You_Only_Love_Twice_ARE

by Lexi Blake

  Still, she didn’t hesitate.

  “Hey, Jesse.” She moved toward him and he backed up, looking between the men.

  “Damn it, Phoebe. Get back,” Ten ordered.

  “You get back, Ten. You got us in this situation. I have to get us out,” she argued Ten’s way.

  Jesse looked down and found the one thing he really didn’t need. Ten’s gun had dropped. Jesse got it in his hands and started pointing it around, speaking in rapid-fire Farsi.

  “He’s telling everyone to get back,” Ten translated. Ten spoke a little in the same language, but that caused Jesse to start to stalk his way.

  She couldn’t let that happen. The way Ten stilled let her know that Ten hadn’t come in with blanks. She lowered her voice, softening it. “Jesse, please. Please help me.”

  “You have to get closer to him,” Simon advised.

  “Shit. I’m going to get killed.” Ian lowered his voice and said something Phoebe didn’t understand.

  Jesse’s eyes flared and suddenly that gun was being pointed at Taggart and Jesse was dragging Phoebe behind him.

  “He didn’t mean it,” Simon explained quietly. “Jesse, you’re in Dallas. This is Simon and Ian. Ian would never hurt the girl. He just wanted to get your attention.”

  So Ian had threatened her in Farsi and that had brought out Jesse’s protective instincts. Maybe it was time to bring out some other instincts. She wrapped her arms around his lean waist and brought her body against his. “Please, Jesse. I need you to come back to me.”

  She let her hands move up his chest and felt his breath hitch. Yes, she was getting to him.

  “Please, Jesse. You promised. You promised you would take care of me.” She went up on her toes and let her mouth rest against the outer edge of his ear. “I could take care of you, too.”

  “That’s disgusting,” Ten muttered under his breath.

  But Jesse pulled her around so she was cradled against his chest. He stared down at her and she reached up to wipe the blood off his face. “Phoebe?”

  God, she was going to miss him. “Yes.”

  It took him a moment, as though he needed time to move from one place to another, one time to another. “I’m sorry.”

  She nodded, enjoying the closeness. It felt good to be in his arms as herself, with no untruths between them. “I am, too.”

  “Are you all right?” Taggart asked.

  Jesse’s arm tightened around her. His eyes found the floor and she could practically feel the shame rolling off him. “I’m here. I’m sorry. I forgot for a minute.”

  “You’re fine.” She understood PTSD. Maybe not in the way Jesse experienced it, but she remembered how even after she moved into the big house in Virginia, she’d slept with a knife under her pillow, and she’d almost taken Jamie’s head off one night. “Ten deserved it.”

  Her brother stepped forward, holding his left arm. “He bit me. The little fucker bit me. And he told me how much you liked him fucking you. He’s a liar because I know damn well you wouldn’t sleep with him.”

  She felt her whole body go hot and she tried to step away from Jesse. She didn’t want Ten to know how close she’d come to betraying Jamie. He wouldn’t understand. She didn’t understand. She’d promised to be faithful to him and Jesse shook that vow.

  “Did she call Ten her brother?” Charlotte asked. “I thought Ten was alone.”

  Taggart stepped up, handing Charlotte his SIG. “Are we done with the preliminaries? We can get to the explanations later.”

  Ten’s body seemed to swell as he faced off. “Yeah, we’re ready to get on to the main event, son.”

  “Oh, I am so not your son, but I’ll show you that I’m definitely your better, you son of a bitch. You think you can walk into my house?”

  “You threatened to kill my sister,” Ten growled. “You think I didn’t know what you meant with that phone call?”

  “Does it matter that he didn’t hurt me?” Phoebe tried.

  Charlotte moved in. “Nope. I think we need to let those two hash this out like men, and by men I mean ridiculously immature boys. Come on. I think we could all use a drink after this. Well, I can’t, but I can find the Scotch for the rest of you.” She winced as Li started things off by getting to his feet and immediately punching Case Taggart.

  “Get off me, you little pervert,” Erin said, elbowing Theo. “Do you always get a hard-on when you attack a woman?”

  “Only you,” Theo admitted as he tried to offer Erin a hand.

  She took the proffered hand and used it to toss Theo on his back and begin a fight of her own.

  Jesse stepped back, shrinking away as if he was dirty or something. She couldn’t handle that. She would have to leave him soon, but she wasn’t going to leave him like that.

  Ian threw the first punch, but Ten was way meaner than he looked. He ducked hard and kicked Taggart right in the balls.

  Charlotte groaned and put a hand over her belly. “I am really glad I already got that man’s sperm. It looks like this baby might be an only. Oh, jeez. I hope Ten froze his swimmers. Ian did not take that well. I think he just punched Ten’s balls back inside his body. That was a good uppercut. You get him, baby.” She sighed. “Who wants cake?”

  Mike Malone looked away from the fights going on around him. “Cake?”

  Charlotte’s eyes narrowed. “Fine, but I’m going to poison yours. I’m joking. It looks like my party is fucked. We should eat what we can. Sean, are you all right?”

  Sean had joined his brother, leaping into the fray.

  “And there go the appetizers.” Charlotte was surprisingly calm for a woman whose husband and employees were currently engaged in battle. “Jesse, come on. We need to get you cleaned up.”

  “I’ll take care of it.” She wanted to be the one who made sure he was all right. It was all she could give him at this point.

  Jesse pulled away, stepping around her. “I have a clean shirt in my office. I’ll be back.”

  She watched as he walked away, his every movement stiff.

  Charlotte eyed her as the room got worse. Jake Dean was getting into it with Deke and Alex and Adam walked in, carrying bags of groceries. They both stared at the chaos around them. Alex looked around and the minute his eyes lit on Ten, he was working his way toward the middle of the massive fight.

  Adam sighed and joined Charlotte. “I’ll finish the bruschetta. It looks like Sean is having fun. Give me a couple of minutes. Simon, any way I can get you to help?”

  “Well, I’m not getting involved in that. I just had this suit pressed,” Simon said, taking the bag from Adam.

  “That’s my cousin,” Malone interjected, following the men. “What are you making? Because I skipped lunch.”

  “At least we don’t have to worry about you getting away now,” Charlotte said and then winced again as her husband took a hard uppercut. “Or maybe you should run. I might go with you.”

  She followed Charlotte to the back room, her thoughts on how lost Jesse had looked. And on how he’d pulled away. No matter what, her time was almost up.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Jesse sat down at the conference table, a fresh shirt on his chest and all cleaned up. How many times was he going to have to clean up blood and pretend he hadn’t gone fuck all insane because someone put him on his back or said the wrong words?

  “Hey, I think your boss killed my boss,” Michael Malone said as he sat down across from Jesse. He had a plate in one hand and settled a glass of punch on the table. “Are there any openings here? Because I had that bruschetta and it was amazing. No one cooks like that on our team. All we ever get are donuts and coffee.”

  Apparently, the shower had gone on, just with a wider guest list. While Ten and Ian had continued to beat on one another, the rest of the group had settled their differences over cake and punch.

  Where had Phoebe gone? She’d disappeared with Charlotte and he hadn’t seen her for thirty minutes. She swore she had no reason to run, but Jesse couldn�
��t trust her.

  “What’s bruschetta?” A massive dude with a knot on his head the size of Cleveland walked in. Boomer. He was ex-Special Forces, now Ten’s man. He wasn’t the brightest bulb in the bunch, but Jesse sympathized. Apparently every team needed one.

  “It’s like toast except they put lots of good tasting crap on it.” He hadn’t known what it was either before he’d spent time with Sean.

  Boomer nodded. “The thing with the steak on it. Yeah, that was really great. Does anyone have some aspirin?”

  The dude had taken a chair to his skull according to Jake.

  “Hey, I think this one pooped.” Deke walked in carrying Tristan with the ease of a dude who didn’t mind a little poop. He was grinning as he strode through the door with the baby in his arms. Li and Avery walked in behind him with Aidan in Avery’s arms. “He smells like hell. This place is full of kids. I like it. Now I know why Ten invaded. The kids are so damn cute.”

  Serena stepped in, holding her hands out for Tristan. “I’ll take him. Oh, gosh, baby boy. You do smell bad. I’m going to change him and then we’re going to head home with Grace and Sean. Sean’s got a bag of peas on his eye, so I’m going to drive his car while Grace takes Avery home. But I’m going to require an update ASAP. The last time I looked, Ian was dragging Ten back into his office. I want to make sure he doesn’t cook and eat the bastard.”

  Jesse had caught a glimpse of that, too. Tag had dragged Ten back by his shirt, like a lion dragging a carcass back for a nice private meal, though this particular carcass had still been talking. He’d heard Ten talking about protecting the country and making sure valuable assets didn’t get tainted by suspicious persons.

  He might be dumb but he wasn’t ignorant. Jesse could guess who was potentially tainting McKay-Taggart. Him.

  For as long as he’d known about McKay-Taggart, Jesse had understood they worked with the government on some of the worst cases to threaten the homeland. They fought side by side with the Agency to put down double agents, arms dealers, and terrorists.

  Had Big Tag given him a job so he could keep an eye on him? Had this all been about watching Jesse Murdoch to make sure he didn’t carry out some nefarious plan? Was that why he was constantly monitored?

  Simon sighed a little as he sat down beside him. He adjusted his suit and let his head rest against the chair. “Where’s Tag? I got the message that we were having a briefing.”

  Simon was his best friend. He was well aware they made an odd pair—an Oxford educated lawyer turned spy and an Army grunt. When he thought about it that way, it didn’t make a lick of sense. It made a lot more sense that Simon hung out with him to make sure he didn’t fuck up or suddenly turn terrorist.

  That one moment. He still dreamed about it. When he closed his eyes he could feel the Humvee under him, moving across the desert. He could feel his comfort with the people around him, see their faces as they laughed and joked. He could see Alannah smile and give him a little wink as the Humvee bounced. She held her hands up like she was on a roller coaster. It was a private joke between them. In that moment, he’d been happy, content despite all the danger around him. He’d been safe.

  And then he wasn’t.

  God, he’d give just about anything to get back to that moment before the IED had blown. To that moment before his innocence had been forever lost.

  “Jesse?” Simon’s head had come up.

  Jesse turned slightly, keeping his voice calm. It was easy since he felt hollow. He wasn’t sure how much emotion he had left inside him. Phoebe had done this to him, though at the end of the day she was just doing her job. But Phoebe had shown him that there was no going back. He would always be under suspicion because he’d survived and they had died. “I got the same text. I’m sure he’ll be here soon.”

  Jesse was used to waiting. When he got an order to be somewhere, he got his ass there and then he waited. He didn’t complain or get restless. He just waited.

  How could he change his nature? Because he needed to. He needed to walk away from McKay-Taggart. He wasn’t sure what he would do, but he had some land back in Wyoming and maybe it was time to shut himself off from everyone.

  “It’s all right, Jesse. No one blames you for biting that bastard. I just wish you’d taken a bigger chunk out of him.”

  He was such a joke. He really was a dog without a leash sometimes. “I think I should hand in my notice.”

  Simon’s chair turned. “No.”

  Just a flat denial and no explanation. “You don’t get a say in this. I’m going to tell Tag when he comes in. I can be on a plane to Laramie by tonight.”

  He didn’t have much to pack. Almost everything he owned had been picked out by Charlotte and the other women. He would grab his duffel and pack his clothes and make arrangements to ship his guns. He had a couple of pictures he wanted to take, but not a lot else.

  Simon leaned forward, his eyes going to his cousin who suddenly seemed deeply interested in his punch glass. “We can talk about this later, but don’t think for a second I’ll let you leave.”

  Jesse really didn’t care if Malone was listening in, or Deke for that matter. Hell, apparently everyone had been listening to his private humiliations for months. “You don’t get a say.”

  “I bloody well do. I’m your partner. This affects me, too. You can’t just quit.”

  “Watch me.” He knew he was being stubborn, that he should have just slid his resignation onto Big Tag’s desk and walked out, but somehow he couldn’t leave without having it out with Simon. Everyone else, he could handle. Simon and Phoebe had been his people. God, he thought he’d had people again but he needed to always remember that moment in the Humvee. When he really thought about it, his life had ended there and he was just a walking shell now. It was just that for a moment, he’d felt alive again.

  His mind suddenly went back to Jimmy, the new guy. He’d only been in the unit a few weeks when they’d been caught. He remembered how stoic the man had been. He’d just had one request—that whoever survived take his wife a message. Jimmy had been messed up when he’d given Jesse the message and it hadn’t made a lick of sense to him, but he’d promised.

  Jesse had failed in that, too. He hadn’t been able to find the wife of the private. He’d fucked up and gotten the name wrong because no one in Army personnel could tell him anything. Hell, after all the crap he’d been fed, maybe the man had never existed at all.

  He kind of deserved what he got.

  “Jesse, I will not allow that woman to break you,” Simon hissed his direction. “Do you understand me? She lied. She fooled us all.”

  “And what about you? Did you lie, too?” He had to know. Even though he was still going to walk away, he needed to know if Simon had ever been his friend.

  “About what?” Simon asked, his voice low.

  “He wants to know if you were watching him, too,” Malone said, his eyes grave. “He thinks because my team was monitoring him that maybe you guys were doing the same. You know you aren’t the only one who spent time in a prison over there, Murdoch.”

  “I’m the only one with a set of videos devoted to how I watched my team being killed. I bet the Agency’s played them over and over.” Many soldiers had been guests of the jihadists but not many had gone through what he had. They hadn’t been a guest of the Caliph, as he called himself.

  “I got captured,” Deke said, settling into a chair. “I still have the scars. I was tortured for almost nine weeks they tell me. I lost track of the days. My team found me, took out the little prison I was in. I still think about it a lot. Ace was taken for longer. I think that’s why he keeps to himself a lot. Not me. I wasn’t allowed to do that. I got home and my damn sisters wouldn’t leave me be. They covered me in babies. Yeah, five sisters can make a lot of damn babies. I tried to tell them I wasn’t safe, that I could hurt them, but they just kept handing them to me. One of them would go to sleep and I’d find myself rocking another. Somewhere along the way I figured if I was okay a
round those tiny things, I probably could control myself enough to work again. You’re not the only one, man.”

  He’d had no one to come home to. “I’m the only one your unit is monitoring.”

  “That’s not true,” Malone said. “We monitor a lot of people. Hell, we monitor ourselves half the time.”

  “Yeah, well, your boss has a hard-on for me. He’s a fuckwad with serious issues.” He didn’t get why Ten had it in for him. He’d never met the man before he’d come to McKay-Taggart. He could understand being monitored, but this felt personal, and Jesse couldn’t grasp it.

  Deke snorted. “Look, Ten might be a little paranoid, but you have to understand what’s sitting on his shoulders. Your boss can focus on his team because most of the time the damn world won’t explode if Big Tag makes a misstep. That’s not true for Ten. Taggart made a choice. He chose to walk away and concentrate on his own shit. Ten can’t. He was raised to do this job, and he was raised to believe that he’s all that’s standing between the US and all of our enemies.”

  “That’s a bit arrogant,” Simon interjected.

  “Is it?” Malone asked. “I think a man like Ten has to be arrogant. Do you have any idea what he’s sacrificed for this country? You ever seen the man with his shirt off? I caught him once coming out of the shower. There’s a reason he doesn’t work out with the rest of us. His back is a ruined mess. Looks like brands. Maybe iron pokers. It looked like one was sent straight through him. He’s got matching marks on both sides. So don’t think the man doesn’t know what pain is.”

  “Yeah, well, we’ve all got issues.” He really didn’t care what Ten had been through. He couldn’t right now. Maybe later he would find some well of sympathy, but he was tapped out for the moment. “So did you know Phoebe was his sister?”

  Boomer sat up. “The hot chick is his sister? Shit. I was thinking about hitting on her.”

  “Think again because I’ll make that massive knot on your head look like a tiny bump,” Jesse threatened. Damn it. He had to start thinking before he spoke. “Or hey, give her a try. Maybe she won’t be as cold for you.”