“That stallion was a real beauty,” Zane continued. “Spirited, strong and stubborn. He wasn’t to be ridden. My dad laid down the law on that one right away.”
She got a bad feeling in her belly. “You rode him, didn’t you?”
Zane shrugged. “Sure. I was a kid. Impulsive, plus I hated that my old man didn’t trust me. I took him out that first afternoon. He moved like the wind. He took fences and gullies. I’d never felt such speed or drive in a horse before. But we’d been having some heavy rains, and the horse slipped in the mud. I went flying and he fell. I broke an arm, and he broke two legs.”
She winced. “That must have hurt.”
“I got over my break easily enough, but the stallion had to be put down. My dad was furious. He hadn’t called the insurance company yet, so we weren’t covered. He still owed more money than we had, and without stud fees, there was no way to make the payments. He ended up selling some land to cover the costs.”
Phoebe shivered slightly. She didn’t have to ask about the rest of it—she’d already figured out that Zane’s father was a hard man who didn’t excuse mistakes or those who made them.
“He never said a word,” Zane said quietly. “That was the worst of it. He never let me say I was sorry, or make up for it. For him, I didn’t exist anymore.”
“But you were his son.”
He glanced at her. “That didn’t matter. I did my best to never screw up again, but it was too late. Every day I walked to the fence line and stared at the land we’d lost. I was determined to get it back.”
She had a thousand questions. “The ranch is okay now, right?”
“Yeah. It took me a few years, but we’re profitable.”
“And this is why you’re so hard on Chase. You don’t want him to go through what you went through.”
“Right. I tried talking to my dad before he died, but he wouldn’t listen. He said it didn’t matter, but I knew it did.”
She felt his pain and wanted to make it better. She wanted to go back in time and hold the young man he’d been, telling him that he’d made a mistake—nothing more. The punishment he’d endured didn’t fit the crime.
“Your father was wrong,” she told him. “You’re worth more than any horse or any piece of land.”
“I appreciate the vote of confidence, but I don’t know if it’s true. Maybe if I’d been able to get the land back.”
“Why can’t you?”
“The man who bought it—Reilly Konopka—won’t sell it to me.” He sounded grim. “I saved until I had enough, but when I approached him, he wouldn’t sell. He wanted to give it to me.”
Phoebe blinked. “As a gift?”
“I couldn’t take it that way. But he wouldn’t let me, the old bastard. So he still owns the land, and I still fight the ghosts.”
She didn’t know what to say. Knowing Zane as she did, she understood the problem—Zane couldn’t accept the land without earning it. In his mind, he had to make peace with the past, and that was his only way.
She ached for him. Why couldn’t he see that he would never be able to make things right with his father—he could only make them right with himself? That this wasn’t about land, but about forgiveness and love.
“I go see Reilly every couple of years, and he pisses me off by refusing my money.”
Phoebe wondered how much of the problem was Zane’s neighbor acting more like a father than Zane’s own flesh and blood.
“Eventually I’ll wear him down,” he said. “I’ll beat this.”
Phoebe wasn’t so sure. Winning a battle was more difficult when the opponent refused to participate in the fight.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
THE FIRE SNAPPED and danced, creating shadows on the ground. Zane leaned back against a log and sipped his coffee. The night was still and cool, with no hint of stars above the cloud cover. The forecasted rain had yet to fall, and he was beginning to believe that they were going to get through the cattle drive without some kind of disaster.
Even as the thought formed, he made a fist and knocked on the log. No point in tempting fate. Not when there were still two days and plenty of miles between his greenhorns and the safety of the house.
He glanced around at the people sitting by the fire. They were all there. Even Cookie had pulled up an old stump and taken a seat.
Maya sat with Phoebe and Chase. He didn’t linger on that group, because he knew what would happen. His gaze would settle on Phoebe, and he wouldn’t want to look away. Not with the firelight making her eyes shine and her skin glow. Not with the sound of her voice easing inside of him and tying him up in knots. She was five kinds of temptation with just enough hell thrown in to make things interesting.
Funny—he would have thought telling her the truth about his past would have changed things. That he would feel distant or angry. Instead he found he didn’t mind her knowing. Phoebe had reacted true to form—with acceptance and a full heart.
Where did she get the courage to be so open?
Maya glanced up and saw him watching. She nudged Phoebe. “Zane has all the cattle bloodlines on the computer.”
“Isn’t that complicated? How would the program work?”
“I have no idea,” he told her, trying not to get lost in her pretty eyes. “Chase designed it.”
She turned to his brother. “Is that true? You designed the program?”
“Sure. It was no big deal.”
“I think it’s amazing.”
Chase lifted a shoulder, as if it didn’t matter, but Zane saw the pleasure he took in the compliment.
“Zane’s not much into computers, so I made it extra user-friendly,” Chase continued. “He just inputs the number of the animal in question, and the program leads him through a series of prompts.”
“Sounds great,” Phoebe said. “Can I see it in action when we get back to the house?”
Chase looked at Zane, who nodded. “Sure.”
“In some ways technology is making life easier,” Maya said, stretching her long legs out in front of her. “But it can also create trouble. This guy I work with accidentally left his phone at his girlfriend’s house. She went through the calendar and found out about all the other women he was dating.”
Phoebe winced. “I’m not sure that can be blamed on the phone. Maybe he should have been more honest.” She hesitated. “Of course his girlfriend shouldn’t have gone through his things.”
“If he hadn’t forgotten it in the first place,” Maya pointed out. “Nothing would have happened.”
Phoebe looked shocked. “You think it’s all right for a man to date more than one woman at a time?”
“If they’re not exclusive, what does it matter? She can do the same thing.”
Phoebe swallowed. “That’s just so...”
“Sophisticated?” Maya asked with a grin.
“Icky,” Phoebe told her.
Zane smiled. For all her years in the city, Phoebe was a simple girl at heart. She believed in honesty, one man and one woman and talking to anything that moved. Her heart was so big, it was no wonder she was always finding it bruised. Life didn’t offer many rewards for those who led with their emotions.
She couldn’t be more different, he thought. He lived in a world where emotions were irrelevant.
Tommy slid closer to Chase. “Do you write other kinds of programs?”
“Sure.” Chase ruffled the boy’s hair. “But programs are easy. Right now a buddy and me are working on a robotic cat.”
Tommy’s eyes widened. “Whatta ya mean?”
“You know those robot dogs you can buy? You teach ’em tricks and stuff?”
Tommy nodded.
“We’re building a cat, only way more sophisticated than that.” Chase’s face lit with excitement. “We’ve got some software bugs. I want the cat to chase mice.”
“Real ones?” the kid asked
“Yeah. We’ve started with little stuffed mice we’ve rigged up to move, but so far the cat’s not intere
sted.”
Lucy moved next to her brother. “It won’t hurt the mice, will it?”
He shook his head. “Nah. We just want the cat to be able to catch them.”
He continued talking, explaining about the various programs, the problem of building custom parts. The adults didn’t pay attention, but Tommy and Lucy were riveted.
Zane had heard it all before. How many times had his brother talked through dinner, gesturing, making sketches on napkins and explaining technical details until his meal got cold? Zane had listened, but he’d never understood what Chase saw in it all. To him it was just mechanical parts—only interesting because of what they could do. He didn’t get the fun in putting them all together.
But he wasn’t Chase, and Chase wasn’t him.
“When do you think you’re gonna get it working?” Tommy asked.
Chase’s animated expression went flat. “I don’t know. We had a pretty serious crash and burn last week. I’d wanted to get it fixed this summer but...” He poked at the ground. “I have a lot of chores.”
“Too bad,” Tommy said.
Zane watched his brother. The chores in question were ranch work—both to pull his weight and to pay off the extra cost for the saddles and tents needed for the cattle drive.
While he knew it was important that Chase learn about responsibility and consequences, for the first time he realized that Chase’s interest in computers wasn’t a passing phase. It was what he wanted to do with his life.
Maybe he’d always known the truth, but he hadn’t wanted to see it. Maybe he’d hoped his brother would stick around for a while. But that wasn’t going to happen. Chase would never be happy at a small agriculture college. Instead he wanted to head east to attend MIT. Given his skills with and love of computers, Zane couldn’t blame him.
Thad checked his watch and rose. “Okay, kids. Time for bed.”
Tommy scrambled to his feet. “Thad, no. Give us a few more minutes. I want to hear more about Chase’s robot cat.”
“You can hear about it in the morning.”
“He’s right,” C.J. said.
Tommy looked at her, then smiled. “Okay.”
Lucy hugged C.J. before standing and following her brother toward the tents.
Zane had seen the evolution of C.J. and Thad’s relationship with the kids but hadn’t realized they’d gotten so close. He wasn’t sure how it had happened but figured it beat the palpable hostility he’d felt between them earlier in the week.
Everyone else followed the kids’ example. Andrea and Martin excused themselves, followed by Eddie and Gladys. Maya paused to have a word with Cookie while Phoebe stood and wiped off her rear.
“’Night,” she said to no one in particular.
As Zane watched, she took a step, then turned and glanced at him. Her mouth curved into a full smile that made his gut ache.
“’Night, Zane,” she murmured.
He winked.
The gesture surprised them both, but he wasn’t the one who stumbled slightly, caught her breath, then waved before disappearing into the darkness. He had a moment’s regret that he hadn’t given in to instinct and simply started undressing her when he’d had the chance. He didn’t doubt she’d been as ready and willing as he had been.
“Stupid principles,” he muttered under his breath.
He finished his coffee and rose. As Chase walked by, Zane grabbed his brother’s arm.
“Got a second?” he asked, dropping his hand to his side.
Chase looked wary, but nodded. “Sure.”
“I’ve been thinking. We’re probably going to break even on the cattle drive. So there’s no reason for you to work extra hours to pay off the saddles and the tents. When we get back, you still need to do your regular chores, but that’s all. You can spend the rest of your time with your computers and your robotic cat.”
Chase stared at him. “I don’t get it.”
Zane grinned. “I figured you for the smart one in the family. Guess I was wrong.”
Chase blinked a couple of times as understanding dawned. “You mean it, Zane? You’re not gonna make me work a sixty-hour week in the barns?”
Zane set his mug on the table by Cookie’s wagon. “When have I ever done that?”
Chase smiled. “You know what I mean.”
“Yeah, I do. Like I said, just do your regular chores. I’ll handle the rest. And when we get back, give me a list of everything you’re going to need to make the cat work and what it’s all going to cost. Paying for it myself is a whole lot cheaper than any scheme you’ll come up with.”
Chase whooped with delight. “You mean it? That’s so great. You’re the best.” He slapped his brother’s back. “I can’t wait to get home and get to work on the cat. Thanks, Zane.”
He yelled again, then ran toward his tent. At the entrance, he paused and gave Zane a thumbs-up before ducking inside.
Zane watched him go. Chase was still a kid, but like Maya had been telling him for years, he was a good one. Funny how he hadn’t seen that before. He’d been so caught up in keeping Chase from having regrets that he’d forgotten to let him have a life. Until Phoebe had reminded him what was really important.
* * *
PHOEBE FOUND IT difficult to fall asleep, but that was pretty much her life lately. There was something about being around Zane that set her body to humming. And once that humming started, there was no way to block out the sound or vibration.
Torn between sexual longing and emotional connection, she took the route most likely to lead to sleep and thought about what he’d told her of his past. No wonder he wanted to keep Chase on the straight and narrow. Zane had been forced to live with a single mistake for years.
His father had been wrong not to forgive him. Phoebe wanted to face the man and give him a piece of her mind—a desire complicated by death and distance. She wanted Zane to understand he didn’t have to prove anything anymore. That he could let the past go. She wanted a lot of things where he was concerned.
Foolish wants and desires, she reminded herself. Although when he’d been kissing her, the passion had felt so right. And while she’d appreciated his concerns about making love out there in the open, she wasn’t completely sure she would have minded.
She needed him. Embarrassing but true. She couldn’t remember ever needing a man before. And she wasn’t just talking about clever conversation or a warm, fuzzy hug. Nope, she actually meant she needed “it.”
There wasn’t a part of her body that didn’t long to be caressed. At this point in time, she wouldn’t be picky. Even a foot rub would be too erotic for words. Unfortunately Zane wasn’t likely to come calling, and there was no way she could simply walk up to his tent and announce herself. Not only was it not within the working parameters of her personality, but the night was so quiet out here. Everyone in a three mile radius would know what was going on.
Phoebe turned restlessly in her sleeping bag. At least there weren’t any rocks under her tonight. She’d picked a section of soft mossy ground when they’d pitched the tents. Zane had tried to talk her out of it, but she’d insisted. She was tired of something sharp jabbing her in her hip or her shoulder, every time she tried to doze off to sleep. She also liked being a little ways away from the rest of the camp. It felt more private.
Unfortunately, private didn’t equate to sleepy. She turned again, then sighed heavily. She needed a man...bad. But not just any man. Zane. Only Zane.
After several more minutes of tossing and turning, Phoebe tried to meditate her way to sleep. She pictured herself in a beautiful mountain meadow. She could hear the sound of birds and feel the sun’s warmth on her arms. The scent of the flowers surrounded her. Everything was perfect...right up until a woodpecker took up residence.
A woodpecker?
Phoebe opened her eyes and realized it had started to rain. The noise she’d heard was rain gently pattering against her tent. She felt along the seams and was grateful when they turned out to be watertight. At le
ast she wasn’t going to get soaked.
She closed her eyes again and relaxed. The rain was kind of nice. Soothing. It was just the right rhythm to lull her off to sleep.
Until the rushing river of water that coursed through her tent about forty minutes later woke her right up.
Phoebe sat up with a muffled shriek. She was drowning and intensely cold. Something damp brushed against her face. She couldn’t see, couldn’t figure out where she was and—
Memory returned and with it the realization that there was freezing water racing into her tent. She was immersed in it and soaked.
Several things occurred to her at once. First, Zane had warned her about the mossy ground being a seasonal stream, or river in this case. Second, that she was never, ever going to be warm again. Third, and perhaps most important, she had to get out of here.
If getting into her snug sleeping bag was difficult, getting out of it while both of them were drenched was nearly impossible. She shimmied and shoved and squirmed and swore. Finally, she freed herself. Dressed only in a shirt, panties and socks, she stepped out into the rain and found herself more than ankle deep in water.
She could feel her hair plastering to her head and the shivers rippling through her body. Grabbing the tent with both hands, she tugged and pulled, but it wouldn’t budge. Giving up on it, she ducked back inside and dragged out her saddlebags and duffel, her jeans and boots. Then she slogged through the rain and muddy ground to the closest tent.
“Z-Zane,” she said, her teeth chattering as she stood there in the darkness. “M-my t-tent is f-flooded.”
She heard a heavy sigh, then his voice. “You’re just standing out there getting wet, aren’t you?”
She nodded before she realized he couldn’t see her. “I was wet b-before. There’s a river in my tent.”
A flashlight clicked on, then the tent flap opened. “Leave your gear and get in here.”
Phoebe hesitated, not wanting to abandon her belongings, but the sight of Zane holding a large, dry towel was too much for her to resist. She dropped everything and ducked inside.
Kiss Me (Fool's Gold series) Page 22
