The Starks Trilogy (Book 1 & 2)

by Nesly Clerge

  Whatever conflict he felt about Blake being another man’s biological child, it was impossible to stop acting like the boy’s father, as he had done, as he had believed, for more than a decade. Long-held feelings were not so easily shut off.

  The truth of that thought and what all it might encompass made his gut roil.

  CHAPTER 65

  STARKS WAS ON his way to the laundry room when a guard stopped him and said, “Visitor’s waiting.”

  “Communications must have gotten crossed. I just had visitors.”

  “Guess it’s your lucky day. You got another one.”

  “One? Any idea who?”

  “What do you care who?”

  “Would it really be too much to find out and tell us?”

  “Be happy anyone comes here.” The guard mumbled to himself as he walked away.

  Starks hurried to his cell to drop off the box of laundry before returning to the room he’d left only a half hour before.

  Emma Guyson stood out like a bright platinum-blonde star in a low-cut red dress. She bounced up when she saw Starks, revealing shapely tanned legs made longer in stiletto heels. He reminded her that their hug had to be quick.

  They sat next to each other at the table where she’d waited. “You look so different,” she said. “Your beautiful hair, an enormous tattoo, and you’re injured.”

  “You, on the other hand, are even more beautiful. I didn’t think that was possible.”

  Her smile in response altered to an expression of concern. “What’s happening, Starks?”

  Starks forced a chuckle. “It’s nothing.” When Emma didn’t relax, he said, “Look, I cut my hair because summer’s a scorcher here. No trees or shade anywhere. I got the tattoo on a dare and because I was bored. The wrist thing was a result of my being clumsy. But I don’t want to talk about me. I want to hear about you and how you’re doing?”

  “That’s not what I meant.”

  Starks took hold of her hand. “Then you need to tell me.”

  “Last time I saw you, you told me to stay away.”

  “You know why. I want to protect you from this environment.”

  “And I told you it doesn’t matter. This is the only way I can be with you. But I agreed because I didn’t want to complicate your situation, and then you never called. You never call. You don’t include me in your life. That’s why I had to come here. To see what’s going on. I’m beginning to wonder if you ever really loved me.”

  Starks raised her hand to his lips and kissed her palm. “You have no idea how much I’d like to show you how I feel.”

  “Don’t make this about sex.” Emma tried to pull her hand away.

  Starks tightened his hold. “I don’t mean to exclude you. I swear to you that it isn’t intentional. Thoughts of you keep me sane. This life is hard, baby. I’m still adjusting. Sometimes I wonder if I ever will.”

  Emma brushed her shoulder-length hair back. “We promised that we’d never have secrets, especially after what Kayla put you through. I get the feeling you’re keeping things from me.”

  “I swear to you I’m not.”

  “Then tell me about your life.”

  “There’s nothing to tell. It’s the same thing day after day. That’s why I’m eager to hear about you.”

  Emma sat with controlled stillness. “Kayla really did a number on you. It’s altered your ability to trust. Even me. I get it. It was all about firsts with her—first love, first child, first house, and so on. You shared some of the most significant experiences of your lives. I feel like I’m competing with that and will always have to.”

  Anger flashed across Starks’s face. “Everything you say about firsts is true, but you don’t have anything to worry about. You surpass that selfish slut in every way.” He squeezed Emma’s hand. She winced and he loosened his grip. “I count myself fortunate to have you in my life. You’re stunning, intelligent, and you understand how important loyalty is to me. Look, I’m doing what I can to get released early. Then you and I are going to get married. We’re going to create and share extraordinary experiences.”

  Emma stroked the back of his hand with her manicured nails. “When we first started seeing each other, a few people told me not to take your interest in me seriously. They hammered the fact that it’s never smart to get involved with a man who isn’t yet divorced.”

  “I’m glad you didn’t listen. But why are you telling me this?”

  “Because I’m afraid I’m a rebound relationship.”

  “You’re not.”

  “You aren’t over Kayla yet. Not completely. Maybe not even close.” Kayla shook her head when Starks started to protest. “Let me finish. Look how angry you still get when she’s mentioned, the passion expressed when you berate her. It makes me think you’re not nearly ready for a true relationship with anyone else. There’s no space for that. You’re still too filled with her.”

  Starks crossed his arms at his chest. “I see what’s going on. It’s you who doesn’t love me. If you did, you wouldn’t be talking this way. Maybe you feel your loyalty is misplaced. If you came here to end it, get it over with.”

  “I don’t mean to hurt you. I only want to be honest with you about how I feel. I do love you. I am loyal to you. I told you I’d be waiting for you when you got released, and I mean it. It’s just that if your feelings have changed, I’d like you to be honest about that so I don’t play the fool. I did that before with my ex-husband. You know from your own experience how that feels.”

  Starks nodded. “I’m sorry. I realize this is hard on you. Yes, I’m still healing from the wounds Kayla inflicted, but I swear to you that you have me heart, mind, and soul. I’m yours. As long as you want me, which I hope is forever.” Starks pressed her hand to his chest. “Hard as it’s been, if Kayla hadn’t done what she did, you and I wouldn’t be together. That’s something I’m thankful to her for. Will you forgive me?”

  Emma’s eyes watered. “I will if you will.”

  Starks kept hold of her hand. “Now, baby, tell me what’s been going on with you.” He listened more carefully to her words than ever before.

  Emma’s kiss was still warm on Starks’s lips as he speed-walked to his cell. Once again he felt as though everyone wanted something from him, as though he was a well that never ran dry.

  Didn’t he have a right to hold back information from Emma? Wasn’t it his job to protect her? There was nothing she could do about his problems, so it was senseless to burden her with them. But he couldn’t tell her that; she’d take it as an offense. He was certain that if she knew how dire his circumstances were, she’d run and never look back.

  Emma had made it clear she didn’t feel protected, she felt abandoned. He’d have to do better about that. And, maybe she hadn’t followed her friends’ advice about him, but it was obvious she believed it or was beginning to. He’d already gone through similar nonsense with Kayla, who chose to ignore him and listen to friends instead, friends who advised her to cheat on him or leave him. Emma was wrong about Kayla’s hold on him. Just because his temper flared whenever he spoke about his soon-to-be ex-wife didn’t mean anything. It was ridiculous for Emma to believe any differently.

  She hadn’t been as nurturing or effusive with her affections as the last time she’d visited. It seemed to him she was projecting onto him, as Demory might say, what she was feeling. It wasn’t his love and loyalty in question, it was hers.

  Emma spoke of not wanting to be made a fool of. Well, neither was he going to allow that to happen to him again. He positioned the book with the phone on his lap and pressed the digits of Jim Rogers’ number.

  “Good to hear from you, Starks. How’s it going?”

  “I want you or someone reliable to follow Emma. I want her phone calls and e-mails monitored.”

  “Right. The girlfriend. How long?”

  “Long enough to see if she’s changed her mind about me.”

  “Looks like you don’t trust her.”

  “Trust,
especially when it comes to women, is no longer a word in my vocabulary.”

  “I’ll set something up ASAP.”

  Starks returned the book to his desk. He faced the slender window and watched clouds gather in the sky. Maybe it would rain and bring relief from the dry heat. He’d pay good money to be relieved of all that weighed on him.

  Emma had reminded him of an important lesson his grandfather had taught him: tell women whatever they want to hear, but never trust them.

  He’d ignored the last half of that message with Kayla. He wasn’t going to repeat that mistake.

  CHAPTER 66

  PEWTER CLOUDS HUNG over the yard, yet indicated no real threat—or promise—of rain. An errant breeze kicked up dust that landed on sweat-coated inmates who’d decided outside was better than in, but did nothing to cool skin or tempers.

  Starks joined several of his crew who sat on their usual segment of bleachers. He was getting a report about their initial training with Felipe when Stinky interrupted him.

  Stinky used his chin to point. “There’s the guy that stutters.”

  Starks, as did the others, turned his gaze in that direction. Other inmates in the yard watched the young man, as well. Their laughter solidified Starks’s decision. He said, “Wait here,” and then approached the young man.

  “My name’s Starks. What’s yours?”

  The inmate stuttered out, “Ethan.”

  “Looks like you’re a magnet for bullies. You join my crew,” Starks motioned toward the bleachers, “and we’ll look out for you.”

  Ethan squinted at Starks then glanced over at the crew. “Can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “They look away when I look at them.”

  “That’s because they don’t know you.”

  “You don’t know me.”

  “Only one way to change that.”

  Ethan pointed at Starks’s tattoo. “Can I get one of those?”

  “If you earn it, you can get a dragon head on the back of your right hand. No one but me has this tattoo.”

  “Because you’re the Big Cheese?”

  Starks grinned. “Something like that. Let’s go meet the guys.”

  They started toward the bleachers. Four inmates blocked their way. One of them said to Ethan, “Hey, retard, you think you’re gonna get away with what you did?”

  Starks said, “Leave him alone. He’s with me now.”

  “I don’t know who the fuck you are, but I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to him.” The inmate jabbed a finger against Ethan’s chest. “Hey, retard, you this retard’s little bitch?”

  Starks’s men rose from the bleachers and sauntered toward the action. One of the four inmates backed off and left.

  The outspoken inmate said, “I got no problem with you. But him, I do. If you don’t get outta my face, that’ll change.”

  Nearby inmates moved close enough to listen.

  Starks replied, “You don’t know who you’re talking to.”

  “I don’t give a fuck who you think you are. You and your little stuttering bitch are dead meat.”

  Gasps came from the small crowd that had gathered. Starks’s men assumed postures that made it clear they were ready. The inmate noticed; he shifted on his feet. A flash of concern crossed his expression then he scowled. He curled his fists and arms, ready to strike.

  Starks said, “Sorry, boys. This isn’t the time to play. I’ve got business to take care of. I’ll catch up with you later.” He said to Ethan and his crew, “Let’s go.” Still within earshot, he heard someone explain to his would-be attacker why he should leave Starks and his soldiers alone.

  Once back on the bleachers, Starks introduced Ethan. His men remained silent, though their questions hung thick in the oppressive heat: Why was he including Ethan? Why had he walked away from the brewing conflict? These were questions they didn’t have the balls to ask him. Not yet, at least. And, perhaps, one more, like was he growing weak?

  “I have my reasons for what just happened. We need a meeting. Get word to crew members who aren’t here. Laundry room. Tomorrow morning, after the eleven o’clock count.”

  It was time to take care of some housekeeping.

  CHAPTER 67

  AT BREAKFAST THE next day, the crew crowded around the chow hall table, minus Jackson who was on kitchen duty. Ethan sat between Tank and Stinky, looking as excited as a three-year-old with a shiny balloon.

  Starks took a seat and surveyed the faces of his crew. “Where’s Kane this morning?”

  Tank answered. “Tried to get him to leave his cell but he wouldn’t. He’s got that look I’ve seen before, like he wants out.”

  “We all want out,” Starks replied. He poked at a reddish-brown scoop of what he presumed was meant to be hash.

  “I mean as in eternal-rest out.”

  Starks put his fork down. “You’re serious?”

  Tank nodded. “Looks like a trapped animal ready to chew its own foot off.”

  “Where’s his cell?

  “A-Block, third on the right.”

  Starks rapped on the table, dumped his untouched food, and hastened to the exit. He got to the cell as quickly as he could. Kane was in the lower bunk, curled into the fetal position and facing the back wall.

  “Kane. It’s Starks.” He sat in the chair next to the bunk. “Tell me what’s going on.” One sniffle was followed by another but the young man didn’t move. “I’m not leaving until you talk to me.”

  After several moments Kane said, “I’m a coward.”

  “Every man in here is afraid, even if he doesn’t show it.”

  “You don’t understand.”

  “I’m pretty sure I do. Besides, you’ve got us, buddy.”

  “I’ve got no one.”

  “That’s not true. For better or worse, I and my crew are your family in here. Maybe not one you would have asked Santa for, but we’re here for you. Believe me. I understand how you feel.”

  Kane shook his head. “You can’t. You just don’t know.”

  Starks rubbed the back of his neck. He’d never had this kind of conversation before and wanted to get it right. “I was terrified when I got here. Every man in here is scared shitless every day. Don’t let their, or even my, posturing make you think any different. I’m going to tell you something I never talk about to anyone, and I’d like it if you never mention it.” His statement got Kane’s attention. “I wasn’t here long before I got myself thrown into isolation for a month. Damn near lost my mind. Did something really stupid: Tried to kill myself. And that stupid act got me even more time in isolation, with a video camera watching me twenty-four/seven.”

  Kane’s head turned slightly. “You tried to kill yourself?”

  “I’m glad now that I failed. I’m glad that the second time I was going to attempt it, I stopped myself.”

  Kane swiped tears from his face and rolled over. “You tried twice?”

  “One and a half. The second time, I had the shank against my jugular, ready to go. I’d been betrayed and publicly humiliated by the person I loved most. People had lied at my trial, causing me to land here. I was brutally attacked—I showed you my scars. So, yeah, I wanted to end my misery. But that second attempt? My heart never pounded so hard in my chest. It didn’t want to stop beating. Not yet. Made me realize just how much I wanted to live and get the hell out of here. Stuck in the SHU, I had a lot of time alone to think. Suicide will get you out of here, but that’s not the way. The way is to survive. The way to survive is to have protection, and you’ve got it. My protection. I know ten years is a long time, especially at your age. But you’ll be twenty-nine when you get out; younger if you get out earlier. Hell, son, there are young men out there who don’t even know what they’re going to do with their lives until they’re thirty. Sometimes not even then.”

  Kane sat up but he resisted looking directly at Starks. “When I got sentenced, my mother told me she disowned me. She said she no longer had a son.”

  St
arks nodded. “Sounds a bit like my mother. They can be real hard-asses at times. What about your father?”

  “I told you. He wasn’t there.”

  “Mine abandoned my mother and me when I was three.”

  “I didn’t know that. At least you had him for awhile. My mother forbade me to have any contact with my father. She was too proud to have him in our lives.” He glanced up at Starks and sniffed.

  “No disrespect to your mother, but she shouldn’t have done that. I know firsthand that pride can create or worsen problems.” How many times had Demory pressed him about how he let pride spin him out of control? How many times had he told the counselor to go fuck himself when he said it?

  Starks grinned. “You remind me of my boy Blake. He’s just become a teenager. I don’t like to think what those years will be like without me there every day to guide him. I don’t even know if he’ll let me put my two-cents in. Young men like to think they know enough to muddle through or to take risks they don’t begin to grasp the possible consequences of. And the older they get the more they believe that. Right?” Starks grinned and nudged Kane’s arm.

  “Tell you what, Kane. I have some connections in here. I’d like to make sure you’re okay and stay that way. What do you think about becoming my cellmate? Nothing kinky about that invitation.” He raised a hand. “I swear on my children.”

  Kane wiped his nose on his sleeve. “What’ll Jackson say?”

  Starks grabbed a wad of stiff toilet paper and handed it to Kane. “I’ll persuade him to say yes. How about it?”

  Kane nodded and laughed. “I’m moving into the dragon cave.”

  Starks stood and said, “Hope you like the top bunk, kid.”

  “I’d sleep on the floor, if I had to.”

  “I’ll get to work on it. We have a meeting in the laundry room after the eleven o’clock count. Be there.”

  Kane perched on the edge of his bunk. “Absolutely. And, Starks… thanks.”

  Starks left feeling like he’d accomplished something spectacular. He hadn’t felt that way in a long time. His successes in here were valid but empty of meaning beyond preserving his own life. And today, just now, he’d saved one. He’d given a young man hope. It felt good. And confusing.