by Lexy Timms
"I'm not okay, so don't waste the trip. I have to go."
"Julie! Fuck! I know I deserve all of this, but I just lost a baby too. Please don't make me suffer this alone. Please. I'm begging you. I just want to see you for a fucking second. Nothing more."
She let out a shaky breath and nodded. "Yeah, okay. I'm at Charity’s, but I'll see you at the house in two hours. You can give me a quick hug and then your ass is out. Got it?"
"Absolutely. I'll see you there."
She pressed the off button and set the phone down. It was a mistake, but it felt right. The idea of seeing him for a minute made the dark cloud hovering over her lift just a little. No one had to know and she would simply slip into his arms and memorize the warmth of what once was. Things were going to get harder before the light came shining in, but she would face one day at a time. The imprint of his arms around her would help, and though it was a sickening guilty pleasure, she really didn't care.
"Sandwich good?" Charity walked into the kitchen alone with a smile on her pretty face.
"Yeah. Thanks for making it for me." Julie turned and forced a smile. "Can I borrow the SUV in a couple of hours? I want to go grab my stuff."
"I'll take you. There's no need for you to be alone."
"No, I need some time to myself. If you take me, I'll just stay at home, or I'll drive over by myself and be forced back because I have your damn car." Julie smiled and turned as the front door opened.
"Take the car then." Charity chuckled and walked to greet Elijah as he dropped his briefcase by the entrance to the living room and opened his arms to his wife. He kissed her twice and glanced up at Julie, motioning for her to come to him.
"Are you okay? Any pain or discomfort?" He moved into the living room as Julie stood and walked to him, slipping into the warm hug he offered.
How badly she wished his hug would be enough, but it wasn't. Simon's was the only one she wanted, and though she hated herself for needing it, it simply was what it was. "I'm okay. Just a little tired. I'm going to take a nap and then go grab some stuff from the house." She moved back and took a shallow breath. "Did you see Simon after we spoke?"
"Only briefly. He's beside himself.” Elijah paused. “I would be too." Elijah ran his hand through his hair. "Is there any way that things might work out between the two of you?"
"You did not just ask that." Charity walked into the living room and put her hands on her hips. “Not right now. Leave her be, Elijah. Let the poor woman mourn.”
Julie smiled. She appreciated her friend more than anything. "No. There's not. Trust is broken and I'm honestly not sure how to rebuild it." Julie shrugged and forced a smile. "Thank you for your help this morning though. Things will get better. Time heals all wounds, right?"
"It does, and if it makes you girls feel any better, I stitched him up from the accident and didn't use a numbing agent. Hurt like a bitch." He winked at them both as Charity popped his butt and pulled him into another hug.
"You almost got yourself in trouble with all that stuff too, mister." She glared up at him and Julie chuckled, not wanting to know how he was going to get himself out of it.
He turned to Julie as his eyes widened dramatically. "Yes. On that note... anyone want a drink? I do."
Chapter 6
Simon looked up from the surgery he was almost done with and glanced at the clock. The nurse to his left looked up and pinned him with a stare.
"Everything okay, Dr. Paulk?"
"Yes. Just checking our timing. Elijah wants me to clock out at four today or I'm in for a lovely ass chewing. I was just seeing how close I was getting to the event becoming a reality." He winked and glanced down as someone down the table mumbled something about him deserving one.
He let it go. In all actuality, the mouthy nurse was right. After everything that he had done, he deserved much more than a good verbal beating. The events of the morning left his insides cold, but hope swirled deep in his stomach. Julie was willing to let him come over and the promise of getting to touch her, if even for a moment, was almost more than he could comprehend.
Not having her in his life was by far the worst outcome from his infidelities. Dying in the car accident might have been a bigger blessing if she truly decided to push for divorce. Something told him that she would, but he would fight it - fight for her the whole way. He wasn't giving up until there didn't remain a thread of possibility for them to get back together.
He would grab a quick bite to eat, jot down the notes from his current surgery and go see her. After that he needed to find a place to live. Elijah was right. His office wasn't an apartment and he needed to realize that fixing things with Julie meant giving her time and space. Barreling back into her life and pretending like nothing happened and everything should be okay was an affront to her pain.
"And.. done." Simon finished stitching the side of his patient’s head and dropped the crimson-colored instruments onto the small tray beside him. He walked from the room and turned, lifting his hands as one of the nurses stripped the gloves from him. He usually made jokes and had a good time with his staff, but the ambiance had been heavy as of late, which was all his fault.
He would pull them together and talk to them about everything as soon as he could mentally handle their attack, which was sure to come. Julie was one of the best neurosurgeons in New York, if not the country. She was the second in command on his staff and every nurse and doctor working in his wing of the hospital cared for her like family. How could they not?
He washed up quickly and dried his hands, pausing by the door and looking over at his staff. "Great job today. Meeting on Monday at nine a.m., be there."
Walking out in the hallway, he took a deep breath and let the promise of something good happening between him and Jules fuel him forward. He had an hour before he was supposed to meet her. Nervousness tugged at the center of him, but he pushed it down. It was like having to get her attention all over again, but something about the challenge woke him up from his slumber.
She was the only woman for him. If the shitty situation he had himself lodged deep into proved anything, it was that. Having to close his eyes and pretend Pam was Julie just to get off was fucking disturbing. He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair as he walked into the large cafeteria.
The lunch ladies were pleasant, obviously not having heard of his cheating on Jules, or maybe hoping for their turn. Going as low as Pam meant his standards weren't anything like they should be. It was a lie. All of it was. Pam wasn't his type of woman, nor had she ever been. Her boisterous attitude and fake tits made his stomach tighten in disgust. She was easy and quick to slip in and do anything he wanted her to.
Being in charge of someone and forcing them to bring him to pleasure quickly was all he needed. Sick or not, it was the one thing missing in his life and he took the bait that it would make things better. It had for a while, but he worked hard to ignore the nagging truth inside of him. Nothing worked out in the long run for cheaters, and rightly so.
He ruined his future, and now it was simply time to fix it. He picked up a cold turkey sandwich, checked out and walked toward his office as he unwrapped it.
It was hard to ignore the soft whispers in the halls and the eyes of his colleagues as he pretended like everything was fine. Hopefully no one would hear about Julie's miscarriage or the hate for him would be off the charts. Not that he didn't deserve it, but in the fight for his marriage, too much pressure at work would send him to another city, and that would leave Julie open for another man to enter into the picture.
"I’ve no doubt someone will try," Simon mumbled as he opened the door to his office and walked in, letting out a soft sigh. He needed to get her back and quick. She was by far the best catch at the hospital and she was his. Plain and simple.
Her soft chestnut locks and sweet smile gave her an innocent appeal that would hold tight if you didn't catch the dark desire in her hazelnut eyes. The first night she'd given into him and they had made love in colle
ge was one of many long nights of ecstasy with her. His body hardened painfully as he slumped down in his chair and let his mind wander.
She was adventurous in bed, her ability to be docile and then dominant almost unmatched. It was as if she could read the moment beautifully and forced him to follow her down the path that would leave them both sweaty and panting for air.
"Fuck, I miss you, baby." He closed his eyes and leaned his head back.
A soft knock at his door caused him to look up. Pam.
"Now a good time?" she asked, and walked in as if he had invited her.
"Actually, no. Never is a good time." He sat up and finished unwrapping his sandwich. "Unless this is HR-related, get out."
Pam's platinum blond hair was showing her natural color at the roots and her makeup was a little heavier than usual, but he worked hard not to tell her. Being hateful to her wasn't going to get him anywhere but in more shit for sure. The woman was a viper with her claws still half stuck in him.
"Look. I know you've been sleeping here. I was just going to offer my couch." She pressed her hands to the back of the chair in front of his desk and squeezed her arms together. The motion made the thick bulbs of her breasts poke out of her already too-revealing top.
"Thanks for the offer, but no thanks." Simon adverted his eyes as his stomached turned. What the fuck had he been thinking?
"You can't stay here. It's against policy. I would hate for you to get into trouble." She leaned down a little farther and licked at her teeth. "Besides... I'm happy to help you find some joy in your days."
Simon put his sandwich down and stood to his full height. "Pam. I'm not interested in anything where you're concerned. I made a mistake. Get out of my office and don't come back or I'll file a sexual harassment claim and I'm sure Dr. Bennet will back it up. Whatever happened between us is completely over. You're not at all the girl I want to spend my nights, my days or any of my moments with. Now... if you'll get out, I can hopefully enjoy my lunch."
"Fuck you, Simon." She stood up and walked to the door. "This isn't over. I get what I want. Period."
"Yep. Awesome. Get out." He sat back down and unwrapped the rest of his sandwich, biting into it deeply and cringing as she slammed the door to his office hard.
He didn't have any choice but to talk with Elijah about the crazy bitch. She obviously wasn't going to relent, and knowing her well enough, she would soon strike back in a way that could damage his career or his crippled reputation even more. She needed to go, or at least be warned to leave him alone for good.
Simon worked to finish his sandwich quickly and got up, grabbing his keys and jogging through the center of the hospital to the parking lot. He would be late if he hit any traffic, which would suck. It almost seemed like any small thing would kick him back out of inching his way into Julie's life.
Getting into his Lexus, he pulled out of the parking lot and drove like a bat out of hell out to their house. He would never tell her, but he had spent several nights sitting outside of the house, hoping that he might get a glimpse of her.
He got out of the car and inhaled sharply. Charity's SUV was sitting in the driveway, which wasn't good at all. His relationship with Charity was completely destroyed now too, which was part of the deal, but damn if he didn't hate it.
He walked to the front door and lifted his hand to open the door, and then paused for a moment to try and still his heart. He could almost hear the blood rushing through his veins as he started to sweat. "Chill the fuck out. It's fine. Just be authentic and remind her that there is still good in you," he mumbled to himself, and then knocked instead, quick and hard before he lost his courage, and stepped back.
The door opened and Julie moved into the darkness of the house, her eyes filled with a foreign emotion. "Come in."
"Thanks for letting me come over." Simon walked in and breathed in deeply, loving the clean smell of their house. His eyes moved around the living room as he half expected Charity to jump out from the kitchen and attack him. "You by yourself?"
"Yeah. I told Charity I needed to pick up clothes. I'm staying with them for a while, which means that you can have the house for the next two days. Just make sure you pack up all your stuff while you're here. I don't want to come home to anything that's yours. If you're unsure if I want it or not, then make the call. Nothing here matters enough to fight over it."
Simon turned as she spoke and crossed his arms over his chest. Her words drilled into him like nails in a coffin. He simply nodded, not wanting to start the few minutes she was giving him with a fight. "Okay. Are you in any pain?" He moved toward her and slid his hands up her arms, grateful that she wasn't moving back or jerking away.
"I'm fine. Just shaken up by… everything." She moved forward, sliding her arms around his waist and pressing herself against him.
He let out a shaky breath and wrapped her in a tight hug before pressing his lips to the top of her head. "I thought I would never get to do this again." He hated how badly his voice shook, but emotions flooded the center of his chest and left him useless to protection of any sort.
"This is the last time, so enjoy it." Her voice was deadpan. Cold. Lifeless.
He moved back a little and slid his hands along her pretty face, forcing her to look up to him as tears blurred his gaze again. "I'm not giving up on us. I can’t, Jules. I love you more than I can express."
He leaned down and captured her mouth, pulling her against him and forcing her to open up to him. His tongue brushed past hers and she moaned softly, the sound of it sending a hot jolt of desire to the center of him.
Her fingers tightened on his back and he thought about picking her up and taking her to their bed. He couldn't get her to hear him, but maybe if she could feel him. Fuck. Her DNC.
She pulled back, pressing her hand against his chest. "You came and held me. Now go."
"No. Please. Let me just stay for a little while. I can do anything you need done on the house or just sit here and hold you while we watch a movie. Please..." He tried to pull her back, but she wouldn't have any of it.
"There’s a list of things for the house. It’s on the table in there." She wiped her lips and picked up a large duffel bag beside her. "Enjoy the house. Thanks for the hug."
"Julie. Fuck. Please don't leave me here." He reached for her and she swatted at him.
"You left me a long time ago. The next time you're in a relationship and things aren't working out, open your fucking mouth and tell someone. Maybe your next wife will have a chance to do something about whatever’s missing. Not me though. I'm just left with the feeling that I wasn't enough."
"You're more than enough. You're everything." He took a step toward her as desperation ripped up his insides. "I'll do anything, Julie. Please, baby. Anything. I can't do this without you."
"Bye, Simon." She tugged her bag over her shoulder and walked to the door. The soft sob that left her was almost too quiet to hear. The sound of it stayed with him for the rest of the night.
Chapter 7
Two Days Later
The two days at Charity's were healing in some ways and harmful in others. Watching their tight family unit left Julie wishing there were another answer for her and Simon. The thought of starting over with someone new left her feeling far too old and tired to deal with all that drama.
Charity dropped her off at the house and pulled her into a tight hug in the front seat before sitting back and giving her a sad smile. "This isn't going to be over anytime soon, but you're strong, Jules. Elijah and I stand behind you one hundred percent. If you need anything, anything at all..."
"I know. I appreciate you both. Love you." Julie forced a smile and got out of the car, toting her bags to the front door and steeling her resolve. Simon's stuff would be gone, which was a good and bad thing.
It would be the beginning of the healing process for her, but the idea of having to go at it alone – without him – was terrifying in some ways. Ten years of marriage down the drain. She paused at the front do
or and took a shaky breath. "You can do this. You were something special before Simon and you'll be something special after him." She pushed the door open and walked into the house as the smell of his cologne rushed in and wrapped around her.
She groaned and dropped her bags before pressing her back to the nearest wall and breathing in deeply again, greedy to coat her insides with the memory of him. The vision of him pleading a few days before rolled over her and she let out a soft cry. Seeing him in pain was almost too much, and whether he deserved it or not, she still hated it with a passion.
Opening her eyes slowly, she scanned the dining room and found his trophies from college still up on the piano, his degrees still on the wall. She walked through the house and realized quickly that nothing had changed. He hadn't taken anything with him.
"Why? It's your shit. You were supposed to take it. I don't want these reminders everywhere." She choked on the burning press of anger that rose up her chest and lodged itself in her throat. "What the hell?"
After walking through the bedrooms, the living room and the kitchen, she found the small white note he left stuck to the fridge.
Jules,
I'm sorry I didn't move my stuff out. I couldn't. I'm sorry.
I love you,
Simon
"What? It wasn't a request, but a demand." Her sadness burned into fiery hot anger. After all he had done to her and now he thought he had the right to deny her the one request that would help her move on?
She walked to the front door and dropped down, pulling out her cell phone and texting him to meet her at the small coffee shop down from the hospital in an hour. He responded with nothing more than 'K'.
"Okay? Okay? Oh hell no!" She dropped the phone and walked to her room and fury tore at her insides. "Did he spray his cologne all over the house?"
She breathed in deeply, loving the smell, and hating herself for it.
Trying to catch her breath, she sunk down on the edge of their bed and pressed her fingers to her face. There was no way she was crying another tear for him. He was the one that took their relationship and destroyed it in a moment of stupidity. She was done suffering for the loss of what could have been. He made his bed and he could lay in it.
