You_Only_Love_Twice_ARE

by Lexi Blake

  “About a dumbass.” Tag pointed at him. “You could have been killed. She could have shot you right there. We would have watched you die.”

  “I’m sorry, boss.” He knew what that felt like. He wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemy, much less a man he respected and loved like a brother. “I lost my head.”

  “What did the text say?” Tag asked.

  Jesse handed Ian his phone, letting him read it for himself.

  “Who sent you the text?” Phoebe had turned again, concern on her pretty face.

  “I suppose the person who wanted you to kill me.” And that meant there was no question about it.

  There was a traitor on Ten’s team, and he was gunning for Jesse.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Phoebe couldn’t help but stare as she sat in the bar of Sanctum. Not that there was much to stare at. The club was closed at this time of day, but she’d been told there were a couple of employees working. It was a good time to take in the place she’d wondered about for so long. Taggart sometimes had meetings here, but only with the core team. She’d been invited to come to the club once, but she’d passed on the invitation.

  She’d been too scared to come. At first she’d been scared because she didn’t understand and then she’d understood far too well and the idea of seeing Jesse in leathers was too tempting.

  She didn’t have a choice now. She was staying at Sanctum for the next few days and she wasn’t staying alone.

  “Do you need a drink?” Ten asked as he eased down onto the sofa. Only the tightening of his eyes betrayed the pain he must have been feeling. Taggart had done a number on him, but then he’d gotten some good licks in on Taggart.

  “I think I need all my faculties around me. I wasn’t expecting to be turned into bait today.” Hell, she hadn’t been expecting any of this. Her plans this morning had been to finish up the quarterly taxes, wince when she showed Ian how much he owed on quarterly taxes, secretly giggle because it was fun to watch the big guy explode, go to the baby shower and watch as Eve opened the bouncy seat she’d bought at Target for little Cooper. She hadn’t had any idea her whole world was going to blow up in her face, but then it wasn’t the first time that had happened. She hadn’t expected Jamie to die in a hellhole thousands of miles away from her.

  “If you’re nervous about the plan, we can come up with something else,” Ten offered.

  “It’s a good plan.” She’d come up with part of it herself.

  “It’s a desperate plan. I still can’t believe one of them is a traitor. I chose every single one of those men.”

  She felt for her brother, but she couldn’t fool herself. “Someone sent that message to Jesse and they knew the number to my private line. They knew what to say and they knew how to prep that room. What did you find out about whoever booked the room?”

  “According to Chelsea, it was done on a stolen credit card over the Internet. The concierge took the case from a delivery service—also paid for by the stolen card—and he had instructions to set the case on the bed as a little gift for the man’s wife.”

  The traitor never had to even enter the hotel, so they wouldn’t have any CCTV footage. Thank you, Internet. “Any word on the phone used to text Jesse? Wait. Let me guess. It was a burner.”

  “Purchased with cash and no longer in use. You sure you don’t need a drink?”

  She shook her head. “Not now.”

  “Phoebe, that was my very special way of saying I need a drink and I don’t think I’ll make it to the bar.”

  “Stubborn.” She got to her feet and quickly found where they hid the good stuff. Glenlivet, old enough to do anything it damn well pleased. She poured two fingers into a Scotch glass and then added another two because her brother wasn’t going to the doctor anytime soon. “Are you sure we shouldn’t call a medic in?”

  “Nah. Bear was the medic on his SEAL team. He patched me up. I’m fine. Damn Taggart got the jump on me. I’m getting old.”

  And there was a reason he didn’t go into the field anymore. His body had taken enough damage to kill most men. He never talked about it, but she and Jamie had been at his side after a mission in South America had gone south. They’d helped him recover from numerous surgeries, including the metal plate he now had in his head. She hated to think how close she’d come to losing him. Which was the only reason she was still talking to him now. “That was not the smartest move. Taggart wouldn’t have killed me.”

  He took a long swig of Scotch. “When he said you wouldn’t be a problem anymore, all I could think about was him tossing your body in a dumpster. I got a little upset.”

  “A little?” He’d risked everything he’d ever worked for. If Taggart wanted to he could cause Ten no end of grief. Luckily, he was more worried about Jesse than he was angry about what Ten had done, and if her brother had really thought about the situation for two seconds, he would have known it.

  “Fine. A lot.” He sat back, regarding her seriously. “Did you really take the bobble heads up to McKay-Taggart? I thought they were in storage. I packed them up when I packed up your house.”

  God, she’d hoped he’d forgotten that little tidbit of information. “I changed my mind the night before. I just needed them close.”

  Every time she looked at them she remembered how she’d laughed when Jamie had given her the first one for Christmas the year she turned seventeen. He’d bought them for her every birthday and Christmas until she had a complete set. They would laugh and have little races to see whose head bobbled the fastest, and then they would go back to reading because of all the books she’d read, Harry Potter had been her favorite. Jamie had read them after he realized how much she loved them. Those stories had become the first way they had really communicated.

  “Are you sleeping with Jesse Murdoch?”

  Her heart twisted at the hardness in Ten’s voice. “No.”

  “But you want to.”

  “I’m not going to.” She was tired and it was hours before she could do anything about it. She wondered if she could even sleep with Jesse in the same room. It was part of their “cover” that they stay together. “I understand why we’re playing things the way we are, but nothing is going to change. We’re pretending to be lovers. Nothing more. Did your men buy it?”

  “It doesn’t matter. I told them we’re out of it, that you decided to stay on at McKay-Taggart with your boyfriend and Taggart is stashing you here until he can find the assassin. They now understand that it wasn’t a drill and there was no misunderstanding. They definitely got the point that Taggart is going to find the assassin.”

  “So it’s safe to say that if this person is really hell-bent on killing Jesse, they’ll pick up the pace.”

  “And they’ll know exactly where he is and who he’s with. I suspect they’ll underestimate you. All of my men now have tails. The minute one makes a move, we’ll be on them.” A long moment passed with Ten taking one drink and then another. “You know you can’t stay alone forever, Phoebe.”

  “It’s too soon.” Her stomach knotted. She wasn’t ready to talk about this.

  “It’s been two years.” Ten wouldn’t let it go. “Do you think Jamie would want you to be alone for the rest of your life?”

  “I think it doesn’t matter because I’m not sleeping with Jesse.”

  “But you want to.” He said it more softly this time.

  “Damn it, Tennessee. What do you want me to say? I like the man. I think we were wrong about him. In all the time I’ve watched him he hasn’t done anything suspicious.”

  “He talks in his sleep. A whole lot of Farsi. He talks about the man he called the Caliph.”

  “And what does he say? Does he pledge his will to him?”

  A sharp shake of Ten’s head was answer enough.

  “He’s scared of the man.” If there was one thing she knew it was that Jesse hated the man who had tortured him.

  “He’s angry, too,” Ten conceded.

  “Has he done or said one thing
in all the time you’ve watched him that made you believe he’s some kind of sleeper?”

  “I think that sleepers are asleep until someone wants them to wake up. That’s why they work so well. They can stay inactive for years,” Ten said ominously. “I worry someone is going to wake that boy up and we won’t know how to deal with him. You won’t be able to handle him. You’ll be right there in the line of fire.”

  She couldn’t help but think about how Jesse had calmed down at the sound of her voice. He hadn’t once threatened her even when he was in that state. He’d been protective. “He won’t hurt me.”

  Ten stared ahead. “Nah, this is my fault. I made a mistake sending you in. It was a stupid idea. I should have given you a team and settled you in at Langley. You would have been safe there.”

  She couldn’t let him go on feeling guilty about assigning her to McKay-Taggart. It was time to confess. “I wouldn’t have been okay at Langley. I wouldn’t have taken on a team. No matter how it turned out, this was the right assignment at the right time.”

  “You would have settled in.”

  “I thought about killing myself.”

  The room seemed to stop. She’d never said the words out loud, never told a single soul, but now it weighed on her.

  “What? What are you talking about?”

  “After you brought Jamie’s body back, I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t want to eat. I thought I had accepted that he was dead, but until you brought his body home, I think there was a part of me that was waiting for a miracle. It might have seemed like I threw myself into work, but my mind was always on him. When you came home with him, I couldn’t even hope anymore. Right before the funeral the doctor gave me some sedatives and I counted them out. I sat there and I counted out all of them, trying to decide the right dosage. It’s hard because if you take way too many, you can throw them back up, and then it’s all for nothing. I needed just the right amount so I could be wherever Jamie was. That’s the worst part you know. Not knowing where he is.”

  “You did not.” Ten’s jaw had tensed and she could see the sheen of tears in his eyes. “Tell me you didn’t try that.”

  “I thought about it, and then I decided to honor you and wait until after the funeral.”

  “But that was when we decided to send you in.”

  She smiled just the tiniest bit. “Yes. You gave me something to do, something about Jamie. I wouldn’t have taken on a team. I would have pled off and then I would have done what I needed to do. But you gave me a way to avenge my husband and that saved my life, Ten. And then I got to be Phoebe Graham. I liked being that Phoebe, and suddenly I realized that avenging Jamie wouldn’t bring him back. Slowly I started to really like the people around me, and I knew that revenge on Jesse Murdoch was stupid because he was innocent. He needed protection, not surveillance.”

  Ten drained the Scotch. “I’m going to need another.”

  She reached out and covered her brother’s hand with hers. “You saved me, Ten. I know it might have ended up costing you your relationship with Taggart, but you saved me.”

  “Tag and I have an understanding.” His hand turned over and grasped hers. “I tell him everything and he only gets to punch the shit out of me ten more times. He’s holding them in his back pocket for when he needs to let off some steam.”

  She didn’t like the idea of Taggart jumping her brother. “No.”

  Ten shook his head. “It’s fine. No broken bones. That’s our only rule. You stay out of this. You let me handle Tag the way I need to. I made mistakes. Big mistakes.”

  “You made them for your family.” She’d caused him to make some of those errors.

  “And he’s protecting his. Speaking of the devil.” Ten nodded as Taggart stalked into the room. He was carrying a duffel bag of some kind and there was a grim look on his face. “Nice place you’ve got here, Tag.”

  “You motherfucker. You got into my Scotch.”

  Ten immediately shot him the finger. “I need more. My spleen hurts, damn it.”

  “Pussy.” But it was said in that guy way that seemed almost affectionate. He took the empty glass from Ten and stepped over to the bar. “And that’s not the good stuff. That’s a twenty-five. I’ve got the fifty hidden. I think we could both use middle-aged Scotch. Phoebe, could you join me? I’d like to go over the rules of the club with you.”

  There were rules? She thought the only rule was to not let Jesse get horribly murdered. She glanced at Ten, who nodded and then joined Taggart at the bar.

  “So I take it the crying every time I came close was a protective measure,” he began.

  No one said he was a dummy. “It was a way to make sure you didn’t spend too much time with me. If you had spent any real time with me, you likely would have seen more than I wanted you to. I quickly figured out you’re an intolerant bastard. A couple of hysterical fits of tears and a dash of drama and you didn’t want to be in the same room with me.”

  “Nice play. It won’t work on me again. So, what’s your poison? Don’t tell me you don’t have one because all spies drink. It’s a rule.”

  “Vodka tonic.” If she was going to have some kind of discussion with Big Tag, maybe she did need something.

  “I thought you were more a margarita girl.”

  So Jesse had talked about her. “Phoebe Graham drinks margaritas and piña coladas. Phoebe Grant drinks vodka.”

  A single brow arched over his stark blue eyes. The man could really convey serious judgment with that one brow. “Damn, you’re going to hurt Jesse’s feelings.”

  “I think I already did that.”

  Taggart huffed a little. “I was talking about the fact that Jesse finally had someone to drink those fruity things he likes so much with. That boy never met an umbrella drink he didn’t like.”

  She could imagine how Tag teased him about his love of piña coladas and mai tais. “You have to stop making fun of him.”

  “Then how will he know I like him?” Taggart expertly sliced and twisted her lime. “I don’t think you’re going to have a lot of say in Jesse’s life once you dump him.”

  Of course he could convey tons of judgment with words, too. “I’m not dumping him. We were never really together as anything more than friends, and now I have to leave. My job here is done.”

  “Oh, I think he feels like he’s been dumped. Maybe not dumped so much as betrayed and gutted.”

  She hated the guilt that flooded her system. She’d fucked up so badly. The first rule of the game was to never make it personal, but she’d failed at that before she’d even begun to play. “I never meant to make him feel that way.”

  “You care about him?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then spend the next few days proving it.”

  She just managed to not roll her eyes his way. “And how should I ‘prove it,’ as you say so eloquently?”

  Taggart laughed. “Hey, women think sex is purely physical for a guy, but for most of us, it’s really how we express shit.”

  “You mean like feelings?” She loved the way Taggart went slightly green at the very word.

  “Yeah, that’s what I said. Look, Ten told me about your husband. I hope you don’t hold it against him. He’s really good at keeping secrets. I didn’t even know he had a family.” He slid the vodka tonic her way and then turned and opened a small door revealing his Scotch. “I’m not telling you to fuck Jesse, although you would probably both feel better, but I get that you’re going to be a nun for the rest of your life. That’s cool. It’s a choice at least.”

  “Screw you, Taggart. My life, my choice. You just don’t have any idea what it means to lose someone.”

  There was that judgmental brow again. “Really?”

  She’d forgotten about his wife. It was easy since she was alive and such a part of his life now. “Fine. You do and you chose to deal with it differently. I don’t judge you. You should understand how I feel. Do you honestly believe you could ever love another woman?
If she hadn’t come back, would you have found someone else?”

  He poured out the Scotch, more liberally than she had. “No idea, but she did come back. According to Ten, your husband is never coming back. So I think I can tell your future.”

  “Nice. I didn’t know you were clairvoyant.”

  “I have many hidden skills.” He grabbed a second glass for himself. “You’ll head back into the service, but you won’t play things the way Ten does. You’ll go back in as an operative, and you’ll take all the risks you can because you’ll have a death wish. The good news is in our business, people with a death wish usually find their desire granted and quickly. Does Jesse know he was in the same prison as your husband?”

  She wished Ten hadn’t mentioned that little truth. “No.”

  Taggart slipped the Scotch back in its hiding place. “Then I’ll talk to him about it.”

  “No. He doesn’t need to know.” She couldn’t see how having that information would do anything but hurt him. “Look, as soon as this mission is over and we figure out who’s trying to kill Jesse, I’ll be out of here and he can go on with his life.”

  “His life in Wyoming? Because he’s planning on quitting and punching cows and stepping in their shit.”

  She shook her head. “He’s not serious about that. Just tell him he can’t quit and he’ll settle back in.”

  “It’s not about the job,” Taggart replied. “It’s about you. He’s been fine on the job, but finding out his awkward little princess is really a warrior queen put him on his ass. Now he’s questioning every single friend he’s made. You did that to him. You broke him. You better fix him.”

  “How the hell am I supposed to do that?”

  One big shoulder shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s not my problem. I gave you a very viable solution. Men are simple. Sleep with him for the rest of his life and he’ll probably be fine. See, simple. You women are the ones who make things hard.”

  “I’m married.” The words came out of her mouth before she could think to stop them.