The Rom-Com Collection: The Plus One, Something for the Weekend, A Marriage of Connivance

by Natasha West

  She promised herself she was going to be subtle about it. She wasn’t going to declare her love. She would start by saying that she liked what had happened so far, that she liked Jordan in fact, and would she like to go on a date? And a real one this time. No family restaurant, no overly chirpy women in rainbow suspenders. A straight up, honest to god date.

  She could only hope that Jordan wanted that too. But if last night was anything to go by, it seemed at least possible. Ellie had never felt someone be quite so present with her as Jordan had been. She viewed that with cautious optimism.

  But when Jordan slammed into the flat, her face as dark as thunder, Ellie wondered if she’d misread this whole thing.

  ‘OK, Zoe’s at work now, yeah? So if we get a move on, we can catch her on the way back’ Jordan said in place of a greeting.

  ‘What, now?’ Ellie asked, unnerved. She’d barely given the plan any thought today. She hadn’t been able to think of anything but what she’d say to Jordan.

  But Jordan had clearly not had that problem.

  ‘Yeah. I’ve been thinking about it and I think the quicker we do Stage Three, the more effective it’ll be.’

  Jordan and Ellie were waiting around the corner from Zoe’s bank, standing outside a jewellery shop. They’d gotten lucky with the location. They’d scouted it out a little while back and found that fate had smiled on them, because the jewellers fell somewhere on Zoe’s route from the bank to the car park where Zoe stored her Merc.

  ‘Are you ready?’ Jordan asked.

  ‘Probably’ Ellie replied.

  ‘Probably?’ Jordan asked sharply.

  ‘Yes’ Ellie replied, just as sharply. ‘Probably.’

  Something was up with Ellie. But Jordan didn’t have time to get into it. They needed to be ready for Zoe. Whatever had crawled up Ellie’s arse would have to wait. They had Stage Three to complete. Jordan would pour her energies into that. Nothing else.

  ‘You know what you’re supposed to say, right?’

  ‘Yes, Jordan. I know the script’ Ellie said, bitterly.

  ‘That’s all I’m asking’ Jordan said.

  After that, they waited in silence.

  And then Ellie heard a familiar sound. It was Zoe’s footfall, sturdy and deliberate. Ellie knew that gait well. It was like an angry horse coming at you.

  Ellie glanced up the road and saw Zoe turn the corner. But she hadn’t spotted them yet.

  ‘Jordan!’ she whispered urgently.

  Jordan flicked a glance in the direction of Zoe, picking her out quickly. ‘Showtime’ she muttered. She slipped her hand into Ellie’s. Ellie received the hand, trying not to feel a pang of excitement at the physical contact. She was angry with Jordan, who was behaving like last night had never happened. She shouldn’t enjoy the touch, should she?

  It was a lot of emotion to feel from a simple hand grab.

  They began to walk forward. But not too quickly. They had to stay within a certain range. They watched Zoe approaching, but she was yet to see them. Jordan gave a sharp cough.

  Zoe looked up at last to see Ellie and Jordan walking right toward her. She nearly tripped on the pavement.

  Ellie made eye contact with Zoe. It was the first time she’d seen her since those few weeks ago in the bedroom, when she’d explained to her why she’d always been second best. Ellie had been dreading this moment. It had been one thing to scheme from the shadows, to watch Zoe’s downfall from a distance. But that was over now. She was going to have to look Zoe in the eye while she fucked with her life. Ellie didn’t know if she could do it.

  But as their eyes met, she was surprised to find that she felt no fear at all. Zoe wasn’t the scary monster she’d been in Ellie’s mind, growing larger by the day. The gorgon that had chewed her up and spat her out was gone. She was just a person.

  Zoe, however, was not feeling quite as positive about the eye contact she’d just made with her too-recent ex. How did you play something like this? Ellie had seen her. Zoe would have to acknowledge her. She was a little confused though. What was she doing with Jordan? They’d never been real friends. They were barely acquaintances.

  And then, as she drew level with them, she saw that they were holding hands.

  ‘Hi!’ Zoe almost screamed at them.

  Ellie smiled as though she’d seen an old friend.

  ‘Hi Zoe, how’s it going?’ Ellie said.

  Zoe had been bracing herself for something else, an awkward scene of some sort. So who was this happy-go-lucky person in front of her? It wasn’t that Zoe wanted her to be an inconsolable mess. But why wasn’t she?

  ‘I’m… fine’ Zoe stuttered.

  ‘Great’ Ellie replied.

  Zoe looked from the happy expression of Ellie to the serene face of a thus far silent Jordan and back to Ellie.

  ‘So…’ Zoe began, not sure where she was going but needing to know what the hell was going on. ‘What are you guys up to?’

  ‘Oh’ Ellie said with a light little laugh, ‘I guess you must be wondering what we’re doing together?’

  Zoe’s first instinct was to scream ‘Yes! What the fuck is all this?!’ But instead, she settled on a casual ‘Kind of, yeah.’

  At that point, Jordan finally spoke.

  ‘It’s a funny story, actually…’

  Ellie and Jordan looked at each other and giggled conspiratorially.

  ‘Yes?’ Zoe enquired shrilly. She was beginning to feel like she was losing her mind.

  Ellie and Jordan noted the slight note of hysteria in her question with satisfaction.

  ‘Well’ Ellie began. ‘I needed a place to live…’

  ‘…And I had a spare room. Caitlin’s craft room was empty. Well, I’m sure I don’t need to explain all that to you’ Jordan said, seemingly tickled.

  ‘So, I moved in!’ Ellie said, picking up where Jordan left off. ‘And then, well…’

  Jordan and Ellie looked at each other and there was a little coy smile shared. Then suddenly, Ellie put her left hand up to show Zoe her digits and excitedly blurted ‘And now we’re engaged!’

  Zoe blinked twice at the beautiful diamond engagement ring on Ellie’s hand.

  ‘Sorry, what?!’ she uttered. She was beginning to feel a little light headed.

  Jordan broke in at this point to say ‘We know it’s a bit fast, but when it’s right, you just know. You get that, I’m sure. And then it’s like ‘Why wait?’

  ‘Right. Yeah’ Zoe said, wondering when the world had decided to turn itself upside down.

  It was now Ellie’s turn to speak. She knew what she was supposed to say. It was meant to go something like ‘I know things didn’t end very well with you and me but I want you to know that I hope you and Caitlin are very happy together. Because we are.’

  But when she opened her mouth, that wasn’t what came out.

  ‘Zoe, I know it wasn’t right with you and me. You weren’t happy. And I didn’t know it then, but neither was I. So, in a way, I’m glad this happened. Because it gave me a chance to really get to know Jordan. And that probably wouldn’t have happened without you. So I guess I owe you some thanks. Because she’s amazing’ Ellie finished, looking to Jordan. She felt her heart racing. Should she have said that? Probably not. But she couldn’t help it.

  She’d been trying to tell a lie. Somehow, the deepest truth had come out instead.

  Jordan looked back at her, feeling her own heart beating at a fair clip. She was supposed to say something about Caitlin now. And she’d had her cue. But she couldn’t remember what they’d agreed on. Ellie’s words had broken her train of thought. They’d sounded almost genuine.

  Jordan had to remind herself not to be touched by them. They were just for Zoe.

  After a few seconds of silence, Ellie gave Jordan a little hand squeeze and her memorisation kicked in at last.

  ‘And would you give my best wishes to Caitlin? Tell her…’ and here Jordan broke off, as though searching for the right words, words deeply felt. ‘Tell her
that I hope she can be happy now and that I understand why she said no to me. Why she could never settle for anything. She was looking for something better than we had. I hope she’s found it now.’

  Zoe might have been touched by Jordan’s remarkably and uncharacteristically sweet words if she weren’t so completely fucking baffled by them.

  ‘Well, we better get going. We need to get to the registry office to collect the license and they’re shutting soon’ Ellie said.

  And with that, Jordan and Ellie dashed away.

  Zoe was left standing stock still in the busy city, feeling like she’d just been hit by a bus. What was that that Jordan had said? Something about saying no? And not settling for anything? What had it all meant?

  It didn’t take her too long to put it all together. Jordan had obviously asked Caitlin to marry her. But Caitlin had said no. And surely that had been because she was saving herself for Zoe. That had to be why.

  Because they were perfect for each other. They always had been. Not like Jordan and Ellie, who were clearly just on some desperate rebound thing. Who the hell did they think they were fooling? How could they possibly have fallen in love in the matter of weeks it had been since they’d done this apparent partner swap?

  But then again, Ellie had this new look about her. What was it?

  She’d looked happy.

  In fact, she’d looked happier than Zoe thought she’d ever seen her. Glowingly, annoyingly happy. It stung Zoe a little. She was supposed to be the one in all consuming love right now. Not those two. Why did they seem happier together than she and Caitlin currently were?

  Jordan was a mean spirited bitch. She always had been. Zoe had never understood what Caitlin had seen in her. So how on earth had she managed to transform Ellie into this creature of light, floating around the city, waving her engagement ring, picking up wedding licenses?

  It wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair.

  And then inspiration struck. Was it possible that Ellie and Jordan had just given her the solution to all her problems?

  Zoe began to walk on toward the car park, thinking about the crazy idea she’d just had. And then she glanced to her left and what did she see? A jeweller’s shop. It felt like divine intervention. Fate was speaking to her directly, telling her that the brainwave she’d just had was absolutely, positively, definitely the solution to hers and Caitlin’s teething troubles.

  She knew what she had to do.

  Down the road, Ellie and Jordan were peaking around the corner of a baker’s shop from an alley. They’d jumped in there the second they were certain that Zoe wasn’t looking. And they’d been watching her ever since.

  It had been tough to know from the back of Zoe’s head precisely what was running through it. But the fact that she’d been rooted to the spot for a good minute told them a little of the state of her mind. She was obviously in some shock from that cold bucket of water they’d just dumped on her head. But would she take the bait they’d laid out for her?

  She’d almost walked past the jeweller’s shop and they’d held their collective breath. But then she’d swerved into the shop at the last possible moment and into the spider’s web that was waiting for her.

  Jordan turned to Ellie, a smile on her lips, muttering ‘Dance, little puppet. Dance.’

  But Ellie didn’t look pleased, exactly. She was shaking her head in disbelief.

  ‘I can’t believe she went for it.’

  ‘Why not? It’s exactly what we planned.’

  ‘But it seemed too simple. I mean, how can anyone be that easy to influence?’

  ‘It’s not hard to puppet master someone when you know their Achilles heel.’

  ‘You sound like you know what you’re talking about.’

  Jordan gave Ellie a hard look.

  ‘Are you calling me a manipulator? Because this plan was as much yours as mine.’

  ‘I guess’ Ellie muttered.

  ‘What’s the matter with you? You should be pleased. We’re getting what we wanted’, Jordan said.

  And then Jordan understood what it probably was. They’d just svengalied Zoe into proposing to Caitlin. And what if Caitlin actually said yes? What if they really did get married? Perhaps that thought was more painful for Ellie than it was for Jordan.

  Ellie obviously wasn’t over Zoe, Jordan realised without surprise.

  ‘Are you scared this is actually going to work out for them? That Zoe’s going to get her ‘Happily ever after’ with Caitlin?’ she asked heatedly.

  In truth, Ellie wasn’t thinking about that at all. In fact, she was beginning to feel that she didn’t really care what Zoe and Caitlin did anymore. But Jordan seemed to care. Maybe a little too much.

  ‘No. Are you?’ Ellie replied, resentment creeping into her voice.

  ‘No’ Jordan retorted defensively.

  They stood in silence, smelling the baked goods next door. It smelled enticing. Both of them were struck by the same thought, at the same moment. They both wished they were just normal people, heading in to buy pastries, pastries they’d then enjoy together. No one would care about revenge. No one would mention the names Caitlin or Zoe.

  They’d simply be living their lives. Together.

  Neither knew just how close they were to everything they wanted. It was mere feet away. The bakery waited, the smell of life beckoning them in…

  But neither spoke their wish. Because they were both convinced that the other was here only for retribution. Not for love.

  ‘Where’d you get the ring, anyway?’ Jordan asked, trying to shrug off her aching disappointment.

  ‘Janice’s third husband. He was a dickhead. But he was rolling in it.’

  Jordan nodded but she was still thinking about Ellie. Ellie and Zoe, more precisely.

  ‘Are you sure you want to go through with this?’ Ellie asked, hoping against hope that she might just say screw the whole thing. That she might not care about revenge anymore.

  ‘We’re close to the finish line. We might as well see it out’ Jordan replied.

  Ellie took that as confirmation of everything she feared. Jordan wanted revenge. She didn’t want Ellie. She had her uses as a co-conspirator and sexual distraction but that was all Jordan probably saw. Nothing more than that.

  And when it was over, so was everything else.

  ‘Fine’ Ellie said. ‘Let’s just get it over and done with.’

  Jordan nodded, almost relieved. She’d been scared of this moment, but now it was here, there was nothing more to fear. The worst had happened. Ellie didn’t need her once this was done. She’d as good as said it.

  Now Jordan knew that for certain, she could let Ellie go. She’d let this ridiculous fantasy die.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The following evening, Ellie, Jordan and Janice were sat in Jordan and Ellie’s living room. They’d been discussing the fourth and final stage of the plan for about twenty minutes. Janice had asked a lot of questions and the same ground had been covered several times. But Ellie and Jordan didn’t mind. They respected Janice’s attention to detail. She wanted to be as prepared as possible. She wouldn’t go in blind.

  ‘OK, but if she does say yes, what then?’

  ‘Then you just say that your assistant will contact her later to follow up’ Ellie answered.

  ‘Alright. But do you think she will?’

  Jordan and Ellie glanced at each other, a short look of conference, and then Jordan said ‘My guess is that the yes won’t come right away. She’ll need time to think about it.’

  Janice nodded and then closed her eyes.

  ‘Samantha, Samantha, Samantha’ she began to chant softly to herself, in an upper class accent that Ellie and Jordan recognised from Caitlin’s interview. After a few seconds of that, her eyes popped open.

  ‘Right. Chuck me the phone’ Janice said in her own voice.

  Ellie handed her the mobile phone (a burner purchased for this purpose) and she pressed a few keys, finding Caitlin’s preprogramed number.
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  ‘Caitlin! Samantha Frost here! How’s things?’

  Janice hit the speaker on the phone and put it down on the table so everyone could hear the answer.

  ‘I’m great, thank you. I’m so pleased to hear from you!’

  Without thinking about it, Jordan made a circle with her fingers and stuck her tongue in it. The motion perfectly represented the phrase ‘Arse licker’.