Frozen Barriers

by Sara Shirley

  Everyone goes quiet suddenly, and Emily slides over while rubbing my leg. Slowly moving her hand higher, her fingers move like spider legs creeping under my board shorts. She finally makes contact with my cock. I shoot her a look, silently asking her what she thinks she’s up to.

  Leaning up to my ear, she softly nibbles at the bottom lobe, making my eyes roll into the back of my head. “It’s just us at your place tonight, right?” she asks softly. Nodding yes, I pull my arm around her waist, feeling her heart rate accelerate, as her body is now flush against me. She grabs my cock, whispering, “I think I need to feel this inside me tonight.”

  She moves away from me slowly. Our eyes meet, and hers say everything. She’s taking control, and she knows she wants this. I ask her silently with my eyes so no one else in the hot tub knows what’s going on. She nods yes before sliding back to talk to Courtney. What just happened here? She tells me she’s ready to have sex with me tonight, and now she’s over talking to Courtney. Again I say, what a cock-teasing vixen!

  I run my wet hands through my hair as I let out a bated breath, knowing she’s making me wait. Reaching over to wrap my arm around her, I move closer toward her and kiss behind her shoulder. She continues her conversation with Courtney about sights around Paris, completely ignoring my advances. I take my opportunity for a sneak attack and slide my hand slowly from her waist under her bikini bottoms and over her sensitive area. She yelps, and her body goes rigid as she realizes now everyone knows what I just did. Smacking my chest, she jumps out of the hot tub and wraps a towel around her. Her face is bright red, and she takes off toward the garage after picking up her flip-flops.

  “Good job, Jeremy,” Dave says. “If I were you, I’d be making my way up to your place to apologize to your girl.” Really? Dave is giving me relationship advice?

  “Dave, you’re my best friend, so don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re the last person I want relationship advice from. I’ll handle my girlfriend my own way, got it?”

  Tipping his beer can in the air toward me, I know he gets it. “Touché.”

  As Courtney heads across the tub to talk to Sue, Josh moves over to my side. His eyes fixate on Sue and Dave across from him before he turns his head toward me. “Sometimes we tend to overlook what’s right in front of us. We let go of the only thing that allows us true happiness. When it’s too late, you know you can’t take it back. Don’t make that mistake with Emily. If you care for her the way I think you do, never allow yourself to think she’s better off with someone else,” he quietly says. While staring at Josh, I want to ask him why he ever thought letting Sue go was the right decision at the time. Sometimes I think he thought at some point she’d come back to him, and now he knows she’ll only be a friend.

  I’m unsure of what to say or what to do to help ease his remorse; I just know I’ve got to go and talk to Emily. I’ve been sitting here in the hot tub listening to Josh for way too long. Pushing myself out of the hot tub, I quickly run the towel over my body, wiping off some of the dripping water and then slip into my sandals. Running up my stairs two at a time, I storm into my place, shutting the door behind me and making sure to lock it, just in case. I see my bedroom light on at the end of the hall, and I figure Emily must be changing. Shit. Why couldn’t I just keep my hands to myself in the water?

  “Em?” Nothing. Sigh. I start walking toward the light, and when I enter my room, the sight before me makes my heart jump into my throat. Standing there in front of my full-length floor mirror, looking at herself is Emily. She’s wearing a matching black bra and thong with lace bows attached above her ass crack along with sky high black heels and black thigh high nylons. “Holy shit,” I mutter, slowly entering the room. How long was I out there for?

  “Like what you see?” she asks, finally turning her head in my direction as she slowly rolls up a black thigh high nylon on her leg that’s perched on my storage trunk.

  “Uh, Emily, what’s going on? I thought you were upset back there in the hot tub.” Then the realization hits me. “Wait. You did that on purpose?” I ask as I cross the room, now almost standing in front of her.

  “I couldn’t very well say I needed to go change into lingerie before having sex with you in front of everyone, now could I? You just moved things along faster when you decided to start touching me all over,” she says as she takes my hand and rubs it over the front lace of her thong.

  “Emily, first, I can’t believe you’re standing here, wearing that, looking all smokin’ hot, and second, I need to know you’re one hundred percent sure about doing this. There’s no going back if we do this tonight. As much as it will kill me for you to change your mind right now, I’ll understand,” I tell her as I wrap my arms around her waist.

  “Jeremy, I’m ready. I’m not sure when we’ll have this chance again after tonight, and I know we’re moving fast, but this feels right to me,” she pleads. “You make me feel beautiful and open, and I’ve never felt this way before. I want my first time to be special, and I know in my heart it was always meant to be with you.”

  I slowly lift her in my arms, grabbing her exposed ass in my hands and carrying her over to my bed. Pulling down the top comforter, I lower her onto the sheets as her hair spreads out under her in soft curls. Her breasts push up in her lace bustier bra while her legs move together slowly in an up and down pattern.

  “God, you’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever known, Emily.” I watch her breathing grow faster as I slowly remove her heels. “You’re going to remember every second of this, and I’m going to make sure it is pleasurable for you as best as I can. I know it’s going to hurt a little, but just trust me, okay? If something isn’t right, let me know.”

  I grab the towel from the floor and place it under her on the bed. She doesn’t say anything while I’m doing it; she just watches. I kiss my way up her legs until my hands are slowly caressing her bra. Agonizingly slow, I pull back the cups of her bra and begin placing light kisses around her breasts. She’s already moaning in pleasure, as I see her clutch the sheets at her sides. I step back to remove my wet shorts as her eyes scan my entire naked body. She looks determined, but I notice worry in her eyes. Don’t worry, baby. It will fit.

  Placing my body just above hers on the bed, I kiss her slowly and lovingly. She’s right; this feels right for us. It’s as if all this time we were meant to find each other again, and this was supposed to happen. A tingling pain shoots its way through my chest, and I pull back slightly, shutting my eyes.

  Emily reaches for my face and rubs my cheek. “Are you okay?” she asks. The minute I look into her eyes, I see it. I feel it. I haven’t felt this since the day she walked away from me in high school. She’s it for me. When I agreed to bring her home to meet Mom and Dad today, they knew it before me. It’s the reason why Mom has been crying so much the past few days. Josh and Courtney saw it, too. I’m in love with this woman, and it’s taken me this long to realize she’s been holding my heart since I met her. God, I was so blind. “Jeremy? Is something wrong?” I hear Emily ask, and I’m roused from my thoughts.

  Shaking my head no, I lean down and kiss her with so much love, she has to know how strong my feelings for her are. “Babe, are you sure you’re ready?” I ask.

  “Jeremy, please make love to me. I need to know what it feels like to have you inside me.”

  Reaching over her head to the nightstand, I open the drawer to pull out a condom. Emily grabs my hand on my way back, silently telling me no. Wait. What does she mean no? She can’t be thinking straight.

  “Emily?” I question.

  “I’m on the pill. I have been since high school. I don’t want anything between us when we do this. I know it’s going to be messy, but I need to feel all of you. You’re mine as much as I’m yours, right? No barriers, just us,” she says, running her hand over my chest while her other hand covers the necklace.

  How did I ever get so lucky to have her come back into my life at this time? Slowly lifting her back off the bed,
I unhook her bra and toss it to the side. Then, my hands find her thong, and as I’m about to rip it off of her, she places her hand over mine. I slow my pace, gently discarding it next to her bra. We’re both completely naked, and I know I can never let this woman go. Ever.

  I’ll never let him believe I’m scared to death right now. If he knew how much I’ve lost control, he would never have gone through with this. Truth is, I haven’t told him I’m leaving the day after his first home game and won’t be back for three weeks due to the first major skating competitions on the Grand Prix circuit. I’ll be in Denver for Skate America until the last day of the event, and then I’ll fly to Vancouver, British Columbia, for Skate Canada. I can’t break his heart. I know I should have told him, but he would have never given me all of him if he knew the truth.

  To tell him I want to feel all of him with nothing between us for my first time takes some coercing on my part. I’m really not sure what to expect during this whole sexual experience. I’m hoping he senses my fear enough to go slow at first. I only know I’m ready, and I know it’s supposed to be with him.

  He has brought out something unknown in me, and I can’t tell if he’s broken into my head or my heart. Either way, he’s the reason for my happiness these past few weeks. If I’m completely honest with myself, I’d say my heart already belongs to him. Once we have sex, I’m sure without a doubt any walls will be shattered, and my heart and soul are all his. Is it love, maybe in time, or it may actually be what I’m feeling at this very moment.

  Lowering himself down my stomach, he licks his tongue over my tattoo again. This time he traces the words with his tongue. He loves to do that. I don’t know why. But, God, it feels incredible. The tingling sensation begins low in my stomach and moves further south as his mouth descends onto my clit. He slips one finger inside me, and I can feel the wetness pooling around his finger. Arching my back as a wave of pleasure shoots throughout my body, I grab onto his hair, hearing him chuckle around my clit. I explode as he speeds up the finger inside me. Riding the wave of ecstasy, my hips grind against his mouth fiercely until I’m completely out of breath.

  Removing his finger from me and licking the juices from my folds, he kisses my nipples before planking himself above me. Looking me straight in the eyes he asks, “Are you ready?” I just nod and flutter my eyes as I look down at his cock sitting over my clit. He grabs his generous length and begins running it up and down my folds, coating it with the remnants of my orgasm. “This is going to pinch at first, but once I’m in, we’ll move slow until you’re comfortable. Just tell me what you’re feeling,” he says as he places his cock at my entrance and slowly guides it in.

  A slight tight pressure fills my lower body, and Jeremy never loses eye contact with me. He pushes a little further, and I hear him groan in pleasure. A little more and there’s a larger pinch, and I wince in pain as my face falls to the side. Biting my lower lip with my teeth, I squeeze my eyes shut to avoid him seeing just how much. Grabbing my chin, he pulls my face back to his. He looks for any sign of fear. You’re not getting it, Jeremy, not now. I’m tougher than that,I reassure myself. I’ve dealt with worse things than a little pinching pain. In all honesty, I really thought the pain would have been significantly worse than it is.

  Bringing my hips up a little, I feel Jeremy slide all the way in and then I feel it. All of him. “Holy shit, Em. You’re so tight, and oh my God, you feel amazing around my cock. Can you feel it? Can you feel yourself throbbing around my cock? Holy fuck.”

  Breathlessly I find my voice. “Jeremy, oh my God, please. Deeper, please. Holy shit. Keep moving like that. Right there.”

  I feel Jeremy’s body go rigid above me. “Emily, babe, I hate for this to be over so quickly, but there’s no way I’m lasting inside you much longer, especially with you squeezing around my cock like that. Tell me where you want me to come.”

  “I need to feel you inside me. Please, harder, Jeremy. I’m so close to coming. Please.” His pace quickens as he raises my arms above my head, and I feel his balls smack against my ass. His cock is still hitting the one spot that’s making me see stars. Then, all the pressure in my core releases, my back arches and my eyes roll into my head as I’m screaming his name. “Jeremy! Oh. My. God. Jeremy!”

  I feel him pause for one split second before hot fluid begins filling me with his release, and his eyes squeeze shut as he groans out something like, “Fuck, Emily.” If my own orgasm wasn’t still rushing through my body, I could have sworn I heard him say the words “I love you” in there, too.

  Our erratic breathing returns to normal after a few minutes as he lifts his head off my neck and slowly places soft kisses all the way up to my ear before he looks me in the eyes. I run my fingers over his back and feel his tight muscles start to relax. Kissing me on the nose, he pulls back a bit. “Stay here, and I’ll go grab a washcloth to clean you up.” Sliding slowly out of me, he moves toward the door and down the hall. Sitting up on my elbows, I wait for him to return. Funny, I thought I would feel different. Right now, I feel bolder and more aggressive in a sexual nature.

  Jeremy comes back holding a wet washcloth and wearing a pair of boxer briefs. He sits up on his knees in front of me, softly running the cloth over my swollen folds. I can see the remnants of my virginity as he wraps the towel under me with the washcloth before I hear him heading down the hall to toss them into the trashcan. I guess you can say I just threw my virginity in the trash. Au Revoir!

  I may have fallen asleep shortly after that, because the next thing I know, Jeremy is running his hands up and down my side as he’s lying beside me, whispering my name into my ear. Blinking my eyes open, I look over at him.

  “Hey,” he says.

  “Hey, back at ‘cha. Did I fall asleep?” I hoarsely ask while trying to clear my throat.

  “You might have dozed off, but I’m content with you sleeping in my bed. How are you feeling?”

  “Good, just a little sore, but nothing unbearable,” I say, trying to adjust my body around to face him.

  “Em, I don’t want to sound insensitive, but how was it for you?” Jeremy asks while twisting a loose thread on his comforter.

  Leaning over to prop my head up on my shoulder, I look into his worried eyes. “I can’t even put into words how that felt. I just know we have got to do it again.” Seeing something I haven’t seen in his eyes makes my body come to full attention. I’m not sure if it’s fear or sadness. “Hey, what’s wrong?” I ask. “Do you not want to do it again with me? Was…was I bad?” Every fear imaginable is running through my mind. Was I that awful? Did he use me just to have sex with me? Was all of this a lie? Oh my God, I need to leave. Pulling myself straight from the bed, I gingerly run toward the doorway to grab my clothes and go. Jeremy’s voice stops me in my tracks, and the words he says nearly level me.

  “Emily, I’ve fallen in love with you.” Silence. I turn and meet his eyes as he slowly makes his way over to me. He grabs my arms, his eyes pleading with me to say something. “Did you hear what I said, Emily? I love you, and I don’t think I can let you go, ever.” More silence. Jesus, Emily. Say something, I tell myself. The look in his eyes now is nothing compared to what they will be when I have to tell him about Denver and then Vancouver after that. “C’mon, Emily. Talk to me. Please tell me you feel the same. This…us…we’re right for each other. I know it’s fast and all, but after tonight, it’s so clear to me. God, please say something,” he begs.

  Tell him you love him too, Emily. Tell him he’s all your dreams come true. Tell him he broke through the walls to your heart.

  Shaking my head, I say the one thing that will make everything we have in this moment, all nothing. “I’m leaving the day after your home opener Sunday. I’m sorry.”

  So, that’s what this feeling is. It’s my heart breaking all over again. She’s fuckin’ leaving me. I tell her I love her, and I’m fighting for her no matter how hard I know our relationship will be, and she’s leaving after next Sunday’s home ope
ner. She has to feel something; she wouldn’t have just given up her most prized possession to me if she didn’t. Something’s not right in all of this. I don’t even realize I’m on my knees in front of her. Standing, I search her eyes for any sign that she’s not really leaving me. There’s nothing there to tell me otherwise.

  Pacing in front of her now, not knowing what words to say, I catch a glimpse of her grabbing for her underwear on the floor. She’s quickly putting them on, nearly toppling over as she frantically throws her legs into her thong. She makes it across my room to grab her folded clothes off the dresser. Where the hell does she think she’s going? I just confessed I love her, and she’s seriously going to leave me, right here and now. She couldn’t even respond to my question. No, I just got the words “I’m leaving.” Why wait until after my game next week if she doesn’t feel what I feel for her? Shaking my head as I pull at my hair, I know I need answers. This is ridiculous, and none of it makes sense.

  Finding my voice again as she’s standing in the doorway with her back to me, I ask, “Tell me something, Emily. Was it worth it? Was it worth giving up your virginity to me, knowing damn well how I feel about you, only to leave in the end again?” I walk toward her, her back still turned to me. I lean down beside her ear, pushing some of her hair out of the way before I whisper, “Why won’t you fight for this? What’s holding you back from taking a chance? I thought you were stronger than this, Emily. I guess I was wrong.” She flinches as I punch the wall with my fist before moving back to make my way around her because I can’t deal with this right now.