Love's Image

by Debby Mayne

  “Mm, my favorite.”

  “Want me to fix it for you?”

  “No, you took care of me last night. Now it’s my turn to take care of you.”

  “I really don’t mind.”

  Shannon stabbed her finger toward the kitchen table. “Sit.”

  five

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Not wasting a second, Judd did as he was told.

  Shannon leaned over and checked out the contents of the refrigerator. She pulled out one of the bowls her mom had brought and placed it on the counter.

  “I’m not the best cook in the world, but I can heat stuff up.”

  “That’s all that matters,” Judd said as he watched her with interest.

  It took Shannon less than five minutes to microwave the vegetables and turkey her mother had brought, as well as cooking the noodles from Judd. She piled two plates and bowls with food, a heaping one for him and one with much smaller servings for herself.

  He frowned at her plate before offering her a questioning glance.

  “I’m really not that hungry,” she reminded him.

  “This food wasn’t for me. I brought it for you to get your strength back.”

  “I know, but I hate eating alone.”

  “In that case, let’s chow down. But first, I want to say a blessing.”

  Shannon bowed her head as he said a short prayer of thanksgiving for the food on the table. When he said, “Amen,” she opened one eye and caught him staring at her, smiling.

  “What?” she asked. “Were you peeking?”

  “No, of course not.”

  “Then why are you looking at me like that?”

  “I’m happy to be here,” he replied. “Let’s eat.”

  Judd scarfed his food down quickly, while Shannon nibbled at hers. She was sure he noticed she hadn’t eaten much, but he didn’t say anything.

  With each bite she took, he seemed to relax a little. He even made a few comments, like “Atta girl” and “That’ll make you feel much better.”

  It made her uncomfortable that he was watching, even though she liked having him there. She knew she needed to eat, but she didn’t need an audience cheering her on.

  Finally, she put down her fork and pushed her chair back. “I can’t eat any more.”

  He slowly nodded. “I understand. I guess I’d better get going. I have papers to grade and stuff to do tonight. Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

  “Of course.”

  “Oh, one more thing,” he said as he reached the door. “I’d like to get together with you one more time before the next Bible study.” He tilted his head forward and looked at her from beneath his heavy eyebrows. “That is, if you plan to go back to the church.”

  “Of course I do.”

  “Good.”

  Shannon bit her bottom lip.

  “How about tomorrow night?” he said.

  Maybe if she agreed, she’d have a little peace. Although it was nice having him here for a little while, being under such intense scrutiny wore her out. “Okay, tomorrow night’s fine.”

  “Seven okay?”

  “Sure, sevens fine.”

  For a second, it looked like Judd might kiss her again. She braced herself for the sensation, wanting it but dreading it at the same time. When he backed away instead, she felt awkward, almost like a teenage girl who didn’t have a clue what to do around a guy.

  She hated her vulnerable state. Her mental health and emotional state were even harder to deal with than her scar. There was no doubt in her mind that the giddiness over being around Judd was mostly the result of feeling alone and without the safety net of Armand or work.

  And there was this Christianity thing. It baffled her. She’d always been happy and carefree before she’d ever gone to a single Bible study. Why did she suddenly feel this huge weight of responsibility to study scripture? Was it part of overcoming her trauma? Or was it something else?

  Reading the Bible made sense while she was doing it or when she was with the group from the church talking about their faith. But now, alone and confused, she wondered if it was more of a crutch than anything—something she was using to make herself feel better.

  Her mind whirred with all sorts of crazy thoughts, flip-flopping back and forth between the desire to lean on the Lord and wanting to go it alone. As she picked up her Bible and flipped through it, stopping to randomly read scripture, she became more confused than ever and worked her way into a state of exhaustion.

  After changing into her gown, she sat on the edge of her bed and contemplated an appropriate prayer. What should she pray for? Healing? Her relationship with Judd? Answers to her questions about the Bible?

  Finally, she bowed her head and said a general prayer, touching on everything she’d been thinking. If nothing else, it felt good to get it off her mind.

  She woke up the next morning feeling more refreshed than she had since the accident. Her first thought went straight to her bedtime prayer the night before.

  Feeling better made it so much easier for Shannon to function throughout the day. She managed to shower, dress, and get through her chores without dreading her next step, as she had so many times since the accident.

  Her emotional state had leveled, at least for the time being—until another car backfired. Now was the time for her to prepare herself for her future and any surprises she might encounter along the way. She needed to do something to continue feeling better.

  The problem was, she didn’t know where to start. Should she make an appointment with a psychologist or psychiatrist? That seemed pretty drastic right now, in the light of day.

  Glancing over at the brochures her mother had left on the table, Shannon thought about plastic surgery. Would that help? It certainly couldn’t hurt.

  She picked up the list of certified plastic surgeons, headed to the phone, and stopped in her tracks. What was she thinking? She hadn’t even given the scar time to heal on its own. How would anyone know what needed to be done? Besides, what was the purpose of getting plastic surgery? She wasn’t sure she wanted to go back to modeling.

  Shannon let out a huge sigh. If she kept thinking like this, she knew she’d make herself crazy. So she grabbed her purse, her car keys, and headed for the door.

  She hadn’t driven since the crash. The brand-new car her parents had delivered still sat in the parking lot, shiny and waiting.

  Sucking in a deep breath, she forged ahead, moving with determination to get over this major hurdle of driving a car for the first time since she’d been hit.

  As she slid in behind the wheel, she felt fear clutching at her throat. Okay, you can do this. Just take it one step at a time.

  She stuck her key in the ignition, took a deep breath, and started the engine. So far, so good.

  Knowing how susceptible she was to a panic attack, she decided to take her first spin around the block before venturing out any further. Heart pounding in her chest, she pulled to the stop sign at the road and waited for all cars to pass before pulling out.

  Shannon made her way around the block, not blinking, talking to herself, being extra cautious as cars approached from all sides. She jumped at the sound of a car honking behind her.

  One quick glance at the speedometer let her know she was driving way too slow. She offered a wave to the person behind her and accelerated a little harder. But not too fast. Each mile per hour she increased seemed to speed up her heart rate.

  Finally, when she took her last turn back into the parking lot, she blew out the breath she’d been holding. She’d done it. She’d gotten back behind the wheel and driven—something she wasn’t certain she’d ever be able to do.

  It wasn’t until she got out of her car and stood up that she realized how traumatic her experience had actually been. Her knees buckled beneath her, and she had to grab on to the car to keep from falling to the asphalt.

  Shannon knew she needed help. And she needed it very soon.

  She spent the rest of the a
fternoon contemplating what kind of help she needed to seek. After being away from Atlanta so long, she had no idea who to call. Janie had always been such a together person, so she probably didn’t know anyone to refer her to. Her mother’s solution to the problem would be to get plastic surgery and head straight back to a modeling career, hopefully picking up where she left off.

  Then she thought about Judd. She felt more comfortable around him than anyone besides Janie. Surely, she could talk to him about this, and he’d understand. Maybe he’d know someone, or at least have a direction to point her toward. Now, with that settled, Shannon headed for the kitchen to whip up something healthy for dinner. She needed to get back to as normal a life as possible, and just because she didn’t see herself going back to modeling didn’t mean she shouldn’t be careful what she put into her mouth.

  The phone rang exactly half an hour after Judd was scheduled to get out of school. He’d been calling her every day at the same time, asking how she was doing.

  “Whatcha been up to all day?” he asked as he always did.

  She found comfort in the familiarity of his voice. “You’re not going to believe this, but I drove a little.”

  “You’re right! I don’t believe it. Where’d you go?”

  “Just around the block.”

  If she’d been talking to anyone else, Shannon wouldn’t even have mentioned her short excursion, but she felt completely comfortable with him. He seemed to understand the significance of what she’d done.

  “That’s a great start. And not a bad idea. You can go just a little farther each day until you’re back to your old self.”

  Good. He’d given her an opening to ask her question.

  “Speaking of getting back to my old self, do you know anyone I can talk to?”

  “You can talk to me, Shannon.”

  “I know. But I mean about some deep things. Like mental problems.”

  “Mental problems?” he asked. “I don’t think you have mental problems. What you’re dealing with is a normal fear after an immensely traumatic experience.”

  “Whatever you want to call it, I need to talk to someone.”

  “How about my uncle?”

  “The pastor?”

  “Yeah, he’s pretty good with things like this.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Tell you what, Shannon; let me talk to him and see what he says. He might be able to help you, and if he can’t, he can refer you to someone who can.”

  She paused for a few seconds. “Okay, that’s fine.”

  “Now, for tonight. Since you’re driving, would you like to meet somewhere?”

  “I haven’t worked up the courage to drive at night yet.”

  “Okay, I’ll pick you up. How about dinner? Do you have plans?”

  Shannon remembered the extra large salad she’d made and put in the refrigerator. It was plenty big enough for both of them if she added a little of the chicken her mother had brought.

  “Why don’t you come over here for dinner?”

  “I thought you couldn’t cook.”

  “I can’t. I just tossed some romaine in a bowl with a few tomatoes and some celery. Mom brought marinated chicken breasts. I thought we could have that.”

  “Yum. You make healthy eating sound good. What time do you want me there?”

  As soon as Shannon gave him the time, they hung up. He then turned around and dialed his uncle’s office number at the church.

  “Hey, Judd. Whatcha need?”

  Judd told him about Shannon’s need to seek counseling. “I think she’s got a few issues she hasn’t told me about, and she needs someone to give her some guidance.”

  “I’ll be glad to talk to her, Judd. What’s her number?”

  After giving his uncle Shannon’s number, Judd hung up and grabbed the shopping list Aunt LaRita had given him. Although his aunt and uncle had told him he could live with them rent-free until he saved enough for his own place, he insisted on helping out wherever possible. LaRita had reluctantly given in and handed over occasional lists that freed her up to do some of the charity work she enjoyed.

  Without another moment of hesitation, he ran the errands, then went home to put things away. A quick shower and shave later, Judd was on his way to Shannon’s place.

  She greeted him at the door, wearing a pink velour jogging suit and running shoes, with her blond hair hanging naturally over her shoulders. She was beautiful in spite of the scar she hadn’t bothered trying to hide with makeup.

  “Your uncle called almost right after we hung up. You don’t waste time, do you?”

  “No, there’s no point. What’d he say?”

  “I have an appointment with him tomorrow afternoon.”

  “Talking about not wasting time. Must be genetic.”

  “I just hope he doesn’t think I’m shallow and self-absorbed.”

  Judd felt a thud in his chest at the look of helplessness on her face. “Why would he think something like that?”

  “I don’t know.” She held her hands up as she shook her head. “It just seems that all I can think about anymore is how I feel about things. My fears, my career, my happiness. Somehow, it all seems so wrong to be thinking about myself so much.”

  “I think that’s all normal stuff to think about.”

  “Yeah, but not to this degree.”

  “You’ve got to give yourself some time, Shannon. You’ve just been through one of the most harrowing experiences a person can have. Be patient with yourself.”

  She audibly sighed. He watched the range of emotions flit across her face. She finally nodded.

  “You’re probably right. But I still need to get help. I can’t do this alone.”

  “You’re not alone. You have a whole bunch of people praying for you.”

  She smiled. “I know, and I appreciate every prayer that’s offered.”

  Something had changed in her. Judd noticed that, even when she gave lip service to accepting prayer, she didn’t seem to believe it like she had a couple days ago.

  “Come on into the kitchen. The salads are ready. All I have to do is make some tea, and we can eat.”

  Following her into the kitchen, Judd noticed how her strides were long and purposeful. As each day passed, she was getting stronger physically, but she obviously didn’t realize it. He was beginning to see the confidence of a world-class supermodel. That was good, but he worried she’d eventually have no use for someone as normal and plain as him.

  Once they were seated at the kitchen table, Shannon propped her elbows on the table and leaned toward him.

  “You wanna say the blessing, or do you want me to?”

  “It doesn’t matter,” Judd said. “Whatever you want.”

  “Hey, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

  “Sure, I’m fine,” he replied with a smile. “Why don’t you say the blessing?”

  “Thank you, Lord, for the blessing of this food,” she began, sounding unsure of herself. “We’re thankful for your kindness and mercy. Amen.”

  As she spoke, Judd wondered where her conviction was. She certainly didn’t sound sincere. Something had happened to her since he’d last seen her.

  She chatted happily as they ate. He didn’t have to say much, which suited him just fine. Once they were finished, he stood to carry the dishes to the sink.

  “Leave those,” she told him. “Let’s get started on the Bible study. I’m eager to get ahead again.”

  Judd didn’t argue with her. He followed her into the living room and sat on the chair across from the loveseat where she’d flopped.

  Throughout the evening, he felt somewhat mechanical, just going through the motions of discussion and answering questions. Finally, when they got to the end of the week’s lesson, he shut his workbook.

  “Well, I guess that’s it for now. I need to run. I have to get up early in the morning for school. We’re doing poetry this week, and I always start each day reading some of my favorite poems.”

 
“You like poetry?” she said, sounding surprised. “Of course. I’m an English teacher.”

  “What’s your favorite?”

  Judd shrugged. “Anything but the dark stuff. I have to admit, I tend to be a romantic when it comes to poetry.”

  Suddenly, her eyes glazed over. He must have said something wrong, because the bright, cheery smile she wore had suddenly disappeared.