Only With You

by Alexander, Monica

  “Hey stranger,” she said, as her hand ran up the side of my body.

  I finally opened my eyes to see her about an inch away.

  “Have you missed me?” she asked, batting her eyelashes as she did.

  No.

  “Sure, I missed you,” I said, about as unenthusiastically as I could.

  Then she smacked my chest. “You’re a liar.”

  Yup, sure am.

  “Um, ouch,” I said rubbing where her hand had landed. She’d hit me hard.

  She was standing in front of me, her arms crossed over her chest. “You are unbelievable.”

  “I’m not the one who just hit someone for no reason,” I rationalized, and she shook her head. She was such a psycho.

  “Come on,” she said, yanking me by my elbow.

  “Where the hell are we going?” I asked, as she dragged me down the hall. She didn’t answer me. “Kirsten?”

  “Just come on,” she insisted.

  When we got to my room, she opened the door and shoved me inside before stepping in and closing the door behind her.

  I spun around to face her, throwing my hands up in surrender. “I’m not going to sleep with you. I’ve had a shitty night, and I’m not in the mood for this.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I have a boyfriend, thank you very much. I’m not here to sleep with you. I was just saying hello for old times’ sake, but I see you’re still pining away over your mystery girl.”

  I sighed. Seriously, not this shit again.

  “You still haven’t made any headway, have you?” she ascertained, and she was spot on. In fact, I’d actually regressed.

  “Just leave, Kirsten.”

  “No,” she said, as she hopped up on the platform and sat facing me, her legs swinging beneath her. “Tell me what’s going on.”

  “No.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest. “Ryder, tell me or I’m not leaving. I’m going to stay and talk your ear off.”

  “Then I’ll leave,” I told her and reached for the door handle.

  She hopped off the platform and stood right next to me, pushing my hand away from the doorknob. “I’ll just follow you. I’m very persistent, you know.”

  “Yes, I’m well-aware of your annoying persistence,” I spat out.

  “Whatever. You need someone to talk to, and you know it. Now spill.”

  My phone chose that moment to ding. I figured it was Jake wondering where I was, so I pulled it out of my pocket. Kirsten grabbed it as soon she saw it, and her eyes lit up as she read the text.

  “Who’s Syd?” she asked, her eyes looking up to meet mine.

  My heart and stomach did a little jumpy dance, as soon as I registered what she’d said.

  “No one,” I said quickly, trying to grab my phone back from her, but she had climbed on top of the platform and was holding it higher than I could reach.

  My phone dinged again, and Kirsten turned away to read the text. I was dying to know what she was reading and was about two seconds away from using brute force to get my phone back. Then she turned around.

  “Did you enjoy the show?” she asked coyly.

  “What show?” I asked, since I didn’t want to tell her where I’d gone that night.

  She just rolled her eyes. Then she started typing something into my phone.

  “What are you doing?”

  She just giggled, and I could hear the clicking sound my iPhone made as she pressed the keys.

  “Kirsten! Stop it!” I growled at her.

  She giggled again, and I decided enough was enough. I launched myself onto the platform and tackled her onto the couch. Yeah, it was probably more aggressive than I needed to be, but I was about to crack from all the emotions spinning around inside of me. I needed my goddamn phone back.

  Kirsten wrestled with me for a few minutes before she finally relented and gave it back. Of course, as she handed it over, I made a grab for it and yanked it out of her hand with so much force that it flew out of my hand, across the room, and shattered against the door.

  I ran out of energy at that point and sank down on the couch, out of breath. Next to me, Kirsten was also breathing hard, but I just wanted to kick her.

  “What did it say?” I asked.

  “What?”

  “The text, Kirsten. Don’t play dumb. What did it say?”

  She took in a breath of air. “The first one said ‘hi’, and the second one said ‘Did you enjoy the show’.”

  “That’s it?”

  “That’s it,” she confirmed.

  I banged the back of my head against the couch a few times. “I hate you,” I muttered.

  “I sent a reply,” she said then.

  “I hate you even more. What the hell did you say?”

  “I said, ‘I liked the show. You were a hot piece of ass’.”

  I looked up at her in alarm. “Are you joking?”

  “No, she’s a stripper, right?”

  “No! She’s not a stripper! Why in the hell would you think I was texting with a stripper?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve had a lot to drink tonight. I might not be in my right mind.”

  “Gee, you think?”

  I could not believe she’d sent that in a text. Syd and I were not in a place where she’d appreciate that or even think it was funny. She’d hate it. Dammit!

  “Just go,” I told her, hoping she’d finally leave. I was so done with her.

  “Fine,” she said, and I sent up a silent cheer. “Sorry about your phone.”

  “Whatever.”

  “Ryder,” she said when she paused at the door.

  “What?” I asked, glaring at her.

  She sighed, and then her expression changed. She looked like she felt sorry for me.

  “What, Kirsten?!”

  “You’re too good for her.”

  “You don’t even know who she is,” I said looking away.

  “No, but I know you, and she should be lucky to get the chance to be with you. It’s what I wanted all along.”

  I looked back up at her. “No, you didn’t. You just wanted to screw around and pick fights.”

  She shook her head. “It’s called protecting your heart, Ry. I was pretty in love with you for a long time, even before we got together, and you never even knew it. You just kept pushing me away, and I hated it. You were so blinded by this girl who I know has been messing with your head for a long time. And if she can’t see what a great guy you are, then she doesn’t deserve you.”

  I ran my hand back through my hair and closed my eyes. I was so pissed and irritated and annoyed. My phone was busted, Sydney had texted me, now Kirsten was telling me that she was in love with me and I’d treated her like dirt. Could this night get any worse?

  When I didn’t respond, she let herself out of the room, leaving me alone to stew with my thoughts. The worst part was that she was right. I’d let Sydney have this hold over me for so long, and I was tired of it. I was sick of the rollercoaster ride of emotions. I’d pushed every other girl away for a fantasy that would never come true.

  I sat alone on the couch for what felt like hours before I finally crawled into my cave and fell asleep, welcoming the feeling that came when I finally, blissfully passed out.

  Chapter Seven

  Sydney

  I was a hot piece of ass?! Are you kidding me?

  Should I be mad? Should I be flattered? I wasn’t sure. I thought mad might be a good emotion, because Ryder knew I hated when guys looked at me like an object rather than a person, and I had a feeling he’d said it to piss me off. Well, mission accomplished.

  And then he hadn’t even responded to my follow-up text.

  Possibly he was upset with me for not acknowledging him at the show. Okay, yeah, he probably was. I’d send him tickets, he’d driven down to Orlando, and then I’d essentially ignored him the whole night.

  I hadn’t wanted to, but once I was on stage, I knew if I looked at him, it would completely derail me, an
d I needed to keep my focus. I should have given him the stupid umbrella. I handed one out at each show, and I knew exactly where he’d be sitting. My original plan was to give it to him, but then I’d chickened out.

  Now some girl I didn’t now had a message from me that said, ‘Call me, and we’ll hang out after the show’. I’d written it on the handle next to my signature, knowing Ryder would see it, but then I’d panicked. Then I’d debated for a few hours if I should just call him. Texting felt safer, so I went with that option, and look where it had gotten me!

  I was an idiot.

  My phone rang then, and my stupid heart leapt at the thought that it might be Ryder. It wasn’t. It was Paul.

  Why was I getting my hopes up anyway? It wasn’t like I could have Ryder the way I wanted him. We could only ever be friends, and I knew that, but I’d missed him so much that I’d take being his friend if I could just talk to him again. Of course, I wasn’t sure if that was even an option anymore. And I’d be lying if a part of me didn’t have the half-cocked idea that just maybe, if he knew how I felt, that he’d suddenly decide he liked women.

  Yeah right. Gay guys just didn’t turn straight.

  “Hey Paul,” I said glumly.

  “You all right, love?”

  “No, I’m pissed off at myself for not acknowledging him tonight. It was shitty, and now he’s probably mad at me.”

  “Just call him, Syd. You’re making yourself crazy, and it’s not healthy.”

  “I know, but I already texted him, and it didn’t do any good. He just called me a hot piece of ass.”

  “I thought he was gay?” Paul questioned.

  “He is. He said it as a joke, because he’s pissed off at me for ignoring him, and he wanted me to feel bad.”

  “Well, personally, I think he’s an absolute arse for not calling you after you gave him the umbrella message.”

  And there was that.

  “Yeah, I didn’t exactly give it to him.”

  “Why the hell not?”

  “I couldn’t do it, because if I did, I’d have had to look at him, and then I’d have gotten all emotional. It would have fried my concentration.”

  “So he came all the way to the show for nothing?”

  Yes, yes, that was true, and I was a total bitch for doing that to him.

  “What should I do?”

  “I can’t answer that for you. This thing with you two is odd, but I think if he’s your friend, and you miss him, then you need to put aside your feelings and just be friends.”

  I sighed. “I know. Especially since being apart isn’t working. I need him, Paul. He’s too important to me, and we have too much history.”

  “I know. Just call him. Tell him to come down to Tampa on Friday night and watch the show from backstage. You can chat before, work things out and then see him afterward.”

  “You think that’ll work?”

  He shrugged. “Don’t know. All you can do is try.”

  “I guess.”

  When we hung up the phone a few minutes later, I called Ryder and left him a message when he didn’t answer. I asked him to call me, and I hoped he would.

  Chapter Eight

  Ryder

  “You’re coming out with me tonight, you bum,” Jake said when he burst into our room on Friday night. “And here.”

  I caught what he’d thrown at me. It was a new iPhone.

  “You bought me a phone?” I asked, perplexed by the gesture.

  He hauled himself up onto the platform and turned to face me. “My dad did technically, since it was his credit card, but yeah. I felt guilty about the whole shoving Kirsten onto you thing, so I figured I’d make amends. She told me what happened, that Syd texted you, and then you shattered your phone.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, that’s pretty much what happened, but whatever. I think I decided I have to move on. I can’t do this anymore. I’m making myself crazy.”

  “What are you talking about? She texted you. Now you have a phone. Text her back.”

  I shrugged. “Maybe later.”

  But I knew I wouldn’t do it. I was going to force myself to cut ties for good.

  “Or maybe, you should make the grand gesture and show up at her concert in Tampa tonight? Huh? What do you think about that? I’ll go with you.”

  I laughed out loud, I was so shocked that he was offering, but I’d decided early that morning that I needed to stop obsessing over Sydney Chase. If she hadn’t been able to bring herself to even acknowledge my presence after sending me tickets to her show, I couldn’t expect that things could ever be the way they were between us again. She never would have done that before. Hell, during her last tour, she’d sung directly to me, and once she’d even hauled me up on stage and made me dance with her. She’d treated me like her best friend, like the guy I’d been for years, but I had to face the facts that I wasn’t that guy anymore.

  How she’d treated me on Wednesday night had been a cold dismissal, and I just needed to see it for what it was. She was letting go. I found it interesting that she waited several hours to text me. She’d had to have known I was back in Gainesville already. It was pretty convenient if you asked me.

  “Nah, that’s okay. I think I’m just going to let it go.”

  “No, you’re not, but I’ll believe it for a night,” Jake said, making me glare at him “Now get dressed. We’re going out for beers.”

  “I don’t feel like it.”

  “I don’t care. I let you wallow for two days. Enough. You’re going to go out and at least pretend like you’re having fun, you hear me?”

  “Why do I have to go out? I’m watching this.”

  I gestured to the TV where Survivorman was on.

  Jake glanced at the TV. “I’ll tell you what happens. He gets hungry, so he eats a bug or a snake, then he sleeps outside and hikes some more. Oh, and maybe if you’re lucky, he’ll boil his own piss and drink it to stay hydrated. It’s riveting stuff, really.”

  “Screw you, asshole,” I said, but I switched off the TV. He was half right.

  Jake took a deep breath. “Look, those girls we met at the concert the other night, they want to get together. Sarah’s friend thought you were cute.”

  “I am cute.”

  “No, you’re fucking ugly, and apparently her friend has no taste.”

  I smiled and threw my pillow at him. He ducked and smacked my leg.

  “Come on. Get in the shower. We’ll go out. It’ll be chill.”

  Nights with Jake were never chill, but whatever. I probably needed to get out of the house after two days of not moving except to go to class and to let the pizza guy in. We were practically friends at this point he’d come by so much, and honestly he was probably starting to think I was a little pathetic. I thought I was pathetic.

  An hour later Jake was driving south on I-75 doing eighty-five miles an hour. I just about thought he was going to take me to Café Risqué until he thankfully drove by the exit and kept going. I wasn’t in the mood for a strip club.

  “Um, dude, where are we going?” I finally asked when we passed Ocala. We were headed toward a long stretch of road that was pretty much just farms and cow pastures for miles.

  “Tampa.”

  “Tampa?! No fucking way. I’m not going to that concert!”

  I about yanked the wheel away from him so he’d turn around.

  “Relax,” he said, looking over at me “We’re not going to the concert. Besides, it already started.”

  I wasn’t sure if I should be concerned that he knew that.

  “Then what are we doing?”

  “I told you, we’re having a chill night.”

  “In Tampa? That’s two hours away.”

  “Did you not hear me say the girls from Wednesday night wanted to hang out?”

  “I heard you, but I thought they were in Gainesville for the weekend or something. Don’t they live in Orlando?”

  He shook his head. “Sarah does, but her friend – the friend you’re going
to bone – goes to USF – in Tampa.”

  “I know where USF is, and for the record, I’m not boning anyone,” I told him.

  “Hey, you’re not from around here, so I was just making sure. Besides, I don’t buy that you’re not going to bone this chick. She wants you.”

  “Whatever. I’m not interested.”

  “Dude, you never take my advice, but tonight you will. You’ll tap that hot freshman ass and be done with it.”

  Yeah, that sounded exactly like what I wanted to do that night.

  And that was when my brain actually registered what I’d been thinking. I wondered when exactly my balls had been severed, because I was acting like a total chick. Not that I was a dirtbag who screwed anything that moved. No, that was my illustrious roommate, but I was twenty years old. I wasn’t immune to having fun, and I wasn’t immune to pretty girls who wanted in my pants.

  The girl from the other night had been cute, and if she was into me, what would a little flirting harm, or maybe even some making out? And hell, if she wanted to invite me back to her dorm room, maybe I wouldn’t be opposed to that. Maybe Jake was right, and I just needed to get laid.

  Two hours later, we were all at a table at a bar near USF. Jake and I had fake IDs, but the girls didn’t, so Jake let them take sips of his beer when no one was looking. I fiddled with my new phone, having re-downloaded all of my apps and my contacts on the drive down.

  It had not really been my intention to ignore the blond next to me who was definitely interested, but I’d made the mistake of going on Twitter as we were driving to the bar, and I’d seen all the posts Sydney had sent out after her concert thanking her fans and telling them how awesome the Tampa crowd had been. I should have stopped following her, but I never did, and now I was regretting it.

  And Jake was now right about something else. I couldn’t stay away from her no matter how much I wanted to. And she was so close by.

  She was in Tampa. I was in Tampa. And I had a phone. I wondered if that had been Jake’s evil plan all along. Maybe he didn’t want me to sleep with the blond. Maybe he wanted me to work up the nerve to call Sydney.

  Yeah, probably not. It was Jake after all. He wasn’t that diabolical – or smart for that matter.