Best of 2017

by Alexa Riley

  “I know that none of this would have happened if I had just trusted that you would understand,” I murmured. “This shouldn’t have been an issue.” The tears I had held back finally gave way. “I embarrassed you in front of your friends.”

  Axel shook his head. “You don’t need to worry about them. They’ve seen a lot more drama than that.”

  “I don’t want them to ever doubt my love for you. I don’t want you to ever doubt my love, either.”

  “That’s a tough one,” he murmured in a voice so quiet I almost didn’t hear him. But I did, and the tears fell faster.

  “You cared about me once,” I said as I wiped at my moist face. “Maybe you could learn to care about me again—someday?” I sounded like a little girl desperate for affection and I hated it, but I needed Axel. I wanted Axel. Not just because he made me feel appreciated and cared for, but because when I was in his arms, I felt complete. And I loved Axel and hoped our love deserved another chance.

  “I didn’t stop caring about you. I’ll always care about you and want what’s best for you.”

  “You are what is best for me.”

  Axel shook his head. “I wish I could say I one hundred percent believed that. Because you stole my heart the day I saw you in the club.” He smiled a bit. “But that was… like a dream, Quinn. We lived this fast and furious love affair that maybe was always bound to come crashing down.”

  “Don’t say that,” I pleaded. “Don’t give up on us. Please.”

  “I think I’m just facing reality.”

  “Do you love me enough to stay with me?” I asked as more tears slid down my face.

  “I love you. I have since I met you. The whole issue with this book and Harrison reminded me that you still have a life in San Francisco. You still plan on going back and building your career. As much as I want to be selfish and just take you in my arms, make love to you and promise you everything will be all right, I can’t. I know that long-distance relationships don’t work out.”

  “I decided long ago, long before this whole mess, that I was staying here… with you,” I cried.

  Axel looked moved by my admission and slowly pulled me close to his chest. I closed my eyes for a brief moment as I felt a whisper of a touch on my face as he began to dab at my tears with the pads of his warm, gentle fingertips.

  “I think you need to move back,” he said in a hushed voice as I opened my eyes and stared at him in shock. “I can’t do this.”

  In one swift motion, Axel turned around and walked back in the club without saying another word, leaving me standing there stunned.

  What the fuck just happened?

  We were so close.

  So close.

  And just as I was about to crumble to my knees and give up on everything, a sound from the depths of hell occurred.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  FUCKING JILLIAN

  QUINN

  “YOU DON’T KNOW who you fucking messed with!” I jumped at the wicked declaration suddenly right behind me. I turned around to see Jillian standing with a knife pointed in my direction. Her dilated eyes revealed an evil inside. Drugs, alcohol, hatred, and a weapon made a deadly mix. My heart stopped as Jillian charged.

  My head whipped back from the force of the blow. Blood shot from the corner of my mouth as Jillian’s knuckles made contact with my lower lip. The evil in her eyes shone in the dim light of the parking lot. The stench of her breath only added to the demon-like figure before me.

  Swiping my fingertips over my mouth, I struggled to my feet, but Jillian was suddenly on top of me, her fishnet-clad thighs straddling my chest, pinning me to the cold asphalt below. I tried not to focus on the crazed face looming over me. Her face showed a fury that made me realize she would indeed try to kill me. She was too far gone to stop in her attack.

  I had knocked the knife out of Jillian’s hand when she unexpectedly lunged at me. But the knife remained within my reach. If only I could stretch out my arm and—

  “Stop fighting me, bitch! I’m going to show you what happens when you mess with me. Do you know who I am? How dare you punch me in the club! You’ll pay for that now!”

  I blocked the pummel of hands, feeling Jillian’s skin beneath my nails as I clawed at her face. I let out a scream even though no one would hear. The music in the club was too loud. No one was there to save me. I had no choice but to save myself.

  Jillian grunted, beads of sweat dripping off her forehead. I could feel Jillian’s strength weakening. Hope washed over me. I could still fight her off. I just needed to outlast her power. Stamina and sobriety could save my life.

  Jillian was breathing hard, her scrawny body heaving from each jagged pant. She had me trapped on the cold ground, but I knew I had a chance to break free as Jillian’s energy faded. I struggled to draw air into my lungs, but Jillian’s weight on my stomach almost suffocated me. I couldn’t wrestle out from her hold, let alone take a breath. My own energy faded just as fast. I sucked in much-needed oxygen, refusing to look at Jillian’s disgusting face only inches from my own as she continued to punch at my head. From the corner of my eye, I saw a flash of silver.

  Her knife. I needed to reach her knife.

  Reach for the knife.

  I forced myself to be brave. I took a calming breath to steady my nerves. I breathed evenly through my nose, slowly counting to five. I could do this. I had to do this. I had to fight back, or Jillian would kill me.

  Before Jillian could react, my hand reached out, fingers connecting with the silver handle of the knife. When Jillian realized what I was doing, she lunged for the blade. But she wasn’t fast enough. Her eyes bulged in shock just as I stuck the blade into her upper arm.

  Jillian screamed as she glanced down at her bloody arm in horror. Her dark eyes flashed with rage as she knocked the knife out of my hand, sending it flying across the ground. Jillian grabbed a hold of my neck and squeezed with a renewed, superhuman strength. Struggling for air, I realized I was going to die by Jillian’s hand. I had missed my chance.

  AXEL

  MY CHEST FELT heavy as I walked back into the club. The realization that Quinn had probably left by now made my throat tighten, but knowing I was the one who’d turned my back on her hurt even more.

  Go to her.

  Those three words repeated over and over again in my mind, screamed from my soul.

  I walked halfway to the VIP area when I finally couldn’t stand it anymore. I had to see if Quinn was still out there. Maybe she hadn’t left yet. Maybe I still had the chance to make things right. I needed to make it right.

  I threw open the back door and froze in place, panic rising in my body as I watched the scene before me. With a burst of rage, I charged toward Quinn. She lay flat on her back, with Jillian on top of her, choking the life right out of her.

  Suddenly Quinn snapped into a state of alertness, landing a nasty punch to Jillian’s jaw. Quinn reached to grab a jagged rock near her hand, crashing it down on the side of Jillian’s head. The blow sent her into unconsciousness and she collapsed on top of Quinn.

  The silence deafening, I surged toward Quinn. “God, Quinn! Are you okay?” I pulled her from under Jillian’s body.

  QUINN

  THE SOUND of Axel’s voice brought tears to my eyes. He was here! Help… a miracle… Axel was here.

  Almost instantly, my entire body began to shake. My breath came out in ragged gasps. Air. I needed air. Jillian was dead! I killed someone! I took another’s life!

  “I’m here, Quinn. Everything’s going to be okay.” I felt Axel’s hand on my forearm. Blinking with confusion, I looked down and saw that my bloody hand still gripped the rock.

  “I killed her! Oh my god!”

  Axel placed his hand on Jillian’s throat and checked for a pulse. “No. She’s alive.” He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed 911. In a hurry, he explained the situation to dispatch and demanded they send the police and ambulance.

  “It’s okay, Quinn. You were defending
yourself.” The soft reassurance of his voice soothed me. I loosened my grip on the rock and let it fall to the ground.

  “Are you all right?” he asked gruffly.

  I stared into his dark eyes for a long moment before finally whispering, “No.” And then I threw myself at him, needing his strength.

  I clung to him desperately as I sobbed for what felt like a lifetime. Weak from exhaustion, my body collapsed against his. The next thing I knew, I was in his arms, and he stroked my back with his big, warm hands. “It’s all right,” he said softly. “You’re all right now.”

  He pulled back slightly, remorse clouding his shadowed eyes. “I’m so sorry. I should have never left you.”

  Tears stung my eyes. “I’m sorry I put you in a situation that you felt you had to. I know you may never trust me again.”

  Axel’s features creased with remorse. “I left you, and you got attacked. It’s all my fault.”

  “You had no way of knowing.”

  Axel looked ready to argue, but a shout from behind put an end to the conversation. I turned to see two police officers immediately hurry toward Jillian’s unconscious form.

  “What happened?” the cop demanded, his steely eyes fixed on me and Axel.

  In a calm yet firm voice, Axel told the officers everything. When he finished, he glanced at me and smiled. It was a smile that let me know it truly would be all right. Everything would be fine… with Axel.

  After hours of answering questions and filling out paperwork, we were finally free to go. I felt relief when Jillian regained consciousness as the paramedics arrived. No matter what, I didn’t want to hurt her, and definitely didn’t want to kill her. The incident was the most terrifying experience of my life. I refused to press charges even though the police urged me to do so. At the end of the day, Jillian needed help. Not jail, but help with her demons, and definitely help with her addictions.

  Axel escorted me to the limo and gently assisted me inside. “Do you hurt? You have cuts and bruises.”

  “A little, but I’ll be fine.”

  Axel watched me intently. His eyes shone with so much protectiveness. So much uncertainty. He reached out, cupping the right side of my face ever so gently in the palm of his hand. “We’re going to the hospital to get everything checked out.”

  “I’m fine. Please, I don’t want to go to the hospital. I have some cuts and bruises. That’s all. The paramedics already checked me out. Please.”

  Axel sighed. “Fine, but you’re staying with me tonight. Don’t even try arguing. I’m not asking, I’m telling.”

  I blinked back more tears and he leaned forward and slowly, reverently, pressed a kiss to my bruised cheek. He repeated the gesture, kissing my cut cheekbone, then the bridge of my bloody nose, the curve of my beaten jaw, my eyelid. Finally, he found my mouth and pressed his lips to mine. I started to cry as he pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me.

  “I’m not going anywhere, Quinn. I will never leave your side again.”

  “Oh, god,” I said, my hands curling into the fabric of his shirt as I pulled him closer, almost as though I tried to merge my body with his. “You have no idea how afraid I was.”

  Axel nodded. “I’ll never let Jillian near you again.”

  I shook my head. “No. I don’t care about Jillian and that whole incident. It’s over. I was so scared of losing… you.”

  “Never again,” he whispered as he dropped a kiss onto my forehead.

  I leaned into him deeper. “You’ll forgive me?” I asked and rested my tear-stained face in the crook of Axel’s neck for a moment. His hand found my back and massaged it lightly in small circles for a long moment.

  “I can’t stand seeing you cry.” He leaned over and kissed my damp cheek. “I love you.”

  “Let’s go to your place and work things out. Let us start over, please. Let’s make us whole again,” I pleaded. “Forgive me and love me again.”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  NO MORE FUCKS

  AXEL

  WITH UNCERTAINTY and nerves twisting my stomach, the night was an emotional blur. The entire ride to my place, was filled with relief to have Quinn sitting safely beside me, mixed with confusion and pain I couldn’t quite shake off. I didn’t know what to expect when we got home. My mind working in overdrive, I closed my eyes to try to clear my thoughts.

  Quinn reached for my hand, and the soft touch made my heart leap out of my chest. I didn’t want to face the woman I so desperately loved only to see betrayal. I couldn’t give her reassurance, so I gently pulled my hand free. Silence was the only thing I could offer.

  “Axel? I’d really like to show you something if I can.”

  I didn’t want to be dramatic and continue with my fury, call off the relationship, or do any other rash action that ran through my head. At the end of the day, I loved her completely. Seeing her hurt only intensified my feelings for her. She was everything I could ever dream of. I wanted to make this work. Quinn had already surrendered her love and given her entire heart. It was obvious. And she was sorry. That much was obvious. But could I trust her?

  She reached into her purse and pulled out a bunch of papers wrapped in a rubber band.

  “What is all that?”

  “I’ve been keeping these in my bag ever since… well ever since in hopes to show you why I do what I do. They’re all of the magazine and newspaper articles, and small essays I’ve ever written.” She pointed to her name on one of them, and then pointed to her name on another. “See that?”

  I read her written name, confused. “Your name?”

  “Yes, my name. Quinn Sullivan.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “When I was a child, my grandmother always told me that I had a name that should be lit up in lights. I had a name worthy of a queen. She told me that with a name like Quinn Sullivan, I was destined for success.” She paused to take a deep breath. “Every time I place my name on something I write, I feel like I am honoring my grandmother’s memory.” She took another deep breath and continued on. “There was not a lot of love in my home growing up. My parents weren’t affectionate and rarely offered praise. It wasn’t a bad childhood or anything. Just cold. But things were different with my grandmother. She made me feel like the most special person in the world. Her words and encouragement made me feel like I could do whatever I wanted. She actually made me believe I was destined for great things.” She paused as she wiped at a falling tear. “She made me promise to do something special with my life. She made me promise to make Quinn Sullivan a name not to be forgotten. She made me promise to shoot for my dreams, because with a name like mine, dreams would come to reality. It doesn’t excuse my lies…”

  I reached for Quinn’s hand and linked my fingers through hers. I offered a smile, finding it impossible to be angry at the woman before me. She squeezed her fingers tightly between mine, and a shiver of satisfaction went through me. The simplest touch confirmed that Quinn was the only woman I would ever need.

  Quinn was here… fighting. Confiding in me like she’d never done before. Deep down I’d hoped she would come to me, that the bond between us was as powerful as I believed. It had been weeks and I had tried my best to forget all about her, blocking the painful memories of her lies from my mind.

  But here she was, sitting before me with her face shadowed in the dim light of the passing streetlights. She was a woman of such beauty that she took my breath away. Her skin was smooth, golden—gorgeous even with the bruises and cuts. Her hair an enchanting brown, richer and deeper than any woman’s I’d seen. It fell over her delicate shoulders with a slight curl at the bottom. Her eyes were closed, her lashes lying thick and dark against her cheeks. I needed to see into her eyes… into her heart. But she kept them shut, her face saddened by her memories.

  I couldn’t stop myself from reaching out to her. It seemed like an eternity since I last touched her. I skimmed my fingertips along the edge of her swollen jaw.

  She gasped, but instead of pu
lling back, she leaned closer, her eyes fluttering open. “I know I don’t deserve you,” she murmured. “I wish I could do it all over…”

  I slid my thumb up over her chin and then across her bottom lip. On a shaky sigh, she parted her lips. She stared directly into my eyes.

  “Axel…”

  I leaned down and closed the distance between my mouth and hers. My hands still cupping her face, I tipped her chin up. Then I brushed my lips gently across hers in a whisper-soft kiss.

  “I’m sorry. I came here to get a story that could really make Quinn Sullivan a name people had heard of. I saw the possibility of a book deal, and I saw potential success. I came here, and I met you, for all the wrong reasons.” Quinn wiped at a falling tear. “But I swear to you, that somewhere along our path, everything changed. I fell in love. I gave you my entire heart. I gave you the entirety of my soul. Not because of a book, but because I truly fell in love with you.”

  I nodded as the pain in my heart subsided. Quinn reached out unexpectedly and gripped her hand around my neck. In one swift movement, her mouth came down powerfully on mine, her tongue plunging past my lips as if she were claiming me, possessing me as hers. I clutched at her arms, deepening the kiss, leaving nothing but overwhelming love.

  Arousal sparked in my body as if Quinn had lit me on fire. I parted her lips with the force of my tongue, my hands desperately clinging to the fabric of her shirt. Our tongues danced together as electric currents rippled through my body, my cock hardening at the sensation of Quinn’s body pressing against mine, my mind spiraling out of control with the knowledge of the erotic gratification we could bring each other.