Dream a Little Dream of Me

by Daniels, Cobie

  Kelsey smiled past the quiet tears that had formed and spoke quietly, “Now why is it, when you say it that way, it makes perfect sense?”

  Leaning back to look at her, Jason smiled from ear to ear; then, kissing the top of her head, he spoke, “Because, sweetheart, it’s the truth, and the truth always sets us free.” He took the documents out of Kelsey’s hand. “No more of this feeling guilty, you got it?” Before she could respond or get up, Jason gently picked her up and carried her up to the bedroom where they both crawled into bed and held each other close. As they drifted off into sleep, Jason leaned over, kissed her deeply, and whispered into her ear, “Merry Christmas, baby. Sweet dreams.”

  Kelsey did dream that night, and, once again, it was a desperate dream where she frantically searched for Jason: the louder she called for him, the more scared she became. At one point she was running down the beach calling for him, when off in the distance she saw what she thought was him running towards her. Just as it all came into view, Kelsey's eyes flew open, and she was awake.

  * * *

  Christmas Day

  Christmas day was a success. They started with a late breakfast with Jason’s parents and then headed over to Kelsey’s parents who were so surprised when they got their new computer. The kids went crazy when they each opened their new tablet minis that had their names engraved on the back. After a beautiful turkey and ham dinner, they sat in the family room on the couch while the girls played the games that Jason had helped them download. Will had curled up on the couch next to Kelsey and fallen asleep. Kelsey ran her hands through his brown hair and enjoyed the sweetness of the moment. She did spend parts of that day chasing away thoughts of her dreams from earlier. She was beginning to feel overwhelmed by them, but they just didn’t make a bit of sense, and she knew that Jason wouldn’t know what they meant either. Interrupting Kelsey from her thoughts, Jason brought her over a cup of hot chocolate and sat on the arm of the couch next to her as they enjoyed family time by the fireplace and Christmas lights. “Have you told your family where we’re going this summer, Kelsey?” Caught off guard by his enthusiastic announcement, Kelsey replied, “I’d not yet mentioned it, but since you brought it up, why don’t you tell them.” Jason looked at Kelsey a little wary, but everyone’s attention was now on them. With a huge smile on his face, he grabbed Kelsey’s hand and brought it up to lips.

  “Well! Spill it!” Ellie exclaimed.

  Not to leave them hanging, Jason spoke up, “Santa is sending us to Italy for three weeks at the beginning of June. He thought we were long overdue for a real vacation.”

  “Ohhhh how romantic, you guys!” Ellie said. “Are you starting from the north then heading south?”

  “That’s the plan,” Jason said while taking in another sip of his drink.

  “I’m excited for you,” Melody chimed in. “It’s been an insane four years for you both with this new stadium and Kelsey working full-time and volunteering at the homeless shelter. You both have earned it—that’s for sure.”

  “I appreciate that, Mom. We’re definitely ready to get away for a bit.”

  “When is opening day of the stadium?” Coy asked.

  Jason responded, “March 16th. We’ll stay on board until the beginning of June to make sure that nothing structural needs to be addressed once they have a few home games. Our contract with the owners takes us up to June third, and we leave for Italy June fifth.” Jason ran his hands through his hair and drew in a deep breath. “It’s been a great experience, but it’ll be a while before we bid on a project like that again.” Kelsey laid her hand on his back and rubbed gently as he talked. She could feel the tension in his back and wondered where it came from. “I couldn’t be more proud of my team and how well they all did.”

  “Well, they had a fearless leader who isn't afraid to make decisions,” Coy chimed in as he threw back his cooled off cocoa.

  “I appreciate that, but it took all of us to get it done.” The clock in the hallway chimed that it was seven p.m. “Kelsey, how would you feel about heading home?” Hearing his abruptness, Kelsey responded with a shoulder shrug and quick “sure.” She figured Jason was tired, and she had wanted to look at the map of Florence and start to plan in hopes it would help her struggle with all the uneasiness of it. After hugs and kisses were exchanged, they both bundled up to walk across the lane to their cottage to enjoy the remaining hours of Christmas 2013.

  Once they got in, Kelsey let the dogs out for a quick break as Jason turned on the gas logs in the den and waited for Kelsey to come back in. He sat on the couch leaning on his knees and rubbing his stubbled jaw with his hand, lost in deep thought to Kelsey’s lack of enthusiasm about the trip. Even after saying the right things to help calm her earlier that day, there was still distance. Then, there were the dreams she was having. She hadn’t told him any details, but he knew when she was having them. She would thrash around in bed, waking him up. It would last for five to ten minutes. He would watch her, perplexed and concerned about what he was seeing and what he was hearing. It happened again last night: she kept calling for him, over and over. She even sounded as if she was crying in her sleep. Just as he was about to wake her up, she stopped. Had the stress and pace of the last four years taken its toll, and had he been so absorbed in building the new stadium that he had neglected her, neglected them?

  As Jason’s mind raced, Kelsey came downstairs after changing into her short purple satin gown and matching robe. Once she let the dogs back in and ordered them to their beds with their treats, she met Jason. She found him staring off into the heat of the fire. Leaning over the couch, she slipped her arms around him from behind. He kept his gaze on the fire as Kelsey leaned in and started to kiss him on the back of his neck. She could feel his resistance, and immediately pulled away. With little inflection in her voice she spoke, “Jason, what is it?” As if her words snapped him out of it, Jason turned and looked over at her, his brow furrowed with a look of hurt lurking behind his eyes. “I could ask you the same?” Not expecting the curt tone, leaving her hands on his shoulders, Kelsey responded carefully, “Apparently we need to talk?”

  Jason stood up, brushing her hands off with a snarky “apparently.” Kelsey came around the other side of the couch where he was. “Jason, we’ve had a lovely holiday, and this is how we’re going to end it?” Jason stared back at his wife, trying so hard not to be mad and hurt, but he was, and there was no use in trying to hide it. “Jason, talk to me, please,” Kelsey all but begged as she reached for his hand. “This isn’t like you, isn’t like us, not to be able to talk.”

  Jason stood there in silence; his gaze had gone back over to the fire when he finally spoke up. “I know about the dreams, Kels.”

  She brought her hand to her mouth but didn’t say a word. He turned back toward the fireplace and kept talking, “Last night, while we were sleeping, you had a nightmare and started to talk in your sleep. You kept calling out for me like I wasn’t there. You were getting louder and more worked up. Just as I was about to wake you, you stopped and settled back into sleep. This isn’t the first time you’ve had these dreams, Kels. You started to have them a month before we went to Florida. Every time you have one; you wake me up with your thrashing and crying.”

  Kelsey’s eyes filled with tears; she turned and ran up the stairs. Jason was right behind her, not knowing what to do as he wasn’t prepared for her reaction. Kelsey reached their room and leaned against the post of the bed; the tears flowed from all the anxiety that had knotted into her gut over the past few weeks. Jason came up behind her and softly placed his hands on her shoulders. “Kelsey Jane, talk to me, please. What’s going on?” Kelsey finally let the tears flow. She never wanted him to know about the dreams because they seemed so ominous and were so confusing. Maybe once she put it out there, maybe it would all stop. She pulled herself together and turned to look at Jason. “There are these dreams, and I’ve avoided telling you about because I don’t understand them.” Jason pulled her into him and rested
his chin on her head. “Kels, please just talk to me. Tell me everything.”

  As she spoke, he rubbed her back, gently reminding her that they were both safe and she had his undivided attention. “I wish I knew why I was having these dreams, Jason. I want to know what’s triggering them. I’ve sat at the table with pen and paper trying to figure out. Was it an event that prompted them? Was it something I ate? Anything to make sense.” Letting her go long enough to pull the covers back on the bed, he guided her in, undressed himself, and climbed in behind her where he pulled Kelsey in close while allowing enough space for his hand to drift soothingly up and down her spine as she continued to talk.

  When she was done, they lay there in silence together until Jason quietly spoke up. “I don’t know what to tell you, Kelsey. I want to give you a why, but I just don’t know. What I do know is that we’ve had to work really hard over the past four years on this new stadium, and while I know we didn't do it on purpose, we let the craziness of life sneak in and distract us. That’s why I want this Italy trip more than anything for us. We both need it, and we’ve earned it; you’ve earned it putting up with me.” Sitting up he leaned into her ear and kissed it tenderly and breathed a wanton breath. “Do you hear me?”

  She lay there absorbing his words, warm breath, and kisses. “Has talking about this helped, Kels?”

  “Mmhmm, it’s helped so much. I truly feel a giant weight has been lifted.” Now kissing her down her jaw line and allowing his hands to travel to change the heaviness of the conversation, he asked her, “And what happens when you have another dream?”

  “I’ll tell you immediately so we can work it out together.”

  Jason put Kelsey on her back in a fluid motion and was now on top kissing her with possessiveness that also begged for forgiveness for not being more in tune with her emotional needs. His hand moved down to release one of her breasts, making his kissing more urgent.

  “Are we going to get through this, Kelsey?” She responded in a whimper. Jason couldn’t help but smile and then asked, “Are we going to Italy, Kelsey?” A faint “yes” left her lips. Because he was enjoying making her want him, he then asked, “Is that a ‘yes’ we are going, or ‘yes’ keep doing that with your hand?” Kelsey moaned, “Yes to all of it.” Jason kissed her forehead. “That’s my girl.” Freeing the other breast, he worshiped them with his fingers and tongue. They let the intimate and meaningful love they expressed wash over both of them. For the first time in several weeks, Kelsey was able to truly let go and make love to Jason without the chains of the dreams and guilt weighing her down.

  March 2015

  Please Let Me In

  Kelsey called her mom’s cell phone and got voicemail. Knowing her mother wouldn’t be thrilled with the reminder, she decided to leave a detailed message. “Hey, Mom, just wanted to remind you I’m staying at my friend Zoe’s place tonight. Yes, it’s a girls’ night out, and yes I will be careful, and yes even though I’m thirty-eight, I know whom I represent. See you tomorrow. Love you.” Kelsey ended the call and hoofed it into what was most likely going to be a busy Saturday.

  True to form, the morning had been bananas, and Kelsey was more than ready for lunch. She’d packed it and planned on walking down a couple of blocks to the sit under the tree by the Elizabeth River. It was turning out to be a gorgeous spring day and a much-needed respite from the cold winter they’d just endured. As she walked out of the store and turned the corner, Gareth was leaning against the railing. When their eyes met, he stood straight up. He was wearing a pair of khakis and a navy polo; Kelsey was struck that he was still as dashing as he was twenty years earlier, perhaps even more so. Contemplating turning and running in the opposite direction, she heard him call to her in a calm but deliberate tone, “Kelsey, please wait.”

  Kelsey froze in place, speechless as Gareth slowly approached her. “Gareth, why are you doing this? You don’t want to talk to me right now. You really don’t. My life is a mess. I am a mess.”

  He looked longingly at her and was desperate to grab her hand. “I know it’s been a long time, and I know you’re scared. I know you’re tired, and I cannot imagine the thousands of other emotions you’re having to process.”

  Kelsey looked at him with a quizzical eye. “Do you know everything?” she asked quietly.

  “I know enough, and that’s all that matters.” Another moment of silence fell between them before Gareth spoke up, “I don’t know anyone here, and to see a familiar face again helps so much. I may be being unfair, but I could use all the friends I can get.” Kelsey closed her eyes. With tears threatening, she took a deep breath; when she opened them back up, Gareth was still there and staring at her, beginning to look a little desperate.

  “I’m taking my lunch at the park; you can walk with me, but I make no other promises.”

  Relief shuddered though his body, as it had done so many times in the past with her. “That would be lovely, Kelsey. Thank you.” The walk over was a moderate pace with no words exchanged. They walked past the Pagoda and then down to the USS Wisconsin Museum, then towards a bench that, later in the season, would be shaded by a tree that was just sprouting its new leaves. As Kelsey sat, Gareth waited for her to say something. Waving her hand at the empty spot, she gestured her invitation. “Please, Gareth, have a seat; just know I’m not the best company these days.”

  Gareth looked over at her and watched as the breeze blew pieces of her hair around her sad eyes. “Words aren’t necessary, Kelsey. I’m okay just sitting here with you.” Kelsey looked up with appreciation. They sat there for ten more minutes as she picked at her lunch, but too many questions began popping up into her mind. She finally spoke up, “When did you arrive?” Keeping his gaze out over the water he responded, “Wednesday.” Another round of silence until Kelsey asked again, “How are Camilla and your sisters?”

  That she asked about them made Gareth smile. “They’re all doing splendidly. My mother recently retired from the University and has begun to do more traveling the world with my step-father George.” Kelsey looked up at Gareth in surprise. “She remarried?” Gareth nodded his head yes and put his gaze back out over the water. “She did, about ten years ago. They really are a great match. We, my sisters and I, were all thrilled for them both. He’s a lovely chap.”

  Another round of silence held them until Kelsey stood. “I have to start walking back.”

  “Yes. Of course.” Gareth stood up with her. “Do you come here often for lunch?”

  “Mmhmm,” she said when stretching out all the anxiety bottled up in her body. Gareth desperately tried not to notice how beautiful her shape still was. “I try to escape out here in the spring as often as I can. When summer hits, it’ll be too warm. It also gets me away from people long enough to reset for the other half of my shift. If you don’t mind, Gareth, I really need walk back alone.”

  Gareth’s heart sank, but he understood. One small step at a time was all he could ask. “Of course, it’s not a problem at all. Do you work tomorrow?”

  “No, I’m off. I’m actually allowing myself to go out with some girlfriends from work tonight.” Even though Gareth would have given his right arm to know where she would be, he refrained from asking her. “Have a good time, and I hope to see you soon. Even it means we just sit on this bench and say nothing.”

  Kelsey gave a half smile. As she walked away, she found herself wanting to stop, turn around, and run into Gareth’s arms so he would hold her. She knew it was selfish, and she hated herself for even going there. She knew there was safety and trust there, even after twenty years, but she was going to have to keep Gareth at arm’s length. She may still be a young and have needs, but there was only room for one love in her life, and he was gone. Not all love stories get a happy ending, and she’d finally come to terms with that.

  Gareth stood there and watched her until she turned the last corner and was out of sight. His heart was racing and aching at the same time. While it had gone better than he hoped, watching her leav
e was almost like watching her get on that plane and knowing she was never coming back. He longed to hold her and to try and make things a little better for her, but this encounter today reminded him that it was going to take a lot of time. He started his new job officially on Monday, and while work was going to be very busy and a nice distraction, Kelsey was not going to be very far from his thoughts.

  July 1995

  Hacking Away The Day

  Gareth was on a mission. He had four more weeks with Kelsey, and he was going to make them amazing. After spending the morning recovering at his place, they decided to head back to his childhood home. Camilla was not in. Gareth immediately went to his room where he could have some privacy and contacted the York Riding Academy. When he hung up the phone, he could hardly contain his excitement. “Be cool, you bloody idiot,” was all he could repeat to himself. He stepped out of his room and, as calmly as his hands would let him, knocked on Kelsey’s door. She opened it with a yawn. “Oh, sorry, did I wake you?” he asked.

  Waving her hand, “No, not yet, but sleep will come early tonight.” At that Gareth smiled and said, “Well that might be a good thing as I have a surprise for you.”

  Kelsey looked over his shoulder and around his back. “Where?” she asked with a confused look on her face.

  Gareth chuckled. “Not here, but somewhere. Can you be ready to go in the morning, say around nine a.m.?”

  With a smile on her face, Kelsey asked, “Sure I can, but where are we going?”