Best of 2017

by Alexa Riley

  Yeah, I could see that. It was deserted, out in the middle of nowhere, and I had to assume if someone needed to use a gun, there would be no one around to hear it.

  “You said you’re in trouble.” He didn’t phrase it like a question. I glanced at Damien on instinct, because truthfully I wanted this to be a private conversation between Cameron and me.

  “Give us a moment alone, Damien,” Cameron finally said, but he was looking at me again. A second later Damien was out of the car. Cameron lifted an eyebrow, clearly waiting for me to speak.

  “I’m not in trouble.” I looked down at my hands. They were in my lap, and I realized I was nervously picking at my shirt. I looked back at him again. “At least not in the way you are probably assuming.”

  “I know,” he said, and a part of me wasn’t really shocked he knew that. Cameron pretty much knew everything.

  “You knew?” I found myself asking.

  The look he gave me was indifferent. “You think I didn’t know what you were doing, where you were, or if you were safe?”

  I shifted, feeling the weight of his gaze on me, knowing he could read me with just a look.

  “I knew, Sofia.”

  I twisted my hands together, swallowing roughly. “I assumed you didn’t care.” This was really not how I’d seen this conversation going. For a second we didn’t speak, but everything seemed so loud, so intense.

  “Why didn’t you say good-bye? Why didn’t you see me before I left?” I might as well lay it all out, because that was the whole reason I’d called him. “Did I mean nothing to you?” My voice was whisper soft, my emotions threatening to come forth. I wouldn’t let them though. I wouldn’t let them control me, wouldn’t let Cameron see them. He looked away from me, out the window, and for long seconds stayed like that. I wanted to say something, anything, but my mouth was suddenly dry, and the words didn’t want to form.

  “I wanted to see you,” he finally said, breaking that thick silence and making my ears ring with awareness. “But watching you leave was too hard. If I’d been there, seeing you get into that car, I’d have pulled you away and demanded you stay.” He looked at me then. My heart was beating so hard it hurt. “I wanted to keep you as mine, to have you close, care for you. But even a bastard like me knows my world is too toxic for you, Sofia.” Even though his words held so much meaning, he kept his cool composure.

  “You saw where I came from, where my life was,” I whispered.

  He reached out, and for a second I thought he’d pull me close, say fuck it all, and tell me I was his. Instead he pushed a strand of my hair away, his finger brushing along my cheek, a shiver working its way through my body.

  “All the materialistic things are easy to give you, Sofia. It’s the happily ever after I can’t offer.”

  I shifted to face him fully. “I don’t want a happily ever after.” I shook my head. “I don’t want the fairy tale.”

  “Tell me what it is you want, what I can give you.” He shifted slightly too, his big body facing me now. “Because mayhem and bloodshed rule my world.” He was the one to slowly shake his head now. “As much as I want you chained to my side, only mine, I can’t be a motherfucker and say that’s what’s right for you, safe for you.”

  He held my gaze with his own, that focus speaking so loudly. Seconds ticked by, and I wanted to tell him so much more, explain how I felt, what he did to me.

  “I want to keep you safe from my world…from me, Sofia.”

  I reached out to him, not stopping myself, not able to help myself. “Don’t you see, it’s your world that I want? I need everything and anything that makes up Cameron Ashton. It’s your darkness that calls to me, that makes me feel alive, makes me yearn for more.” I was crying now, and Cameron reached out to smooth his thumb over my cheek, collecting the tear. He brought it to his mouth and sucked the droplet off, focusing on me. Always on me.

  “You make me cry because I’m happy.” I finally broke up the silence.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever tasted your tears when you’ve been happy,” he said softly. He had, even if he didn’t realize it.

  “You make me happy,” I said honestly, not about to deny how I felt anymore. I wasn’t going to lie, wasn’t going to hide. “And being without you and not feeling that passion, darkness…freedom, is not something I want to experience, Cameron.” I braced myself for the rejection, because even if he did want me, he was a strong-willed man. But before I could say something else, maybe repeat how much he meant to me, how much I needed him in my life, he had me pulled onto his lap. His arms were around me, holding me painfully tight.

  “You’re not afraid, not terrified of the man I am, the corruption I’ll smother you with?”

  I rested my head on his shoulder, hearing his breath move along my ear, smelling the manly scent of him that surrounded me, and wanting nothing more than to stay in this moment forever.

  “Would you have come for me?” I didn’t know if I wanted to know the answer.

  He stroked my back, running his hands up and down, soothing me, making me feel whole.

  “It was hard not making you stay with me, but for once in my life I tried to be the good guy. I tried to let you go free.” He pulled me back and looked into my face. “But honestly, yes, I would have.” He cupped the side of my face, the heat from his body like fire on my skin. “I would have crushed anyone and made a bridge out of their bodies just to get to you.”

  My heart stuttered in my chest.

  “You’re sure you want this? Because if so I’m really not fucking letting go.”

  For the first time in my life I wasn’t afraid of anything. “I’m sure.”

  He crushed me to him, and I let that darkness fill me, match my own, grab on to it and not let go.

  EPILOGUE

  LIFE HAS a funny way of working out, of moving forward when you think it has stopped, stuck in the past. I hadn’t known what life was like, not truly, not fully, until Cameron opened me up, saw inside, let me see who I really was. Maybe I would have found out what I liked, how I wanted to spread my wings and fly, experience life in my own way, sooner or later. Maybe I didn’t need a man who shared the same darkness I did to know I wasn’t broken, wasn’t ruined.

  Maybe it took a man who was just as scuffed up as me to know I wasn’t alone.

  Even as a year had passed, my life revolving on my terms, on my time, I still felt like that lost girl. And when I saw Cameron, felt his hands on me, heard the words of his possession, of his dark love, then I felt alive. I wasn’t a victim, not unless I made myself one.

  Never again.

  I sat behind Cameron’s desk at the estate, going over the club paperwork, the finances, the employment history. I was in charge of helping Damien hire on new staff, vetting them out, making sure they could be trusted, even if they’d just be delivering drinks to customers. It was what I wanted to do, be a part of something bigger. It might not be the most prestigious job, a path I saw myself doing, but it allowed me to be near the man I loved, and earn my own money—even if Cameron insisted on taking care of me in all ways.

  The sound of the door opening had me glancing up. Damien stood in the doorway, his hands behind him, his body ramrod straight. “He’s here.”

  Just then my cell rang, and I picked it up and saw Cameron’s number flash along the screen. As if on instinct my body warmed, became soft, and everything in me was alive with awareness…anticipation.

  “You’re ready, baby?”

  His deep voice pierced right through me, and I glanced at Damien, feeling my face heat, my body reacting to the sound of Cameron’s voice.

  “Yes.” I disconnected the call, stood, and smoothed my hands down the evening gown Cameron had sent to the house for me to wear. I turned and faced the window, seeing the gleam of his black Mercedes coming up the drive, the sun glinting off the exterior, the windows tinted so I wasn’t able to see him.

  He was taking me out, and although Cameron never did anything normal, and this wo
uldn’t be a dinner and chick-flick kind of night, he made sure each and every second we spent together was intimate and special. At least that’s how he made me feel.

  I left the room when the Mercedes came to a stop. I felt Damien follow behind, his big body always a constant. Over the last year, and honestly well before I was even in this situation, in this relationship with Cameron, Damien had always been there. He was the silent enforcer, the man who looked after me, made sure Cameron had his back watched at all times. He was a part of us in his own way, and the truth was if he wasn’t around, I would feel this loss. It was strange, but that was my world now.

  I opened the front door and stepped outside, the sun already set, the moon high, and the lights of the estate in full bloom. My heart started beating even harder, even faster. Damien was already moving toward the back of the Mercedes, and when he opened the door and Cameron stepped out, that puzzle piece fit right back in place inside of me.

  For a second Cameron and Damien stood by the car and spoke softly. I didn’t need to know what they said, didn’t need to wonder if there was shady back-alley shit going down. This was the life I’d agreed to, the life I wanted to have for my own. Cameron was the man I wanted by my side.

  “Leave us,” Cameron said to Damien, and also to the driver, who I hadn’t noticed get out of the car until now. When it was just Cameron and me, the familiar heat I felt with Cameron filled me. “Come here,” he commanded, his voice smooth yet hard. I moved toward him, and once I was close enough he could reach out and touch me, he did just that. I was in Cameron’s arms seconds later, the heels I wore not even having me come up to his chin. He was strong where I was fragile. He was masculine where I was feminine.

  He was the vast openness where I was the darkness. He swallowed me whole without even trying, without even needing to.

  “I’ve rented out the theater. It’ll be us. Only us.”

  “Just the way you like it,” I said and tipped my head back to look at him. He didn’t smile, didn’t really show me any emotion, but he didn’t need to. The way he looked at me, that possession in his eyes, told me all I needed to know. I was his world.

  “I like to keep you all to myself. Always.” He held me tighter. Cameron would never be called sweet or gentle, not in the traditional sense. But that’s not why I loved him, not why I came back and stayed with him. I did so because he gave me what I needed, craved.

  And I gave him what he needed.

  Before Cameron I was a bird with clipped wings, living in a rusted cage, the door locked, the key thrown away. But now I flew high, experienced the world, let my wings spread out, and the wind rush over me.

  “What do you see when you look at me?” I asked, staring into his eyes, seeing that darkness focused on me. With his hands on my face, his body pressed tightly to mine, I felt like I’d never fall.

  “Vastness,” he said softly. “You're my ocean, Sofia. I can't see anything else but you.”

  BONUS EPILOGUE

  TWO YEARS LATER: CAMERON

  For two years I’d kept Sofia as mine, made sure she was protected, the darkness I harbored inside making sure she was safe. The sweet sounds coming from the other room had me moving closer, my heart racing, my thoughts turbulent.

  The type of man I was—am—ensured that I never saw myself having a woman, a wife or mother of my child. But over the last couple of years I’d gotten all of that and more. I was still a hardcore motherfucker, dealt with illegal holdings, made sure that anyone who thought to cross me knew exactly the wrath I’d inflict on them.

  But with Sofia and the innocent child she’d given me, I thought I would have softened, bended to the life that a motherfucker like me didn’t deserve to have.

  But I had become even more ruthless, even more dangerous. They were my life, and keeping them safe and happy was my priority.

  I stopped in the doorway of the nursery, the baby pink and white décor so soft and unlike the possessions I had in this home. It was the one ray of light in this barren structure, save for the woman who held my heart above all others. I could see the lights shining outside, the bodyguards patrolling the grounds. They were here twenty-four-seven, always ensuring no one came onto the property.

  I turned my attention back to Sofia, who held our three-month-old daughter. For long minutes, all I did was watch them, knowing that even a bastard like me could be granted the gift of happiness. Sofia hummed to Sasha, and after a few seconds our daughter started to sleep. She held the baby for long minutes after that, running her fingers through the thick tuft of dark hair atop her head, down the bridge of her tiny nose, and tracing her little pink lips.

  I stood there until Sofia put the baby down in the crib, stared down at the little person we’d created, and finally turned toward me. She seemed surprised to see me standing there, but the smile she gave me lit up the entire fucking room.

  “Come here,” I said softly, but the harshness in my voice was clear. I was hard for my woman, and even though I should have turned away and let her be, let her body heal from the last raw, hard fucking I’d given her just the night before, I needed her now.

  She came to me instantly and I held her close, my hand on the roundness of her ass, my other palm cupping the back of her head. I kept her close as I stared at the crib where our child slept.

  Sasha hadn’t been planned, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t a blessing or wanted. I couldn’t even picture my darkened, hardened life without her in it. Before my daughter was born, Sofia was what made my world bright. Now that the baby was here it was both of my girls that made me want to be a better man, even if I never would be.

  I closed my eyes and inhaled the sweet, intoxicating scent of Sofia. My dick got hard, digging into her belly, demanding to be buried deep in her pretty, tight cunt.

  “I want you,” she said and pulled back to look up into my face.

  I ground my cock into her belly, loving the little sound she made. We left the nursery and went into our bedroom. She moved over to the bed, stripped without me prompting her, and stood there waiting for me to devour her.

  I let my gaze slide down her body, loving the curves she’d gotten after giving birth. She was gorgeous and mine, and my handprints would look beautiful on her pale flesh. I kept moving my gaze down until I reached her pussy, free of any hair, shaved because I wanted her smooth for when I had my mouth on her.

  Sofia was mine, and every part of her body belonged to me. I showed her every day how true that was, and would never stop showing her until I took my last breath.

  Her breathing was changing slightly, increasing, becoming harder, faster with her arousal. Her breasts rose and fell, her nipples hard, the tips a dusky rose.

  “How wet are you for me?” I said on a low, deep voice, and felt my own desire rising higher.

  “So wet.”

  “Then get on the bed and spread wide for me, show me how primed you are for my cock.”

  She got on the bed, her feet flat on the mattress, her pussy on clear display. I got undressed and immediately grabbed my cock. I stroked myself from root to tip, felt the pre-cum start to form, and used it for lubrication. I moved closer to her and stopped when I reached the edge of the bed. For long seconds all I did was stare at her as I masturbated, gave her a little show so she could see exactly how worked up I was, how much I wanted her.

  Her cunt was red and swollen, and so fucking wet for me. My dick would slide right in, spread her wide, stretch her good. “Spread your legs even wider for me, Sofia.”

  She made a small noise, and my dick hardened even more. I didn’t bother stopping myself from getting on my knees between her splayed thighs and slipping my fingers through her folds, coating the digits with her cream. I then lifted them to my mouth and sucked them clean as she watched me. I was starved for her in every way imaginable. And then I had my face buried between her legs. I licked and sucked, swallowed her arousal, and growled for more. The moans that came from her fueled my dark desire.

  I forced
myself to pull away from her pretty pussy, but had a finger lodged in her tight, wet and hot body a second later. I pumped that finger in and out of her and then added another one. I scissored the digits, stretching her good and hard, and she moaned for me, squirming under my touch.

  I needed this, needed her in all ways.

  “You’re mine.” I couldn’t control myself any longer. I removed my fingers from her body, took her chin in a firm hold, and kissed her hard, making her taste herself on my lips and tongue.

  “I need you now,” she begged, pleading for more.

  She was mine, and I might own her body, but she owned every single fucking part of me. I positioned myself so my cockhead was at her pussy hole and slid in without waiting. I had a firm hold on her waist, and knew I would leave bruises on her creamy flesh. But I needed to see those marks.

  The feeling of pushing into her, feeling her clench around my cock and her moaning out my name, nearly had me coming right then and there. My balls drew up tight from my release rising to the surface. “Give it all to me.”

  She mewled from the pleasure. The air left me harshly when she squeezed her pussy muscles around me.

  “You feel so fucking good.” I moved in and out of her hard and fiercely, picking up my pace, slamming my hips against hers. I leaned back and watched as my cock tunneled in and out of her slick, soaked pussy.

  I was going to come, but first I wanted her getting off. I started pumping in and out of her faster, and moved my hand between us, rubbing my thumb along her clit. “Come for me, Sofia.” And then I felt the first ripple of her orgasm move along my shaft.

  “Oh. God, yes,” she cried out long and hard.

  This was what I wanted, her sweet surrender. And as she came for me I let myself go over the edge right along with her. The groan that came from me was harsh, guttural. I filled her up, marking her and claiming every fucking part of her. Only when my pleasure dimmed did I pull out of her and collapse on the bed beside her.

  Sofia breathed out heavily and I pulled her close to me, our bodies sweaty, sated.