men usually found women. I told her that sometimes new families joined our community. Some have daughters.

  “That sounds like luck.”

  “Yes, but we believe that what we need God will provide.”

  “Do you think that’s how I came to be here?”

  I had to smile. That was the only explanation. She had landed hours away from where her aunt and uncle lived. Would my answer scare her? She scared so easily. “Who knows?” I answered, with a huge grin on my face. I felt like I was flirting with her. It was nice.

  “The lord works in mysterious ways.”

  “That's right, baby.” I was so proud of her. This was all going to work out just fine. She had just needed a few days to adjust.

  I would give her all the time she needed.

  I woke up in the middle of the night. I wasn't sure why I had woken up. Again my first thought was of Jessie. Was she still here?

  I reached over to her side of the bed and felt her warmth. Before I touched her, I moved my hand away.

  Jessie was lying naked at my side, where she belonged. She was crying so softly that it took me awhile to really know that she was.

  My wife was next to me crying, and I wasn't doing anything to help her feel better. Was she crying because she was married to me and didn't want to be?

  Chicken that I was, I pretended not to hear her and that I was still asleep.

  I told myself that I would make it better by being nicer to her and more understanding. This would all work out in the end.

  It had to.

  She was depending on me.

  Chapter 8 - Everyday The Same Thing

  Jessica

  Today he was once again trying to teach me how to wash clothes, without electricity. This was really hard work, and I just didn't have the upper body strength for it. I got scolded a lot, but he didn't spank me like he would have before. I was completely unsure.

  Don't get me wrong, I was glad not to be punished, but I kept expecting it any second. I couldn't relax.

  No punishment came.

  At the end of the day, I was so tired that I fell right to sleep. I hated washing clothes by hand.

  I woke up thinking that he was probably really mad at me. I had fallen asleep before we could – you know. I quickly got out of bed and went to the bathroom. This was a first for me. He was always up before me.

  Gideon was being nice again. He went about his chores wh
ile I made breakfast and checked on the laundry. Everything was really difficult. I just wasn’t made for hard work. Today was Tuesday, thus ironing day.

  He had explained that Monday was washday. Today I would be ironing. If need be, I had to mend things too. Wednesday was cleaning day. Thursday he had me cleaning out cupboards and the fireplace. On Fridays he had me polishing silver. Saturday I made butter and baked. Sunday was church and bible study at home.

  I had made it through the whole week without a spanking. Maybe I was getting the hang of this supposedly simple life.

  In my opinion, throwing clothes and washing powder into a machine was a lot simpler. The clothes got cleaner too, and they didn't need all day and night to dry.

  Gideon told me that it would be a luxury for me in spring when I could hang the clothes outside to dry. They would dry within hours. Because the days would be longer I could move up ironing day up to Monday too and then spend Tuesday in my garden.

  I asked him what garden.

  He led me to the window in the kitchen and pointed outside to a large snow-covered patch.

  He informed me that I would be growing our vegetables for the whole year.

  “Yippee, another thing that I can fail at. We’re probably going to starve.”

  He didn’t say anything about my sassy comment but he did raise his eyebrow.

  I had learned a lot about how this township had come to be. They were a group who had decided to give up on modern technology and live the way they wanted to.

  I compared him to the Amish, but he didn't like that. He said that they could go when they wanted to.

  I pointed out that I couldn’t come and go as I pleased. He stood up, and I thought that he was going to spank me again. Instead, he got the bible and read my several passages about women leaving their families and adhering to their husbands.

  I fought not to roll my eyes.