Family Dynamics: Pam of Babylon Book #5

by Suzanne Jenkins

  “Sylvia, you and Paul have a successful marriage. It doesn’t look like your fantasy would make much difference, does it? You are together regardless,” Sandra said. Her sister leaned over and kissed her cheek as they walked to the diner. “Why compare your relationship to someone else’s? You and he want to be in the same house; that’s all that matters. Stop psychoanalyzing it.”

  “Thank you, dear,” Sylvia said. Having someone young and vibrant like her sister validating her gave her a, fresh outlook that would take her through the rest of the day, until she returned to her home in New Jersey—and reality.

  Chapter 12

  When five o’clock Friday night rolled around, Carolyn Fitzsimmons was ready to get out of her stuffy office and head farther downtown with Steve Marks. She was going to his brownstone in Greenwich Village for a drink. Nelda, his child’s grandmother, was more than willing to put Miranda to bed so Steve could have a drink with a coworker, but he missed his daughter and wanted to say goodnight to her first. Carolyn didn’t know what to expect; would they hang around with Nelda Fabian all night or go out for a drink in his neighborhood? She really didn’t care, as long as she didn’t have to go home. She’d called her parents before leaving the office.

  “Mom, I’m going with a work buddy to have a drink. Don’t wait up for me,” she said. But her mother wanted details. She was sure Frank was going to come to his senses and return to his wife; if she started dating, it would only complicate matters.

  “Who is it?” her mother asked.

  “No one you know, Mom. But don’t worry. I won’t get married tonight or anything, OK?”

  “What? You won’t what?” Her mother was hard of hearing and too vain to wear a hearing aid. It made honest communication next to impossible.

  “Mom, I’ve got to hang up now. We’ll talk in the morning.” And she hung up without a second thought. She wasn’t going to worry about pleasing her mother now. Steve came back to her office as she was clearing her desk.

  “Ready?” he asked. She noticed how nice-looking he was, a little craggy-faced from too much booze, but it was OK. He was in his sixties, not exactly old, but he should be showing something in his face, either wrinkles or partying. She smiled at him and went through the door in front of him. They were comfortable with each other after all these years, and no one even noticed as they walked out together because they were friends from the old office. When Steve held the door open for her, she could feel the heat smack her in the face.

  “Whew! I didn’t realize it turned into summer today,” she said as they walked to the train.

  “I love the heat,” Steve said. “Winter takes so much out of me every year. I keep thinking I would go to Florida if I didn’t have to work.”

  She nodded her head. “Yeah, work’ll do it to you. What would you do if you didn’t work?” she asked.

  He shrugged his shoulders. “Probably play cards. If I didn’t have the baby, I’d be playing tonight. You don’t play, by any chance?” He looked hopeful, but when she shook her head, he seemed crestfallen. He started laughing. “I don’t have to pretend I’m ambitious, do I?”

  She smiled at him. “No, no pretending. We already know too much about each other to pretend. I plan on letting it all hang out,” she replied. He slipped his hand over hers, and they walked holding on to each other until they came to the subway entrance. His home was a short ride from the office and a short walk. When they reached his apartment, Nelda was holding baby Miranda, standing in the door of the house waiting for Steve. When the little girl saw her father, she began bouncing crazily, Nelda having to hold on to her with all her might while she laughed. The baby was clearly a great source of joy to both of them. Carolyn was shocked to see he had the entire brownstone. She couldn’t imagine what the rent must be. The baby flew into his arms, screaming with delight while Nelda took his briefcase. He introduced Nelda and Carolyn in passing, and Carolyn thought it surprising that Nelda seemed happy to meet her. She would have thought her to be saddened by Steve moving on after her daughter Marie’s death, but it didn’t seem so. The interior of the house was dark and claustrophobic.

  Steve was reading her mind. “One of these days, we’ll paint in here,” he said. “Marie’s sister owns the house, and we moved in without doing anything to it. Most of the furniture belongs to her brother-in-law.” Nelda mouthed, “In jail,” with her eyebrows raised up. She had some stories to tell this new person. “Let’s not scare her off, Mother Fabian,” Steve said.

  Nelda laughed. “Kiss punkin’ good night. I need a drink,” she said. Carolyn could see Steve was in somewhat the same boat she was; aging parents needing their children as a way to stay connected to a living world. He handed his daughter off to Nelda, and they disappeared into the back of the house where the baby’s room was.

  “She’s probably waited for this moment all day. Do you mind if we have a drink with her and then go down the street?” Carolyn said it was fine. Nelda came back shortly.

  “Believe it or not, Old Lady Smith is getting sprung from the old folks’ home after her dinner tonight and is coming here. Hope it’s OK with you, Stevie Boy. We’re going to play cards and get plastered. You’re both welcome to join us,” she added.

  “Oh no, that’s quite all right. You have a great time with your friend.” Steve was thrilled he’d had the foresight to invite Carolyn out. The thought of having to entertain Bernice Smith and Nelda for an evening was unimaginable. He’d been forced to do it often enough when Marie was living at the mansion, waiting to die. He motioned to Carolyn, and they walked out of the door together, waving goodbye to Nelda.

  “I don’t know, but I’m thinking I was pretty lucky to have invited you out tonight,” Steve said.

  “Is that right?” Carolyn countered. “And why is that?”

  “I prefer younger women, for one thing,” he teased. “How do you feel about dating an older man?”

  “I’m not sure,” Carolyn replied. “What are the drawbacks? I’ve only dated men my own age, and that wasn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Maybe an older guy would show me the respect I deserve.”

  “Well, I can promise you respect, if nothing else,” Steve replied. They walked down Carmine Street to a restaurant Steve could afford. He’d take her out to dinner tonight, at the very least. He took her hand again, and she held on to his in turn. He was offering companionship, something she hadn’t had in a long time. Frank left her for June only a few months earlier, but she thought he might have checked out emotionally years ago. She had just denied it.

  “I’ll settle for respect. I like honesty, too. We seem to be doing pretty good in that department,” Carolyn said. Steve thought of Marie and being exposed to AIDS.

  “Look, before we go inside, there’s something I need to tell you.” He moved over to the side of the building, out of the way of other pedestrians.

  “What’s wrong?” Carolyn asked, curious and a little nervous. What’s his problem?

  “I know this is just for drinks,” he said. “But I feel a connection to you. We’re both single. We know and like each other, I think,” he smiled.

  Come on Steve; spit it out, Carolyn thought. She smiled at him in anticipation.

  “Marie had AIDS. She died of an AIDS-related brain infection. We had unprotected sex a few times early in our relationship, before she knew. I’ve tested negative now for two years, but it doesn’t mean I’m one hundred percent safe.”

  Now, that was the last damn thing I thought I would hear tonight. She knew it was the shock of it, but Carolyn wanted to run to the nearest subway entrance and get back to Queens. She held her breath. She didn’t know if she had even considered sleeping with him.

  “I wish I could say it doesn’t matter,” she finally admitted. “Look Steve, my husband has been unfaithful to me with this woman I have no knowledge of. He was sleeping with both of us for a while, so who’s to say who’s infected with what? Let’s just take it slow, OK? Thank you for telling me, by the way.”
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br />   “Slow. Right. People our age—my age—know it’s best to take it slow, but what’s slow? A week, a month, a year?” Steve burst out laughing. “I feel like we are in a commercial for a dating service, and I’m the nightmare date.” He wished he’d kept his mouth shut. They came out of the shadows and back toward the diner. It was too hot to sit outside, and it looked like there was a wait for a table. “Do you mind sitting at the bar?”

  “I love the bar,” Carolyn answered. They entered the cool darkness of the space and found two stools close to the door. The specials for the night were written on a chalkboard.

  “Let’s eat,” Steve said, pausing in front of the board to read the list. “They have great burgers here, if you’re in the mood.” Carolyn wondered if she looked like the type of person who could easily eat a hamburger with her hands while sitting at a bar, wearing a business suit, but she let it go; he was obviously completely comfortable with her. After all, they were friends.

  “What else is good? I’ll save the burger for another time.” She slid onto a stool and watched him studying the chalkboard. He must be nervous, too, she thought. They ordered drinks, and Carolyn got a Caprese salad. She could handle basil and tomatoes.

  “I promise I won’t bring her name up every time we’re together, but Marie would have never ordered that,” Steve said. “If she ate at all, it had to be something breaded and deep-fried. She had the worst diet.”

  Carolyn found that odd. “My God, she was so thin. You’d never know it,” she said, not minding Steve bringing up her name. Carolyn had grown fond of Marie and was saddened when she became ill and never came into the office again.

  “She battled anorexia her entire life,” he confided. “But when she ate, she ate with gusto and usually the worst thing on the menu. It’s sort of refreshing seeing someone order a salad during a heat wave. I might have one, too.” They ate their salads and ordered another round of drinks. By nine, Carolyn wasn’t sure she would be able to get home.

  “I have four empty bedrooms. There’s an entire third floor you can sleep in, if need be. Come home with me,” Steve offered. Carolyn was in no condition to argue with him. She was angry at herself for getting into this shape in the first place.

  “I have to go back there anyway,” she said. “My briefcase.” They left the bar holding hands. Walking the few blocks to his house in the fresh night air woke Carolyn up slightly, but she knew she would be too frightened to take the train home, and a cab would be too expensive. She was going to have to spend the night there and risk her mother’s admonition.

  Once they arrived at Steve’s brownstone, they discovered that Bernice Smith was safely back at the assisted-living center, and Nelda was long to bed. Steve took Carolyn up the stairs to an empty bedroom.

  “This one has its own bathroom. You’ll have all the privacy you need,” he said. Then, thinking of her comfort, he went to his room and came back with a T-shirt for her to sleep in.

  The next morning, before dawn, Carolyn Fitzsimmons hurried and dressed so she could leave Steve’s house before his child and the grandmother woke up. The last thing she wanted was a confrontation with Nelda. She got out safely and was just preparing to take the steps down into the subway when she heard a horn beep; Steve had chased her down.

  “Hop in! I’ll get you to Queens in air-conditioned comfort,” he said. He looked a little tousled but like he’d showered. She was embarrassed of her condition. She hesitated for a moment. “Come on, you won’t have to say a word to me.” So she got into his car, careful not to breathe in his direction.

  “Wow, this was unexpected,” she said. “Thank you very much.” He smiled but didn’t say anything, and when he was done shifting into gear, he took her hand and didn’t release it until they pulled in front of her duplex in Queens.

  Chapter 13

  Ashton Hageman-Dale was in a whirlwind of activity preparing for the “big meeting.” Deborah’s adoptive parents agreed to come into the city to meet Natalie and Ted and were due at any moment. Ashton thought they’d have agreed to anything just to have a paid-for night out in Manhattan. Natalie’s apartment in the Village would be a little snug for such a big crowd, and you could hear the disappointment in Beverly Phillips’s voice when she was told the meeting would take place uptown.

  “Oh, I so love Greenwich Village,” she said. “But the Upper East Side is very nice. Can I bring anything?”

  “No, but thank you! I’ve got everything under control,” Ashton said. Ted was in the den pretending to read the paper while Ashton scurried around getting the meal ready.

  “You need to snap out of your coma, my friend. Your daughter’s family is due momentarily, and you need to get in the shower, for God’s sake.”

  Ted dragged himself up off the couch. “Whose idea was this, anyway? I would have been just as happy meeting them downtown at a coffee shop,” Ted complained.

  Ashton stood in the doorway of the den, looking at Ted with pity.

  “You are a mess,” he said. “What’s going on? I thought you were excited about meeting the parents.”

  “Excited isn’t the word I’d use. Why do we have to make such a big deal out of it? We don’t even know these people,” Ted said. But he did move toward the bedroom.

  Natalie, Deborah, and Zach arrived right on time, but the Phillipses were stuck in traffic at the Lincoln Tunnel. It gave Ted a chance to get acquainted with his daughter. Ashton could see the warmth between them, the easy laughter and camaraderie. He didn’t feel left out at all. It wasn’t a scene he necessarily wanted for his own, but he was more than happy to support Ted and to experience family life through him. He brought out iced tea with mint sprigs on a tray. Natalie got up to kiss him on the cheek.

  “Thank you so much, Ashton. This means so much to me.” He smiled at her, happy that everything was going so well. By the time the Phillipses arrived, the five of them were laughing and relaxed. There was the usual chaos new people coming into a room bring, but soon they were all sitting around, drinking tea. A rare moment of calm gave John Phillips the chance to speak.

  “OK, so let me get this straight. Natalie, you’re Deborah’s birth mother, correct?” He gave her a chance to reply.

  “Yes, I am she!” She took a sip of tea, looking over her glass at John. Then he looked to Ted.

  “And you’re Ted, right? You’re the father.”

  Ted smiled and answered proudly. “That’s right, John,” he said.

  “And you’re married, but not to Natalie.” He said it as a fact, not asking a question. Ted thought, Oh, oh. Ashton could feel the prickles on the back of his neck. He’d been standing quietly in the doorway that led back to the kitchen and was tempted to discretely take a step back and disappear down the hall, but he didn’t want to leave Ted alone.

  “So where’s your wife?” John asked. He said it with an exaggerated movement of his shoulders, giving away that he knew who the “wife” was, but he was about to make a point.

  “Ashton and I are married,” Ted said, standing up and reaching out to pull him into the room. “Almost a year ago!” The tension in the room was undeniable, but they were ready to let whatever was going to happen play out. Surely the guy wouldn’t make a scene while he was a guest in their house. John sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. He had a twist to his mouth that Ted didn’t miss.

  “When Deborah invited us here to meet you, she said the birth mother was single and the father was married. I thought that meant a man and a woman. Not two men.” Beverly Phillips was pale, clearly embarrassed by her husband but not going to say a word in their defense. How could she? Ted thought. She felt like she needed to remain loyal to him, no matter how stupid he was acting. Deborah sat silent, her glass of tea halfway up to her mouth, while Zach twisted around in his chair, uncomfortable. Natalie was frozen in place, staring at John Phillips.

  “Oh, God, yes, we are as gay as they come,” Ted trilled, animated. “I can see how you might be confused! But all is well. Are we about
ready to eat, Ashton dear?” He turned his back to the crowd and rolled his eyeballs.

  “Oh yes! Lunch is ready! Follow me, my wonderful friends. I have something special for you!” Ashton said, making huge sweeping motions with his hands, talking as loudly as he could without alarming the neighbors. He was sorry he hadn’t applied eyeliner, which he was known to wear on occasion. Deborah got ahead of her father and grabbed Ted and Ashton by the hands, pulling them into a hug. She whispered into their ears, “I’m sorry.” John Phillips would have minded an apology on his behalf.

  Ashton and Ted kept up a running banter of questions during the meal, most of them directed at drawing Natalie and Beverly out. Surely, if there was going to be any heartache, it would belong to those two. Beverly had only praise for her daughter—her academic scholarship, the achievements she made in music, her athletic prowess. But John had to chime in with the trials of raising her, not noticing or seeming to care that Deborah was embarrassed by his disclosures.

  “She hated to be touched, at least by me, didn’t you, Debbie? Tell the boys about your bedroom,” he requested, then directed his next sentence at Ted. “My own daughter installed a lock on the inside of her bedroom door, didn’t you honey?”

  “I did it so you and Mom couldn’t barge in, Dad. You make it sound like there was something evil about it.”

  Beverly spoke up. “Deborah was the neatest little girl! Her bed was always made, and she put her clothes away neatly as soon as she was able to dress herself,” she said. She sobbed an audible gulp and turned to Natalie. “When the lawyer called to tell us you had delivered, that there was a chance we would get Deborah, I nearly fainted. John was at work. I called his office, but he was already on his way to the hospital. He was so thrilled, he’d left without calling me the moment the lawyer phoned him! It was the happiest day of our lives.”