Stand-In Star

by Rachael Johns

  Tay shrugged. “Suit yourself.” She went back to whatever she was doing at the computer.

  Nate nodded in the direction of a hallway and Holly followed. “So you saw the courts out there. That’s to try and get the kids outside. We try not to schedule too much so it’s not formal, but a lot of the volunteers will get games going out there and most of the kids enjoy it after they’ve been here a bit. Then there’s the reception desk where we greet any newcomers.”

  Halfway down a hallway covered in bright posters of every subject imaginable, he opened a door. Holly looked past to see a number of cubicles with telephones. One lone guy sat in the corner with a headset. Nate quietly shut the door and backed away. “That’s our help-line phone room. Kids can call to speak to someone about anything. All our help-line volunteers are trained counselors and we get quite busy at night. The room’s full then.”

  “How many volunteers are there?” she said, hoping she didn’t sound too nosy.

  “Thirty in total. Some are here more than others though.”

  “Such a worthwhile cause,” she mused.

  “We don’t treat the kids like charity,” Nate said a little harshly. “We expect them to look after themselves and work toward an education or get a job. It’s a halfway house while they’re getting their lives back on track.”

  “I get that and I think it’s great.”

  “It costs a lot to operate, though,” he said, seeming to mellow again a little. “A number of celebrities donate and help keep us going.”

  He continued down the hallway to a computer room where a couple of kids were working on fixing up resumes, and then a gym, which was empty when they looked inside.

  “Why?” she asked him, seizing the moment when they were alone among a sea of treadmills, weights and body vibration machines.

  “Why what?”

  “Why did you start all this?’ She took a breath, summoning the courage to ask the questions she really wanted. “It’s got something to do with your own childhood, hasn’t it?”

  “Yeah.” He paused as if deliberating whether or not to expand on that. He did. “My father was an alcoholic. He’d go out and drink till he had no money left. Without fail, he’d come home and lay into my mother, blaming her and us for the hell that was his life. Many of these kids come from similar backgrounds.”

  Holly’s heart ached at his admission. “I don’t know what to say,” she said simply, thankful he was finally giving her some real insight. She admired the man he’d become and his background made that even more amazing.

  “Words aren’t necessary,” he said gruffly. “It’s actions that are important. My pap shots were the only thing that kept Mum, Bec, Lissa and me off the streets after Dad left. But we were lucky—not many kids can make the kind of money I did to look after themselves.”

  Holly bit her lower lip and sighed. Her heart weighed a ton. His story made her jealousy of Daisy seem petty. At least her parents had provided as stable an environment as they could. At least she’d had food, an education, love. And she’d judged him on his decision to sell photos of celebrities. She hoped next time she was so quick to judge, she’d remember this mistake.

  “Speaking of Bec,” he said, obviously trying to direct the conversation elsewhere, “She’ll be desperate for you to try on the gown so she can adjust and do the final stuff.”

  He was clamming up again. The dress was far from her mind, but she guessed she wouldn’t get anywhere if she pushed him for more.

  “Stuff?” She raised an eyebrow in jest, trying to lighten the mood. “Is that the technical term?”

  “Who knows, but it’s about as close as I’ll ever get to learning it. Come on.” He placed his arm across her shoulders and led her gently out of the room.

  Every nerve ending in her body tensed at his delicious and probably purely platonic touch. In contrast her mind eased a little that he appeared to be relaxing in her company again. They went up a flight of stairs to an open plan living area. There were couches and beanbags, a big screen TV, some vending machines and a fully stocked kitchen. And there were kids. About ten of them—some watching New Moon, some playing cards and one drawing on a sketch pad in the corner. Nate made a beeline for the sketch pad kid and looked over his shoulder.

  “You’re getting good at that.”

  “Yeah?” The guy looked up at Nate and Holly could tell he was trying not to show how pleased he was.

  “Yeah,” Nate echoed. “I think I might have a friend who’s interested in showing your work in his gallery. We’ll talk soon.”

  “Cool.” The guy went back to his drawing and Nate turned to Holly.

  “This is the hub of the center.” He crossed his arms and surveyed the scene. “Matt in the middle of the couch there is an ex-teacher. He tries to encourage a bit of education where he can.”

  “This place is amazing. It’s fabulous.” She didn’t say too much in front of the residents but she could see the harsh edge to a lot of them. She imagined if they hadn’t found the shelter, they’d be on the streets, doing who knows what to make ends meet. Exactly like Nate had.

  He didn’t want that for them and this knowledge swelled her already blossoming opinion of him.

  Nate shrugged and glanced at his watch. “There are dorm-type bedrooms on the next level, but we’d better be going.” Without another word, he waved at Matt and the teens and headed for the stairs.

  Quick on his heels, Holly followed. He took the stairs two at a time as if he couldn’t wait to escape the place. As he’d been friendly to Tay, enthusiastic to the sketcher and waved easily to Matt, she could only comprehend the problem was her.

  Ridiculous tears prickled at the back of her eyeballs. The feeling of not being good enough cut too close to the bone. Another ridiculous emotion because she’d never planned to care what Nate thought of her. Unfortunately, she did. She had the urge to announce that he should drop her back off at the hostel after all, but then he’d ask her why and she’d have to tell him his return to being cool and distant upset her.

  She’d have to admit she was starting to care. About him. Her heart tightened at the thought.

  Somehow, she held her head high, waved goodbye to Tay as they passed reception and followed Nate out into the sunlight.

  * * *

  Nate turned the steering wheel and eased the Viper into the midafternoon traffic, all the while resisting the urge to ask Holly her opinion of the shelter. Her opinion didn’t matter. This morning, she’d taken him by surprise simply asking to see the shelter. Momentarily pleased by her interest, he hadn’t taken the time to think about what bringing her here meant.

  He’d never brought another woman here.

  He kept his life in compartments. This one didn’t mix with the glamour photography and it certainly didn’t mix with his liaisons with the opposite sex.

  She had this bizarre knack of asking questions and making him want to share the answers. The number of times he’d bitten his tongue on elaborating and answered short and to the point instead… Until today.

  Today she’d peeled back the barriers and basically stripped him bare.

  He wasn’t proud of his past and it wasn’t something he shared willy-nilly. His heritage wasn’t something you wanted splashed on public billboards. He’d made a better life for himself and tried his damn best to help Bec and Lissa find the right directions too. He’d spent the best part of his teenage years turning his life around and providing for his mom and sisters. But he’d been too focused on the bigger picture, too busy to notice the important stuff. Bec had almost lost herself to anorexia and who knows what damage had been inflicted on Lissa.

  It was why at the shelter he handled the finances and the business planning side of things and mainly left the interaction to the qualified counselors who volunteered. The people who knew how to look after others, people who were good at it. It was also why he steered clear of emotional commitment.

  “So, nice weather your city is putting on for me today.” Ho
lly’s tone told him she was trying to penetrate his silence.

  She probably thought him a grouch but he couldn’t afford to chat. After everything he’d shared he had to stop thinking of her in terms of someone to sleep with.

  “We aim to please,” he replied drily. Yeah, if he was going to take advantage of their mutual attraction and close proximity, he should have done it days ago. Immediately would have been good—when there was pent-up aggression between them, not now when they’d spent time in each other’s company. Now she knew too much about him. They’d shared each other’s histories, talked. How that had happened he couldn’t comprehend, but it had and so he’d have to resist the need to share physically with her as well. It had to be one or the other with women. Daisy being the exception.

  But Daisy had been different. She’d been so adamantly against getting involved and there’d never been any danger of falling for her because her heart had never been free.

  Shit. Was there danger of falling for Holly?

  Of course not. Not when he was never going to fall for anyone.

  Holly sighed deeply beside him as if lamenting the great problems of the world.

  “Sorry, I’ve got a few things on my mind. How did you feel about the interview?”

  “It’s okay,” she said in an irritable tone that said it clearly wasn’t. “It’s over now and it wasn’t bad but I’m relieved.”

  They passed the rest of the journey in undeniably tense silence. When Holly coughed into her hand, he realized he’d forgotten to turn on the radio. He leaned forward and fixed that fast. Sounds of some new girl band filled he car. It wasn’t his thing but it was infinitely better than the silence, which was an ugly contrast from the easy-going banter they’d shared yesterday.

  He hated himself for feeling so on edge around her, but he couldn’t shake it.

  When they arrived at Bec’s, he walked Holly inside and said “hello” but planned to make his excuses quickly. He couldn’t be around Holly anymore, not if he valued his sanity.

  Bec looked exhausted, like she was running on some kind of hyper energy. “Put the coffee machine on, will you? I need more caffeine.” It was an order, not a question. “I’ll take Holly in to try on her gown.”

  “You’ve finished it?” asked Holly, sounding excited but wary.

  “Not quite.” Bec gestured for Holly to follow her down the tiny corridor. “But close enough that you’ll get the idea. You’re going to look awesome.”

  Nate could well imagine. He closed his eyes at the thought and turned toward the kitchen, forgetting that he meant to get the hell out of there. He couldn’t help but overhear the conversation down the hall where Bec had left the door ajar.

  There was rustling and then, “Here it is.”

  Holly all but moaned the kind of noise he imagined she’d make if he ever followed through on his desire to get her into bed. His muscles clenched and he moaned himself at the thought.

  But Holly’s initial enthusiasm wavered pretty quickly when Bec told her to strip naked and put it on.

  “I made it for you,” said Bec kindly but firmly. “You’re going to have to put it on sometime.”

  “But it’s so beautiful,” said Holly. He imagined her reaching out to run a finger down whatever silky fabric Bec had used. “And I’ll…” Holly’s voice tapered off.

  “And you’ll look amazing.”

  Amen, he thought, almost scalding himself on hot milk. She had the kind of body that looked amazing in anything. Hell, he wouldn’t be thinking like he was if she didn’t. He was the first to admit when it came to women, he was as shallow as they came.

  Still, he hadn’t made a move. And now he couldn’t, no matter how much the urge possessed him.

  “I don’t look amazing in anything.” Her tone was matter-of-fact followed by a relenting sigh. “But you’re right, I need to get over myself and try it on. You’ve done an outstanding job.”

  “I know.”

  Nate laughed inwardly at Bec’s supreme confidence. Her love of fashion and Linc had given her that, bringing her so far away from her dark self-hating days.

  There were more shuffling noises. He heard Holly suck in air and then a zipper being tugged up quickly.

  “Let me put your hair up,” Bec said.

  A few more moments and then, “There. Look at yourself.”

  Bec had a full length mirror, which he guessed Holly to be standing in front of now. He told himself to stop eavesdropping and stop envisioning her getting dressed.

  He poured freshly percolated coffee into two pink cups and, knowing the women would be fussing about with the dress for at least a couple of hours, he was about to make a quiet escape when he heard Holly gasp.

  “Oh my!”

  Raw emotion filled her voice.

  “Please don’t cry. I can change anything you want,” Bec gushed, obviously horrified at Holly’s reaction.

  Another sob. Then, “No. I’m sorry.”

  His chest tightening, Nate found himself creeping down the hallway. To hear better.

  He heard a tissue being ripped from a box. Holly blew her nose and then continued, more subdued this time.

  “I love it,” she said, sniffling. “I’ve never worn anything so fabulous. I can hardly recognize myself but I love it.”

  “Good. I’m not half bad at this sewing thing and I thought about all your assets when designing it.” He could hear the smug smile in Bec’s voice.

  Stealthily, he made his way to the door and peered through the gap, careful not to alert them to his presence.

  Yet when he saw Holly—standing in the middle of the room, arms at her side like a soldier, a look of awe and delight on her face—he almost couldn’t help himself. He bit his tongue to stop from making a sound and watched in a daze of desire.

  Bec had outdone herself but despite the ingenious of the stunning red dress, he couldn’t imagine it having quite the same affect on anybody else. Holly’s alabaster skin glowed in contrast to the blood red color of the gown. Her hair, lighter but in the same tone of the dress, was scrapped up in a lose knot at the top of her head, giving a clear view down her neck to out-of-this-world cleavage.

  He wanted her worse than he’d ever wanted anything. His whole body ached with the lust. Instinctively he reached into his pocket for his camera and he lifted it up to take a photo before he caught himself.

  He hadn’t contemplated stealing a photo of anyone in years. Not that he wanted to sell it. Nope, he wanted this for himself. But still. He dropped his hand to his side.

  He cleared his throat and pushed the door open, stopping short of asking to take a photo when he realized what it would look like. She was a smart and sensible woman—she’d want to know what he wanted it for. And that would get them to a place he still wasn’t sure they should go.

  He stood lamely in the doorway like some stupid Raggedy Andy doll.

  Then he had an idea. Perhaps she’d like a photo to record this moment. Yes, something to send her friend.

  He cleared his throat.

  Holly spun around, her face alight with happiness and pride. “What do you think?”

  What did he think? The expression on his face no doubt gave away exactly what he thought and, if not, the bulge in his pants would be a dead giveaway. He lifted the cell up, trying to draw their attentions to it instead.

  “I think Bec’s outdone herself and the world is going to be her oyster,” he said. “Shall I take a photo to email your friend?”

  “No,” Bec shrieked and held up her hands.

  Both his and Holly’s eyes snapped to her crazy woman antics.

  She grinned and ran a hand through her hair. “Sorry. Tired. But you can’t take a photo yet. I can’t risk it getting out at this stage. The first anyone must see is Sunday night when Holly steps out of the car and onto the red carpet.”

  He lowered his camera, thinking about that moment when the whole world would see how utterly gorgeous she was. Jealous of the photographers who would snap th
at shot. Her ex-husband had to be a fool.

  “By the way, are you going with anyone to the Awards?”

  Holly’s fingers meddled with tendrils of escaped hair. She shook her head. “My friend Stella was supposed to be my date but she had to cancel. I thought I’d be okay on my own, that I’d just blend into the background and keep to myself, but now I’m not so sure.”

  Her fingers dropped to absentmindedly caress the material at her sides. His mind jumped right into the gutter and imagined doing it himself. It was a good visual. He grinned.

  Bec said something, assuming it was about Holly looking good, he murmured his approval and then realized he’d been gaping like some kind of pervert.

  “It’s all settled then. You guys will look fabulous together. Do you need to organize a new tux?”

  Bec may as well have been speaking some ancient long-dead language.

  “What?”

  “Have you got a tuxedo that is suitable?” she spoke in exasperated tones and it dawned on him that somehow he’d agreed to accompanying Holly to the Awards.

  “I’m sure Daisy would have liked you there.” Holly gave a smile that didn’t seem complete and her voice wavered. Her eyes held a certain vulnerability.

  He recalled her falling to pieces about her sister last night and a horrifying image came to him. How could he send her out into a sea of strangers on her own to deal with more grief about Daisy? Because if Daisy won, Holly would have to get up on stage and speak about her. He didn’t like to think of her doing that alone.

  “Yes. The tux is fine.” But this unintended decision consolidated his opinion that sleeping with Holly wouldn’t be a good idea. He couldn’t help the sag of his shoulders and the ache in his gut at the finality of his decision.

  Holly had become a friend. Someone he needed to support, not use. He couldn’t cross the track to friends-with-benefits, no matter how badly his libido wanted him to do so.

  “Great. It’s settled then.” Bec clapped her hands together. “How about I order us a late lunch and then we’ll get started on the alterations? Takeout sushi sound good?”