Every Good Cowboy Deserves A Second Chance

by Maggie Miller

  “Sounds like my kind of place,” Joshua says, his face lighting up. “When are the parties?”

  Maverick leans forward with a wicked grin. “Every night is a party, my friend. Every single night.” He leans over and slaps Joshua on the leg. “Glad you’re with us. I need a new running buddy, since Luke has turned into an old stick-in-the-mud.”

  The two start up a long conversation about what Joshua can expect with life on the road. I quickly tune them out. Harry squeezes himself onto the sofa beside me. When I don’t say anything, he nudges me with his elbow.

  “What’s wrong, Luke? You’re not getting cold feet on us now, are you? You’re committed to the tour, so it’s too late to back out.”

  I stretch out my long legs and lean back against the seat. “No, I’m just a little tired from the trip. It’s taking me a while to get back into the right mindset. I’ll be okay once we start performing.”

  Harry raises his pale eyebrows at me and gives me a doubtful stare. “I hope so because if you’re going to be here, I need to see one hundred percent every day. Just like you’ve always given. It’s the only way to assure a successful tour. Otherwise your fans will know something is wrong and they’ll feel cheated. And we all know the last thing you need right now is a bunch of ticked-off fans.”

  “I hear you, don’t worry.”

  “There’s no use in letting your mind wander back to Texas too much,” he continues, not picking up on my mood. “You went home and did your duty as a good son. Now you need to get your head back in the game. You’re in the big leagues here, Luke. You do well on this tour, and you’ll be set for the rest of your life with more money than you can spend.”

  I don’t respond. My mind is a million miles away.

  Harry carries on. “You need to forget about that girl too. I know in the heat of the moment that a fine woman can seem as if she’s one in a million, but I promise you there are millions more just like her.” He pats my back reassuringly. “Once we get you out and about, you’ll soon forget all about her. She seemed nice enough when I talked to her on the phone, but why settle down with one woman when you can have them all?”

  I’ve about had it with Harry and his nonsense. The bus hasn’t even made it out of the parking lot yet and he’s trying to control everything I do and feel. “Would you stop, Harry?” I snap at him in irritation. “I don’t need this. You wanted me back, and I’m here. I don’t need you to give me a pep talk. And I don’t want to hear another word about Ginny. Not one word. You got it? She’s off limits from now on. So don’t even start.”

  Harry’s mouth opens in surprise at my outburst. He lifts a finger in warning towards me, as though he’s going to let me have it, then lets it drop slowly. “I’ll give you that one for free, Luke, since I know you’ve had a stressful summer, but don’t let me hear that kind of talk again. Don’t forget who made you and can break you in a heartbeat.” He gets up in a huff and heads to the back of the bus, leaving me sitting alone.

  Maverick, who’s overheard our conversation, takes Harry’s spot beside me. “What has gotten into you? I’ve never heard you talk that way to Harry. You know how he is. Just ignore him if he starts getting on your nerves. It’s not worth it to stir things up and cause tension. Just let it go.”

  “I’m sick of him always trying to control me,” I say. “He doesn’t give a flip about me as a person. The only thing he cares about is the money from the tour. If I lose my family and girlfriend in the process, it’s nothing to him.”

  “That’s part of his job,” Maverick says. “He’s just taking care of the business side of things. We all know better than to pay much attention to anything he says. Normally you’d let it roll right off your back. Are things not going well with your father?”

  My shoulders slump, and I put my head in my hands. “Things are bad.”

  Maverick gives my shoulder a comforting pat. “Six months isn’t a long time. It’ll fly by. Let’s get this tour done and you can go home with a few more million in your pocket.”

  “Six months might as well be a lifetime to me right now,” I say with a long sigh.

  32

  Luke

  The next night I’m on stage for the first time on the new tour. The blinding lights are shining in my eyes. The weight of my guitar is familiar in my hands. The roar of the excited crowd rings in my ears. I’m singing my heart out and giving it all I’ve got. Yet…it doesn’t bring the joy it once did.

  I find myself looking out over the crowd scanning every single face, hoping to see Ginny, but knowing I won’t. It hits me that everyone out there is a stranger. Not a single person is someone I can call in the middle of the night or who would feel comfortable calling me if they needed a real friend to confide in. The realization makes me feel hollow inside.

  We play a set with a mix of songs from both bestselling albums and take one last bow when we’re finished. Exhausted and soaked with sweat, I make my way into the wings where Harry is waiting. The argument of earlier seems to be forgotten as he pumps the air with his fist in uncontained excitement.

  “Luke!” He yells. “What a show. What an amazing show! Whatever you did tonight, just keep on doing it. Don’t change a thing. You had the fans eating out of your hands with every song. The trip to Texas must’ve done you a world of good. Or maybe it was your hot summer fling with that gal. When you sing about lost love now, every woman out there believes you’re singing straight to her. Next show we should hand out complimentary boxes of tissues for their crying eyes.”

  I sit down on an empty chair in the hallway and accept a bottle of water from an assistant. I drink deeply from the bottle, quenching my thirst, but not my longing to be back in Sweet Rose Canyon. I run a tired hand through my hair and lean back to catch my breath.

  Maverick appears at my side and nudges me. “Harry’s right, you know. There was something else in the way you sang tonight. That girl has got under your skin.” He pauses, scrutinizing me carefully. “Don’t go running off again, though. She’s not going anywhere and will still be there when you get back. We need you more than she does right now, buddy. Listen to your fans out there screaming your name.”

  He waves toward the black curtains on the side of the stage through where I can still hear the cheering of the crowd on the other side. It’s the sound that always sends my heart racing, but tonight, I don’t feel the thrill. I feel only doubt and an unbearable emptiness. This isn’t how I imagined things to be.

  33

  Ginny

  Five weeks later…

  The long days and weeks following Luke’s departure drag by. To keep my mind off Luke, I offer to pick up double shifts at the pharmacy whenever I can. My co-workers are thrilled with the extra time off since many have husbands and kids waiting for them at home. I know that sitting around thinking about what might have been won’t do me any good and will only bring me down even more.

  The first few days after Luke’s return to Nashville, we talked on the phone every night the way we planned. We were both upbeat and optimistic that we could make a long-distance relationship work. After all, other celebrities do it all the time, we constantly reminded each other. We were careful not to mention the numerous celebrity breakups in the news every single day.

  Then once his tour started and he hit the road, our phone calls became quick texts back and forth, in between my customers at the pharmacy and his rehearsals. The nightly phone calls went to every other night, then every few days. We reached each other’s voicemail so many times that we gave up trying since it was frustrating us both.

  Now five long weeks into his concert tour, it seems we’re never free at the same moment to connect anymore. By the time his concerts are over and he’s back in a hotel room or on the tour bus heading to the next destination, I’m sound asleep. Or already on my way to work early the next morning. He’s a night owl and I’m a working girl doing a regular shift.

  At home and in the car, I listen to his music continuously, terrified that if I
don’t, I’ll begin to forget the sound of his deep voice. I’ve even saved several of his voicemails on my cellphone for the same reason. Whenever I’m sad or lonely, I close my eyes and replay them, pretending he’s there with me. As much as I hate to admit it, I’m sensing a widening distance moving between us. I’m sure he realizes it too. There’s no way he couldn’t.

  Neither of us will dare to bring it up because that would make it real and something that we need to deal with. If I broach the subject, he’ll either make light of it and laugh it off or confirm my worst fear. That we’ll never be able to make this work and we’ll truly be over. Instead we both continue to put on happy faces by punctuating our two-line texts with overexaggerated smiley face icons and exclamation marks. “Miss you!” we say back and forth to each other. We pretend everything is just fine when our relationship is dissolving.

  Trying to keep a long-distance relationship going through auto-corrected texts back and forth isn’t a life. I might as well be talking to a random faceless dude I met on the internet. The emotional connection isn’t there anymore.

  It doesn’t feel real to me. Maybe it isn’t.

  Or never was.

  Doubts fill my mind now. I can’t help wondering how much longer we can keep this up. Luke’s manager keeps him running from daylight to dark doing promotional events when he’s not making music. The hours I’m working at the pharmacy is exhausting me too.

  Discouraged, I open my laptop and against my better judgement, type in his name. I know I shouldn’t be Googling him. It’s like seeing a car wreck on the side of the road. You know you shouldn’t look, and you don’t want to, but you can’t help yourself. You can’t tear your eyes away even knowing you might see something bad. This is no different. I have a burning need to know what’s going on in Luke’s life. A life that clearly doesn’t include me now. I take a deep breath and hit the return button on my laptop.

  Tons of search listings fill the page…news articles, videos, and his social media links. The newspaper articles talk about how his concert dates are all sold out months in advance. If anything, his absence this summer from the public eye has made him more popular and in demand than ever before. After a half-hour of skimming the gossip about him, most of which I know for a fact isn’t true, I stop reading. I’m not sure what I was hoping to find in the first place. Or afraid to find would be a more accurate statement.

  I can’t let myself turn into a crazy stalker woman who expects him to explain every comment left on his social media or photos in the tabloids. If I’m not careful, our situation will turn me into someone I don’t want to be. No matter what, I can’t let this situation with Luke change who I am.

  I sigh as I push my laptop shut, then lie back on my bed and stare at the ceiling. Two hours later, I’m still wide awake and thinking of Luke. I roll over and switch on the bedroom lamp. It’s after midnight. There’s a chance I might be able to catch him on the tour bus if I call now. I reach over and pick up my cellphone.

  34

  Luke

  I’m lying on my private bunk in the tour bus with the blackout curtain pulled around me. Though it’s almost one am, I’m not sleepy. The lack of privacy on the tour bus gets to me sometimes, with never having a moment to breathe and gather my thoughts. Pretending to sleep is the only way I can grab a few minutes of peace in the cramped quarters.

  My cellphone begins to buzz beside me. I pick it up and see that it’s Ginny trying to start a video call. It’s late for her to be calling. She should be in bed fast asleep by now. Something must be wrong.

  My heart skips a beat in panic. I swipe my thumb upwards and answer. When I see her, my heart aches. She’s sitting on her bed in a pair of gray shorts and one of my old, tattered t-shirts. She’d asked me to leave her a couple of my favorite shirts because she said it made her feel closer to me to wear them.

  “Is this a bad time?” she asks softly, her voice almost a whisper. “Did I wake you?”

  “No, it’s fine. We just finished up the concert. I’m in my bunk on the bus.”

  “Are you by yourself? I can barely see you in the dark.”

  “For now,” I say. “The band are all out somewhere getting a bite to eat while the equipment is being loaded up. We’ll be driving on to the next city in a couple of hours. Let me turn on a light. Hang on.” I reach up and switch on the overhead light. “Is this better? Can you see me now?”

  She smiles at me, and my heart immediately fills with overwhelming longing for her. I want to reach through the screen and brush her long hair behind her shoulders. Or cuddle on the couch while we talk about our day. I miss her like crazy. “What’s wrong?” I ask. “Tell me. It’s not normal for you to call this late. You should be asleep by now.”

  “Nothing’s wrong,” she reassures. “Except that I miss hearing your voice. I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to try to catch you instead.”

  “I miss you too,” I reply. “I wish you were here with me.” I turn the cellphone so she can see the tight space I sleep in. “Except it would be a tight fit.”

  “The same,” she says with a little laugh. “I miss you too.”

  “Sorry about not keeping in touch as much lately,” I say quickly. “I’ve been trying to find a good time to call. I feel bad disturbing your sleep at night when you work hard and stand on your feet all day. In the afternoons and evenings, I’m either rushing around giving radio interviews, rehearsing, or performing. Most of the time, I can barely hear myself think, much less make a phone call in privacy. Someone is always standing right beside me listening in or dragging me off to do something.”

  She nods, a little sadly. “I understand. We’ve both been busy lately.”

  “I’m always thinking about you though,” I say in an upbeat, cheerful voice, trying to bring a smile to her beautiful face. My words fall flat and sound lame, even to me.

  “How is the tour going?” she asks. “Are you having fun?”

  “We’re making good music,” I reply. “The fans are enjoying the shows. The tour is about the same as always. No worse, no better. Touring has its moments, I guess.” For some reason, I can’t tell her the dark truth. That I’m miserable and lonely. That all I think about is her and the life I left behind. To admit it would make her think I’m doing all this for nothing. That I left her behind for something that isn’t making me happy either.

  It all seems such a waste.

  I keep holding out, hoping things will get better and that one morning I’ll wake up with a better attitude. That something will happen to make me believe I made the right decision to come back on tour.

  “The concerts are selling out as soon as the tickets go on sale,” I say. “Harry thinks that maybe in my case, absence truly did make the hearts grow fonder. He’s forgiven me for canceling the summer shows because the ticket sales now are more than making up for it. The record label is over-the-top happy too. They want to get me back into the studio soon to record new music. I’m already writing the song lyrics for a few new ones.”

  “I’m glad everything is working out well for you,” Ginny says quietly.

  A long, uncomfortable silence follows. All our lives, our conversations always flowed smoothly. Now we’re almost strangers struggling to make polite small talk when we could easily finish each other’s sentences in the past. I hate it. Ginny is rapidly slipping through my fingers while I’m standing by like an idiot watching it happen and paralyzed to stop it.

  Again.

  The realization twists me up inside. I sit up in my bunk and reach out to touch her image on my phone. “Ginny, is there any way you can take a weekend off from work?” I ask. “You’ve been working overtime so much lately. I would hope they would give you a single weekend off.”

  “Why?” she asks, perking up a little and sitting higher on the pillows. “Are you coming home? That would be fantastic! Lily would be thrilled to see you. I’m sure Matthew and your dad would be too.”

  “Well, no,” I reply, watching the light die in her
eyes. “I was hoping I could fly you to Los Angeles in a couple of weeks for a television music awards show. I’m one of the featured performers and a presenter. I’d love it if you would be my date for the evening. I could show my girl off to the band and the crew.”

  “Oh, I don’t know about that,” she says, a shadow of uncertainty crossing her face. “I would need to find someone to cover my shifts at the pharmacy, and I don’t have anything nice to wear. Certainly not a dress good enough to wear to a fancy awards show. I would need to drive to the city to one of the malls to find something, and I don’t have time in the next couple of weeks to make the trip. This is short notice.”

  “You’re turning me down because you don’t have a dress?” I ask, disappointed. “What’s the real reason?”

  “Luke, you know I’m not quite ready for that kind of thing,” she says, turning away from me. “I’m a small-town country girl, not a glitzy movie star. There would be photographers everywhere taking our photos. Remember the things they said about me before? I’m still trying to live that down. I don’t know if I’m ready to face the press again.”

  “You’re turning me down flat? You won’t come with me as my date?”

  “Not this time,” she says, give her head a little shake. “I’m sorry. I’m sure it would be fun, but I would need to work up my nerve before attending a fancy event. At least take the time to get a haircut and do something different with my makeup. I don’t want to be torn apart in the media again. The last time was rough, if you remember.”

  I’m quiet, trying to gather my thoughts. I wouldn’t want to put Ginny in a situation where she would feel uncomfortable. That’s the last thing I would do to her. She’s right. A big public event might be too much, and there’s always a chance the press would do another number on her. They’ll say anything to sell their magazines.