by S. J. McCoy
“What is?”
Damn, she could be so stubborn in her refusal to accept what he was saying! “I want a future with you in it, because I care about you. Why won’t you get that into your head?”
She pushed her hair out of her face and stared at him. “You do?”
“For Christ’s sake, Renée! What’s it going to take? I’m not a romantic. I’ve never been in love before. I don’t know how this is supposed to work. I just wish you’d help me out a little, maybe listen and believe what I say once in a while.”
Her eyes widened as she stared down at him.
“What?”
“What did you just say?”
“Which part?”
“You’ve never been in love before?”
He shook his head. It was hard to admit that he’d made it through thirty-six years of his life and had never experienced this elusive emotion before. That he’d been skeptical as to its existence and more so about his own ability to feel it. She’d made a believer out of him, and she didn’t even know it.
“But you are now?”
Oh crap! Her question made him realize that he hadn’t shared his discovery with her. He cupped his hands around the back of her head and pulled her down into a kiss. When he let her come up for air, he smiled. “I am. And sorry, it might have helped you a little if I’d actually gotten around to telling you.”
She was smiling back at him, her eyes shining.
“I love you, Renée Nichols. I have no idea what you have done to me. All I know is that I don’t ever want you to stop, okay?”
“Wow!”
He had to laugh. “That’s all I get? I declare my love for you and come as close as I ever will to laying myself at your mercy and all you have to say is wow?”
She laughed. “Sorry. I guess I’m just stunned.”
She still wasn’t saying it back. He sighed. Why should he expect her to? He might be a catch to women in New York, but Renée wasn’t like them. She had a different set of values. He felt foolish, but he didn’t regret telling her. “So, anyway… Now I’ve made a fool of myself, what do we do next?”
“Made a fool of yourself? You think loving me is foolish?”
“I think loving you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. However, my monumental ego had not considered the fact that you might not love me back or even want to consider the possibility.”
She had the audacity to laugh. That stung. He wasn’t used to being out of his depth, to laying himself open and making himself vulnerable. He’d just done that, and here she was laughing at him! He turned his head and looked away.
She cupped his face between her hands and made him look up at her. “Gabe, you silly man. I do love you. I think I fell in love with you when you walked into the bakery with Ethan. I just didn’t think that you would love me. I’ll admit, I haven’t taken some of the things you’ve said very seriously. You’ve told me that you care about me—I took that to mean you care about me as a friend. You told me you’re crazy about me. I thought that was because you’re finding yourself again here, and I’ve been a part of that. I didn’t think it was about me, at least not just me. I’m just a part of your process of discovering yourself in a new light. I’m happy to be a part of it. I’m grateful that I am, but I’m realistic, too. You want to think about maybe having a life with a woman and that’s something that’s never crossed your mind before. I’m here and I’m a known quantity, so you’re trying it out with me. That doesn’t mean I’m the woman you want to have a life with.”
“You’re unbelievable, do you know this?”
She shrugged.
“I’ve never considered having a life with a woman before because I wasn’t around you. You’re not part of this process I’m going though, you’re the cause of it. I confess I didn’t even realize that at first, it took Michael to spell it out for me, but it’s true. I love you, you stubborn woman, whether you want me or not.”
“Now who isn’t listening? I. Love. You!” She glared at him, then started to laugh. It was so infectious he had to join in. “Are we seriously fighting about being in love with each other?” she asked.
He nodded. “It looks that way. But I don’t want to.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck and looked deep into his eyes. “I don’t want to either, Gabe. I want to make love to you.”
He wasn’t going to argue with that. She stood and offered him her hand. He took it and led her inside to her bedroom.
Cupping her face between his hands he bit her lips; she clung to his shoulders and kissed him back. There was something so innocent about the way she kissed him, about the way she made love to him. It made him feel protective of her in a way he never had before. Until Renée. Sex for him had been just another encounter where he went in with a goal in mind and came out once he’d accomplished it. His goal had always been his own pleasure. There’d been no shortage of women who had a similar goal and were happy to have Gabe as a means to achieve it. With Renée it was different. Yes, he wanted her, wanted to take his pleasure in her, but his goal wasn’t to make himself feel good. It was to make her feel good, to show her with his body what his words hadn’t seemed to get through to her. He wanted to give himself to her, and to take her—all of her—as his own.
She looked up at him. “You said you hadn’t had your wicked way with me. Gabe, I want you to. Whenever we have sex, you feel as though you’re holding back. Please don’t.”
~ ~ ~
The way he looked at her when she spoke those words made Renée’s heart hammer even harder than it already was. It was true though. He was great in bed, better than she’d thought she’d ever experience, but there’d been something missing. She’d thought it must be because, whether he knew it or not, he was just going through the motions with her. He wanted her, she knew that much, but she’d honestly believed that she was just part of whatever process of evolution he was going through right now. She’d thought it wasn’t really about her, just that she was a convenient warm body at a time when he needed one. That he could feel good about it and about himself because he knew she wanted him and he was helping her through a hard time.
A shudder ran through her as he removed her top. The way he looked at her—at her breasts—as he freed them from her bra let her know that she was definitely much more than just a convenient warm body. He walked her back toward her bed and pulled her down on top of him, thrusting his hips, pressing that huge bulge of his between her legs as his hands closed around her breasts.
“I don’t want to be wicked with you right now, my love. I want to explore you.” As he spoke, he unfastened her jeans and slid them down. By the time she’d kicked out of them, he’d stripped down to his boxers and drew her under him. She looked up into his eyes and caught her breath at what she saw in them. Love. There was no denying it. “You’re right. I have held back. I’ve wanted you to feel safe, to feel good. I haven’t wanted to just fuck you.”
She felt herself get wetter just at the way he said it.
“But that’s all I’ve known how to do, until now.” He trailed his fingers down her neck and on over her throat. “Now, I want to make love to you. Make you mine.”
“Yours?”
He nodded as his fingers slid down over her belly and between her legs. She couldn’t contain the gasp that escaped her lips as he traced her opening. “Mine. I want you to meet me in a place where neither of us have ever been. You’ve never let go of yourself, let a man take you mind and body. I’ve never held back with my body or given my mind and myself.”
She didn’t know if it was his words or the way his thumb was circling her nub that was making her quiver. As a girl she’d used to wonder about what it would be like to make love to a man. Then she’d met Eric and gotten married—and she’d decided that there was no such thing. Men and women had sex. If they were lucky there were a few fleeting moments of physical pleasure and that was as good as it got. Now it seemed Gabe was asking her to reconsider her beliefs. He wante
d to make love to her. She was hardly going to say no!
“I’m not sure I know how to let go.” Why was she still talking? Why couldn’t she keep her mouth shut and just do what he said? Surrender to his talented fingers and let him take her?”
“Trust me?” He dipped a finger inside her as he asked.
This time she had no words; she nodded dumbly and surrendered. He kissed her neck and slid his finger deeper making her hips rise up to meet him. As his mouth worked its way down to her breast, he pressed his palm against her nub, setting up a rhythm of pulsating pressure as he slid his finger in and out. She moaned when his lips closed around her nipple in the same moment that he added a second finger and thrust them deep. She tensed.
“Gabe!”
“Mmm?” He didn’t lift his head, but instead grazed her nipple with his teeth sending shockwaves racing through her.
“Gabe, stop! You’re going to make me…” She grabbed a fistful of sheet as he added a third finger and plunged them deep inside her. She felt herself stretching around him, the bundle of nerves between her legs pulsating as his thumb kept up the rhythmic pressure against it. She was right on the edge, but she wanted to feel him inside her when she came. She wanted this to be about them, not just her. “You’re going to make me come!” she gasped.
This time he did lift his head. “I am. And you’re going to let go and give yourself up to me.” It was a command. For a moment she tensed, she wanted to fight it. She wanted to be in charge of her own body, not at his mercy. He raised an eyebrow and held her gaze as he thrust his fingers deeper and harder. “Come for me.”
Part of her wanted to look away, wanted to resist somehow, but she couldn’t. A bigger part of her wanted to do exactly what he said, give herself up to him. And she did. Her hips moved in time with his thrusting fingers. She buried her own fingers in two fistfuls of sheets and moaned as he took her over the edge. Waves of pleasure crashed through her, and she gasped and moaned as he kept working her. He held her gaze the whole time and—though her body writhed and her head thrashed around as he carried her through wave after wave—she never looked away.
When she finally lay still he placed a gentle kiss on her lips. Something had changed, and they both knew it. She wrapped both arms around his neck and looked up into his eyes. She didn’t know what to say. She was too full of feelings for words to matter much. It seemed he felt the same way. She quivered as his hot hard shaft brushed against her belly. It would be a while before she’d be ready to help him out with that! It seemed he had other ideas though. He was rolling her onto her back, spreading her legs.
“Gabe, I can’t yet. I’m sorry.”
He smiled down at her. “You can, my love. Right now, when you think you have nothing left to give.”
He thrust his hips and plunged deep inside her, making her moan at the sheer size of him. The last traces of her orgasm raced through her, taken by surprise at this new assault. He moved slowly inside her. Despite her protests to the contrary, her body agreed with him and moved with him—slowly, sensuously—in a rhythm that was new to her.
He held her gaze. “You think you have nothing left. I know this is where I get to the part of you that really matters. The part you’ve never given to anyone before me.”
She had no words as he moved slowly, deliberately, thrusting deep and hard each time. She could feel the tension building low in her belly, and she had no resistance to offer. She moved with him, carried along by his determination and by the pleasure building inside her. Each time he thrust his hips, ripples of pleasures ran through her, surging away from the place where they joined and rushing back there to build in intensity each time. She was gasping now, almost overcome by the intensity, of the sensations, of her own emotions and most of all of the look in his eyes. He was getting close, it was on his face and in his movements as he grew harder still. Every thrust was a mini orgasm she was panting and clinging to him as he drove his way to the inevitable conclusion.
He lowered his head and nibbled her neck, taking her to the very edge, making her legs and stomach tighten in anticipation. “I love you, Renée.”
That took her over the edge. “I love you, Gabe,” she gasped as she let herself go. She felt as though she was falling through space and time, her body wracked with pleasure like she’d never know. He thrust his hips wildly and she felt him tense. His own release deep inside her was her only point of reference in a swirling galaxy of exploding stars. He was her anchor to space and time as his thrusts spilled his need into the deepest part of her. All she could do was cling to him as he took her on a journey to the place where neither of them had ever been. The place she knew in that moment she’d never go without him.
Chapter Thirteen
Gabe opened his eyes and smiled at the sight of Renée sleeping on beside him. She slept heavily yet woke immediately at the sound of her alarm. Gabe, on the other hand, had an internal alarm that had his eyes open five minutes before the buzzer went off. He stroked her hair where it tumbled over the pillow, she was so damned beautiful. She really had given herself to him last night, he knew in his heart there was no going back. He’d given himself to her in the same way, in a way he’d never thought he would give himself to a woman. She owned him now, whether she knew it or not. That scared the shit out of him. For a guy who had always liked to maintain a tight hold over his own destiny, he’d willingly given up the controls to a woman—an unpredictable woman at that. He smiled, she’d be no fun if she were predictable.
He was supposed to be leaving this evening, but he really didn’t want to. He wanted to stay here, spend more time with her. He didn’t have to be back in the office until Monday, though he had planned to spend the weekend in there catching up after his week away, clearing the decks in order to bow out. He’d talked to his partners, Wade and Dane, yesterday after talking to Ben. They hadn’t been too surprised to learn that he was planning to take a sabbatical. He’d told them he wanted at least a year, though at this point he didn’t think he’d ever want to go back. The Economic Development Manager position was annually funded, and, as he’d told Renée, he was a realist at heart. He needed to cover his bases—for everyone else’s sake as much as his own. He was meeting with the guys on Sunday afternoon, so realistically he didn’t to leave here until Sunday morning, if he could find a flight—or Rosemary could. He’d call her once Renée was awake and in the shower. He didn’t even think she’d be too surprised. She’d noticed something was up with him this week and he knew he’d be in for a full inquisition from her once he got back.
He smiled as the alarm went off and Renée opened her eyes. “Good morning.”
“Mmm,” she mumbled. “It will be when I get some caffeine into me; you know I don’t like to talk before that happens.”
Gabe grinned and drew her to him. She snuggled in close and closed her eyes again. “Don’t do it, sleepy head. You need to get up and moving while you can.”
She snuggled closer. “It’s not my fault. There’s this man in my bed; I can’t leave while he’s here.”
“You can’t? Why not?”
She opened her eyes again and her sleepy smile made him as happy as her words. “Because I love him, and I don’t want to leave him.”
He planted a kiss on her full soft lips, wishing he could keep her in bed for a while, but he knew she had to get up for work. “Well, he loves you, and he doesn’t want to leave you either.”
“But just like I have to go to work, he has to go to New York.”
“He does, but not until Sunday.”
“Ooh!” She sat up with a big grin on her face. “Really?”
“Well, I hope so. I have to be there on Sunday afternoon, so I’m hoping I’ll be able to get a flight early Sunday morning.” As he spoke, a thought occurred to him. “Either way, I’ll have to get ready to leave for the airport tomorrow afternoon. Do you want to come?”
“I can’t. I have to work. I can’t just go jetting off to New York.”
“I know
that. I meant do you want to come to the airport with me?”
She made a face at him. “I’d love to, but I don’t think my trusty steed would get me back here in time for work.”
Gabe laughed. It was a four-hour drive to the airport, he was hardly expecting her to bicycle back. “Well, I was thinking you could keep the rental car. I’ll be coming back as soon as I can, and I’ll need it again when I do. You could come pick me up?”
“You mean you want to donate the use of a car, and making it look like I’m the one doing you a favor will make that more acceptable?”
He shrugged. There was no point denying it.
She thought about it. “Let’s see when you can get a flight for, shall we?”
It was better than he’d hoped for. He’d been afraid her pride would make her turn him down flat. “Sure, I’ll let you know as soon as Rosemary can get something booked. I’ll make coffee and give her a call while you’re in the shower.”
“Thanks.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and planted a kiss on his lips before scrambling out of bed.
~ ~ ~
Renée wiped down the counters. She was tired. It would be good to get April in here and be able to share the load. She might even get to sleep in a little longer some days once April knew the ropes. That was how she and Shelly had worked things; they each came in an hour late and left an hour early two days a week. Since Shelly had been gone, there’d been nothing but long shifts and no breaks. She smiled to herself. She hadn’t really noticed too much though, her mind had been too full of Gabe. She paused and stared out the window. Gabe, the guy who was in love with her. She didn’t think it had sunk in yet. He loved her! She loved him! It was all just a little surreal. But wonderful. She just hoped it wouldn’t all come crashing down around her ears. Her life wasn’t exactly plain sailing at the moment. Still. There was hope. Hope for a new life, a good life, a life with Gabe in it!
