Best of 2017

by Alexa Riley

  I glare at him again. Recalling those initial conversations we used to have. And it is abundantly clear to me now why they paired me with River.

  He was sly. He was cunning. And he was so easily able to convince me he was nothing more than a boy. Just like me. A boy who I related to. One who I trusted.

  "Before you get angry," River interrupts my thoughts, "Just know this, Javi. My friendship with you was real and sincere. That was not a lie."

  "Everything you have told me is a lie," I sneer.

  "Not that," he insists. "You were the only friend I had. They made me kill all my others."

  I do not feel bad for him. Even when he goes on. Because it doesn't matter. Nothing he says matters anymore. I do not care about this girl or his plight. I only care about his reasons for bringing me here. For keeping me here.

  "This story is boring me," I tell him. "If you have a point, River, get to it."

  He nods. Retrieves another apple from his pocket and tosses it between his hands.

  "They were watching me," he says. "Surreal, I know. It's the agency. But you get comfortable. You get it in your head that you are not the one they don't trust. That you are one of them. You do everything they ask of you. Why would they need to watch you?"

  "So they found the girl," I say.

  "They found the girl."

  He turns away so that I cannot see the emotion on his face. Emotion that is rare for River. I thought he was a sociopath, and I did not judge him for it.

  All those times he told me I was weak with Bella, I thought he was right. But I judge him for this because he is the one who is weak now. I tell him as much, but he ignores me.

  "When they discovered her, they decided to make an example of me," he says. "They put her into the program. The assassins program."

  They turned her into a killer.

  Before he even tells me, I know how this story will end. The agency is predictable, at least in this one respect.

  "She will come for you," I say.

  "She will," he agrees. "And she will try to kill me. They've turned her against me."

  "Then she was weak too," I observe.

  This time, it is River who sneers in my direction.

  "As weak as your Isabella?"

  "My Bella has more strength in her little finger than you will ever possess.”

  "You should hope so," he tells me. "Since you have abandoned her."

  His words enrage me. I fight against the chains again, but it is no use. River is a skilled assassin. He would not do anything halfway. And most especially not with the likes of me.

  “I did what was best for her,” I snarl. “I was wrong. I was wrong to listen to you. To use her for my revenge. She does not deserve to be tortured anymore. She deserves to live in peace.”

  River stops. His face is serious now. So serious I know that he is not fucking with me this time.

  “How can she ever live in peace when she carries your child?”

  My limbs grow heavy, and my heartbeat sluggish.There is an ache in the back of my throat. A chill in my spine.

  My child?

  Isabella carries my child. I need to get to her. I was wrong. So wrong. She believes I am dead. That I have abandoned her. My Bella.

  It is pure agony to imagine her, swollen with my baby. Crying in her bed with nothing more than her vile father to comfort her.

  “I must go to her,” I tell River. “Let me go.”

  “Sorry,” he says again. “But I was making a point before if you’d let me get back to it. This information will only serve to hasten my purpose for you now. And perhaps make you more willing to help.”

  I thrash against the chains again until I am bloody, screaming out my loathing for him. He waits until I am calm before he explains.

  "I am doing you a favor," he insists. "I know you will see this in time."

  "You need not worry about your girl," I tell him. "Because I will kill you myself."

  "Think of her father," River says. "Of what he did to you, Javi. Are you really ready to let that go?"

  I do not answer him. But I can feel the vein in my throat, throbbing. The desire is still there.The desire to kill Ray. I don't know if I can let it go. River knows this. And he is using my own methods on me, quite effectively.

  The agency may train us in the art of psychological warfare, but they cannot make us immune to our own methods.

  "You only ever had two options, Javi," he says. "In the worst-case scenario, Isabella would have been poisoned by her father. He would have turned her back against you if he hasn't already."

  "No," I argue.

  "You are a skilled manipulator," River acknowledges. "I will give you this, Jav. But Ray is even more skilled than you or me. It is how he fooled you before. How do you think his own daughter will respond to his tactics?"

  I shake my head and try to deny it. I don’t want to accept that it could be true. I don't want to believe it. River knows that everyone I have ever cared for has betrayed me, and he is exploiting that in the same way I exploited Isabella's fears.

  "Trauma bonding," River continues, "is a powerful weapon. But the bond must remain for that relationship and dependency to flourish. You know as well as I do that Ray would not allow that to happen."

  "No," I say again. "Isabella is not like us. She can forgive. She can..."

  "That's the lie we all want to believe," River cuts me off. "Just as my girl's feelings were real too. Until the agency got a hold of her. Until they turned her into a killer. Just as our friendship was real, even as I lied to you, Javi. Even as I betrayed you like all the others before you."

  "Bella is not that way," I insist.

  But even I am starting to doubt myself. I am uncertain if she hates me now, just as I predicted. It was her hope for survival. She had only convinced herself that she cared for me to survive the circumstances of her situation.

  "I don't think I need to remind you of the second scenario," River goes on. "But let's be hypothetical for a moment. Say that your Bella is as strong as you insist she is. Say that despite the odds and well documented psychological evidence to the contrary, her feelings for you endured in your absence. Would those feelings sustain even when you murdered her beloved father?"

  I do not answer him because I already know the answer. The answer is no. Bella could not love me if I killed Ray. She could not forgive me for that.

  "It is bound to happen," River says. "You know it, Jav. I know it. Let's not lie to ourselves anymore, okay? You would have to kill him. It's the only way."

  "No," I argue.

  "It's not so bad. You have accomplished what you set out to do. You have destroyed Ray by destroying his daughter. And now he must live with those consequences."

  "You will not sway me," I tell him. "There is nothing you can say that will stop me from killing you and going back to Bella."

  River sighs. Then he stops tossing the apple between his palms to meet my gaze.

  "Nothing?" he repeats. "Oh but Jav, I'm afraid you're wrong about that."

  CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

  THE SCENT of tobacco is the first thing to hit me. Tobacco and pipe smoke.

  I see his shoes before I ever see his face. It's always the shoes that I remember. The shoes that have walked in and out of my life over the years. Shoes give away so much about a man. The way he wears them. The way he maintains them.

  And in Ray Rossi's case, it is the way he shines them so meticulously. Cleaning up the evidence of where he's been. The things he has done.

  My mother always told me that if someone’s shoes were too clean, it was because they had something to hide. In that respect, I believe she was right.

  Ray has many secrets and many faces.

  He hides his true nature well. Especially now, in his older years. Beneath the fuzzy gray of his mustache and the softness in his fading eyes, there lurks a master of exploitation.

  I was only a boy when he came for me. A boy who had lost everything. A boy who the world believed ha
d viciously killed his own mother. And Ray was the only one who looked at me as if I did not.

  He disguised himself. A wolf in sheep's clothing. I wanted to believe he would help me. But once upon a time, I wanted to believe that my mother would get better too.

  Now here we are, years later. I am a man, and he is old and gray. I intended to exact my revenge. I planned it out so precisely. But instead, I fell in love with his daughter.

  "Surprised to see me, Javier?" he asks.

  I do not reply but instead look to River. He remains by the door, silent. The friend I trusted, working with my enemy all along.

  "You should not be," Ray says. "You must have known this day would come. You must have known the moment you touched Isa, you would die."

  This time, I do meet his eyes. And I make it known that I am no longer a boy. His threats mean nothing to me, and Ray must know there is nothing he can do that is worse than what I put his daughter through.

  I was a monster to her. And still, she fell in love with me. I smile, thinking of her beautiful face.

  "It was worth it," I tell him.

  He clocks me with the pair of brass knuckles he reserves for such occasions. Ray is weak in his older years. He relies on weapons because his muscles fail him.

  Blood leaks from my mouth and I spit it onto the dirty floor. I can't help myself. I can't help but long for his suffering.

  "She still wants for me," I say to him. "She will always want for me. I am inside of her. In her mind. In her heart. She will never be free of me, even in death. Your beloved daughter fell for the monster you created, Ray. How does that make you feel?"

  He hits me again. Three times. Until it becomes too much for him. Until a coughing fit seizes him and spittle flies from his mouth.

  "I will rid her of your poison, even if I have to cut it out myself."

  The world around me falls silent, and River turns his gaze to the floor. My vision clouds and adrenaline floods every fiber of my muscles, straining against the chains that bind me.

  I will slaughter him with my bare hands. I will drain the remaining light from his eyes, and I will not regret it. Not anymore.

  "That's right," Ray taunts. "I will be the one to take that child and destroy it the moment it is born. Now tell me how that feels."

  I struggle against the chains until I no longer can. Until I am out of breath myself. Until I am bloody and spent and completely at his mercy. Ray merely laughs at me.

  River remains motionless by the door. And I cannot believe I have been so blind. I allowed my own love for Bella to influence this grand illusion. I mistakenly believed that as sick as Ray was, he still loved his own daughter.

  Now I know that I was wrong.

  I should have killed him when I had the chance. The moment I learned he was back, I should have shot him where he lay. And now, I must pay the consequences for my weakness. I told my Bella that I would protect her. I have failed her all over again.

  "We should move now," River says. "There will be plenty of time to toy with him later."

  Ray swivels his head around and scowls in his direction.

  "It's time when I say it's time."

  River is a traitor, of this I am certain. But it seems that we have a common enemy. I don't know how I could have missed it. I don't know how I didn't see it before. All those times he encouraged me. How he helped me plan out the systematic destruction of Ray through Isabella. The way he whispered in my ear and never let me forget my revenge. The way he told me over and over that Isabella could never care for me. That I must remember the plan.

  It was in his mind all along.

  And instead of Isabella, it was I who was the pawn in this game.

  A knock sounds at the door and River looks to Ray for approval. Ray nods, and River opens it.

  The heat is stifling. Sand blows in from above, indicating that we are in the desert somewhere.

  "We have to move now, sir," the voice on the other side says.

  Ray nods again and gestures the men inside. They surround me, and Ray makes a point to show me that they are all well-armed.

  "Make one move, and die now," he tells me.

  They haul me up from the floor and unchain me. Six of them drag me out into the blistering sun and shove me into the back of a suburban.

  "Ten minutes," someone says.

  And then, we leave.

  CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

  THEY TAKE me into the middle of the desert. If it weren't for the compound in the distance, I would assume this to be my final resting place.

  Instead, they free my hands and shove me out of the truck. I don't need to ask where we are. I know this area well. This is the same compound where I lived for the remainder of my childhood. The one where Ray took me when I left the asylum.

  Here, I was trained in computers. Math. Killing.

  Ray searches my face for any sign of emotion. But there is none. I can only think of my Bella now. Of the child that she carries inside of her. I will do anything to protect them.I will do anything to get them back. And for now, that means playing by Ray's rules.

  He recites a thirteen-digit number and tells me to repeat it back to him.

  River’s eyes shift around anxiously, and I know this is for him. This is what he gets for betraying me and fulfilling his end of the bargain.

  "Delete everything on file," Ray tells me. "Bring the girl to me when you are finished. And perhaps I can find it in my heart to be merciful. Perhaps the child my daughter births will be adopted into a nice family rather than a dumpster."

  My fists curl at my sides, and the guards raise their weapons.

  "I am giving you one last opportunity here, Javi," Ray says. "Do not underestimate my reach. There are many others who would gladly take this task and complete it much faster than you. And they have much less to lose."

  I remain silent. Steadfast in my resolve. I am doing this for Bella. Even knowing that when I come back, there will likely be a bullet in my skull.

  I can't trust Ray. But I know Ray. I don't doubt his words. He will destroy the child that he knows is mine. He will do it while he tells himself it is what is best for Isabella. I must find another way to end this.

  I turn to head for the compound, but Ray's voice stops me.

  “Enjoy your trip down memory lane.”

  I curb the urge to kill him all over again by thinking of my Bella. I think of what I need to do, and I focus on that alone.

  And I walk. Silently through the desert. Leaving Ray and River behind. There is a reason they chose me for this task. Despite what Ray says, this task could not be completed by anyone.

  I am the only operative who ever managed to disable the entire compound security system. Not once, but twice. Today will make number three.

  It has been many years since I have been at this particular compound, but much is still the same. Including the guards who watch over the control room. They are older now, but I remember them just fine. Fear reflects briefly in their eyes when they see me for the first time.

  I kill them with their own weapons, and I take satisfaction in knowing that they no longer breathe the air of this scorched earth.

  The security system has updated with the times too. It is much more sophisticated than when I was here. But like the system, I am adaptable.

  It is not easy to navigate. It has already been thirty minutes. With each passing minute, I am more likely to get caught. It’s taking me too long. And Ray’s patience is not infinite.

  Just as I find my way into the system, a shadow passes over the door frame. Another guard. He draws his weapon, and I fire first.

  The body count is growing, and this is messier than I would have preferred. But with a few more clicks of the keyboard, I am finally in.

  I find the file for the operative that Ray gave me, glancing briefly at her photo to identify her and her location, and then I delete.

  I delete everything.

  The process takes another five minutes. When it is complete, I hesit
ate before leaving. Ray would expect me to leave the system as it was. He wanted this done quietly.

  I smile. Because I always did like irony. I unlock the cell doors. All but hers. And then I shut down the power to the entire building. It is up to them now to escape. To overpower the guards and take what is rightfully theirs.

  Freedom.

  I leave the control room and walk down the hall that I know by heart. It is the same hall where I was kept for so many years. I open her cell door manually and shine my flashlight inside. She is sitting on her bed. Small and fragile in appearance.

  “Come,” I tell her. “We are leaving this place.”

  She glances up at me and shakes her head.

  “I don’t want to leave.”

  Her voice is soft.

  It’s obvious she has been broken, just as River said. It is also obvious why he cares for her. She does have a pretty face as he said. But there is nothing particularly special about her that I can see. She is not like my Bella. Then again, nobody really is.

  “I don’t have time,” I say. “And I’d prefer not to hurt you.”

  She rises from the bed and walks in my direction. I think that this is good. She is going to comply, and we can leave.Only this isn’t what happens. Because the girl punches me in the throat.

  She snarls and tries to make her escape around me. I stop her with a hand around her throat. And then she socks me in the gut.

  Of all the things I had to do in this compound, fighting a girl was my least favorite.

  I release her, and we go hand to hand. Her shots are sharp and precise. I was wrong about her. She is not fragile at all. In body or mind. She lands many painful blows that would disable me had I been younger and less accustomed to the pain. But I am not.

  And as well as she has been trained, I have many years of experience over her. I identify her weakness almost immediately and put her in a choke hold.

  “I am sorry,” I tell her. “But for now you must sleep.”

  And within a minute, she does.

  CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR