The Rom-Com Collection: The Plus One, Something for the Weekend, A Marriage of Connivance

by Natasha West

  Chloe smiled at Jess’s nostalgia, feeling her own mind pulled to that first day.

  ‘Well, I loved you in your tracksuit. You looked so athletic. I felt like you could throw me over your shoulder and run off with me.’

  ‘That’s a weird fantasy but I’ll take the compliment’ Jess said with a grin. She checked her watch. ‘Babe, we seriously need to go. The train leaves in forty minutes.’

  ‘Alright, but I want to say again, I’m so not up for this.’

  ‘You should get down on your knees and thank the gods that the conference exists. If it weren’t for that, you wouldn’t have landed my fine arse.’

  ‘True. Thank you, conference, for the very fine derriere of my girlfriend’ Chloe said with a quick but appreciative look at the afore mentioned bottom. ‘Alright, let’s go. But if the hotel is a dump, I’m checking us into somewhere fancy. To hell with the cost.’

  ‘I don’t care where we are. As long as I’ve got you and a bed, I’ll be happy as a pig in…. you-know-what’ Jess said quickly. She’d learn that references to shit tended to break a romantic moment.

  Jess and Chloe picked up their weekend bags and headed for the front door of their flat, a different one to the one Jess used to have. When Chloe had landed a job at a comprehensive school in Salford a few months ago, as head of the English department, it had felt right to them both that the new start should include a new place.

  ‘Oh, wait, I forgot my toothbrush!’ Jess yelled suddenly.

  ‘Amazing. You’re rushing me out of the door and you’re not even ready’ Chloe said with affectionate irritation.

  ‘Pineapple!’ Jess cried and ran into the bathroom, grabbing her toothbrush. But before she left the room, she slipped her hand into her pocket, pulling out a contact lens case and putting it into the bathroom cabinet, a secret smile on her lips.

  Things had changed in Jess’s and Chloe’s lives and they were both the happier for it. But not everything needed to be different, Jess thought.

  Some things were too good to let go of.

  A Marriage of Connivance

  By

  Natasha West

  Copyright © 2016 by Natasha West

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  Chapter One

  Ellie Hopkins came out of the supermarket, up to her eyeballs in shopping bags, scared to death that she might have forgotten something. The list her girlfriend, Zoe Cook, had given her had been horrendously long. Ellie had barely recognised half the items she’d been sent for. Where on earth did Zoe think she was going to buy a full duck from, anyway? She’d just have to be happy with chicken, Ellie told herself.

  But when she imagined telling Zoe she’d missed something out, she felt a little twitch in her eyelid. She blinked it away and continued her journey, stopping at the traffic lights. Maybe she could google butchers’ shops? Did they even exist anymore? There had to be somewhere to get it, she prayed.

  Laden down, Ellie managed to use her elbow to hit the button on the lights and waited for the green man to appear. After an interminable delay, it finally illuminated. She stepped off the pavement, but before she could get two steps, some boy racer who’d decided it was practically still amber whizzed past her. He was close enough to lift her floral dress with the gust of wind created by the speeding vehicle. In fact, he was close enough that she felt the wing mirror car brush her cardigan.

  Most people would have cursed the idiot that had risked lives to save thirty seconds on their journey. But as Ellie dived back onto the pavement, dropping her shopping bags everywhere, she called out ‘Sorry!’ to the car.

  The boy racer didn’t hear her. He was long gone.

  Ellie felt a little shaken from the incident. She picked up the shopping bags, hit the button for the lights again and waited for another chance to cross the road, hoping no one had seen her embarrassing incident.

  Her thoughts soon turned back to the duck.

  A few hundred yards away, Jordan Payne was being dragged from the park by a Shih Tzu named Doris who was under the impression that she was the size and fearsomeness of a Rottweiler. She’d spotted a Greyhound on its way into the park and she was desperate to go over and start a tussle with him. Jordan was worried the dog was going to get herself eaten if she didn’t learn to accept her tiny stature.

  Doris got within a few yards of the Greyhound, who immediately began to snarl at her. The Greyhound didn’t like small dogs. He could remember when it was his job to chase a tiny furry creature around a track and Doris didn’t look dissimilar from the robotic hare.

  Jordan liked to think of herself as a friend to the dogs she walked for a living. Until she needed to keep them safe. Then she’d whip out her ‘Authority’ voice.

  ‘Doris’ Jordan commanded. ‘Heel!’

  Doris immediately slipped back next to Jordan’s feet. She liked Jordan. But she also knew not to mess with her when she heard that tone.

  But the Greyhound’s owner, a middle aged paunchy guy with a comb-over, was not too happy that Doris was trying to start something with his dog.

  ‘You should be more careful’ he admonished Jordan. ‘If she gets herself bitten, it’ll be your fault.’

  Jordan was not a fan of being told what to do, especially by types like him. He was the kind of man who would look at a skinny woman in her late twenties such as herself, dressed in ripped skinny jeans and a leather jacket, and think he had some kind of authority over her. Jordan happened to disagree.

  ‘And you should probably just admit to yourself that you’re bald’ Jordan replied as she pulled Doris in the opposite direction.

  The Greyhound’s owner was left gobsmacked by the burn. He touched his hair self-consciously and then pulled his dog into the park.

  Later that evening, Ellie was staring at a table.

  The candles were lit. The ‘good’ dinner service was laid out. The napkins were folded into overly elaborate shapes. Ellie looked at the beautiful table arrangement and thought only one thing. ‘Why doesn’t Zoe ever do this for me?’

  The table was set in Zoe and Ellie’s large, minimalist apartment (painted in white, off- white, eggshell and ivory) for their soon-to-arrive guests. Zoe was currently in the kitchen, no doubt swearing at a soufflé. Which was only the starter.

  Ellie wasn’t really up for this evening. She knew full well it was going to be hellishly awkward. They were hosting Zoe’s oldest and best friend Caitlin and her partner, Jordan. Ellie wasn’t sure which one of the women she feared the most. Cute little Caitlin, with her pixie cut and her big brown eyes, and a tendency to dress like she was in a French movie from the sixties, was bad enough. She’d no doubt be chatting with Zoe all evening over their shared history, which did not include Ellie. And Ellie would feel invisible, which wasn’t great.

  But then there was Jordan.

  The thing that Ellie found the most unnerving about Jordan, was that she seemed completely out of shits to give on just about everything. Ellie, whose whole ethos could just about be summed up by the phrase ‘manners cost nothing’ was utterly thrown by the woman. Jordan had very little concern for propriety and not much more mindfulness of other people’s feelings.

  Ellie never knew what she might say next. It was like standing on the edge of a conversational cliff, waiting to see if Jordan was going to throw them all off every time they did this. And they did this once a month, every month. It was murder on Ellie’s nerves. Bu
t Zoe insisted they keep it up.

  Ellie couldn’t understand it. If Zoe wanted to spend time with her friend, why make it this dreadful foursome every time? Couldn’t she just see Caitlin on her own? Ellie would have had absolutely no objections to Zoe having time away from her, it wasn’t anything like that. But Zoe kept it going anyway.

  Ellie could never tell Zoe that she hated it. She didn’t want her to think she was a curmudgeon. Instead, she’d tried to be subtle.

  ‘Hey, maybe we could skip dinner tomorrow? I’m kind of tired from the week and Great British Bake Off’s on. It’s bread week-’

  ‘Record it. It’s too late to cancel now.’

  There was something in Zoe’s tone that Ellie couldn’t quite bring herself to argue with. And what was the point? It would only make things unpleasant. Ellie liked to keep things on an even keel. Life was just easier that way. What was that saying? ‘Happy wife, happy life?’ Ellie thought it wasn’t a bad rule to live by. She liked to go with the flow, even if she didn’t always particularly enjoy where that flow took her.

  In the basement car park of Ellie and Zoe’s somewhat swanky apartment building, Jordan was watching her girlfriend, Caitlin Day, sliding her Ford Ka into an extremely tight spot. It was a spot that anyone else might have sweated but Caitlin was a relaxed driver. She took her time, manoeuvring until it felt right and then boom, she’d be in before you knew it.

  Jordan admired Caitlin’s easiness. As well as giving her great parking skills, it also made it fun to be around her. Unless you pissed her off. Then she was a tiny Vesuvius. But mostly, she had a pretty casual attitude to life. And that was good. Because the rest of the world tended to piss Jordan off. She needed someone who could be patient with her about the trouble her mouth tended to get her into.

  As Caitlin unclipped her seatbelt, Jordan’s mind began to drift to the evening before them. She was on the same page as Ellie, albeit unknowingly. She hated the monthly charade.

  For a start, Zoe was insufferable. She was the manager of a bank and she seemed to think that put her above everyone. With her power suits, her strong opinions on wine and her inability to appreciate any music other than classical, it was all so affected. Jordan had a theory that when Zoe was alone, it was all Justin Bieber and White Lightening cider. The thought amused Jordan no end. But it was all the amusement she’d ever get out of highly strung Zoe.

  And as for Ellie, well, there wasn’t a lot to think about. She might as well have had the words ‘Welcome’ embossed on her forehead. Jordan thought that was probably the main appeal she held for that awful control freak Zoe.

  ‘Hey’ Caitlin said, derailing Jordan’s train of thought. ‘You’re not gonna be… I mean, you’re up for tonight, aren’t you?’ she asked pointedly.

  Jordan inhaled deeply. Caitlin was a lot of wonderful things. She was fun, spontaneous and a tiger in the sack. That list did not include subtle.

  ‘Are you asking me to play nice with the other kids?’ Jordan asked dryly.

  ‘In a word, yes. That thing you said last time about money, it’s alright to say stuff like that to me but I really don’t think Zoe appreciated it.’

  It took Jordan a second to figure out what the hell Caitlin might be referring to.

  ‘Do you mean when I said that money is a social construct?’

  ‘I think your exact words were ‘Once the hacktivists wipe out all the financial records, we’ll see how much protection numbers on a screen affords the one percenters when the poor are hunting them for food and sport.’

  Jordan’s mouth turned up ever so slightly at the corners.

  ‘I can’t see what’s wrong with that’ she said with a shrug.

  Caitlin had to smile.

  ‘And that’s why I love you.’

  Jordan wasn’t having it.

  ‘That’s why you’re asking me to modify myself, actually.’

  ‘Don’t try and make me look like the arsehole here. You said that because you knew it would get under Zoe’s skin. She’s a bank manager, for god’s sakes! Her whole job is numbers on a screen. I’m just asking you to take it easy on her.’

  Jordan sighed, beaten. She would try to rein herself in for Caitlin, if it would make her happy.

  ‘Fine, I take your point. Let’s just get this over with.’

  ‘That’s the spirit’ Caitlin said with a sarcastic thumbs up.

  Jordan’s return gesture was to flip her an only somewhat affectionate bird as they got out of the car.

  The flat’s bell went and Zoe immediately walked out of the kitchen to buzz Caitlin in. As she waited for the guests to take the elevator up, she analysed herself in the full length mirror in the hall. She checked her hair and make-up, hoping her caramel skin didn’t look too tired from another sixty-hour work week. But she thought she still had plenty of mileage left in her thirty-four-year-old face. People never thought she was any older than twenty-seven-year-old Ellie, or so they claimed.

  Zoe patted her short black bob and began to feel ready.

  Ellie watched Zoe’s routine. She did it every time they had this dinner. It was as though Ellie weren’t even in the room, watching her. It was shameless.

  A light knock finally broke Zoe’s mirror time. Ellie stood back tentatively as Zoe opened the door. Caitlin practically ran in and straight into Zoe’s waiting arms.

  Ellie and Jordan watched the hug, both thinking it was a bit much. Anybody would think they hadn’t seen each other in years.

  Ellie and Jordan’s eyes flicked to one another and then quickly away. They’d both seen the truth in each other’s eyes. They were mildly uncomfortable with the affection between their girlfriends.

  Eventually, the hug broke and tall Zoe called a ‘Hi’ over Caitlin’s head to Jordan. Jordan merely nodded back. Zoe seemed not to care that she’d clearly been given a mild snubbing.

  ‘We’re having duck confit tonight; I hope that suits everybody’ Zoe announced.

  ‘God, Zoe! I hope you didn’t go to too much trouble. It’s only us, after all’ Caitlin said, delighted.

  ‘No trouble at all.’

  Ellie had to suppress the urge to snort with laughter. The word ‘trouble’ didn’t begin to cover it. But that was Zoe. It wasn’t enough for her to do things well. She had to make it look effortless to boot. Only Ellie had any real idea how much work went into being Zoe. Sometimes it tired her out just to watch her.

  ‘Ellie, would you do drinks while I check on the food?’ Zoe asked.

  Ellie nodded and took orders. Caitlin asked for white wine. Jordan went for a beer. After everyone had a drink in their hand and had taken a polite sip, Ellie suddenly realised she was alone with the guests. She had better do the chit-chat thing.

  First thing was first, work enquiries. She’d do Jordan first, being that her job was so extraordinarily strange. For Jordan, who was practically a shard of ice in human form, had an oddly caring job.

  ‘How are the pooches, Jordan? Giving you much trouble?’

  Jordan shrugged and said ‘They can’t talk, so their company suits me. It’s people who’re the problem.’

  Ellie struggled to think of a response.

  Jordan felt a twinge of guilt. She’d as good as said she hated talking to humans, in a conversation with one of those humans. Maybe she needed to dial it back a bit, she thought. Ellie wasn’t offensive to her, just a little spineless.

  Ellie, thoroughly stumped by Jordan’s little diatribe, turned to Caitlin.

  ‘Caitlin’ Ellie began. ‘How’s it going with the…’ Ellie froze. What was Caitlin doing for work now? It wasn’t the life modelling anymore; Ellie was pretty sure of that. And she hadn’t sold vacuums over the phone since last year. Was she still at the cardboard box factory?

  Caitlin didn’t realise that Ellie was stuck. But Jordan, a lot more observant than her girlfriend, understood perfectly. There was something genuinely sad in Ellie’s large hazel eyes as she grappled wildly for the missing piece of information. It made her think of a
particular yellow Labrador that she walked, Dougie. Jordan, a sucker for a wretched animal, felt a rush of pity.

  Ellie was about point five of a second away from a faux pas when she spotted Jordan suddenly tap the ring on her beer hand with her fingernail. It was just one quick, small clink and Jordan didn’t even look at Ellie as she did it. But Ellie understood instantly.

  ‘…The jewellery?’ Ellie asked somewhat desperately, suddenly frightened she’d misinterpreted the clink.

  ‘Oh!’ Caitlin cried, delighted. ‘It’s going great. Well, actually, maybe not great, but I think it’s going to take off soon. I’ve had a lot of early interest.’