You_Only_Love_Twice_ARE

by Lexi Blake

  “Which one was it?”

  Oh, he was so not going to love her answer. “I don’t know. His badge simply said Mr. al Fareed. Do you have pictures?”

  “They’re practically twins,” Ten said with a grimace as he reached for his tablet. He slid his finger across the screen and passed it to her.

  Two men stared back. The two brothers looked very much alike. Both handsome and lean. In the pictures they had, both men sported dark beards, but the man she’d met the night before had cropped his close. “I think it’s this one. Ibrahim. But I’ll be honest, it wasn’t until he started talking about war and business that I really looked at him. I was trying to play down my aggressive American side, so I tried not to look him in the eyes.”

  “Probably a good play given what part of the world we’re in. I know it’s hard on female operatives, but we have to be sure here. I need you to take another look,” Ten said as though he found the request distasteful.

  “I’ll make sure this afternoon. I’m going to sit in with Kamdar on a couple of the sessions. The al Fareeds are expected to attend. I’ll get you what you need and then we can build a case against him.” A case that would hopefully forever get the stain off Jesse Murdoch’s reputation. It might be the only gift she could give him.

  “All right. I hate sending you back in. I take it everyone saw you walking out with him?”

  It was a problem, but she wasn’t willing to scrap the mission because of it. “I’ll be fine. I’ll take someone with me. Hey, if he flees the conference, we know we’ve got him on the run. Once we’re sure of the name, we don’t need to stay here. We set up long-term observation and we get Chelsea digging into his past. We’ll find something.”

  “You are not to go anywhere in this hotel without a bodyguard. I know you can handle yourself, but I’m not taking any chances.” He sighed and sat back. “When the hell did I lose control of everything?”

  She’d wondered when they were going to have this talk. There hadn’t been time before they’d had to come to Dubai. She sat down across from him. Ten could hold things in for a very long time, but it seemed he’d always been willing to open up eventually with her or Jamie. “Ace wasn’t your fault, Tennessee.”

  “Hell yes, he was.” He looked straight on, his eyes stubborn.

  She simply moved to where he was staring so he had to look at her. “You couldn’t have known. You did everything you could with the information you had. He came highly recommended. He passed every single test the Agency gave him. This isn’t your fault.”

  “I’ve trained all my life to see things that aren’t there. From the time I was a kid, I knew I would do this job, and that fucker got past me.”

  “He got past everyone.” She knew she was talking to a brick wall at this point, but she couldn’t help but speak the truth. Eventually it would get to him. “What happened at Sanctum wasn’t your fault and last night wasn’t really Jesse’s. He saw a threat, and not only that, he saw me standing next to the man who killed his entire team.”

  “Yeah, I didn’t think about it that way. Jesus, Phoebe, now that I do think about it, I kind of want to run around until I find the fucker, too.” He leaned forward. “That man killed my brother. He tortured and killed my brother and I was thinking about the fucking op.”

  “Which is what you were trained to do,” she pointed out gently. “It does Jamie no good for you to blow everyone’s cover. You have to be rational about this because Jesse can’t be.”

  “How about you?” Ten asked, his voice softening. A somber smile slightly curled up his mouth. “You were standing right next to the man who killed Jamie and what were you thinking about?”

  She set the coffee down and guilt swamped her as she admitted the truth. “I was thinking about Jesse.” She’d thought about Jesse all night long. How could she do that? “Ten, I’m so sorry. I thought about Jesse.”

  Ten sat up, his hands on the table between them. “As you damn well should have. I wasn’t blaming you. I was pointing something out. You’re a fool if you think you can leave that boy behind.”

  It took her a moment because she’d been so wrapped up in the drama with Jesse that she hadn’t given Jamie more than a passing thought. It had been right and good to offer Jesse comfort. It had felt like her right to hold him. “But I stood right in front of the man who killed my husband and all I could think about afterward was protecting my boyfriend from him.”

  “Because Jamie’s gone, honey, and life is for the living. Hell, I won’t kick the boy’s ass for that fact alone.” He sat back, crossing his legs. “I knew Jamie better than you did.”

  “I was his wife.” She was the one looking away now, but Ten wouldn’t allow her that comfort any more than she’d allowed him. He caught her eye.

  “Yeah, well, you didn’t grow up with him and you weren’t his best friend. I think if he’d lived, you would have been, but you were both so young you never got past the mad in love stage. You didn’t have to really live together the way couples with mortgages and kids and crappy jobs have to. He put you on a pedestal and you’re doing the same with him. He wanted that mission. Do you know why he wanted that mission?”

  “No.” And maybe she didn’t want to know.

  “Because he wanted to best me. He wanted to head a team of his own.”

  Phoebe shook her head. It went against everything they’d talked about. “No. We were getting out. We agreed that if we were going to have kids, we couldn’t put ourselves on the line like that.”

  Ten reached for her hand, covering it with his own. “I know that’s what he told you and he definitely wanted you out, but it was in his blood. He tried to convince the director that he could run a black ops team better than me. He wanted my job or one just like it, and he decided taking on the truly dangerous operations were exactly what he needed to do to prove it.”

  She wanted to pull away, but she couldn’t. All she could do was protest even though something in Ten’s words rang true. “No. Jamie loved you.”

  “Hell, yeah, he loved me. We were brothers. You think brothers aren’t competitive as hell? You think it doesn’t burn the big brother’s ass when little brother becomes his boss? I’m not maligning Jamie. I’m just saying that you take all this guilt on yourself when you didn’t force him to go.”

  Jamie wasn’t the only one she felt guilty about. Even if she accepted that she hadn’t forced Jamie into anything, she couldn’t wish away her other problem. “And Jesse? They were looking for Jamie. I’m the one who came up with the plan to send Jamie in. I’m the one who led the Caliph right to Jesse.”

  “And a fucking butterfly flapped its wings halfway across the world and it rains in DC,” Ten argued back. “The butterfly had as much intent as you had. The asshole in DC who forgot his umbrella doesn’t blame the bug.”

  He was throwing chaos theory at her? “That is a stupid argument.”

  “And it’s true. You had zero idea it would turn out this way. You never intended to cause him harm and wouldn’t have proceeded had you known the outcome.”

  Not even if Jamie had survived. She would never have placed a unit in that harm’s way. She hadn’t known the Caliph even existed. “No, I wouldn’t have.”

  “Jesse won’t blame you. He might be surprised, but he won’t blame you and he won’t let you walk away from him. That’s the only hope I have now that Jamie might rest in peace knowing he got what he wanted.”

  “What’s that?”

  “You happy. I was the best man at your wedding. I took Jamie out for a bachelor party of two because the last thing he wanted was a bunch of strippers when he had you. I say I took him out, but all we really did was pick up a bucket of wings and go back to his place.”

  She laughed, the memories coming back and somehow whisking away the bad ones. “Mine wasn’t much better. I went to a club with some of the girls from work and spent all night texting Jamie.”

  Ten smiled, real tenderness in his expression. “Still better than his. I bought
a case of beer and we watched football and talked about you. After the game was over, he flipped through channels and found a freaking marathon of those wizard movies. He made me watch one. Couldn’t you two have found something more masculine to bond over?”

  Even though the thought brought tears to her eyes, they were sweeter now. They weren’t sad. They reminded her of how nice it had been and not simply of what she’d lost. When had that changed? When had thinking of Jamie become something wistful and not an ache in her soul? “Nope. Those are our books. He kissed me for the first time while we were reading on the patio. At first I thought he only read them because I liked them, but Harry won him over in the end.”

  She’d started reading them when a librarian had suggested the first book. She’d been at an inner-city school, one of the rougher foster homes. She’d read that first book so many times the librarian swore she wore it out. When Franklin Grant asked her what she wanted for her birthday, she’d asked for her own copies. Jamie had started reading them even though Ten had teased them that they were for kids. Jamie hadn’t cared. He’d wanted to have something to talk to her about and they’d spent hours reading and talking and watching the movies. They argued over whether Hermione should end up with Harry or Ron. Silly things, but it had brought them closer.

  “Do you know what I asked him that night?” Ten’s question brought her back to the present. “I asked him why he was getting married. I wasn’t being rude. I just didn’t understand it. He said he wanted to make you happy. He said if he wanted one thing in the world it was that you would never be alone again, never be unhappy again. This tragedy goes past him dying. He would hate the fact that you can’t move on, that you can’t find a way to live. You think you honor him by being miserable, but it’s not true.”

  She was saved by the door to the far suite opening and Erin walking in. Phoebe turned quickly and tried to shove the unwanted emotion deep because Ten was starting to get through to her. He was starting to make sense, and that meant she would have to choose between a life with Jamie’s memory or one with Jesse. She wasn’t ready.

  Except maybe she was. It had been right to hold Jesse. It had been right and good and she couldn’t work up the will to fight it. Something deep inside wondered why she would even try.

  What if she got a second chance? Should she turn it away because she didn’t trust it? Would she take back loving Jamie so she didn’t have to lose him?

  Was she that much of a coward?

  “Back off, minor Taggart,” Erin said as she strode into the room. She wore slacks, a white button down, and a smart-looking blazer this morning. Her hair was in a neat bun. She was ready to play the role of the hard-nosed businesswoman with the singular exception of her shoes. She had fuzzy bunny slippers on, but they were ruined by the nasty edge to her voice. “I don’t need your advice.”

  Theo was right behind her. He looked like he’d gotten as much sleep as Ten. “I’m just saying you have to watch out around that guy. He’s a playboy.”

  Erin’s eyes rolled. “Funny, you sound just like that douchebag who told me I was dressed like a slut.”

  “I never said that.” Theo looked over at Ten like Ten could help him out. “When did I say that? What does that even mean?”

  Ten held up his hands. “I got nothing except to tell you that hookers don’t give a shit what you say. And I know a couple of very flexible ones.”

  Her brother was a giver.

  “Hey, did you blow Murdoch? Because he looked like he could use it.” And Erin was pure lady. She grabbed a plate and started filling it up.

  “Oooo, someone got a little something?” Hutch asked as he walked out and immediately grabbed a Danish. “I thought we weren’t supposed to get laid here. I got a very strict ‘no touching the locals’ lecture and Erin threatened my balls if I looked at her the wrong way. What’s your problem with a man’s balls, woman? They’re sacred.”

  “They’re delicate so that’s where I strike. Are you made of sugar, dude? How do you stay so thin?” She didn’t wait for Hutch to reply, simply shook her head and turned back to Phoebe. “So did you fuck Murdoch so hard he forgot all about his troubled past?”

  Phoebe couldn’t help but laugh, but Theo frowned.

  “Don’t make fun of her. Just because Phoebe’s got a compassionate heart doesn’t mean you should tease her.”

  Simon stepped up to the buffet, pouring himself a cup of coffee. “You weren’t angry with him? I was a little worried that you rushed him off for a private dressing down. I stayed up in case he needed me.”

  “Why would I be mad at Jesse? Now the rest of you are idiots and we should talk about that.” She warmed to her subject because it was so much easier than the last one. “You treated him like he was the bad guy. Yes, he shouldn’t have taken off like that, but he was trying to do his job. He was supposed to identify the Caliph. He couldn’t see his face on the tape. Why didn’t anyone try to follow him on camera? He had to have walked past a camera.”

  “I totally tried after I stopped watching Murdoch take the stairs three at a time,” Hutch said around his third Danish. The boy really could eat and he seemed to prefer sweets.

  “Hutch did try, but al Fareed kept his face down until he got back to his room,” Ten admitted.

  “So he knew we were watching. Did anyone think to follow him on foot? Hutch could have given you directions.” She didn’t wait because she knew the answer. “No. You didn’t because you were all too busy making Jesse feel like shit.”

  “Baby, it’s all right.” Jesse stepped from their suite, his hair still wet from a shower. He was in jeans and a T-shirt and no shoes, and she wanted nothing more than to jump all over him and forget everything that was happening. When he kissed her, she couldn’t think about anything except him. “I knew why they were doing it. Now they know I’m here. He knows I’m here. Even if he didn’t see me himself, he heard about the crazy American who seemed to be looking for someone. He’ll have brought up the tapes and despite the hair color, he’ll remember me. A master doesn’t forget his unfinished work.”

  The thought chilled her. She couldn’t stand the fact that the Caliph very likely knew Jesse was here. She got up and poured him a cup of coffee, one cream and two sugars. The least she could do was help him get ready for the day. He needed her support. “Come and sit down.”

  “I think that’s my line.” He walked to the seat anyway.

  “Not today. It’s mine today.” He could Dom her all he liked, but she was going to take care of him today. She handed him the coffee and then made a major decision on the spur of the moment. If she was in, she was going to be all in, even if it was only for a few more days. She sat down on his lap, nestling against his chest and letting her head find the crook of his neck.

  She felt him sigh, a long, pleasurable sound, and then he relaxed around her.

  “Ten, what’s my damage?” This time when he spoke, any hint of timidity was banished. “How can I fix it?”

  Ten shook his head and then plowed forward. “It will help if you don’t show your face today. Stay in here and review the tapes. Phoebe’s right. He’s got to have screwed up at some point. We’ll catch him and you’ll identify him and then we’ll go from there.”

  Phoebe winced a little as she hadn’t exactly given them all the information she’d acquired either. “We might have a bigger problem.”

  Erin’s eyes widened. “Shitballs. We didn’t mention what we found. Damn. I’m blaming even littler Tag for that. He distracted me with his obnoxiousness. I’ve been getting the same lecture for twelve hours.”

  “Well, that’s because you won’t listen,” Theo said.

  “Erin, what have you found?” Simon asked with a sigh.

  Erin exchanged a look and nodded, giving Phoebe the floor.

  She sat up as properly as she could while she was still on Jesse’s lap. It was odd, but it seemed to give him comfort so she was going with it. “The little prick who’s working for the senator had the ne
wspaper article from the Sanctum explosion on his desk. He seemed very interested in Jesse’s death and he had two names written down.” This was the really bad part. “Ian Taggart was the first one. Ian was listed in the article so I suppose he might have gotten it from there.”

  Ten had gone utterly still, as though he knew there was a rattlesnake in the room and it was about to bite him. “Who was the other name, Phoebe?”

  “Tennessee G. Smith.”

  “Shit.” Ten rose to his feet and immediately got on the phone. “Damn it. I’m sorry. I know it’s late Charlotte, but I have to talk to him.”

  Her brother walked into his room and the door slammed shut.

  “I find it interesting that he called Big Tag and not his director,” Erin mused.

  “He’s worried there’s a mole,” Jesse said. “That’s it, right?”

  “The name Tennessee Smith doesn’t appear in records,” Phoebe replied. “Only the Agency is supposed to know his name, and even then only men with the proper security clearance. When he works with anyone outside his circle, he goes by the tried and true.”

  “Mr. Black,” Simon supplied. “Yes, I’ve met a few of those in my time.”

  “After the problems Taggart had, he took to calling himself Mr. White, but it’s all the same. It’s there so you don’t ever really know the name of who you’re working with. I know you won’t believe me, but it’s as much for your protection as his.”

  “Sure it is.” Erin set her plate on the table. “So someone figured out his name. Big whoop.”

  “Ace knew his name.” Jesse’s hand smoothed up and down her back. “We have to assume he gave the Caliph all the intelligence he had on the team. We know he was in contact with him.”

  She let his heat sink in even as she pointed out the problem. “I can assure you that my brother has never revealed his middle name to anyone on his team.”

  Theo shook his head. “I don’t know it. I’m closer to Ten than most.”

  “Does the G stand for George?” Hutch asked.

  Jesse huffed. “Obviously it stands for Grant. He considered the man his father. Why didn’t he change it legally?”