"Did you try calling him?"
She shook her head.
"Start there...if you can't get him, I'll go over to his apartment. Though I doubt he'll be there." He shrugged. "My guess is he will not show up until he’s figured a few things out."
Raina bit her lip. "But if we don't know where he is, and we can't get him on the phone...how will we ever know he's safe?" Her eyes were full of misery.
Thanatos chuckled. "Nolan has lived many years without your help, Rain. He will survive a bit of time without your wisp of protection." He roughed her hair. "Go call him."
She drew in a breath. "What if he doesn't answer?" She looked down at her hands.” I don't know if I can even dial."
Thanatos sighed, pushing his door open. "Come on," he sighed. He led her to the house, and on inside. He sat on the couch, setting his coffee cup on a nearby coaster. He folded his arms and lifted a brow.
Raina smiled at him.
"Women and there need for support. Go on, dial...I won't let the phone bite ya!"
She retrieved her phone, and then sank down next to him on the couch. She pressed a button.
"Speed dial huh? Do I have one too?" His green eyes teased.
Raina rolled her eyes, but reached for his hand for support when the phone began to ring. Her fingers got tighter with each ring. Then it went to voicemail. She frowned, imagining Nolan looking at his phone and pressing ignore.
"Hey, it’s Rain...” her voice faltered a bit, ”I just wanted to be sure you're okay." She bit her lip. "I'm sorry, Nolan. Not for what happened between us...but for you feeling the need to leave me." She choked back tears now. "If there is any chance for us...please call me back. I love you."
Thanatos sighed, taking the phone from her hands and hitting end call. He wrapped an arm around her. "I'm sorry, Raina," he whispered.
She looked up into concerned greens. There was a change between the two of them. It had happened last night. Raina had felt it. She trusted Thanatos, and his touch was pure. She rested her head against his shoulder, and let her tears fall.
"Have I lost him forever?"
He shook his head. "But things will be different."
She nodded. "Boundaries in place?"
He chuckled. "I don't think even boundaries will work anymore between the two of you. You both would have to respect them...desire to fulfill the boundaries. Neither of you do." He gave her a squeeze. "But that’s natural for two people in love...the physical will always follow. It’s not like normal humans...the ones that choose to wait until they are married...they know there is a means to an end. Even if you and Nolan married...his means would be your end."
Raina frowned at the ill-timed joke.
He laughed. "Sorry, that was in bad taste!"
She smiled. "Sounds more like the Thanatos I've grown to know."
He rolled his eyes.
She peaked at him from the corner of her eye. "Joseph said healers are very rare."
Thanatos nodded. "Extremely. You have to be a spectacular mortal...with great gifts of healing...natural healing. Nolan was a good person...very good, and for his time, an amazing doctor."
“Why didn’t he choose to stay a doctor? He could do amazing things for people now.”
“It hurt too much…reminded him of his mortal life. That loss was a great one for Nolan, as you know.”
Raina nodded. "So, healers have to be...different. They heal themselves, mortals, other immortals if needed, with extreme speed and skill."
Thanatos nodded.
"How would it be possible for him to hurt me?"
Thanatos frowned. "I don't know Raina."
She drew in a breath, and sat back against the couch.
Thanatos leaned back against the couch too, and gave her a small smile. "If anyone can figure out some way it would be Nolan." He bumped her shoulder with his gently. "You can trust me, Raina."
She nodded. "I know I can…now, but I didn’t until last night. What happened?"
He chuckled, shaking his head. "I have no idea. I don't know if it was the idea of losing you at all...and seeing Nolan fight with risk to his very immortality to save you...then you...risking your own self. I just came to the conclusion; I want you in my life." His green eyes softened. "And that there was no way I could ever compete with that kind of love. You two deserve each other. I have no right to you."
Raina reached for his hand, smiling. "I would love to be your friend."
He grinned, lifting her hand to his lips. "Good...there’s not much chance of shaking me now anyway."
She laughed, then sobered. "Thank you again for saving me."
He nodded. "I need to work on those skills...that was pretty bad ass!"
Raina was laughing again. Despite hers tears moments ago. For a brief second, she was ok. Until Thanatos phone went off, and she knew who would be on the other end. He hadn't returned her call.
Thanatos held his finger to his lips, as he answered. "Hi, where are you?"
He paused. "Yeah, its fine...I can be alone....Raina's in the other room." he rolled his eyes at this.
Raina bit her lip, calming her breathing. She stared down at the phone still in her own hand.
"Yeah, I know what happened." He grinned, as Nolan said a few choice words. "Raina told me. There are no secrets amongst friends."
Raina blushed.
"Just tell me where you are, so I can let her know you're safe." His brows rose. He got to his feet and paced a bit, glancing nervously out the window. "No kidding? And you’re preparing to go? Tickets in hand? That was fast."
Raina squeezed her hands together hard.
"Have a safe trip then," he sighed. "Be careful. And Nolan? Call Raina. If you care for her...you'll let her hear your voice. You ran out on her during a very intimate moment...the least you can do is give her an explanation." Thanatos turned to speaker phone. He knew no matter what Nolan said good or bad, Raina would need to hear it.
"I can't talk to her now. I...I need to work things out," Nolan’s warm voice sighed from the speaker.
Raina hugged herself.
"Dude, you love her." Thanatos answered back.
"I can't afford that. And if she was smart she'd just forget about me."
"Nolan..." Thanatos growled.
"I'm weary. I'm tired of fighting my desire. Last night was a wakeup call for me. It’s a constant fight with her. Her life is more important to me."
"You experienced something beautiful with her...and you both lived to stew about it."
"It was wonderful," Nolan agreed. "And a onetime deal. We will never get close to that...ever again."
Thanatos sighed. "I understand. So, what do you plan to resolve by going to Joseph?"
"Everything."
"Everything but your own happiness...and hers."
"I'm done Thanatos! With her, with me, with this whole thing."
Silent tears ran down Raina's cheeks.
"You don't mean that, Nolan."
"If I never see her again...it will be too soon."
"Don't be an ass," Thanatos bit out.
There was a pause. "Take me off speaker phone then."
Raina and Thanatos exchange surprised glances. Raina’s lip trembled, and she hurried from the room.
"Call me again when you're not being such a dumbass," he barked at Nolan through the phone, then hung up on him. He ran into the kitchen to comfort Raina.
She was beside herself.
Thanatos drew her into his arms, and let her sob, wetting the front of his shirt.
"He didn't mean It, Raina. He knew you were listening and he was saying it to get you to let him go."
She sobbed harder.
"And maybe you should. Let him go."
She shook her head. "I can't just act as though it never happened! What I have with Nolan is real...it is tangible. Only a fool......" she buried her face against him. "I'm a fool."
He stroked her hair soothingly. "He's a fool Raina."
Thanatos pulled her back,
tipped her chin to meet his gaze. "I will bring you to Joseph, we will have you changed."
Raina shook her head. "I can't...after all Nolan has told me..."
"Forget him," Thanatos growled. "He is incredibly stupid. If you are changed...you can be with him, no issues."
She blinked the excess tears away. "He wouldn't have me then either," she whispered. "He would detest who I'd become."
Thanatos sighed. "You are probably right. So what now?"
She shrugged. "I give him his time, and hope he comes to his senses."
"And if he doesn't?"
Raina bit her lip. "I make an attempt at normal....mortal life, minus Nolan." Her voice shook. There was not much truth to those words but they had to be said.
Thanatos nodded. “You know I’m here. You have a friend.”
She blew out a breath. "Who would have seen it coming? I'm friends with Thanatos Clay."
He smiled.
"So, was Nolan calling you from the airport?" she asked.
Thanatos sighed. "No."
"From where then?"
Thanatos shrugged. "Your driveway. He was on his way to the airport. Dropped by for a second to make sure I was still guarding you. He saw I wasn't in the truck."
Raina jumped up, and started for the door.
"He's gone, Raina. I told you it was just for a second. He was pissed I was in the house."
She frowned. "Well, let him be pissed!"
Thanatos grinned. "I like this Raina," he teased.
She rolled her eyes.
"I'm here," he sighed. "To keep you from going off the deep end."
She laughed. "Aren't you over that already?"
He growled, and then gave a chuckle. "Yeah, long ago...that’s why it’s good you have me around, to spot the signs."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Raina started moving about normally in the following weeks. She returned to her hikes in the woods, but never without Thanatos. There was still the threat, even without Nolan around, that Richard would show up. Thanatos would be able to sense some sort of danger, even if he was not strong enough to fight him. Raina also was counting on his strange ability of persuasion.
Emily and Bradley started questioning his appearance, and Nolan’s absence, but there was never a clear cut answer. Bradley only knew Nolan had taken a few weeks’ vacation, with no word of where he would be. Emily’s only concern was the seemingly changed Thanatos, whom she had yet to trust!
Raina liked him near. He was pleasant now. No more perverted remarks or flirting. He was kinda and good ear. He was changing but he still had an edge he would never be completely free of.
There was one deciding factor in his inability to completely change; the she-devil. Raina hated his constant calls from Elenora.
Thanatos answered them, and was always a mess after them. He deserved to be set free, but that would never happen...not by Elenora's choice.
The day a disturbing call came from him nearly wrecked Raina.
"Elly is coming for a visit," he sighed into the phone.
"You aren't going to see her...."
"Raina, I have no choice. I am bestowed to her."
"You have been able to fight her though emotionally by befriending Nolan and I. She can't completely own you," she protested.
"Not emotionally," he whispered flatly. "I was bestowed to her for...other reasons. Raina, do we have to go over this again?" he growled.
Raina bit her lip. "Physical? This is a visit so she can...."
"Yeah," he sighed.
"Thanatos, no," she whispered.
"Don't call me that." he growled.
Raina drew in a breath. "I don't know what to call you," she whispered.
"Just not death."
"I don't want you to go to her."
"I don't have a choice. I am hers, for this purpose.”
Raina was close to tears. "But you know what this will do to you," she whispered. "I would give anything not to see you used again."
He was silent on the other line for just a moment. "I will survive, Raina. I always do. I may even enjoy myself," he said sarcastically. There was an edge of pain in that statement.
"I hate her," she whispered.
"I know you do."
"I hate her for wanting my Nolan, and I hate her for using you."
He sighed into the phone. "I have to go get ready, beautiful."
"Come over...after. I want to be sure you're okay."
"I'll call."
"Come over," she argued.
"Raina, I'm not going to want to come over after, okay? I will call you," he said softly.
She drew in a breath. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I wish I could shield you from her...like you did that night for me with Richard."
"I wish you could too," he chuckled sadly. "I'll be all right. You just keep safe."
Raina blinked tears. "I'll try." she sucked in a breath, when a sob threatened.
He cleared his throat. "Don't cry, Raina," he soothed. "That only makes this harder for me. I don't need to know you care. I need to shut it all off....and knowing you're worrying...it just makes it harder."
"How am I supposed to help it? You're my friend, and I...I just don't want you hurt."
"Don't waste your time Raina...I'm a big boy. I don’t need you blubbering about this." His words held a hard edge. He was pushing her away.
She frowned at his words. "Fine," she growled. "Have fun with all the sex tonight! Hope you don't pull any muscles." She hung up after her sarcastic remark, and regretted it immediately. She called him right back, but without surprise, he did not answer.
She growled, and tossed her phone aside.
Turk sat with his head cocked.
"He deserved it," she sighed. "He wants to be hard hearted, that’s fine!" She bit her lip. She still wanted to snatch back her words. He was right...this was something out of her hands.
She looked to Turk, whose ears lifted. "Wanna go on a ride boy?"
She was soon driving down a familiar stretch of road, and pulling into an apartment complex. She walked up the stairs, and stood at Nolan’s door. Her last time here, she'd thrown herself into his arms and she'd watched him get shot. These were not exactly a happy memories...but it was what she had. She knocked, feeling silly...he wasn't there.
A neighbor poked his head out the door, and smiled at Raina. "You were looking for Nolan?"
She nodded, stepping toward him. "Have you seen him?"
The neighbor grinned. "He moved out a few weeks ago."
Raina frowned, and then offered a half smile. "Thank you." She turned and hurried back to the car and her pooch. She bit back tears.
He moved out? Thanatos would have surely told her if he knew this had happened. Where was he? Why was it so easy for him to pick up and leave what he knew?
"Nearly two hundred years of moving," she whispered. She just needed to get away...somewhere she could think.
The park-forest! It was their spot....somewhere she'd be able to sort these troubled thoughts.
Even Turk recognized, as they pulled in.
They hurried down the path. The sound of the river was music to her ears. She felt peace almost immediately. She allowed Turk to run forward. It was cruel that his friend would not be there where he was expecting him.
She had to admit, she even felt a tug of disappointment when she rounded the trees, and it was only the rolling river, and beautiful green forest...and their rocks. No gorgeous Nolan with his rolled up cuffs and boyish grin.
Was he still in the area? Did he still come to his spot to think? To unwind?
With a sigh, she moved toward the rocks, and even managed to crawl up on her usual spot. Not so easy without Nolan lifting her without effort, but she made it. She smiled down on Turk who whined. "Not a chance buddy," she laughed.
She sighed and looked out over the water.
Nolan should be here now. They should be enjoying this together, wading
in the shallow water by the shore. He should be telling her one of his stories, or coaxing one out of her. It wasn't right that she was here without him!
She missed him. She missed him so much that she felt physically ill. She needed her healer…just one touch would set her right.
Raina jumped from the rock, and patted Turks head. He nudged her back with his nose, and whined. "I know," she sighed. She roughed his fur again.
Turk barked at her in agitation.
"Should I call Nolan?"
Turk whined and gave another bark, recognizing the name.
Raina reached into her pocket, and pulled her phone out, hoping the call would go through. She sighed, in resolve. If anything, she'd hear his voice on his message...he surely wouldn't answer. She woke the screen, and hit his speed dial number. It rang, and then went to voice mail.
His voice alone warmed her to her toes, and made her chest ache with loneliness. She pulled in a breath, when the beep came. "I was just thinking of you. I miss you...I'm worried over you. You've moved. I just...I'm just really confused, Nolan. If you think being gone long enough will make me forget you...stop loving you? It can't, and I won't. I'm at our spot, and I just want you here too." She ended the call. Her lip did tremble, and she allowed herself to cry.
Turk licked her hand, and leaned his big body against her. She knelt beside him, hugging him around the neck. She let her tears wet his soft fur. The sound of the water teased her ears as she allowed the remainder of the tears flow out.
She pulled back and looked at the pooch, when she had no more. Turk licked her face, ridding her of her tears, and making her laugh.
"We don't belong here without him," she whispered to the dog. "Let’s go." She started back up the trail, Turk close beside her. They took their time, enjoying the sights and the peace nature always brought. Raina felt herself coming back into control of herself.
They reached the car and she ushered Turk in, climbing in herself. She sat for a moment, staring out into the forest, then started up the car, and pulled easily out, making for the entrance.
She had just reached the road and was starting to pull out, just as a red Charger pulled in, and she froze. The windows were tinted, and she had no way of knowing...but what were the chances?
Turk went a little batty, whining.
"We'll see," she whispered. "No harm in a little stalking." She did a U turn there, and followed slowly behind the vehicle. It did not stop at the parking spot, their usual spot, but the brake lights did light up, slowing down, as if taking a gander.
The Awakening (Wake Up #1) Page 38
