The One That Matters

by Elle Linder

  “After brunch, if possible?” she asked, sipping her coffee to hide her dishonesty. Vicky looked at her for a moment. Marie stiffened, wondering if she sensed her apprehension and lies. A “woman’s intuition” sort of thing. Either way, she didn’t want Vicky dialing into her or reading her mind. Her remorse regarding Parker was more than she could take and adding Vicky into the mix would break her.

  “That’s earlier than I was expecting. Vicky, does that give you enough time to prepare the rest of the food?”

  “Oh, please don’t rush on my behalf,” Marie interrupted. “Let’s plan for noon.” She faked a smile.

  “Well that’s better,” Parker said leaning into her. “Now I can have you longer.” A twinge in her stomach diverted her attention. She had missed her fluttery friends.

  Stay the course, Marie. It won’t be long now.

  Vicky set up the food on the veranda next to the pool. It had already become Marie’s favorite spot on the entire estate. The sweet memories of their first date and the passionate kisses they had shared made it special to her. Parker sat next to her, relaxed, as if they had spent a lifetime together, content and secure in each other. She loved the way he doted on her, but it also made pulling back complicated.

  “Did you sleep well?” he asked, touching the tips of her fingers. “Were you lonely at all? I was only a few yards away,” he teased.

  “The bed was like sleeping on a cloud…but, of course, I was lonely.” She paused. Stupid. She was flirting. “But it was too soon.”

  “Next time,” he said, sounding confident there’d be a next time. Parker kissed her palm as if he knew how much she loved when he did that. Her defenses weakened with each painful kiss—another burning reminder of what she was giving up.

  The screen door closed from the kitchen. Her eyes shot over to the patio. Brooke and Dave walked out holding hands, looking refreshed and satisfied.

  “Good morning.” Marie smiled. The biting realities of her decision replaced an ache for Parker’s lips on her hand.

  “It is a good morning.” Brooke grinned and yet, it was Marie who blushed. She shook her head, Brooke was never one to hide her feelings, good or bad.

  “Let’s go get mimosas.” Parker jerked his chin toward Dave. “I’ll be right back.” He kissed Marie on the cheek. The man simply could not get enough of her. It tortured her knowing she was giving him up.

  “Okay.” No sooner were the guys gone that Marie had huddled close to Brooke, startling her. “Listen to me,” she said, squeezing Brooke’s hand.

  “Ow, Marie!”

  “Sorry…” she whispered. “Just listen to me. Parker doesn’t know Jackson’s in Florida for the week, and I don’t want him to, okay?”

  “Why? What are you doing, Marie?”

  “I’ve asked him to have me home by noon. He thinks it’s so I’ll be home when Jackson returns.”

  Brooke’s face soured.

  “Don’t judge me. Just be my friend and keep your mouth shut.”

  “Marie, can’t you see he adores you? Don’t do this, babe. It’s Craig, isn’t it? He’s screwing with your head.” Brooke touched her hand. “Parker really likes you. Even Dave said so.”

  “I’ve thought about this. It’s for the best. Please, Brooke,” she begged. “Don’t say anything.”

  “Fine, but I don’t like this. I’ll have Dave drive me to get my car later. But I wish you’d reconsider.” The scene was familiar, and it was during times like this that Ann could ease her mind. She just had a way with her that neither Brooke nor Tessa had.

  “Here you go, babe. Did I interrupt your girl-talk?” Dave handed Brooke a glass.

  “Something like that.” Brooke smiled. “Thank you.”

  Parker handed Marie a glass and sat down beside her. “I’d like to make a toast,” he said as he put his arm around her. Everybody raised their glasses at once. “To new beginnings and good friends.”

  Marie clinked her glass to his, immobilized by the weight of his words, new beginnings. Parker kissed her lips softly after the crystal champagne glass left them.

  Thank you for a taste of your magical life. I’ll never forget you.

  Chapter 11

  Letting Go

  The buzzing of Marie’s phone woke her. Eight o’clock! She popped up and answered Ann’s call. “Hello.”

  “Did I wake you? Good. Now tell me what the hell you’re doing?”

  “I guess you’ve spoken to Brooke?” Marie yawned. “It’s my life. Just leave me alone.”

  “Leave you alone? So you can fuck up your life? No, thank you. What do I look like, an idiot? If I let you do that, I’ll have no life of my own because I’ll be wiping your tears and your ass.”

  “I see the bossy bitch is back. Great,” Marie shot back. “I gotta go.” Marie ended the call and pulled the covers over her head. Happy Fourth of July.

  Marie milled about her bland, boring townhouse. Everywhere she looked she saw Jackson; on the stairs putting his shoes on, at the breakfast table eating his cereal, and sprawled out on the sofa. She wandered into the living room and turned on the TV, as if he was home. An episode of Pierce appeared along with the man who had her stirred up inside. The gravity of her decision on the screen looked at her, talked to her…but his lips and hands she’d never feel again. She turned off the TV and left the room.

  Nothing appealed to her—not food, not music, and not people. Sliding open the glass door she inhaled the warm California air. The patio table where Parker had told stories and touched her knee sat deprived of entertainment and flirty looks. The patio had always been a place of peace and comfort when she was alone. It took her away from her problems. It was an escape…her hideaway. A knock at the door broke her trance. She tiptoed to the door and peered in the peephole. Seth. She cracked the door open.

  “Hey there, neighbor,” he greeted, a plastic bowl cradled in the crook of his arm and a Whole Foods canvas bag hung from the other.

  “Um, it isn’t a good time.”

  “Is he here?”

  “No, I…”

  “Then it’s a perfect time.” Seth pushed the door open. Floored by his bad manners, Marie followed. She didn’t care much for his cheeky bluntness, and neither would her abuelita. That was the thing with Latinos, respect and manners prevailed above all else…after loyalty.

  “What are you doing here?” she huffed loudly with her hands on her hips. She didn’t need this right now.

  He smiled at her annoyance. “Well, I have this recurring problem… Since the divorce, I cook too much damn food every time I’m in the kitchen. And today, I could feed a small army.” He laughed.

  Marie didn’t see the humor, still fixated on the fact that he barged into her home.

  “Look, I remembered your kids weren’t going to be around. I wanted to see how you were.” When Seth wasn’t trying so hard to be funny, Marie actually liked him better. “So tell me, how are you?”

  She sighed, putting the containers of potato salad and baked beans in the refrigerator and leaving the bags of chips on the counter. “Thank you for this.” She forced a smile. There wasn’t a rude or disrespectful bone in her body. And like now, Marie was poised despite her woeful mood. It was second nature to put others above herself, and Seth had been kind; this was just another self-sacrificing moment for her. It didn’t matter if she missed her kids or Parker, she had a guest in her house, and she would be a gracious hostess.

  Marie motioned to the patio with a subtle jerk of her chin, and he followed. They each took a seat at the patio table, and she talked. It was easy to talk to Seth about her problems because he’d been there, done that. So she let her guard down about her insecurities and about Craig. Marie told him the awful things Craig said to her when he picked up Jackson and her cheeks blushed with embarrassment.

  “Marie, you’re a beautiful woman. Any man who rejects you is a fool, like your ex. From where I sit, I assure you, you don’t have to worry about your body.” He took her hand, and she flinche
d but didn’t pull back. She didn’t notice the same intense desire coursing through her body that she had when Parker held her hand. But it also wasn’t off-putting. Still, warning bells blared. Then confusion about what she wanted.

  “Seth, I appreciate you stopping over and lending me your ear, but I’d really like to be alone. I have a lot to sort out in my head.” She stood, and so did he. He followed her to the front door. When she turned around the pain she fought to mask won the battle. Any second, she’d break down.

  “Marie, I’m not comfortable leaving you like this. You haven’t mentioned the guy you’re seeing. Why isn’t he here with you?”

  She looked away.

  “He should be here supporting you through this if he cares about you.”

  “I don’t want to bring him into my messy life. He deserves better.” A glossy sheen of heartache covered her eyes. The strength she tried to project had weakened during their talk on the patio. To open herself up and talk about personal matters with anyone, let alone Seth, sent an internal earthquake through her body. All her courage caved into the pit of her stomach. Her heart raced. Each breath she took became more labored, Marie bent over while gripping her stomach.

  “Just let it go. I’m here,” Seth said, as he cupped her face. It unnerved her as she struggled through each gasping breath. She wanted him gone so she could fall apart. Despite her feelings, she couldn’t move away as he stroked her cheek.

  “Your life won’t always be messy. It will get better. Your guy should decide if he wants to be in your life.” He gripped her nape, giving it a gentle massage. In her neediness, she allowed herself to relax and take comfort in his hands. “I understand your fears. I’ve had them too. It’s why I try to avoid women who haven’t been married. They wouldn’t understand the complexities of my ex or my kids, or the divorce.”

  She saw regret and compassion in his eyes for what she was dealing with.

  “Marie, any man would be lucky to be with you.”

  His hands moved to her waist, pulling her to him. A shocked blink later, he was kissing her tenderly. Marie felt the firmness of his chest against her…the strength of his muscular arms around her, holding her defenseless body. The warmth of his kiss ignited a fiery passion that jolted her, and in the next beat of her heart, she melted into the large hand that cupped her ass. To have a man touch her, want her… She let go of her inhibitions. The possibility of Seth overtook her. Could she find comfort with him and his understanding? Maybe. Only one way to find out.

  The tension in her arms relaxed, allowing her hands to venture over his hard biceps up to his neck. Gripped in the moment, she pulled his head to her. And she slipped her tongue into his mouth in a desperate need for affection, and Seth groaned against her mouth. Just hearing him thrilled her. A newfound satisfaction overcame her knowing she turned him on and it empowered her.

  Seth pushed her against the door and kissed down her neck nibble by nibble with hot desire. Hungry for more, he lifted her leg up, and she followed, wrapping it around his thigh. She gasped, shocked by his arousal against her pelvis. His firm, elongated bulge intensified her kisses, her wanting, needing, and yearning for Parker. No, she made her choice and was confident it was the right choice. She dismissed his beautiful face, his name, and her need for him. Parker was too good for her, and she needed to let him go. Seth was like her. Average. Divorced. Normal. Parker deserved better.

  Seth’s hands moved under her shirt, stimulating her breasts—a thumb on each nipple. It didn’t take much for her mindless moans to echo in her entryway. They were just the encouragement Seth needed to move a hand down over her flat stomach to her soft mound. As if stoking a fire, her moans grew louder as he lingered in place before continuing down.

  “Oh… My!” Marie’s body trembled like a rickety roller coaster. The only hands to delve between her legs in the last several years were her own. A rage of desperate desire took over her kisses, turning them frantic and wild…and desperate to forget Parker.

  In one deft move Seth lifted her up, sending her legs around his waist as he carried her upstairs while she kissed him vigorously. She wasn’t thinking. She wasn’t talking sense to herself. The battle of confusion going on inside her didn’t matter when her desperate need to be wanted took over. All she desired was to be worthy of a man—any man. It was impetuous, but she had needs and didn’t want to be alone forever. And she would not live in a fantasy like Craig had said she would. Seth was real. Strong. Attractive. Real.

  He laid her on the bed, then pulled off his shirt. The sight of his massive chest and arms excited her. But the sound of him unzipping his shorts made her tingle. As they dropped to the floor a gush between her legs rocked her and she held her breath. Beneath his boxers, a huge bulge reached out for her. She flinched at the sight of him.

  “Are you okay? Do you want to stop?” he asked. However, Seth stood straight, unconcerned by his intimidating escapee. Marie didn’t think, consumed by her pleas to forget. She shook her head no. That was enough for him to unleash his hungry kisses on her.

  It was as if time stopped. First her shirt came off, tossed to the floor. Next, he freed her breasts, taking one in his mouth. The slickness of his tongue made her squirm on the bed in heated passion. In the next breath, her shorts and panties magically joined her shirt, the event of their removal had gone unnoticed.

  She felt the intensity of his eyes staring at her body. “You are perfect.”

  The word lingered in her head, as he kissed her again, but she wasn’t responding with the same energy as before.

  “Marie, are you okay?”

  A casual nod was all she could produce as she stared up at her white popcorn ceiling. Parker’s face appeared while Seth groped and suckled in ways she had craved, if only Parker’s face would disappear, then she might enjoy the attention Seth freely supplied.

  Everything happened so fast. Foggy with confusion, Marie blinked to erase the face of the man who had stolen her heart. A cloud of clarity brushed the fog aside as she refocused. Did Seth say she was perfect? Was he lying? If he found her attractive, desirable and wanted to have sex with her, wouldn’t Parker also? Not possible. Parker deserved better than being burdened with her mess. And she would only disappoint him in bed. “Aaahh…” A pleasing release swept through her when Seth’s fingers filled her. The surprise jolted her out of her reverie. Her nails bore into his shoulders at the friction of his fingers, in and out with ease from her slick insides.

  “You feel amazing…so fucking wet,” he groaned against her neck, then sucked on her skin while stimulating her with his fingers. The dual action overwhelmed her, but she also welcomed it. “Oh yeah, damn, you’re amazing. So fucking amazing,” he mumbled, licking her neck.

  What was she doing? What was she doing??? Her panting increased with her arousal. Was she having sex with Seth…? She was doing something, all right. Something she’d never done before, but it was Parker she saw…that she wanted… Parker. On the brink of her climax, the weighted rue of Seth fingering her unleashed a panic within her.

  “Seth, stop,” she cried out gasping. “I’m sorry, I can’t.”

  He abruptly pulled back, leaving her body. He stared at her, concerned

  “Not like this.” She covered herself with her comforter. “Sorry. I lost my mind for a second. I was…”

  “Trying to forget him?” He looked at her, disappointed. “I understand. Don’t forget what it’s like with me. When you’re lonely, or sad and hurting, or just wanting, call me. I’ll help you move forward.” He kissed her forehead.

  “I’m sorry.” She grimaced, watching him put his clothes on. He tossed her clothes on the bed, and she dressed quickly beneath the covers. They walked downstairs, and it was more than a little awkward, but she needed to walk him out. Seth turned to face her at the door, and she hoped like hell he didn’t try his luck at round two.

  “You’re amazing. Don’t believe what Craig says. He’s lying.” He stroked her cheek and kissed her again, and
she stiffened. “Now, figure out your heart. Don’t fear disappointing anyone. I assure you, you won’t.” Seth walked out of the townhouse, and Marie pushed the door closed, locking the deadbolt. She crumpled to the floor, curling into a tight ball, as her sobs filled the empty foyer.

  After Marie had let it all go, she grabbed a bottle of wine and headed out to the patio to drink away her pain. A smutty romance novel on the small mosaic table taunted her. Any other day, she’d take pleasure in reading about what she lacked, but now she glared down at it. “Life isn’t a freaking romance novel,” she growled under her breath. With her glass of wine in hand, she curled up on the chaise beneath the bright haze that appeared daily at noon.

  By four o’clock Ann had called twice and messaged half a dozen times. Parker had called and left her a message. Tessa stopped by, but Marie ignored the knocking out on the patio. The locked front door prevented anyone from just walking in. She had also turned off the volume on her phone so that she wouldn’t hear the calls. All she wanted was to be alone.

  Marie’s behavior wouldn’t be a cause of worry for Ann and the girls. It was typical Marie, but it pissed Ann off just the same. Since grade school, Marie had always shut down to cope. Nobody could ignore people better than her. She could be a shell that passed through life with not a care in the world. Weeks would dissipate into thin air. She talked to no one, not even Ann. After a while, she would be over it like nothing had happened. Ann always believed it was Marie’s ability to shut down and ignore her surroundings that carried her through the seventeen years of marriage with Craig.

  First and foremost, the girls worried she’d shut Parker out to avoid falling in love with him. They knew that fear drove her actions—the fear of being hurt. And they were right. Marie plummeted into self-protection mode, and she needed to snap out of it fast before she turned her emotions off.

  The pop and crackle of fireworks sounded off in the distance among the haze of clouds and city lights. Jackson… Marie thought, cleaning up her mess and headed inside. Her gait was staggered, courtesy of the bottle of wine and three tequila sunrises she had consumed on an empty stomach. In her drunken state, Marie glared at the romance novel on the table beside the chaise. “Romance sucks,” she spat.