Level Me Up (Gamer Boy #1)

by Lauren Helms

  My instinct is to say ok, just to be able to see him again, but I need to stay strong and stick to my decision. As much as I know I’m going to miss him, I know I can't see him again. More freaking tears fill my eyes; I thought my tear ducts had nothing left to give.

  Me: But it is over, Dex. I'm sorry if it seems like I blindsided you last night, but I think it's better that we ended things now, before we became too attached.

  Several minutes’ tick by before his reply comes through.

  Dex: This doesn't make sense. I thought we had something good. This isn't right. It isn't you. The Morgan I know isn't scared of a good thing.

  My heart breaks a little as I read his text because he is right. It doesn't make sense. My reasoning is entirely idiotic. And we did have something good, but where he's wrong is that I am scared. I'm scared of almost everything.

  I can barely see what I'm typing through the blurriness in my eyes.

  Me: I guess you don't know me as well as you think. Bye, Dex.

  I lie back down and cover my head with my pillow and let the tears continue to stream, and forgetting that I meant to get something to eat.

  Around eight, I finally make my way out to the front of the apartment. Gia is sitting on the couch watching some entertainment news show, but she must hear or see me because the volume is muted and she looks at me, taking in my state.

  "You look like shit, Mo," she says, finally.

  "Thanks," I mutter and shuffle to the kitchen to get to work on a bowl of cereal.

  "Are you going to be alright?"

  "Where’s Ruby?"

  "She went home about an hour ago. She will be back to pick you up in the morning for work. That is if you’re going to work tomorrow."

  "Yeah, ok." I slowly walk back to the small dining room table and stare at my bowl.

  "Morgan, answer me. Are you going to be alright?"

  I sigh and look up at her, "Of course. I'm gonna be fine."

  "Ok. You'll let me know if you need to talk, right? You know I’m always here for you, right?"

  "I'll let you know, Gia. Promise.” With a slight smile, I go back to my bowl, and she turns the volume back on.

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  Dex

  It’s nearly been two days, and I’m pissed. It’s 10:00 p.m., and I’m sitting in front of my TV trying to pick up a couple rounds of CoB to release some tension. But I can’t focus. I’m playing horribly. All I can think about is Morgan and how she ended things.

  I knew something was wrong the second I stepped foot in her apartment. But in a million years, I didn’t expect it to go the way it did. I should have expected a fight. I should have known that she’d see that stupid picture of me and Kelsey. I should have done more to ease her mind that nothing was going on between us as soon as Bernie told me that the picture was up on Facebook. I handled the whole thing poorly. Dammit.

  I was mad, though. I was mad that a picture of a girl kissing me on the check was enough to make her distrust me and ask if I was cheating, even after I told her it was nothing. It was just a stupid photo. But I let my anger get the better of me and said some pretty dickish things to her.

  I hated being away from her, so I could only guess she felt the same way. I saw it in her eyes both times I left to travel; she was sad about me leaving. Telling her she needed to deal with it and get over feeling left behind was mean. But when she said that I didn’t have a real job, that was my breaking point. I hate the misconception that I don’t have a real job. I get paid to do something I love doing. Not many people get to say that. So, what if it’s playing video games? I have to practice. I have to get better. There is money on the line. Sponsors only want the best of the best promoting their expensive gaming gear. I live with my teammates solely for the reason that we have to strategize and practice all the time–thank God we all get along. But still, people think I don’t have a real job. So yeah, it’s a touchy subject for me.

  When she said, it was over, my brain and my heart just shut down. I didn’t fight her on it. I just let her decision stand. I should have fought for us. But I didn’t. I just walked out and closed the door on her, sitting there with tears streaming down her beautifully-broken face.

  I admit I fucked up by not fighting more for our relationship, but it took me about an hour to realize that this was a mistake. I honestly don't know why I expected her to answer when I called, though. I was just going to have to keep trying.

  I’ve tried to text and call Morgan several times since I left her apartment that night and while I’ve only gotten one reply, it wasn’t a reply I wanted. Now I’m left to figure out what the hell to do to get my girl back.

  I know Simon and Link will provide no help whatsoever. They will only succeed in putting me in a fouler mood. But after another night of nearly no sleep, I stumble out to the kitchen.

  “Damn. You look like shit, Dex,” Link says and lets out a whistle.

  I grunt and try to locate the nearest breakfast food.

  “Yeah, what the fuck is wrong with you? We didn’t see you at all yesterday. We didn’t realize you were here until we heard you power up your PlayStation. Did you even leave your room yesterday?” Simon asks from the table.

  “I need coffee,” I grumble as I rip a Pop-Tart foil open, shove one in my mouth, and get to making myself a cup.

  “Uh, Dex, are you just not going to answer us?” Link asks.

  “Morgan and I got in a fight and she ended things,” I grumble.

  “I’m sorry, what did you say?” asks Link, “Because it sounded like you said you guys ended things.”

  “You heard right,” I growl at the coffee machine.

  “Wow. I did not see that one coming,” Link says, seriously.

  Simon cautiously asks, “So, what happened?”

  I really don’t want to get into this right now. But maybe if I get it over with now, they will leave me alone about it later. I clear my throat, “Kelsey posted a picture of her and me on Facebook and Morgan saw it. Then when she asked me if I cheated on her, I kinda lost it. Then we both said some mean things. Then she said this wasn’t working and that we were done,” I drag in a breath. There.

  Link lets out a whistle, as Simon says, “Damn.”

  I let out a humorless laugh, “Yeah.”

  “Ok, so like… are you guys like, really done? Or are you both just cooling off before some hot makeup sex?” Link asks.

  Shooting him a vile stare, I reply, “Considering she won't take my calls, or text me back, and the fact that when she did reply to my last text, she said again that we are done, I don’t think she has any plans for hot makeup sex.”

  Throwing his hands up in surrender, he shrugs.

  “So, you’re just gonna let it go then? Move on? Be done with her?” Simon asks.

  And I’m done with this conversation. Taking my coffee and half eaten Pop-Tart, I start walking, “I’m heading back to my room.”

  Chairs scrape the floor and heavy footsteps fall behind me. Knowing someone is behind me doesn't hinder my attempt to close my door.

  “Hey, wait a second,” Simon interjects along with his foot and arm through the door. “Let's talk about this. I know you’re mad. But I also know that you really like her. I mean, you took her to meet your parents. You can’t roll over and take this.” He sounds angry, but I don’t know why he really cares.

  “What does it matter to you, Simon?” I reply, blandly.

  “I care because it’s not fair that you don’t get any say here, and it's obvious you don’t want the relationship to end.”

  “Well, I’m really too mad at the situation right now to think about next steps. I do know that I want this conversation to be done but you won’t stop nagging me about it.”.

  “Damn, Dex, you’re being a dick.” I hear Link mutter from somewhere behind Simon.

  I shove a hand through my hair resisting the urge to pull it out. I try to take deep steady breaths. That’s it. I’m going to start keeping a stash of food here i
n my room and get myself my own coffee pot, so when this kind of shit happens I don’t have to leave my room…ever.

  “Look, I just think you are wasting time being here and getting pissed at us. You should go talk to her.” Simon says, crossing his arms over his chest.

  “Or, you could take some time to cool down and let her have a breather. Go over there in a few days.” Link is in the doorway now. “Because really, she flipped out over nothing. You’d never cheat on her, and Ruby said Morgan isn’t budging on this…yet.” My eyebrows rise as he continues, “Yes, I texted her and we both think you guys need some space.”

  Great, now I’ve got everyone weighing in on what I should do.

  Coffee and food long forgotten on the nightstand, my shoulders slump as I sit on the edge of my bed. I take in a deep breath, “Look, I appreciate your concern and your advice, but right now, I don’t want it. I just want to eat my fucking Pop-Tart and drink my now-cold coffee, in my room…by myself, with the door closed.”

  Simon looks more disappointed than Link, who just looks bored. Good. I won’t have to worry about him bothering me about this.

  “Fine. Suite yourself, Dex.” Simon shakes his head and turns to pass behind Link. The door clicks, and I’m finally alone again.

  “God Dammit,” I mutter.

  Chapter Thirty

  Morgan

  It's been nearly three weeks, and I wasn't in any better mood than I was the day after we broke up. I didn't expect getting over my breakup with Dex would be so hard. Shouldn’t I be getting back to my normal state of mind soon? I still felt just as lost and broken.

  This is all so stupid. I’m the one who ended the relationship. So why am I moping around like my heart has been ripped out of my chest? Ugh. I need to stop thinking about him. I am constantly mentally yelling this at myself because I keep thinking about him. Before him, video games were never on my radar, but now I see video game crap everywhere. The office just got a gaming system in the break room. All my co-workers are playing during lunch, and it causes me to think of Dex.

  I see ads for the new Call of Battle coming out next month, and I think of Dex. Ruby is still talking to Link, and sometimes, when she talks about Link, though she doesn't talk about him often in front of me, I think of Dex. Whenever a sad break-up song plays on my Spotify, it makes me cry…and think of Dex.

  I know he is already over me since the calls and texts stopped weeks ago. In the first few days after we broke up, he would call and text trying to talk to me. I wasn’t in a good place to talk. I deleted all the voice messages without listening to them. I was too worried that just hearing his voice would break my resolve. When he stopped texting and calling, at first I was relieved. I hated being the bitch that just ignored him. But after a couple days of silence, a whole new form of sadness started to fester in my stomach. He stopped reaching out because he was done trying to get me back. While this is what I wanted, it made me realize there’s no going back. He is going to move on. I am going to be just another past memory. I can’t have it both ways. I removed him from my life, it’s not fair to hold on to him. But now, he’s really gone. And I have to do what I set out to do…get over it and move on.

  Needless to say, I’ve been a wreck every day when I wake up and every night when I go to bed. Ruby and Gia can’t stand it, either. They’re doing their best to get my mind off Dex, but at some point, it's like they just figured that it was no use. Three weeks into this thing and I’m still a "bump on a log," as Ruby put it.

  My daily routine has been as follows: get ready for work, go to work, come home from work, get PJ’s on, read a book or watch TV, go to bed, rinse and repeat. I never want to go out, to eat, to hit the bars, or even go to the grocery store. Gia forced me to go to the grocery store this past weekend by threatening to not buy any milk or cereal.

  Another boring, uneventful Friday night has rolled around. It’s not even 7:00 p.m., and I’m already in my PJ’s, curled up on the couch with a mug full of caramel mocha and a new book, when and Gia and Ruby come through the door with pizza.

  "We brought Mike’s!" Ruby sings, then her face drops to a frown. "Are you already in your pajamas?"

  Gia, who is halfway to the table with the pizza stops, turns and looks at me, confirms Ruby's assessment and continues to the table.

  "It's her thing now, Rube. I'm surprised she doesn't just go to work in her PJ’s," Gia says from the dining room.

  I roll my eyes.

  "Well, whatever. You can still eat pizza in your PJ’s. Come on. We thought this might cheer you up. You love Mike’s pizza," Ruby says and walks to the table.

  I haven't had Mike's since the break-up, and now I remember the first time I had it on my date with Dex. Even though the smell of the pizza made my mouth water when it was first brought in, my appetite has quickly retreated.

  "Ah, yeah. Thanks, but I'm not really hungry. I'll pass tonight. Maybe I'll grab a piece later."

  Now it's Gia and Ruby's turn to roll their eyes, and I swear they do it at the same time.

  Gia says as if she is offended, "Of course there will be leftovers. Do you think Ruby and I are big enough pigs to eat a whole large pizza ourselves?"

  Ruby says a bit more disappointedly, "But we thought this would cheer you up, Mo. Are you really not hungry?"

  "Of course, she is hungry. She has barely eaten for three weeks, but she is being stubborn and is going to make this amazing pizza go to waste. Just eat the damn pizza, Morgan. I'd heard of Mike's well before Dex took you there, so it was only a matter of time before we tried it on our own."

  Damn it. She’s right. She had told me about the place well before Dex, but we just never made it there.

  "Fine. Bring me a piece," I say with a sigh. "And really, I already had a bowl of cereal, so I'm not that hungry." Plus, I was just really annoyed with this line of harassment.

  We sit in the living room eating pizza in comfortable silence for all of about two minutes before Ruby says, "So, Gia and I have been talking, and we are going out tomorrow night. Just to a bar. Just for a couple of drinks."

  "Umm, no thanks," I say.

  "Nope. We voted, and you lost. We are going out," she says with conviction.

  "Sounds like a dictatorship to me," I mutter.

  "Call it what you want, but this new you, it's not working. We want our fun, happy Morgan back. We are going to start being pushy if we have to. So, to start, we are dragging you out for a couple of drinks," Gia says in a matter-of-fact way.

  I look at her. I see the challenge in her eyes, but I don't have the energy to challenge her.

  "Fine," I say, and I stand up to take my plate to the sink.

  "Well, that was easier than we thought it would be," Ruby says to Gia.

  Chapter Thirty-one

  Morgan

  I surprise them both when I stay true to my word and get ready to go out, instead of throwing on PJ’s. The whole day I suspect they thought I was going to try back out of going, but I didn’t even bring it up. I know deep down, I need to get out of the apartment. I've become a recluse, again, and I don't really want to be a recluse. I don't really like this "new Morgan" they were complaining about last night, either. I just hope I can find her again.

  It's mid-October already, and Fall is in full swing. I don't want to go out of my way to dress up for a trip out to a bar, but some dark skinny jeans and black boots are comfortable. The bright blue three-quarter length sleeve sweater I bought on sale last year at least gives the illusion that I tried.

  It's only about eight o'clock when we arrive at a bar that we used to frequent. It's your traditional bar. They have a full menu and they pump out way too loud music, but there really isn't enough room to dance, thank God.

  “Hey, let's grab this table before someone else takes it!" says Ruby, as she excitedly climbs onto the barstool.

  "I forgot to tell you, Bernie is gonna try to stop by," Ruby says over the music.

  I pull my gaze from the menu, look at Ruby and honestly mea
n it when I say, "Good. I miss her."

  "Yeah, she misses you too."

  The server shows up, and just as quickly leaves with our order. I have to admit that it feels good to be out.

  We make small talk while we wait for our food and drinks. As I drink my first lemon drop, I start to loosen up a bit. Which is good. I'd really like to forget about the shit going on in my head for a while, even if just for a couple of hours.

  We’ve gotten halfway through our bacon cheese fries and mozzarellas sticks when Bernie shows up. I'm not surprised at the feeling of happiness that overcomes me when I see her. I really have missed her. We became fast friends, and even though her friendship came from dating Dex, I'm glad to see her again.

  She must have stopped by the bar first because she already has a drink in her hand when she sits down. We all catch-up, but steer clear of he-who-should-not-be-named. I've drained my second drink and decide I need another. Gia joins me at the bar to get another drink.

  "I know you’re having fun. You can thank me later," she says, trying to get the bartender's attention.

  I chuckle because I'm feeling good. Better than I have in three weeks. "Yeah, thank you for forcing me out tonight."

  “A little tough love never hurt anyone." Finally getting the bartenders attention, she orders two Lemon Drops, which are my favorite.

  Just as we get our drinks, I take a slightly too big sip of the drink, and then I feel someone brush up next to me. Immediately thinking that I might be feeling the drinks a little faster than normal, I turn and see an attractive guy smiling next to me.

  "Sorry about that," he chuckles. And I give him a sweet, but non-interested, smile and a "No worries." Then I head back to the table with Gia.

  Minutes later I notice that a strange tension comes over the table. Bernie is giving Gia a look that I can't read, and Ruby is furiously texting someone on her phone. Gia looks almost pissed as she glances at Ruby.

  "What's going on, guys?" I ask in mock concern. I don’t really care, as I'm three drinks in and feeling pretty good.