Cover Up

by L. A. Witt

  “Not now.” His voice was shakier than he’d hoped. “I’m . . . fucking exhausted.” And just looking at you hurts. He turned toward his car again and added, “I have to go.” He had his hand on the door handle, had lifted it enough to free the latch, when Nate spoke again:

  “I’m sorry.”

  Lucas froze, car door partway open and his body no closer to dropping into the driver seat. Closing his eyes, he exhaled. “It’s been a really long day. I need—”

  “Please,” Nate whispered.

  Lucas mouthed a few curses. Then he let go of the door, turned again, and leaned against it. As the door clicked shut beneath his weight, he held Nate’s gaze and waited.

  Nate took a deep breath. “Look, you were right. And I’m sorry.”

  He was silent for a long enough moment that Lucas almost jumped at the opportunity to assume they were done and get the fuck out of there.

  Too late.

  “I do want a tattoo from you,” Nate continued, “but not over the top of this one.” He touched the tiger design that was peeking out from his T-shirt sleeve. “This is a chapter of my life that’s over. I was stupid for thinking I could erase it and pretend it never happened. And I was an asshole for asking you to be what covered it up.”

  Lucas gritted his teeth. On one hand, he was glad Nate admitted he’d been using him as a cover-up. On the other, sometimes it sucked to be right.

  Nate went on. “The thing is, I want a tattoo from you that’s . . . your work. Not something to hide what’s already there. Because this”—he gestured at himself and Lucas—“has nothing to do with the past. I want a clean slate with you. Something that’s about us, and how great we are together, and wherever we might go, instead of what I’m trying to get away from.”

  A lump rose in Lucas’s throat. Holy shit.

  “You were right that I was avoiding my grief,” Nate continued, barely whispering. “I’ve got ten years of history with Caleb, and . . . yeah. I need to work through that. I know I do. And I will. In fact, he and I sat down and talked this evening.”

  Lucas straightened. “Oh.”

  “We buried the hatchet. Kind of. Just, um . . . you know, talked a few things through. Realized a lot of stuff about our marriage that I don’t think either of us ever acknowledged.” Nate shook his head. “But the point is, afterward, I felt a hell of a lot better about my divorce. In fact, I felt better about everything except you. Because you were gone.”

  Chewing his lip, Lucas shifted his weight and avoided Nate’s eyes. “I can’t be your distraction, though.”

  “You’re not.” Nate sighed heavily. “Okay, in the beginning, you were. I’ll admit it. You were something hot and wild and nothing like my ex-husband, and you were exactly what I needed. And I’m sorry for that.” Nate paused, and when Lucas met his eyes, he swallowed. “But now you’re a distraction from everything. Not because I need a distraction. Just because you’re . . . you’re you. And I miss you. I . . .” He hesitated. “I love you, Lucas.”

  Lucas stared at him. “But this . . . it was a rebound. We—”

  “I know it started out that way. And in that sense, it was exactly what I needed. Something that reminded me I could still feel good, and I could still feel something for a man besides anger and resentment. But I have a feeling if I’d met you two, three, four years after my divorce, I’d still have fallen for you as hard as I did. The fact that you came into my life when you did . . . it is what it is. I love you, and I . . . really want you to stay in my life. Because of you, not because of him.”

  Lucas’s tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth. He struggled to hold Nate’s gaze, and even harder to comprehend everything he was saying.

  “And no,” Nate went on, “I’m not just saying that because I want you back. I realized it when we were down on the beach. And again when we picked up Daniel.”

  “When we . . .” Lucas cocked his head. “When we picked up Daniel?”

  “Yeah.” Nate swallowed hard. “Because I knew what it was like to be in his shoes. Coming home from a long, stressful deployment, and just wanting to get back to the man I love, and how amazing it is the first time you see each other after all that time apart.” He sniffed sharply, avoiding Lucas’s gaze. From the tightness of his lips, Nate must’ve been pulling himself together. When he met Lucas’s eyes again, he said, “I saw myself in Daniel. And it made me want to go on a deployment again. Not . . .” He paused again. “Not because I want to be away from you for six months, but because I want to know what it’s like to come home to you.”

  Lucas’s heart somersaulted. “Really?”

  Nate nodded. “If I had any doubt that I loved you, that was the end of it. Then, of course, I had to crash into my divorce when I watched Daniel propose, and it just . . . it threw me for a loop. It made me think of a lot of things I’ve been avoiding like crazy. But it didn’t, for even one second, make me question how I feel about you.”

  “Whoa.” Lucas leaned heavily against the car door, not trusting his knees to hold him up right then. He had no idea what to say.

  Nate watched him for a moment, then took a cautious step closer. Close enough to touch now. Not quite an arm’s length. Way, way too close and . . .

  Too fucking far away.

  Lucas pushed himself off the car, and as soon as Nate’s arms were around him, this was real. Not a dream. Not a hallucination. Not wishful thinking. Nate was here—holding him, kissing him, all but begging him to come back.

  When Nate broke the kiss, they were both shaking. “So is that . . .” He smoothed Lucas’s hair. “Does that mean you’ll take me back?”

  “What do you think?”

  They both laughed softly, voices unsteady, and sank into another long, soft kiss.

  “We can slow things down if you want,” Nate said when they came up for air. “I’ve still got shit to sort out from my divorce, and I . . . I’m not even sure where to start with that yet.” He ran the pad of his thumb along Lucas’s cheekbone. “And I don’t really know what we’re doing, either. I just know I want you here.”

  “I am here.” Lucas kissed him softly. Then he drew back a little, stomach knotting with nerves. “But aren’t you afraid . . .” He couldn’t find the words.

  “I’m scared shitless.” Nate caressed his face. “I’m completely fucking terrified.”

  “But you still want to do this.”

  Nate nodded. “Yeah. I do. Because I love you, and I want to be with you, and I know we’ve both had marriages fall apart, so you’re probably scared too.”

  Lucas nodded. “Oh yeah. Definitely.”

  “Then let’s be scared together. I mean, every time Jon and I go up in our bird, there’s a part of me that knows it could be the last time. And yeah, that scares me. But I still go up. It’s my job, but I also love it. I wouldn’t trade flying for the world, even if it means taking a huge risk every time.” Nate smoothed Lucas’s hair again. “That’s how I feel about this. I know there’s a chance we’ll crash and burn, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take so we can fly.”

  Lucas’s eyes stung again, and he laughed as he swiped at them. “Only you could make a plane-crash metaphor into something romantic.”

  “Hey, I’m an aviator. It’s what I’ve got.”

  “I’ll take it. And . . . I’m sorry too.” Lucas swept his tongue across his lips. “I never wanted to hurt you. I was just afraid you were using me to hide from your divorce.”

  “I was. I won’t lie. And there’s nothing for you to be sorry about.” Nate cupped Lucas’s face and gave him a long, tender kiss. “It made me take stock of things and deal with things and realize just how much I love you.”

  Lucas touched his forehead to Nate’s. “I love you too.”

  Nate kissed him again, then sniffed subtly before he said, “I know you’re tired. If you want to go crash tonight, we can always—”

  “Not a chance.” Lucas held him closer. “I’m tired as fuck, but believe me when I say I just found
my second wind.”

  Nate smiled, running his fingers through Lucas’s hair. “Meet me back at my place?”

  Lucas grinned. “Race you.”

  “You’re on.”

  Chapter 27

  Lucas beat Nate into the driveway by a nose, but it didn’t matter. They’d made it to the house, and all they had to do now was get inside.

  In under two minutes, they were. They tumbled into bed, kissing frantically, not giving a damn about shedding clothes or making sure there were condoms and lube nearby. Nate had Lucas in his arms. That was the only important thing. He didn’t care if penetration or even orgasms happened. All he wanted was to touch and kiss every inch of Lucas’s body. He wanted to run his fingers and lips over all those long-memorized tattoos, just to make sure this was real. That Lucas was really there in his bed.

  He pushed Lucas onto his back and kissed his neck, and the low moan vibrating against his lips threatened to turn him inside out. He loved how responsive Lucas was anyway, and tonight, every response—every catch of his breath, every soft moan, every twitch of his fingers—may as well have been amplified a hundredfold because he still couldn’t believe this was even happening. All the way to meet Lucas, he’d been tying himself in knots, convinced Lucas wouldn’t listen to him at all, never mind wind up . . . here.

  “I am so glad you’re here,” he breathed against Lucas’s throat.

  Lucas combed shaking fingers through Nate’s hair. “Me too. I missed you.”

  Nate squeezed his eyes shut and pressed a long kiss to Lucas’s hot skin.

  I missed you too. It was only a day, but it felt like . . . fuck, way too long.

  After a moment, he lifted himself up, and they met each other’s gazes.

  And froze.

  And stared at each other. Trembling, disheveled, out of breath, they stared at each other.

  Lucas touched Nate’s cheek. Nate ran a hand through Lucas’s hair, and his heart sped up. This was another one of those moments like they’d shared on the beach in Kitty Hawk, where it felt like someone should say something, but . . . what?

  Nothing. They’d already said everything that needed to be said tonight, and now there was nothing left to do but—

  Lucas pulled him down into another kiss, and Nate didn’t resist at all. Even as they made out and held on, the image of Lucas gazing up at him was burned into Nate’s mind. Earlier, his face and posture had radiated fatigue, but ever since he’d stepped into Nate’s bedroom, his eyes had been bright with lust. His kiss and his touch were needy and frantic, and his cock was at full attention, rubbing against Nate’s through their clothes every time either of them moved.

  Skin. I want to feel your skin, damn it.

  Nate broke the kiss. “We should take off these—”

  “Yeah we should.”

  Without hesitation, they separated, and though it took some fumbling, they managed to shed their rumpled clothes. When Nate pulled Lucas back into his arms, he had exactly what he wanted—hot skin touching hot skin. They kissed harder now, running hands all over each other, and the heat of their bodies pressed together took Nate one step closer to believing this was really happening. That the man in his arms wasn’t something he’d conjured up in a dream.

  Lucas touched his forehead to Nate’s. “Let me get on top.”

  Nate’s cock got even harder at the thought of Lucas pounding him good and hard. “You know I’ll never say no to that.”

  Lucas grinned against his lips. “Get on your back. I’ll grab a condom.”

  Nate lifted himself off Lucas and lay back on the pillows. Lucas quickly got the condom and lube, then tore the wrapper and started putting it on.

  On Nate’s cock.

  Nate’s lips parted. Oh, he meant that on top. Even better. As much as Nate loved taking Lucas’s cock, he was downright addicted to fucking him.

  Don’t come. For God’s sake, don’t come. He’s just putting on the rubber.

  Somehow he stayed in control. As soon as the condom and lube were on, Lucas climbed on top and straddled him. Nate exhaled, trying to keep himself from losing it before they’d even fucked. Just the sight of Lucas above him was hot enough to make him dizzy.

  Lucas grinned. Then he sat up, and Nate steadied his cock and helped guide Lucas down. They were both silent—like breath-holding, heart barely beating silent—as the head of Nate’s dick pressed against Lucas’s hole, as Lucas slowly relaxed, and then . . . oh yeah. Nate’s eyes rolled back and he groaned as he breached Lucas.

  “Oh my God.” Lucas whimpered softly, letting his head fall forward as he eased himself down onto Nate’s dick.

  Nate moaned and closed his eyes. His head spun and his whole body tingled as Lucas took him deeper, and he could barely stay still, but at the same time, he didn’t think he could move if he wanted to. He was restless and desperate to get as deep into Lucas as he could, to fuck him hard from below until they were both utterly spent, and yet at the same time, he was overwhelmed into complete stillness. As if one move would break the spell, and he’d be right back in that parking lot, waiting for Lucas to get off work and absolutely certain he was about to be told off all over again.

  “God, you feel good.” Lucas bit his lip, rising up a little before coming back down and taking every inch of Nate inside him. “Fuck yeah. . . .”

  “You too. Jesus. . . .” Nate’s back arched as electricity crackled up the length of his spine. Could this be any more perfect? He ran his hands up Lucas’s chest, fingers and palms traveling over tattoos he’d memorized a lifetime ago. There was no pretending this was anyone else; Lucas’s skin may as well have been covered in this is me, this is me, this is me.

  And you are everything. Holy fuck, I love you.

  Nate curved a hand behind Lucas’s neck and drew him down. Then he wrapped his arms around him. Lucas’s hips barely moved, but his mouth did, and it was perfect. Nate was buried inside him, holding him close and savoring the warmth and weight of Lucas’s powerful body on top of his.

  It was mind-blowing and hot like always, but it was different this time. The sex was as all-consuming as it ever was, but there was so much more. Everything in Nate’s past didn’t just exist—it was all in vivid Technicolor, flashing through his mind as he held and kissed and fucked Lucas. All those memories, that past full of ups and downs, the hell he’d been through just before Lucas had suddenly come crashing into his world—they’d all been leading up to this. Pushing him down a path he hadn’t even been able to see.

  And that path brought me here. To you.

  He held Lucas tighter and let the kiss go on and on. Everything still existed, and when this was over, it would all be waiting for them. They’d fuck, they’d come, they’d collapse together, but this time, when the rest of the world came back into focus, Nate wouldn’t hide from it. He’d face it—even if it took small steps, a little at a time—with Lucas there beside him.

  He broke the kiss and opened his eyes. Lucas’s face was flushed, framed by damp and disheveled hair, and he looked right back at Nate as he languidly moved on top of him. Nate shuddered, lifting his hips to drive himself deeper into Lucas, and a helpless moan slipped past Lucas’s lips. “Fuck. . . .” He sat up a little, and Nate gazed up at him, and . . . fuck was right. He was suddenly sure he was on the brink of either coming or crying, or maybe both, because Lucas was just . . . he was . . .

  How are you real?

  And here?

  And mine?

  “C’mere,” he slurred and drew Lucas down. Holding him tight, running shaking fingers through his hair, he whispered, “God, I love you.”

  “I love you too.” Lucas kissed him.

  Nate loosened his embrace, giving Lucas the freedom to move, and dear God, he took advantage. He rode Nate hard, doing something with his hips that Nate couldn’t define, but that felt fucking amazing.

  “Don’t stop,” Nate moaned. “Oh fuck, Lucas. . . .”

  Lucas planted his hands on Nate’s shoulders, and whatev
er he was doing with his hips drove Nate absolutely wild. The bed creaked in protest, and Lucas panted sharply, but Nate . . . Nate couldn’t make sound. He couldn’t breathe. His head spun and his lungs screamed for air and all he could do was lie there and be ridden and let Lucas send him careening toward a climax that just might make him black out.

  Nate struggled to keep his eyes open so he wouldn’t miss out on the sexy view, but then he gave up on that and just enjoyed the ride. Everything was too intense; he couldn’t focus his eyes, but he could definitely focus on the crazy powerful sensations of Lucas on top of him—riding his cock, inner thighs rubbing Nate’s hips, sharp breaths and whispered curses rolling off his lips.

  He grabbed Lucas’s hips again, pulled him down and buried himself as deep as he could as his orgasm forced a low, helpless moan from his lips. His back arched and his eyes rolled back, and damn if Lucas didn’t keep doing that thing with his hips until Nate managed a breathless, “S-stop.”

  Lucas stopped. He slid his hands up Nate’s sides, and when Nate blinked his watery eyes into focus, Lucas grinned. Gaze locked on Nate, he started stroking himself, which made him clench around Nate’s still-sensitive dick. Nate swore, but it was Lucas’s soft moan that gave him goose bumps.

  “Oh God,” Lucas breathed.

  “Here.” Nate nudged Lucas’s hand away. “Let me.” He closed his fingers around Lucas’s cock, and it only took a few quick pumps before Lucas whimpered, shuddered, and shot semen across Nate’s stomach.

  “Ungh. Fuck.” Lucas shivered hard. “Jesus . . .”

  Nate ran a hand up Lucas’s abs. “You are so, so hot when you’re on top like that. Just FYI.”

  Lucas grinned down at him. Then he lifted himself up off Nate’s cock and sank down on top of him with a heavy sigh. Neither of them made any move to get up. They were a mess, but who cared—they’d clean up the sweat and cum in a few minutes.

  In the meantime, Nate wrapped his arms around Lucas, sighing and letting his eyes slide shut as skin met feverish skin. In near-silence, they just breathed.

  With a shaky hand, Nate stroked Lucas’s damp hair, and he swore he was as close to tears as he’d been when he’d bared his heart and hoped like hell Lucas might take him back. There’d been uncertainty then. The all-too-real chance that Lucas would leave again. Some part of Nate was still afraid to relax too much. Like Lucas might come to his senses, get up, and walk out.