by S. J. McCoy
Ben waved at her through the window and came in. “Now that’s a smile and a half! Dare I ask what that’s all about?”
She shook her head. “Just thinking that maybe things are starting to look up for me, that’s all.”
“I hope so. It’s about time, isn’t it?”
“Way past time if you ask me. Anyway, to what do I owe the pleasure? You haven’t been in here in ages, and I don’t believe you’re just after a doughnut.”
“Nope, no doughnuts for me. I have to watch my figure.”
Renée laughed and looked him over. “You do not. There are plenty of women around here who’d happily watch your figure if you’d just move it in their direction.”
“Don’t you start on me as well” Ben grinned at her. “Why’s everyone so eager to get me paired off?”
“Because you’re a good-looking guy with a heart of gold. You deserve to be happy and we all think that finding the right woman will make you happy.”
As she watched the smile fade from his face, Renée could have kicked herself. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” For a moment he looked defeated, sad, and so much older. “I don’t normally say anything, but sometimes—just sometimes—it gets to me.”
He looked so sad she wanted to wrap him up in a hug. “What gets to you, Ben?”
“The way no one gets it. Everyone’s moving back here, coming home and finding the love of their life. They all want me to do the same, except it’s different for me.”
“I can see that, but tell me why. What is it that’s so different for you than it is for the rest of us?”
He gave a short, bitter laugh. “Well, for starters I’m not coming home. Apart from going to college, I never left. And I’m not about to find the love of my life.” She hated to see the pain and sadness in his eyes as he added, “I lost her years ago.”
“I’m sorry, Ben.”
He shrugged. “No, I’m sorry. I don’t normally say a word, and I shouldn’t be dumping on you. I think seeing you and Gabe together brings it home a bit more though.”
That surprised her. “How so?”
“Well, you two were friends back then. All these years later, you’re finally getting it together.”
She had to ask. “You’re talking about back then. Does that mean you’re talking about Charlotte?
He nodded sadly.
“I never knew what happened between the two of you.”
He met her gaze and for a moment she thought he was going to tell her. Then he changed his mind and shrugged again. “I fucked up. That’s what happened. Anyway. Sorry. I didn’t come to dump my sorrows on you. I came to talk to you about April. Are you okay with her starting on Monday?”
“More than okay. I’m looking forward to it. She seems nice.”
“She does. It sounds like she’s been through a lot, and she has her kid, so I won’t be surprised if she doesn’t get in on time every day. At least until they get settled in and get used to a new routine.”
Renée nodded. She’d been thinking the same thing.
“I know it’s been tough on you these last few weeks with no late starts or early finishes. Hopefully, once April gets the hang of things you’ll be able to figure out something that works for you both.”
“I’m sure we will.”
“In the meantime, though, do you want to just close up shop for today? Get out of here an hour early?”
“Let me think about that for a minute…umm, yeah!”
Ben laughed. “Let’s close up then. Do you want to come have lunch with me? Or do you want to get home?”
“I’d love to have a quick lunch. Gabe’s supposed to pick me up after work. He’s gone over to see Pete Hemming this morning.”
Ben waited while she collected her things and locked up. Then they set out down the street toward the resort. “Can you imagine Gabe and Pete getting their heads together?” asked Ben. “I’m kind of excited to see what they come up with, but at the same time it’s a bit scary, too. They’re both a formidable force as individuals, I’m a bit worried that instead of dragging the town into the twenty-first century, they’ll be shooting us at warp speed straight into the twenty-second!”
“I know exactly what you mean. I think, at least I hope, that Gabe is chilling out a little. The way he’s been talking about this job and everything that goes with it, it sounds as though he really wants to embrace the small town growth concept rather than fall into the traps that come with rapid development.”
“You’re right. I know he does, and Pete does, too. They both love this place, but when you take their personalities and abilities and then set them to work together, you’ve got admit it’s a bit scary!”
“It is. I’ll do what I can to keep Gabe in check.”
“And I’ll do the same with Pete.”
Renée knew it was nosey of her, but she couldn’t help asking. “And what about his fiancée? Do you think I should join forces with her? Does she have small-town roots that might help slow him down?”
The look on Ben’s face confirmed her suspicions that things weren’t great between Pete and Holly. “She grew up in LA, but she loves this place. I don’t think she feels as though she could slow Pete down on anything at the moment. It seems that the wedding planning is causing them a bit of tension. Pete’s being Pete and Holly’s feeling forgotten.”
Ben’s cell rang and he pulled it out of his pocket. “Sorry. I’m going to need to take this. I may be a while. Do you want to grab us a table? Though honestly, depending how this goes, I may not get to join you.”
“Let’s take a rain check; you can owe me one. You take your call. I’ve got a couple of things I need to do anyway.”
“Okay. Sorry. I’ll catch up with you soon.”
As Ben answered his call, Renée turned around and headed back to the bakery. It would have been nice to have lunch with Ben, but there was something else she’d been wanting to do. Since she’d been back at the lake she’d been going to the cemetery every couple of days. But with everything that had been going on with Gabe, being by herself in the bakery, and fitting in lunch with the girls, she hadn’t been there at all this week. She didn’t know why it bothered her so much. She hadn’t been for years prior to coming back here, but now she was here something inside her drove her to go visit with Chloe. At least that was what it felt like she was doing. Some part of her mind acknowledged that perhaps she was finally starting to process grief that she’d spent all these years running from. Another part of her mind told her to shut the hell up, get on her bike, and go. She listened to that part and headed out down the old road by the river that led out to the cemetery.
As she neared the gates she saw a big black pickup truck parked outside. It was unusual to see anyone out here during the week. It seemed that most of the town came to visit their dead on Sundays, a day Renée had learned to avoid. As far as she was concerned, she came out here to visit with her sister, not with the rest of Summer Lake. She got off her bike as she passed through the gates, smiling at her own stupidity even as she did it. Just as she wouldn’t walk over the graves, she wouldn’t ride her bike in here either. It wasn’t superstition, at least not in her mind. It was respect. She smiled as the slogan, dismount for the dead crossed her mind. Sometimes she wondered if she was going completely nutso when she came out here. The strangest thoughts occurred to her and she usually found them funny, but she wouldn’t share them with anyone else. She was still smiling to herself, as she turned the corner, knowing that she would have shared that with Chloe, and Chloe would have laughed along with her, and no doubt come up with more and weirder little comments of her own.
She stopped abruptly and the smile left her face when she saw him.
Chance was kneeling in the grass in front of Chloe’s gravestone. Renée blinked back tears and started to turn the bike around. Chloe may be her sister, but she knew that she was the intruder in this situation.
“Do you still hate me that much?”
She
froze at the question. Did she hate him? She mustn’t have heard him right. It didn’t make sense. He hated her and he had every right to! She couldn’t turn around and look him in the eye and she couldn’t bring herself to walk away either.
“I’m sorry, Renée. I’m so sorry.”
The crack in his voice broke the spell that had been holding her. She lay the bike down and walked toward him. When she stood face-to-face with him she made no attempt to wipe away the tears that were rolling down her face. “Chance, I’m sorry. It was all my fault.”
The pain on his face turned to disbelief. “What do you mean?”
“You know damned well what I mean. If I hadn’t made you promise not to go after them, Chloe would still be alive. You guys would still be together. And your life wouldn’t have been ruined.”
Chase’s eyes narrowed, his lips pressed together in a thin line. “Your fault? How can you think any of it was your fault, Renée? She went off with Kyle because I was being an asshole. I knew she was mad at me and I let her walk out. If I’d gone straight after her, or if I’d just said sorry before she left, she would never have been out on the lake that night.”
“Oh, Chance. That wasn’t your fault. You two had a fight, you were kids, you did it all the time, and you made up within minutes. You can’t blame yourself for that.”
He shook his head sadly. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell myself all these years. I don’t buy it though. I may as well have killed her myself.”
Renée couldn’t process that. “I’ve always thought you blamed me. I made you promise not to go after them. If you had, it might all have been so different. I stopped you. I may as well have killed her myself.”
“How can you say that? You were right. If I’d found them, I would have killed him. You knew that much. You couldn’t have known what was going to happen out in that boat.”
They stared at each other for a long moment. Tears running down both their faces.
Eventually, Chance spoke again. “One thing I’ve come to terms with is that we can’t change what happened. All we can do is live with what is.”
Renée nodded. That much was true.
“I was hoping I might see you. I wanted to ask if you might find it in your heart to make peace with me?”
Renée wrapped her arms around him and sobbed against his broad chest. “I would love to make peace with you, Chance. But I need you forgive me.”
He shook his head. “There’s nothing to forgive.”
“There is in my mind.”
His light blue eyes brimmed with tears. “Then I forgive you.” He hugged her to his chest, and they stood that way for a long time, each softly sobbing on the other’s shoulder.
Chapter Fourteen
Renée dragged the brush though her hair. Her eyes were still red and her face was blotchy. There was no time to fix anything before Gabe arrived though. She heard the doorbell tinkle and gave one last tug before admitting defeat in the fruitless battle to try to tame her hair. She’d come back to the bakery to try to pull herself together after seeing Chance. She hadn’t had much success though, she was a mess.
“Are you back there?” called Gabe.
“I’ll be right out.”
She plastered a smile on her face before going back through to the store.
Gabe’s own smile disappeared in a hurry when he saw her. “What’s wrong, Renée?”
She sniffed loudly. Why couldn’t she be more of a lady and less of a mess? “Nothing. Sorry. Let’s get out of here, can we?”
He came and closed his arms around her. “We’re not going anywhere until you tell me what’s up.”
She should have known he wouldn’t let it go. She rested her head against his shoulder. “Nothing bad. In fact it’s good, but can we please go home and I’ll tell you on the way?”
Once they were heading out down Main, he turned to look at her. He didn’t need to say anything, she could feel the concern and the impatience he was radiating.
“I saw Chance.”
“He came into the bakery?”
“No, Ben came by and said we may as well close up early. I took the opportunity to go out to the cemetery.” She checked his face to see what he might make of that; she hadn’t mentioned her visits with Chloe to him before.
His eyes were fixed on the road, his face gave nothing away. He just waited for her to continue.
“I’ve been going out there quite often. Trying to get straight with myself. It seems Chance was doing the same thing.”
Gabe nodded, but said nothing.
“You were right. He doesn’t hate me. It turns out he thought I hated him. We made our peace, Gabe.”
Even though it was sad, there was no question that his smile was genuine. “I’m glad to hear it.”
She nodded. “It’s still so hard though, you know? There’s this sense of relief, a weight lifted. Yet nothing really changes. Chloe’s still dead. Chance still lost the life he thought he was going to have.”
“And you still lost your sister.”
She nodded. She’d never really admitted it before, but her life had changed that night, too. She’d lost her sister, her best friend and her life had been changed. Not as much as Chance’s had, but it had shifted course nevertheless. They rode on in silence. Gabe seemed to understand her need to mull it all over.
“Did you get your flight changed?” she asked after a while.
“Yeah, but there was nothing available Sunday morning. I leave at nine tomorrow night. Do you want to come with me? If you drop me off early you could be back here by eleven. I know that’s a late night for you though.”
She shrugged. “I can catch up on sleep on Sunday afternoon. I’d rather have a few more hours with you.”
He smiled. “Good.” He was turning into the driveway. “And you’re okay with keeping the car?”
“Yes, thank you.” Part of her didn’t want to, was still struggling with thoughts of charity. The more reasonable part of her accepted that he cared about her and wanted to take care of her. Why should she refuse that? And besides, she really didn’t want to go back to riding that bike into town at four o’clock every morning.
He pulled up outside the house and turned to take her face between his hands. “I love you, Renée.”
For some reason that set her off again. The tears started to flow. He led her inside and sat on the sofa with her cradled in his lap while she cried, more tears than she would have thought one person could produce. When they eventually dried up, she looked up at him. “Sorry, now your shirt’s a soggy mess, and I don’t even know what I’m crying about. Things are getting better, so why I am blubbing now?”
“My guess is that it’s out of relief. You’ve carried all that guilt and pain over Chance for all these years. You’re not going to just have one conversation with him and be over it all in the blink of an eye. It’ll take you time to process it all.”
She nodded. He was no doubt right as usual.
“Is he sticking around?”
She shrugged. “He didn’t know that himself. We were both a bit emotional as I’m sure you can imagine. It wasn’t an in-depth conversation, just all it needed to be. I wish we could have talked more, but it wasn’t the time or the place. Hopefully, someday we’ll be able to.”
“I hope so. For both your sakes.”
~ ~ ~
Gabe checked the oven, the lasagna was almost ready. He was surprised at how domesticated he was becoming. Renée had taken a shower, and he’d convinced her to take a nap, too. She’d been worn out from all her early starts anyway, and he knew the emotional toll of finally talking to Chance would have drained her completely. He’d run back down into town and bought what he needed to make dinner for her. He’d also bought everything he thought she might need to make it through the week until he came back. She refused to talk about money, but the fact that her fridge contained nothing but sandwich meat and peanut butter gave him a clue how tight things really were for her.
He
heard her getting up and opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe.
“Hey, sleepy head. Did you get some good rest?”
She nodded and came to wrap her arms around him. “I did, but then I started dreaming about Italian restaurants.” She sniffed the air. “What are you making?”
He grinned. “Lasagna.”
“Ooh! You can cook, too! You should stick around.”
“I wish I could. But you know I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
She nodded. “I hope so. It’s going to be really strange around here without you. I’m going to miss you.”
He hugged her closer. “I’m going to miss you, too. I wish you could come with me.”
“Nah. You won’t give me another thought once that plane takes off.”
“Not true. All I’ll be thinking about is getting back to you as fast as I can.”
The way she smiled back at him made him decide to ask her something that had been playing on his mind. “And when I get back, can we start thinking about where we’re going to live?”
She raised an eyebrow. “You don’t like it here?”
For once he felt unsure of himself. How to tell her that he hated that she was living like this? He searched for the right words. “I know it’s your childhood home and everything, but, well…”
She laughed. “It’s not up to the angel Gabriel’s standards? Is that what you’re trying to say?”
“Come on, Renée. It’s not up to livable standards. It’d be condemned in a heartbeat if it were inspected.”
She frowned. “But it’s not going to be inspected, and it’s all I’ve got.”
“It’s not though, is it? You’ve got me now. Don’t I count for anything?” It stung a little that she refused to consider that he might be able to contribute something to her situation—hell, to their relationship.
“Of course, you do! You count for everything, Gabe! But I already feel as though I’m leaning on you too much. The one thing I have is a home. All right, it isn’t much of a home, but it’s where I grew up.”
Gabe felt terrible as tears welled up in her eyes again. “It’s where I lived with my sister and my dad. And now I’ve come back to it, I’m not sure I’m ready to just walk away from it. You’re going through your process, figuring out what comes next in your life. Well, you know, coming back here has been a journey for me, too. I’ve come all the way back to my roots, and I don’t know that I want to leave them behind, yet. Or ever! Can you understand that?”
