Pursued
Page 12
Nikki blinked back tears of fatigue. Maybe he was right. But she also knew how sitting around simply resting was going to make her crazy.
“Everything changed tonight. There’s a little girl involved, and if we don’t find her—”
“That’s where you’re wrong. Nothing’s changed. And I don’t say this because you’re not a valuable member on our team, because you are, but you’ve got to take care of yourself first.”
She got out of the car and hurried toward the front door of her one-bedroom loft nestled in a row of renovated houses in the heart of Nashville. Nikki slid the key into the lock, her hands still shaking as she struggled to open the door. Maybe Jack had been right. Maybe being alone wasn’t the answer.
Jade, her Russian-blue cat, met her at the door. She pulled the key out and slipped the key ring into her pocket while trying to shove away the panic that refused to lessen.
Jade rubbed against her leg.
“Did you miss me, sweetie?” she asked, picking her up.
Had it really been four days since she’d been home?
Jade purred as she filled her food dish with tuna-flavored kibble. “I’m going to assume Luke took good care of you.”
Jade had become the perfect companion for Nikki’s job. Totally independent and yet affectionate when she wanted company late at night. And when she was gone for a few days, her brother Luke came by to make sure she was okay.
Nikki flipped on the black-and-crystal chandelier over the dining room table, then set her bag down on the island. The panic was beginning to slip away. There was something comforting in the familiar. Especially tonight, when every hour seemed to bring something unexpected—and usually horrifying. Twelve-foot ceilings, exposed brick walls, decorated mostly with deals she’d found on eBay and local flea markets with her best friend, Katie.
She could feel the physical ache of loss. She wished she could talk to Katie. Even though she had other close friends and family, none of them had completely been able to fill the void she’d left behind.
Except Tyler.
Of course, if Katie were still here, she never would have fallen for Tyler. Or discovered how Tyler “got” her. Because even Katie had never completely understood Nikki’s job and why she was willing to take the risks that came with it.
She picked up a note from her brother off the counter and quickly scanned the familiar handwriting. Jade had behaved while she was gone. There was barbeque in the fridge for her—thanks to her mom, who was always worried about her eating habits. And he was going to be playing at the Bluebird Café for their open mic on Monday if she was off work.
She opened the fridge and found the takeaway box with her father’s barbeque, a side of coleslaw, and two thick slices of her mama’s homemade jalapeño corn bread. Leave it to her mom to make sure she ate a proper meal despite her own hectic schedule. But while she normally loved her father’s prize-winning barbeque, her stomach turned at the thought of eating.
She closed the fridge without taking anything out. She hadn’t been home since last week. Her carry-on was still somewhere at the airport, which meant at some point she was going to have to deal with all the paperwork required to get it back. The airline had promised to return all belongings once the National Transportation Safety Board was finished with the on-site investigation, but that could take days.
She paused before turning away. Her last doctor’s appointment reminder hung crooked on the silver fridge, staring at her. She pulled the paper from the clip, read over the date and time, then crumpled the reminder between her fingers. Maybe it wasn’t just her current case that had her nerves humming. Though a plane crash and prison riot were enough in themselves to shove her toward the edge. And now this …
She tossed the paper into the trash. It was that balancing act of work and her personal life that always seemed to leave her feeling pulled in too many directions. There was never enough time for family. She neglected friends. And in this case, she hadn’t had time to even process the consequences of the doctor’s phone call.
And there would be consequences. Having children was something she wanted, but it had always been somewhere on the distant horizon. She’d never found that right person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. The one person she wanted to commit to raise a family with. Until Tyler. But she couldn’t think of that. Not now.
The bottom stair creaked as she went upstairs with Jade following close behind her. Her phone went off again, but she didn’t pull it out of her pocket to see who was calling. Already in the past hour, her mother had called twice. Tyler three times. She knew she should answer, but instead she’d let the calls go to voice mail like the others. She needed time alone to gather her thoughts. Of course, it wasn’t as if she hadn’t been thrown into vulnerable situations in the past.
Then why was she feeling so out of control?
Inside the upstairs bathroom, she let her gaze sweep over the black claw-foot tub, white tiles on the wall with dark grout, wood floor, candles, and a Moroccan rug for color, holding on to the sense of familiarity.
A heavy fatigue swept over her as she stared into the mirror, debating if she should take a bath or simply go to bed. Her face was pale and there was a distinct bruise on her left cheek from where she must have hit it during the crash. The soreness of her shoulder had only gotten more intense. She should take another couple Tylenol and maybe even a sleeping pill to help her rest.
She opened up the medicine cabinet and grabbed the bottle of nighttime pain medicine, then hesitated. She was afraid of the dreams she knew would come, but didn’t want to feel drugged when she woke up in the morning.
But avoiding the dreams won out. She pressed open the cap, her hands still shaking, then dropped the bottle, spilling the pills across the bathroom floor. Fighting the tears, she braced her hands against the sink.
I don’t know why this is hitting me so hard, God, but I need you here. I need some peace.
She’d had hard days before. Tough cases that had stretched her both emotionally and physically. It simply wasn’t possible to do what she did without letting it affect her. She dealt with families whose lives would forever be changed by their situations. Situations that stretched her every time her team got the call.
But today … today had managed to suck everything out of her. And it had left her feeling a vulnerability she wasn’t used to. She’d meant what she said to Jack about finishing the case. She knew herself well enough to know that sitting at home doing nothing would drive her crazy. But he was also right. She needed to sit this one out.
I’m not sure I can do it this time, God.
The crash … the prison … the shooting.
She reached down and started picking up the scattered pills and dumping them back into the bottle. The phone rang again. She pulled out her cell and frowned. Tyler’s face stared back at her on the screen.
She didn’t want to talk to him right now. She didn’t want to talk to anyone. After a half-dozen rings, he’d leave a message, asking her how she was. She should answer. Let him know she was okay, because he’d be worried. Eventually—if it wasn’t already—her name would end up being tied to the prison hostage situation in the news.
The ringing stopped.
She blew out a sharp breath, set the phone on the sink, and finished picking up the pills. She was being irrational and overemotional.
The phone rang again.
On the third ring, she stood and picked it up. It was Tyler again.
“Nikki?”
“Hey.” She sat down on the edge of the tub, and Jade rubbed against her legs, begging for her attention.
“If I woke you up, I’m sorry. I was worried—”
“I’m still up. I was just getting ready for bed.” She stared at the red and gray patterns on the rug. “It’s been a long day.”
“I called down to the station when I couldn’t get ahold of you, but Gwen said you’d gone home. I’m glad. You need some sleep after today.”
�
��I know.”
He was right. Everyone was right. She wasn’t Superwoman, and made no claims to be. But she was determined, driven, and wanted to finish what she’d started. Because Erika deserved to be found.
“Are you sure you’re okay? You sound … off.”
“I’m just tired. That’s all.”
She could hear the TV in the background. Probably the news, knowing Tyler. “Gwen mentioned that something happened at the prison today, but she didn’t give me any details.”
She hesitated before answering. He was pressing for answers without being too straightforward. But if she told him what had happened, he’d only worry more. He’d tell her she needed to step down from the case and take care of herself. But she wasn’t ready to do that. Not yet.
Am I wrong, God?
“There was an issue with a couple of the inmates. They locked down the prison and were able to neutralize the situation.” She could hear the detachment in her own voice. It wasn’t how she wanted to sound, and he didn’t deserve her distance.
“Nikki. I saw the news a few minutes ago. One of the prisoners was stabbed along with one of the guards, and there was at least one hostage.” There was a long pause on the phone. “You were involved, weren’t you?”
The next few seconds brought with them a string of flashbacks and raw emotions. But as much as she wanted to hide the truth from him, Nikki knew she couldn’t.
“Yeah. I was there.”
She walked out of the bathroom and into her bedroom, wishing he were there and she could tell him in person.
“I … I ran into Aiden Lambert after we finished interviewing one of the persons of interest in the case. I was talking to him about Sarah’s case. We were walking toward the exit and ran into a couple of prisoners who’d escaped.”
“You … you were the hostage?” His voice broke, allowing her to hear the emotion in his voice. He’d already lost so much, and now knew that losing her too was a legitimate fear.
“They held me for just under an hour.” She wanted to tell him it wasn’t really a big deal. That she’d never really been in danger, but she had. And forgetting was going to take a long time.
“Nikki … I’m so, so sorry. I try not to worry, but sometimes … When I hear about things like this …”
His voice trailed off. She understood his worry. And so had Jesus when he spoke about not worrying about tomorrow because tomorrow would bring its own worries. But sometimes today’s troubles left her feeling as if she were drowning.
But at least she knew he understood. Three tours in the Middle East had brought him home with a bullet in his leg. And while he’d healed physically, she knew the emotional scars could quickly erupt when he least expected it.
“I’m okay,” she said, unable to tell him she’d watched a man die in front of her.
“I know what it’s like to find yourself in the middle of trauma you can’t control, Nikki.” He didn’t sound convinced she was okay. “And these past twenty-four hours … It’s okay to admit it’s more than you can handle.”
“You sound like Jack and my mother—”
“You know they’re right. They should make you step away from this case, and you know that—”
“I have to talk to Carter in the morning and I’m sure he’ll say the same thing. But I found out tonight that there’s a little girl involved.” She sat down on her bed, pulling a quilt up around her. “I’m sorry. This isn’t your fault, I’m just … You’re right. It’s been a really tough day.”
He wasn’t the bad guy. But she was dealing with too much, including not knowing what his reaction might be when she told him the truth about the doctor. Not knowing if it would change their future together.
For weeks, she’d imagined him coming home and assuring her he wanted that future with her. A future that included a family.
“What time are you going back in tomorrow?” he asked.
“I’ll probably be up early.” She rested her elbows on her knees. “Even if I don’t continue working the case, I’m going to have a pile of paperwork to fill out.”
“I could stop by and bring you breakfast before you leave.”
I miss you so much right now and wish you were here, but I’m just not ready for this.
There would be time for the two of them when all of this was over.
“You don’t have to do that,” she said instead. “You’ve just got home. Liam needs you and I—”
“It’s not a problem. I’ve got a meeting at seven thirty, and we’ve both got to eat.” There was a long pause on the line. “Unless you don’t want me to come over.”
“No … of course I want to see you.” She lay back and stared at the ceiling. “We have so much to talk about and there’s been so little time with this case and everything that’s happened.”
She didn’t have a real excuse. She wanted to see him. Wanted him to reassure her that everything was going to be okay. With her case. Between them.
“I’m sorry, I’m just tired. I’m not thinking straight.”
“I’ll pick up something I know you’ll love and come by before my meeting. No expectations. No need to talk about anything specific. Just a good breakfast to start your day and even better company.”
She laughed. “Okay, because you’re right about the company. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Good night, Nikki.”
“Good night.”
She ended the call, then curled up against the row of pillows, too tired to change her clothes. She could see Tyler when she closed her eyes. The way she felt when he smiled. When he touched her. They were heading down a path she wanted to take, but what if she couldn’t give him what he wanted?
What if she wasn’t enough?
15
5:15 a.m., Wednesday
Nikki’s condo
The nightmares came like she’d feared …
She was running down a narrow passageway, fighting to catch her breath. Her body was shaking from the dampness of the cement walls around her, but she couldn’t stop. She could see Lily ahead of her. The little girl sat crying on a narrow ledge, wearing a white dress.
“Don’t cry … I’m coming, Lily. Just don’t move.”
If Lily moved, she’d fall. Familiar waves of panic settled in around Nikki. If Lily fell, she’d lose her forever.
“Lily … It’s going to be okay. I’m going to find a way across.”
The ground shifted beneath Nikki’s feet. A small avalanche of rocks scattered in front of her. She pressed her hands against the wall to catch her balance. A shaft of light from above showed the passageway dropping off abruptly in front of her. There was a dark chasm between them, which meant no way to get to Lily.
She searched the walls for a place for her fingers and toes to grip. If she could find a way to climb across the rock face, she might be able to get to her.
She turned back to the little girl. Lily was gone. This time Sarah sat on the ledge in her place.
“Sarah?”
Nikki blinked. No … It couldn’t be Sarah. Sarah had been gone for so long. But she was sitting there with her angelic smile, her blonde hair pulled back in a pink ribbon. Sarah’s favorite color had been pink. Her room had pink walls and a pink bedspread.
Nikki pressed her fingers into a fissure in the wall and began to make her way across the chasm, determined to get across. A rock fell, smashing into the wall beside her, and suddenly she was falling—
Nikki woke with a start. She opened her eyes, heart racing, sweating. She’d heard something. Or maybe it had just been a part of the nightmare. She rolled onto her side, confused as to where she was until her eyes focused on the familiar crack of light against the wall from the street lamp, reminding her she was home.
The past twenty-four hours came back to her in a rush. The plane crash. Seeing Tyler. The prison. Talking to Aiden about Sarah. Finding out about Lily …
She tucked the comforter tighter around her shoulders, closing her eyes again, willing her
heart rate to slow down. She needed to sleep, but even with the pills she’d taken, nightmares had plagued her, waking her up every hour or so in a panic.
Nikki stilled as the bottom step creaked. The same way it did when she came up the stairs. Maybe she hadn’t been dreaming.
She shoved back the comforter and slid her body around on the bed until her feet were hanging down against the thick rug on the floor. She heard another noise. She hadn’t been dreaming. Someone was in the house.
Taking in a sharp breath, she fought to clear her head. She needed her phone and her gun. She reached into her nightstand for her service weapon, then grabbed her cell next to the lamp. A tree branch scraped against the bedroom window and cast eerie shadows against the wall.
Her fingers wrapped around the door handle. She paused again, listening for sounds, then opened her bedroom door.
The silhouette of a man stood at the top of the staircase, coming toward her with something in his hand. She reacted immediately, striking her elbow against his face. His nose cracked and he started toward her again. This time, she shoved his hand away from her, knocking a taser from his hand. Off balance, he stumbled down the steps in front of her, smashing against the wall at the bottom of the stairs.
He rolled onto his back and groaned.
“Don’t move,” she said, running down the stairs after him.
Nikki shoved one of the kitchen chairs against the wall with her foot, knocking over a floor lamp in the process. “Sit on your hands in that chair, and don’t move.”
He hesitated, then followed her directions as she started dialing for backup.
“This is Nikki Boyd from the Missing Persons Unit. I’ve got an intruder in my house, and I need immediate backup.”
“We’ll send a patrol car right away, ma’am. They should get there in the next two to three minutes. Are you injured?”
“No. Just get someone here as fast as you can.”
She dropped the phone onto the table, wishing she had a pair of handcuffs within reach. Wishing she didn’t feel so tired and vulnerable.