Captain Awesome to the Rescue!

by Stan Kirby

Eugene ran quickly into his closet and changed into his Captain Awesome outfit.

  “MI-TEE!” He shouted and ran smack into the door, bounced off, crashed into the bed, and fell to the floor.

  Oops! I forgot about the door!

  Captain Awesome opened the door, ran down the hallway, and grabbed the doorknob to Queen Stinkypants’s Cosmic Stink Ship. He could smell the familiar stinky stink of stinky stuff.

  “Isn’t it ever bathtime for supervillains?” Captain Awesome wondered. He pinched his nose and threw open the door.

  “Get your diapery hands off that hamster!” Captain Awesome warned.

  “Gaaah! Bwaaaah maaa moo beeemooo!” Queen Stinkypants answered.

  And then Captain Awesome saw the most horrible thing possible except for the time Jill Finbender tried to kiss him in first grade.

  Turbo sat at a tiny table with Queen Stinkypants. He wore a mind-control baby bonnet and was about to be served a cup of tea!

  “AAAAAAAAH! Don’t drink that tea, Turbo!” Captain Awesome shouted. “It’s got extra sugar in it so you can’t taste the evil!”

  Eugene was tired of thinking about how many apples he’d have if he started with four then added twelve and divided everything by four. Who wants that many apples?

  Superheroes don’t need math, Eugene thought. That’s why they punch things! Superheroes need to be outside so they can swing and climb on stuff.

  The bell rang. Everyone ran for the door like they were chasing after free chocolate. Eugene waited for the classroom to empty, then headed over to Turbo’s cage.

  “Today’s a very special day,” Eugene whispered. “I want you to be Captain Awesome’s official sidekick. We’ll call you Turbo: The Heroic Hamster, and you can use your Super Gnawing Power to—”

  Panic filled Eugene’s heart and backed up into his throat. Turbo was gone!

  “Arrrrgh!”

  Eugene yelled. “Not again!”

  Who could’ve done such a thing? Did Queen Stinkypants follow him to school?! Impossible! Her feet don’t even reach the pedals on her Terror Tricycle. And he couldn’t smell any of her stinky stinkiness in the air. This had to be the work of some new supermenace.

  Eugene spotted a trail of cage shavings leading to the back of the room. Good boy, Turbo!, Eugene thought. Leaving a trail so I can find you! What a smart little sidekick!

  The shavings led to the cubbies where the class kept their backpacks. The trail stopped at a pink backpack.

  “There you are!” Ms. Beasley called out. “We’re all outside for recess, Eugene.”

  “But-I-It’s-Just-Um-Ah!” Eugene stammered.

  “Go get some fresh air, sunshine, and monkey bars, kiddo.”

  Eugene sighed and trudged into the hall. Super Dude would never leave a man behind enemy lines. Sure, Turbo was a hamster, but Super Dude would never leave a hamster behind either. Even to go play on monkey bars.

  Neither would Eugene.

  “Hold on, little guy,” Eugene whispered, even though Turbo couldn’t hear him. “I’ll be back for you.

  I promise. . . .”

  Kids screamed. They kicked balls, played games, and ran around like pretend airplanes in an imaginary sky.

  Except for Eugene. He sat cross-legged near the tetherball courts. He had failed in his first mission for Ms. Beasley. Who would ever trust him with a small caged animal again? Not even the cafeteria’s Mystery Meatloaf Surprise made him feel this sick.

  Then Meredith Mooney stuck her tongue out at him. He didn’t feel like much of a hero now.

  “Hey, there, Eugenio! Eugene!” Eugene was so lost in thought that he barely heard Charlie. “You look like your sister spilled gravy on your favorite issue of Super Dude.”

  “Worse, Charlie. Much worse. Turbo’s been hamsternapped.”

  “No!” Charlie gasped.

  “And I think Little Miss Stinky—I mean Meredith did it.”

  “NO!” Charlie gasped even louder.

  Eugene stopped talking so Charlie could catch his breath.

  “We can’t let her get away with it!” Charlie exclaimed. “The Fans of Super Dude Society won’t stand for it!”

  “The Fans of Super Dude Society?”

  “I thought we needed a name for our club,” Charlie said.

  “We have a club?” Eugene asked.

  “Sure! It’s the ‘Fans of Super Dude Society’! We friends gotta stick together.”

  Eugene smiled. Not because he was in a club called, awesomely enough, the Fans of Super Dude Society, or FsssDsss for short, but because Charlie had referred to him as a friend!

  MI-TEE!

  Eugene stood up, suddenly filled with awesomeness once more . . . and was smacked in the head by the tetherball.

  “Sorry!” Ryan Fitzpatrick said.

  Eugene had a plan. Never sit next to the tetherball court again. Okay, Eugene had two plans, and the other was as cool as a Super Dude plan. “But I’m going to need your help after recess!” he said to Charlie.

  “Anything for a fellow member of the FsssDsss!” Charlie replied.

  Ms. Beasley started class with geography. “Can anyone tell me the capital of France?” she asked.

  That’s when Eugene gave Charlie the thumbs-up.

  “Help!”

  “No, Charlie,” she corrected. “It’s Paris.”

  “No! No! No! Help!” Charlie repeated. “My desk’s gone crazy!”

  Charlie’s desk rocked like a wild bull. His feet bounced the desk into Bernie Melnick’s, which fell into Marlo Craven’s and then into Evan Mason’s.

  “Charlie Thomas Jones!”

  “I just can’t . . . stop . . . it, Ms. Beasley!” Charlie gasped. “This is the . . . strongest, most . . . powerful desk . . . I’ve ever . . . seen!”

  While Charlie distracted the class, Eugene ran to his cubby and unzipped the secret compartment of his backpack. He took out his Captain Awesome suit, straightened on his cape, and got ready to save his hamster friend.

  Eugene raced to the front of the class, his towel-cape fluttering behind him. He skidded to a stop before Ms. Beasley, who met him with a raised brow.

  “Hold, citizen! For I, Captain Awesome, have something to say!”

  Charlie’s mouth dropped open. His desk stopped moving. The class sat in silence and waited for the caped hero of goodness’s next words.

  Captain Awesome spun and pointed a finger toward Turbo’s cage. “Earlier today I found out that your class pet—the hamster known as Turbo—had disappeared!”

  The class gasped in shock, and so did Ms. Beasley.

  “Someone took our Turbo?” Ms. Beasley asked, a little surprised she was talking to a boy dressed in a superhero getup in the middle of her classroom.

  Captain Awesome pointed to the trail of shavings that led from the cage to the backpack cubbies. “Gaze upon the trail of shavings! It goes right to the backpack with a pink ribbon! And we all know who wears a pink ribbon!”

  “My Uncle Lewis!” Mike Flinch called out.

  “No!” Captain Awesome continued. “Meredith Mooney!”

  The students gasped again. Even Ms. Beasley was speechless for a moment. Meredith put her hands on her head, trying to hide the ribbons.

  “Those are some serious accusations, Captain . . . what was it again?” Ms. Beasley asked.

  “Awesome, ma’am. Captain Awesome. As in ‘Wow! He’s AWESOME!’”

  “You have no proof it was me, Captain Grossface!” Meredith defended. “I’m not the only one who wears pink ribbons. How do you know it wasn’t Mike’s uncle Lewis?”

  “Because I don’t think Mike’s uncle Lewis has a pink backpack!”

  Captain Awesome looked quickly to Mike to make sure. Mike shook his head no.

  Captain Awesome picked up the pink backpack at the end of the shavings trail. He read the name tag. “This pink backpack with the pink ribbon has a name tag that reads: ‘Meredith Mooney.’ Let’s see what’s inside.”

  Meredith jumped from her desk.
“You can’t do that! That’s my backpack! Ms. Beasley!”

  “My. Me. Mine. Mere-DITH,” Captain Awesome said and unzipped the backpack.

  Turbo raced out and climbed onto Captain Awesome. “Just like Super Dude says: ‘Danger is my middle name,’” Captain Awesome whispered to his furry sidekick.

  Ms. Beasley turned to Meredith. “Well . . .?”

  “It’s all true!” Meredith sniffed. “I took Turbo and hid him in my backpack. I wanted to be the one to take care of him, not Eugene. It was my turn, not his.”

  “Meredith . . .” Ms. Beasley began calmly. “I didn’t ask Eugene to watch Turbo to punish you. I just wanted to make Eugene feel welcome. It’s not easy being someplace new, and sometimes it helps to know that there are people who care.”

  Captain Awesome tried to hide his smile. It looked like Ms. Beasley wasn’t a brain-sucker after all.

  Captain Awesome took Turbo in his hands and carried him back to his cage. “And now I, Captain Awesome, must leave, for there are other children with other missing class pets and stuff like that. Goodbye, children of Ms. Beasley’s class. I’ll be seeing you! Don’t forget to brush your teeth!”

  Captain Awesome raced out the door. Then a second later he raced back in.

  “And feel free to give that kid Eugene all your desserts at lunch time!”

  And just like that, Captain Awesome was gone.

  Minutes later, Eugene came back into the classroom.

  “So did I miss anything?” he asked with a smile.

  “This was a pretty—cough, cough—awesome day,” Charlie said as he and Eugene walked home after school. “Not everybody gets to rescue a hamster from the bad guys.”

  “If comic books teach us anything,” Eugene said, “it’s that Badness always loses to Goodness.”

  Eugene was put in charge of Turbo, and Meredith lost recess for a week.

  “Dude, you have no idea how cool it is that you’re a superhero!” Charlie said, then carefully looked around. “Can I tell you a secret? I’m a superhero, too!”

  Eugene was shocked. “No!”

  “Yes!” Charlie said. “I’m the one and only Nacho Cheese Man! I have the power of canned cheese.” Charlie pulled out a plastic bottle of canned cheese from his backpack. He popped the cap and blasted the letter C against a tree trunk.

  “I knew you liked cheese,” Eugene said. “But who knew it would give you superpowers!”

  “I’ve been practicing,” Charlie said. “You never know when you might need some cheese to fight the forces of evil.” Charlie held up a second can. “This one’s taco-flavored to put a rumble in evil’s tummy!”

  “This is great news, Charlie! Two superheroes to fight Sunnyview’s bad guys are way better than one!” Eugene said.

  “Yeah! Let’s form a superhero club,” Charlie suggested.

  “We’ll need a name.” Eugene thought for a moment. “Like the SUNNYVIEW SUPERHERO SQUAD.”

  “I like it!” Charlie said.

  “Together we shall defeat the forces of evil!” Eugene stood with his hand on his hips. “We’ll find missing library books! Solve the riddles of the school’s heating system! Figure out what Sudoku means!”

  “Yeah! Now we need a slogan! And a theme song!”

  “One thing at a time, Nacho Cheese Man, one thing at a time.”

  Together with Turbo, the boys headed home. Another day was ending.

  Another day had been saved.

  And Meredith? She was still stuck at school, cleaning out Turbo’s cage.

  “By the super MI-TEE force of Captain Awesome and the canned cheese power of Nacho Cheese Man, I call this Sunnyview Superhero Squad tree house sleepover meeting to order.”

  THUMP!

  Eugene McGillicudy banged a wooden spoon against an empty shoebox. The Sunnyview Superhero Squad meeting had begun.

  Sunnyview? Superhero? Squad? That’s right! Eugene and his best friend, Charlie Thomas Jones, were not just ordinary students at Sunnyview Elementary, they also had super secret superhero identities. Eugene was Captain Awesome and Charlie was Nacho Cheese Man. Together, along with Captain Awesome’s hamster sidekick (and the class pet), Turbo, they formed the Sunnyview Superhero Squad to protect the universe from bad guys.

  “Hurry up,” Charlie said. “The brownies are waiting!”

  Brownies! Yum! The perfect superhero snack! thought Eugene. Evil doesn’t stand a chance against chocolate fudge.

  With the latest issue of Super Dude completed, Eugene rubbed Turbo’s furry head. “Good night, buddy.”

  “Good night, Turbo,” Charlie said and clicked off his flashlight.

  Soon both heroes were fast asleep and the tree house was filled with the squeak of Turbo’s exercise wheel as it spun round and round.

  Then there was a BUMP! Eugene opened one sleepy eye.

  That’s probably nothing.

  Then he heard it again. THUMP! His other eye snapped open.

  That’s something. My Captain Awesome Danger Sense is tingling!

  Something was in the yard. Eugene sat up in his sleeping bag and listened. RATTLE!

  Could it be?!

  “Grrrrr! Rowl! SNARL!”

  Yes, it was! His furry, old enemy Mr. Drools had returned! Mr. Drools, the hairy four-legged monster from the Howling Paw Nebula, whose drooly jaws loved to chomp everything Eugene held most dear.

  And worse, his evil Drool House was right next door to Eugene’s home. Mr. Drools had turned the once normal house into his own “barkyard.”

  He’s stolen three Frisbees, popped a soccer ball, eaten the cover off a baseball, and ripped up my kite like an old sock! What’s he after this time?! Eugene wondered. Then he realized something awful. . . . NOOOOOOOOO! NOT MY SUPER DUDE ISSUE No. 429!?

  Eugene jumped up without unzipping his sleeping bag. He hopped like the rare hopping caterpillars of Mothonia in Super Dude No. 97. He hopped on his flashlight, lost his balance, and fell to the wooden floor.

  Eugene crawled from his sleeping bag.

  Splinter!

  “Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!”

  Since superheroes can do anything, Eugene quickly pulled out the splinter. He felt around for his flashlight and clicked it on.

  This was a nighttime job for Captain Awesome and Nacho Cheese Man!

  “Wake up!” he whispered to Charlie. “Mr. Drools is in his barkyard next door!”

  Charlie shot out of his sleeping bag like he’d been stuck with a pin. He grabbed the emergency can of nacho cheese he kept under his pillow.

  Eugene placed Turbo into the Turbomobile. They would need the power of two heroes and one sidekick to stop the barking, slobbery madness of Mr. Drools.

  “Go chase your tail, Mr. Drools! You’ll never get my comic book!” Captain Awesome called down from the tree house. “Your slobber is useless on this night!”

  “I must warn you now . . .” Nacho Cheese Man called out, “I’ve got cheese!”

  The trio of heroes climbed down from their tree house moon base and onto the cold surface of the moon. . . .

  When STAN KIRBY was six years old, he tied a beach towel a round his neck and became Super Commander Beach Boy. He tried his best to protect sand castles from the waves, keep sea gulls away from his french fries, and keep the beach clean. When Stan’s not creating the awesome adventures of Captain Awesome, he loves reading comic books, eating okra, and hang gliding (but not at the same time).

  GEORGE O’CONNOR’S cover—as a mild-mannered clerk in one of Gotham’s most beloved children’s bookstores—was completely blown when his first picture book, KAPOW!, exploded onto the scene. Forced to leave the bookselling world behind, he now spends even more time in his secret Brooklyn, New York, hideout—where he uses his amazing artistic powers to strike fear in the hearts of bad guys everywhere!

  “Easily accessible and enormously appealing, particularly to readers who have recently graduated to chapter books . . . this kid is ‘MI-TEE!’”

  —Kirkus Reviews, starred revie
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  LITTLE SIMON

  Simon & Schuster, New York

  Ages 5–7

  CaptainAwesomeBooks.com

  Meet the author and illustrator and get activities at

  KIDS.SimonandSchuster.com

  This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  LITTLE SIMON

  An imprint of Simon & Schuster Children’s Publishing Division 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, New York 10020

  www.SimonandSchuster.com

  Copyright © 2012 by Simon & Schuster, Inc. All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. LITTLE SIMON is a registered trademark of Simon & Schuster, Inc., and associated colophon is a trademark of Simon & Schuster, Inc. The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event. For more information or to book an event contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com.

  Cover design by Laura Roode

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Kirby, Stan. Captain Awesome to the rescue! / by Stan Kirby; illustrated by George O’Connor. — 1st ed. p. cm. Summary: When second-grader Eugene and his family move to a new neighborhood and he starts at a new school, he has a chance to bring out his superhero alter ego, Captain Awesome, to find the kidnapped class hamster. [1. Superheroes—Fiction. 2. Moving, Household—Fiction. 3. Schools—Fiction. 4. Hamsters—Fiction.] I. O’Connor, George, ill. II. Title. PZ7.K633529Cap 2012 [Fic]—dc23 2011014294