I was in some deep trouble when it came to her, I knew. Deep, deep trouble.
Ash took her time to think about the answer. She toyed with her fingers in her lap, and I resisted the urge to take one of her hands and hold it. That would only freak her out, move too fast, all that shit. I had to remember most people didn’t feel so intensely so quickly, not like me.
“You know how everyone always says if you work hard, you’ll succeed in your dreams?” Ash asked quietly. “It’s mostly bullshit. Some people can build themselves up out of nothing, but the fact is the majority of people can’t. I grew up with my mom since I was four. We were always tight on money. I took paper routes and odd jobs that paid cash since I was twelve to help out.”
“I’m sure your mom appreciated that,” I told her.
“She did, mostly because we could afford food that wasn’t ramen noodles and pasta,” Ash said, chuckling softly. “But growing up, I knew I didn’t want to be like her. If I ever had kids, I didn’t want them to be in the same position I was. I didn’t have a bad childhood, but…I worried a lot about things most kids don’t have to. I had to grow up fast.”
“So you wanted to come to Hillcrest to better yourself?”
“Going to college these days isn’t out of the ordinary. Even part-time, minimum wage jobs want to see a degree, which is ridiculous,” Ash said, glancing at me. “Just because you have a college degree doesn’t mean you’ll automatically make tons of money, not anymore. But a private university like Hillcrest? Recruiters come to this school before graduation with job offers. The education is better here than out there. You have more opportunities as an HU grad than a community college grad.”
I couldn’t deny her logic here. Money bought you a lot of things. Ash’s life after Hillcrest would be worlds different than what her life would’ve been like if she’d gone to someplace like Stanton—and the whole thing about degrees being a dime a dozen? So true. It was honestly why I was glad I didn’t need to worry about it.
Yes, most people who went to Hillcrest were in it for the education, or the future prospects, or simply because it was their parents’ alma mater. But me? I only came here because Sawyer did, and because Declan did. We were close growing up, all of us having gone to the same elementary and high school. A private one, uniforms and all that, more schools for the rich.
My family had wanted me to join the business right after high school; it was always assumed I would, especially after I failed third grade. But to be fair, third grade was when I discovered what the family business actually was—something my family usually kept the kids away from. It wasn’t a very kid-friendly business. But I’d said no, mostly because I wanted to live my life as my life for as long as I could. If that included going off to college, then so be it. I got decent grades when I tried.
“What about you?” Ash questioned. “Why did you come to Hillcrest? You don’t strike me as the type of person who is obsessed with their higher education.”
I smiled. No, I was obsessed with many things, but not that. “I came to Hillcrest to be with Sawyer and Declan. All my life, they were my only friends. They stayed my friends even when I failed third grade.”
“You failed third grade?”
I looked at her, at the smooth curve of her cheekbone and the soft puckering of her lips. “Yes, I should be a sophomore here, just like Declan and Sawyer, but I’m not. I’m a freshman like you.”
Ash stared at me like she didn’t know what to say. I’d stumped her, at least temporarily. “You really came here just to be with your friends? Now friend, I guess. You don’t care at all about what comes after all this?”
That was the problem with a lot of these other rich kids. Some of them were going to inherit, so to speak, their parents’ companies and their money. My family was a bit different—I wasn’t the only one needed to carry on the family legacy. And unlike these other students, I’d be hard at work once I got out of here. My family had money, but they had to work for it. Our money did not come free.
“I’ll be working with my family after Hillcrest,” I said, feeling the need to pull out another cigarette. Holding back had never been so hard, but I wanted to focus on the conversation Ash and I were having.
“And what does your family do?”
“If I told you that, I’d have to kill you.”
Ash smiled, probably thinking I was joking. I wasn’t, though. Family secrets stayed family secrets…although I couldn’t help but wonder how she’d take it if I told her the truth of it all, if I told her exactly what my family did and how we made all our money…
“Well,” she mused, tipping her right foot over, knocking it against mine, “I guess you probably shouldn’t tell me. I’d hate for you to have to do that.” Our stares locked. “As much as the world sucks these days, I do like living in it.”
I felt my mouth tug into a smile as I watched the silver light from the moon reflect in her gray irises. “Me too,” I whispered, desperately wishing there were no chairs between us. I wanted to pull her onto my lap and touch her, see what her reaction would be.
If she’d pulled herself away from Sawyer, she had a lot of self-restraint. Could I make her want to lose it?
Ash was about to say more, but loud shouting came from the house. She and I met eyes once again, the quiet moment we had been sharing completely shattered. It was of my own doing, of course. My own fucking doing; never had I wanted to take something back more. If I would’ve known this was where we’d be when he arrived, I never would’ve sent that picture. I wanted the drama, but I wanted to break apart her and Sawyer, not us.
“What the hell is going on in there?” she asked, getting to her feet.
I heaved myself up beside her, standing close, my attention solely on her and not what was happening in the house. We were alone right now, even with all the bodies inside. Utterly alone, and yet not for long enough.
Fuck. I really hated myself.
“I don’t know,” I whispered, “but maybe we should go check it out.” Suggesting to go inside, it wasn’t what I wanted to do, but I knew her curiosity was piqued. Our moment under the moonlight was over; there was no point in trying to prolong it now.
Ash…I needed more of her. I just had to think up some ways to get her without Sawyer knowing. He wanted her for his game with Declan? Fuck that. I wanted her all to myself.
Chapter Fourteen – Ash
It was a good thing something was going on in the house, because if nothing would’ve distracted me from Travis, I might’ve started to crush hard on him. He was…sexy and mysterious in a way that just drew me in, even though I knew I shouldn’t let him. Plus, those tattoos. Tattoos were a weakness of mine, definitely.
Who knew Travis had such a serious side? Who knew someone like him could be friends with Sawyer? Then again, he’d also been friends with Declan; I had to remember that he chose to stay with Sawyer over Declan. Travis had picked sides, and I wholeheartedly believed he’d chosen the wrong side here.
Travis was the first one to move towards the back door; I followed him, doing my best not to gaze at the wideness of his shoulders or the way his dragon tattoo wrapped up and around his left arm, disappearing beneath his sleeve. I wanted to trace the entire damn thing, slowly, drag my fingers all along him and see where else that dragon touched.
Okay, not a good thought to have when I was trying to keep myself off these guys. I had a feeling my time in Hillcrest would be full of a hell of a lot of self-love.
We walked inside, heading past the kitchen. There was a group of partygoers in the kitchen, peering down the hallway at the commotion, though they moved their gazes to Travis and me as we walked past. The music still played, thumping loudly, bouncing in my bones and my chest, but no one was dancing. Every single person on the first floor stared at the front door, which hung open, an uninvited guest standing there, looking…
Looking pretty pissed.
“Declan?” I spoke his name cautiously, something inside of me twisting when
his ticked off expression turned to me. I’d never seen him so angry before. I…call me stupid, but I didn’t think he could get angry. He was always so sad, so depressed; this was a new look for him, and I didn’t like it. Where was my adorable cinnamon roll?
Sawyer stood near the bottom of the staircase, glaring at Declan. And I thought he’d looked murderous upstairs, when I’d brought up Declan’s name? Hell no. The look Sawyer now wore blew all those other looks out of the water. Totally annihilated it. This Sawyer was enraged, plain and simple.
“Well,” Travis said, glancing at me. “Now we know what all the shouting was about.” Now was not the time to try to make light of the situation, but Travis didn’t seem like the type who would particularly care too much about something like that.
“Get the fuck out of my house,” Sawyer growled out, sounding like a raging animal, ready to pounce. He took a step toward Declan, and Declan didn’t even flinch. “Get out before I kick your pathetic, murdering ass out.”
“I didn’t come here for you.” Declan met Sawyer’s tone with an aggressive one of his own, and I just stood there dumbly, wondering how massively I’d misjudged him. He was so mad, so furious, that I had momentary doubts about what I’d decided before.
That he didn’t kill Sabrina. That he couldn’t have killed her, because he wasn’t that sort of person.
This was not the Declan I’d been rooming with for the last week. This was a stranger. This, I realized, just might be the real Declan.
Fuck. Could I trust any of these guys?
Sawyer was in Declan’s face now, standing much taller than him, but Declan didn’t let it intimidate him. “I don’t give a flying fuck why you’re here. Get out.” At his sides, his hands clenched into fists so hard his knuckles turned white. Sawyer was holding back from all-out attacking him. I had no idea how much longer his willpower would last, but I didn’t want to tempt it.
“Declan, what…” I moved closer to him, seeking to place myself between the two angry, upset boys, but it was like neither of them saw me. Like I wasn’t there at all.
“And I don’t give a flying fuck about what you do,” Declan shot back, fury plain in his dark eyes. “But you’re not going to make Ash a part of it. This is between you and me, Sawyer.”
“I’m not making Ash a part of anything,” Sawyer said, finally glancing at me. A wicked glimmer rose in his eyes, and before I was able to realize just what was happening, he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me close, pressing me against his hard body. “Ash is here because she wants to be here, and she was with me because she wanted to be.” While Declan glared at him, throwing cold, sharp knives with his eyes, Sawyer turned his cocky, half-assed smile to me. “Isn’t that right, Ash?”
I couldn’t say anything in response; couldn’t even push him off me, mostly because it all happened so fast. Sawyer’s lips came down on mine, his tall frame bending easily. Hard and fast, it was a kiss I could not deny, though I did my best not to reciprocate it. I didn’t want to be in the middle of their feud, their fight; how did I wind up here?
And why the hell did Sawyer’s lips taste so good?
His tongue pushed its way into my mouth, and for a split-second everything else faded away. Declan, his rage, the crowd of people in the house, watching—even the music. It all disappeared for just a moment as I felt his tongue graze mine, the tiny, intimate touch sending a shiver down my spine. My heart felt like it was going to explode right out of my chest, and my body? My body wanted more, to continue what I’d stopped us from doing upstairs.
Only this time, there was an audience.
“I think that’s enough, Sawyer,” Travis’s voice broke into my head, pulling me back into my own body. As Travis sought to pull Sawyer off me, I yanked my head away from his, my mouth still tingly as if his tongue was still there, tempting, teasing, dominating me.
“Funny,” Sawyer said, “because upstairs it sure wasn’t enough for Ash.” His iron grip around my lower back loosened, letting me free of his grasp, immediately losing the feeling of his warm, strong body so close to mine. “She’s a freaky bitch, Declan, I can see why you want to keep her for yourself—”
Ironically enough, it wasn’t Declan who lashed out.
It was me.
Sawyer was so busy taunting Declan with the insinuation that we had sex that he neglected to see me positioning myself before him and jerking my knee up so hard I was sure he saw stars. Hit him right in the fun bags, where it hurt. Sawyer doubled over, his face instantly turning a few different shades of red as he started to swear.
“I might be a freaky bitch,” I said, knowing my reputation—if I ever had a good one to begin with—was ruined. These people would never believe Sawyer and I didn’t have sex, not now. I’d be waging a win-less war on my side, trying to defend myself against what he’d said. “But at least I can last longer than thirty seconds.”
Travis smirked behind Sawyer, and more than a few partygoers started laughing. Some had whipped out their phones, filming all of this. Sawyer’s humiliation was caught on camera, and I prayed with a vindictive heart it would go viral. The bastard deserved nothing less.
As Sawyer started calling me a colorful string of names, I grabbed Declan’s hand and said, “Let’s go.” I tugged him out of the house, away from the party. The night air had gotten a bit cooler, or maybe it was just because I felt so hot that I noticed it more.
We made it back to campus, crossing the four-lane road that separated campus from the rental houses. We were a safe, comfortable distance away from Sawyer’s house, with no one following us, when Declan pulled his hand from mine, squeezing his eyes shut as he heaved an explosive sigh.
“What the hell were you thinking?” I asked him, tossing a quick look around us to make sure we were alone. Besides the cars driving by, there was no one else on the sidewalk. It was late for the normal students, and too early for the other partiers to be going home. We were as alone as we could get. “Why did you come to the party?”
Declan was slow to open his eyes, meeting my angry stare. Every second that passed, he started to look more and more like the Declan I knew, not the raging one that had met Sawyer’s shouting with his own. The way he looked at me made me feel…small. Like I’d made a mistake.
How unfair. All of this was unfair. I didn’t ask for any of this drama; it was just spilled onto my lap by a group of boys who thought it’d be fun to include me in their little game of revenge. I didn’t want any of this. The only thing I wanted was a normal life, a normal college experience. Was that too much to ask?
“Why would you sleep with that dickhead, after everything I told you about him?” Declan asked quietly, trying to hide his rage behind a whisper. But I heard it. I also heard faint traces of something else.
Jealousy?
“I didn’t—”
“Someone sent me a picture of you and Sawyer together. You looked pretty chummy.”
The rest of my denial died in the back of my throat. Someone had taken a picture and sent it to Declan? A picture of Sawyer and me? I didn’t recall anyone else in the bedroom, but maybe someone was hiding in the closet—or was he talking about when we were dancing, for those few short minutes? Either way, I was ticked. Either way, I shouldn’t have to explain myself to him.
I wanted to be Declan’s friend, but friends didn’t act like this. Friends didn’t own each other. Friends didn’t get pointlessly mad at each other and say insulting and hateful things.
Since it was pointless to deny it, I said, “How did you find the house?”
“They sent me the address, too.”
I let out an incredulous laugh. “They sent you a picture and the address? Declan, it sure as shit sounds like they wanted you to come to the party. They wanted drama. And guess what—they got it. You fell right into their trap.”
I started walking in the direction of our dorm building. My arms were folded across my chest, and I bit my bottom lip. I wanted to say more, so much more, but I knew I’d only explo
de. Sawyer and Declan exploding tonight were enough. I didn’t need to join them. What I had to do was calm my ass down.
Declan walked a few feet behind me, his hands stuck in his pockets. I threw a glimpse at him over my shoulder, instantly hating how sad he looked. So sad, when just minutes ago, he’d looked like he was capable of murder. I hated how easily these boys could flip their switches.
He muttered under his breath, “I should’ve known it was a trap. I should’ve known it was all to hurt me.” Declan’s eyes squeezed shut for a moment. “Sawyer and Travis are in it together.”
Travis? What did Travis have to do with this? I didn’t know, so I decided to ask, “Travis?”
“Travis was the one who sent me the picture and the address. He and Sawyer are still close.” I slowed down to walk beside him, and he studied me. “I’m sure you saw him there. He’s got a lot of tattoos—a lot—and—”
I knew who Travis was. Declan didn’t know that I knew him, of course.
Travis had taken a picture of me and Sawyer together and sent it to Declan? Why? Was tonight just one big plan to get me there, sleep with me, and then use me to hurt Declan? I knew I shouldn’t have let my guard down around Travis. I’d been smart enough to keep it up while around Sawyer—mostly—but around Travis I’d let myself relax.
What a mistake. I couldn’t trust any of these guys. Even Declan…I wanted to be Declan’s friend, but there was no pretending tonight didn’t happen, no forgetting about it. Declan had shown a side of himself I never knew existed, and it was a little scary.
We walked across campus in silence, heading to the elevators in our dorm building. Once we were in our room, the door and walls blocking out the rest of the world, I watched him. He sat at his desk, his shoulders slumped. He had his laptop open, but nothing was on it except for his desktop. He was literally staring at the desktop on his laptop to avoid looking at me.
Did he think me a slut? Did he think I was dirty now, tainted by Sawyer and his cock? Oh, come on. This was the twenty-first century. People had sex all the time. Even if I did have sex with Sawyer, which I so obviously didn’t, he had no right to judge me.
Loser: A Dark College Bully Romance (Hillcrest University Book 1) Page 10
